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I have been dressing in secret for a long time. I’m married but my wife doesn’t know about Ariane. We have discussed trans issues in the past but she has freaked out. Although we are close, this is one area of my life I can’t share. And because I can’t share it with her, I don’t think it’s right for me to go public. But it does create internal pressure for me. Sometimes the urge to dress and to talk about it is overwhelming. And there’s nowhere to go, except online, which helps but is not the same as dealing in-person.
Yesterday I was talking about these issues generally with a couple that I’ve known as friends for a long time. Two of their four (grown up) children are gay, and this couple were telling me how they have come to terms with that and how they love their children more than ever. This gave me the courage to open up for the first time with them. I told them how much I identified with being female even though I could never transition. And how I had developed Ariane as my female persona – a sort of imaginary friend with whom I could identify as myself. I also said how much I sometimes wanted to look, act and feel like a woman. And how I was comfortable deep down wearing women’s clothes on the rare occasions when I have an outfit.
They were totally understanding. So sympathetic and loving. They would even like to meet me as Ariane though it will have to be in a private session at first. We talked about letting their children know and I said I was fine with that – they are persons of integrity and I trust them to be discreet.
This couple asked me what Ariane was like. I said she was a little younger than me though we are both middle-aged. She is compassionate and gentle, emotionally aware, and also elegant and sexy. She always dresses in black, with heels and pearls.
So this has started me thinking again about going for a makeover, learning how to do make-up, learning how to be convincing, and developing my own wardrobe. And then meeting my friends as Ariane, in the privacy of their home, but maybe one day for an evening out in London with them and their children.
For me this is like a dream come true, although I feel apprehensive at the same time. If I can make progress I will post again.
love
ArianeHi Ariane, sounds like you have happened on just the right couple to help you. I hope they can help give you a little understanding and help you explore your fem side. I will say that if you find you need to be more feminine more of the time you will eventually need to tell your wife. It will be better for you if you tell her than she finds out by accident.
Best of luck to you
…. CassieI’ve only done this a few times over my many years on this “mortal coil”. Two close male “mates” who took it in their stride. Both of these were many years ago. One since thinks I’ve “signed the pledge” the other with whom I used to be able to crack bad jokes about my CD’ing, but sadly he passed away about three years ago.
On the other “gender side” I’ve had two very close female friends who knew about Caty. Both were fine with it all and it was not just my cd’ing that was discussed with these two lovely ladies. By coincidence, and several years apart we were all having “relationship troubles” with our respective partners.
I’ve lost touch with one of them, the other lives in Canada and we have been like “brother and sister” for over 30 years. (She has no brothers, I have no sisters). No more face to face meet ups, we are both “too mature” for long haul travel….
But the bond between us will be there until one of us leaves this mortal coil
So I’m “facing north east” and wishing “sis” all the best.
Caty.
Caty, Your writing abilities I’ve noticed over several months. This reply is so emotional (as in moves my emotions, felings) that I almost cry.😢 A loving tribute to your friends, both those with us and he who completed this life.
Have you enjoyed or dabled in various types of writing over the years? You’ve been a CDH lady for nearing six years and I but four months.The Caty archives must have many well crafted writings. Thanks for this one! 🌹Connie
Hello Ariane, It is great when you finally pluck up courage & tell some one about your crossdressing, I did last year to 2 of my oldest & best friends. They were fine with me & encouraged me to dress when ever I like to come & see them, so I have been to see them a few times now dressed. It is also nice to talk to them & discuss my crossdressing, I have also gone out to lunch with them which was lovely.
So tell a friend & enjoy talking with them about CD, love HelenmarieWhat a wonderful blessing, Ariane. In recent years, I told three of my closest male friends, and they have stopped by my apartment while I was dressed or partially dressed. I was happy for the opportunity to dress with a dear friend present but frankly, none of them were the least bit interested in my crossdressing. The support I felt was simply them acting like nothing was different. I sought approval, but did not get it in a big way.
My girlfriend has seen me only underdressed in lingerie. She has even bought me some undergarments. She is not yet open to seeing me fully dressed, however.
I am thankful for what little support I have experienced so far. For many years I was living a total clandestine life, and did not like holding this part of my being as a secret. I hope I never find myself in that situation again. On the contrary, I hope that the circle enlarges of close friends in-the-know.
I hope someday you will be able to speak with your wife and, more importantly, that she will be on team Ariane. In the meantime, at least you have a chosen extended family as support. That is terrific.
It is wonderful that you have such compassionate friends. Treat them well and thank them for being so understanding and supportive. It is a huge relief to have somebody important to you to talk to.
While my wife knows and is accepting, she just is not interested in much discussion. To jer it is no big deal and there is nothing to discuss, which is great, but also frustrating, because as most of us know it can frustrating trying to figure out this whole CD thing. I came out to my cousin and she was wonderful about it, curious and we had some long discussions which I enjoyed.
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