As I look into the mirror

[skippy1965 Cynthia]

As I look into the mirror, I am scared of what I see,
Tear filled eyes return my stare and I can feel their plea.
The person I’ve been hiding for so many, many years
Is looking back at me, and I can see how much she fears
That I will lock her up somewhere so no one else will know
How she’s become so big a part of me-I just can’t show.
The world is not so kind to those it does not understand-
Who do not fit their images of woman or of man.

For some it’s all so clear- their body doesn’t match their mind,
They know their only choices are to die or else to find
A way to change their body and to free their inner soul.
So finally they’ll have the chance to be complete and whole.

For me, though, it is not so clear-my thoughts seem all akimbo-
I’ve lived my life not here nor there –instead I am in limbo.
Not certain yet just who I am, I float from day to day-
Grasping for signs of where my future lies but who can say,
Though doubts and fears abound, I trust that SOMEWHERE there’s a plan-
A reason for the way I feel –I just don’t understand.
And though I’m so much older now and both my kids are grown
And many times I feel my destiny’s to be alone-
I somehow still hold out some hope that one day I may find
One who will know the inner me and keep an open mind.
Would they be male or female? I’m not sure that it would matter-
For living life alone seems worse and certainly much sadder.

So guess I’ll close this out-I thank you all for your kind ears-
Your friendship is so precious that it oft renews my tears.
And to that frightened girl who from the silver mirror peers-
“We’re one-and never will we part-we’re in our golden years!”

[Wanda Full]

Goosebumps Cyn. That is beautiful. Thank you for articulating what I think many here feel.

[skippy1965 Cynthia]

Aww thanks Wanda! that means a lot too me!

[Sarah Mack]

What beautiful and sad words at the same time

[skippy1965 Cynthia]

Thank you so much for your kind words! It is a roller coaster ride we make through life-but remember the downhill speed is what propels is up the next hill!

[Michele Maclean]

You found away that touches most of us. although I can not see well, I can see it in other ways. It makes it more profound because the mind is more powerful.

[Nancy Gamms]

That needs to be saved somewhere here in cdh, not just a forum post.

[Sheryl Johnstone]

Another beautiful example of your exquisite wordsmith skills.
Thank you Cyn.

[Amanda Patrick]

Hi Cyn,

Wow you really have a way with Words. And saying how a lot of us Feel.

[Kayla]

Cyn,

Thanks for sharing!  So many things you said I know others can completely understand.

I can relate to opening up to who you truly are and wondering if you will be loved and accepted.  Being lonely is tough but you are not alone Cyn.  So many like myself love the friendship you give.

Kayla

[skippy1965 Cynthia]

Kayla,
Thank you so much for your comment-I try to relate the feelings and Thougjts and experiences I have to the larger group-sometimes it works sometimes it doesn’t- I treasure you and so many others here who support me as I continue on my journey of exploring who I am! (And accepting that I like all of God’s creatures have worth despite my uncommon feelings.
Cyn

[Author]

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