A Story From Childhood – Pre Crossdressing

[Juli Hawk]

One day, at gymnastics, I saw a girl that I kind of knew from school.  Now, at school, she had caught my attention because she had a short haircut that looked a lot like mine.  But she wore the typical thing most girls of that time period wore. Print shirts, shorts, rompers or jeans.  Nothing dramatic. You could hardly tell anyone apart at that age. Everyone looked the same. Acted the same.  There was the usual boys with boys and girls with girls and “girl” as some kind of put down. A name to call a boy.  Boys didn’t want to be called girls. It meant you were a sissy. No one had learned the term “gay” yet, so it was just “girl”.  But this time, at gymnastics, she was with her parents and I guess a sibling of hers did gymnastics. I never found out and wouldn’t have even cared.  The reason was what Holly Donaldson was wearing that day. A bright yellow, frilly, over the top dress. A total girly dress. Those white lace socks and black shoes that are the little girl equivalent of high heels.  They are shiny and have the little bit of leather that does across the open part of the foot and buckles on the side. Like she was dressed for church. But she was running and laughing and looked so pretty in that dress.  Her short hair and her look and I remember thinking that I wanted to wear her dress. I wanted to be in that dress. I wanted to wear that dress. Bad.

[Anonymous]

no, not bad at all. my start was similar but later in mid school. when teens started to show legs with hose, there was no turning back for me, I began this journey then and still love the life.

[Nancy Gamms]

One memory that stands out was I was in a car with my mom, my mom’s cousin ( I called her aunt), and her cousins daughter.  The daughter was 3 years older than me but small for her age.  We had been out shopping or something and the girl had bought panties, I don’t think I ever saw them or knew what kind but she was worried they would not fit and my aunt said they would fit her better than they would fit me and I so wanted to try them on.

[Tammy Reann]

I remember going with my godmother to a church camp up north at the age of about ten. I had been to boy scout camp, but never anywhere co-ed before! That seemed so strange, but I was curious about it. I saw two girls picking on a boy with a long rattail or mullet in the back. They were holding him down while they braided it. From that moment on, I always hoped that some girls would forcefully dress me up and braid my hair someday!

[Natasha Mari]

I too was a theater / dance rat.  I did ballet, tap, jazz and gymnastics from 4 till 10.  Nothing like standing out when 10 girls are in Leos and there is you in pants.  Since my mom was a teacher I got to do some of the adult classes with her also.  I remember always watching the women of the classes because I loved the tight look of their Leos and tights.  You could see the strength in their muscles but it softened them up so it looked effortless.  Us boys got to wear polyester bell bottoms.  I wanted to wear what they wore.  It is no wonder that several years later after moving away never dancing again my first CD experience was one of my mom’s old Leo.

That move took away my life and dance.  I was an urban kids that had a rat tail, wore parachute pants and moved with grace and ease.  The local folk don’t appreciate boys that don’t wear denim and go to a stylist instead of Bob the local barber that was blind in one eye and had cataracts in the other and the only tool he owned were shears.  I was called every name in the book including their favorite “AIDS Victim” (this was ’85) by not only the boys but also the girls.  I was alone, away from everybody I knew, no one liked me and I couldn’t tell my parents because I didn’t want to disrupt what little harmony we had in the house.  My mother was going to apply for a part time art teacher and have an after school dance class.  My mother handed me the application to turn in, I was going to until I heard a couple of the girls in my class wanted to take it.  These girls were some of my biggest tormentors.  Knowing my mother, I would have been teaching and dancing with the kids who hurt me most.  I threw the application away and never told my mom that it was me that didn’t get her the job, something she did her whole life and teach for half that.  I still hate myself for doing that, but self preservation took over considering this was already year 2 of hell.  I didn’t want my tormentors to have more ammo against me.

I’m sorry if this turned depressing, but this is the first time I have said anything about sabotaging my mother’s career.  I have been carrying this for over 30 years.

Thanks for listening, as a cry in my pillow.

[Author]

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