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Hello, so a few weeks back I was facing the dilemma of wanting to crossdress but having no way to obtain clothes, and I really wanted nobody to know about it. However I decided to come out to my mom regardless of my fears, regardless of the fact I feared I could possibly be kicked out and not accepted by her. I come from a religious and conservative household so the odds were stacked against me. I was freaking out the day before and the day of the therapy appointment. But when the time finally came, I entered the appointment scared, I could hardly contain my fear. My mom had no clue what was about to go down as I decided to keep this a secret from her. Well, the time finally came, and we entered my therapists office. My therapist explained that I did indeed have something I needed to tell her, and break the shame of it. My mom, not knowing what it was yet, agreed that shame was a terrible emotion to face. I was too much of a coward to say it out loud for a good 20 minutes as she continued to guess what exactly what I was hiding. She first guessed abuse, or that she wasn’t a good parent, or that I got someone pregnant. I said no to all of them. My mom tried to encourage to whatever was bothering me, to get out it out because I would feel better. So she came up with the idea that I should write it on paper if I couldn’t say it. While my therapist and mom talked, I wrote away, confessing that through years 10-14 I would sneak into her closet and try on her things, I confessed that my desire to crossdress was only getting stronger, I explained I wasn’t gay to potentially avoid being asked that question. This was it, the make or break moment for me, I handed my mom the note. She read it and the look on her face was shock as she gasped. “You were the one sneaking into my closet all those years ago!?” she asked. I confirmed it. She then laughed and asked “so which skirt was your favorite?” So she got a good laugh out of it, so did my therapist, so did I. The three of us then had a conversation about the transgender spectrum and how I was on it. Eventually however. after lots of questions, my therapist asks me. “How do you want to proceed?” I lied and shrugged my shoulders. “I challenge that, I think I know what you want.” he went on. I then admitted to my mom I wanted my own clothes, when she said she we get me some, my therapist caught me trying to conceal a smile.
On the way home, my mom and I talked logistics, and what our plan was. I couldn’t help but feel I hurt her in some way. She seemed very overwhelmed about this. Before we began talking I asked her if she was okay and she was, she was just really overwhelmed. We first talked about what kind of clothes I would want. This made me feel super giddy and excited. We also talked about how much money she could give me to start, we agreed on $200. I would get $200 to spend on whatever clothes I wanted. I was just so overwhelmingly happy. My mom then got into detail about her concerns, she admitted that my desire to crossdress wasn’t her fear. It was my safety and society’s perception of me. I assured her I wasn’t ready to do that yet, My mom also feared the reactions from my brother and dad. I wasn’t ready to face either of them with this. So the two of us agreed that this would be something that would primarily stay in my room and I can dress up whenever I want to when I’m in there. I still couldn’t help but feel I hurt her in a way however. She kept assuring me I didn’t after I kept apologizing, saying that I couldn’t help who I was. However she was very afraid for my safety if my dad ever found out. She realized why I kept the reasoning for the therapy visit secret.
Fast forward to today, she came downstairs, knocked on my bedroom door, and I knew it was time to order my clothes. We decided to browse various clothes and she helped me pick out things that would ultimately fit me. I was super giddy and excited throughout the whole shopping process. It felt like I was a little kid on Christmas. We ultimately bought clothes from Kohl’s, when my mom realized I didn’t have enough for everything I wanted, she gave me an extra $100 as well to spend. So in total I got $300 to spend on clothes. I wound up buying 2 skirts, 2 blouses, 2 sets of panties, 2 bras, and a nightgown.
I’m so thankful to everyone who helped me on this journey, from people here, to other people I came out to online, to the few friends I came out to, but no people deserve more praise then my mom and therapist. My therapist eased my mom into thinking that I wasn’t doing anything wrong and it was more normal then either of us thought, and of course my mom for giving me $300 to spend on clothes, helping me shop, and keeping this a secret just between the two of us. She was amazing throughout this whole thing. I go from afraid to being kicked out, disowned, or unloved to in a matter of days I will have my own skirts etc. I’m just so happy words can’t even describe it.
I figured I would share my story to encourage more people like me to not hide who you really are under lock and key. If I can successfully come out to my mom, I bet everyone else can too. I’m also sharing this because I’m just so excited and I can hardly contain myself. But thank you again to everyone for helping me and providing encouragement. My clothes arrive the 23 to the 29 of May. I can’t wait!
I didn’t come out to Mom or my Sister . I got caught . Mom was a single parent , and held a job . She came home at 5 pm . My sister was a 3 years older then me , and a cheer leader at her school. On the days she had pratice she also got home around 5:30. I got home at abot 10 after 3. So I had time to try on clothes or even dress. I was 11 ,and had been wearing Mom’s and Sis’s clothes since 8 . I had on a pair of Mom’s panties I took out of the lundry hamper, Sis’s bra , also out of the hamper , a pair of Mom’s pantyhose , Sis’s skirt and one of Mom’s pullover tops. I was prancing around the house . Sis’s wasn’t feeling up to pratice that day( her time of the month) and came home on the school bus at 4 o’clock . I was feeling so good dressed up , I did not hear her come in. As I was walking around wiggeling my tush , I hear laughter . I turned around and she was standing there. I ran to the bathroom and locked the door. I was embrarrased, humiliated, ashamed. I was crying . My sister tryed to talk to me through the door . I was crying and yelling for her to go away. I wouldn’t come out, I could not face her. I lost tract of time as I tryed to make up excuses for having there clothes on. I heard Sis telling Mom what had happened. At first Mom laughed she knocked on the door , I ignored her. She told me to open the door. I did , still dressed because I left my boy clothrs in my room. She smiled and said you do make a pretty girl. She took my hand and lead me into the living room were we all sat down. Mom asked me questions and I answered them honestly. She asked how long I was doing this, what I liked about it , Why I did it . She asked me what I had on underneath , all this time I could not make eye contact with either of them, I just looked down at the floor as I answered the questions . Mom lifted my skirt and up untill then was not angry . But when she saw me wearing her panties ,and Sis’s bra she got angry. She said I was not in yrouble for the crossdressing , not at all . But for taking thete personal things I was going to be punished . After The punishment we will come up with a plan so that I could cross dress when I wanted to.
I was told to take off the clothes right thete, then was dpaked bate till I eas crying like a baby.I was then sent to my room.
The nextday Mom took me to the department store. Took me to the langerie Dept . She had me pick out 3 pairs of panties, 3 bras , and pantyhose. Then she gave me money and had me waite on the chashiers line infront of all the eomen thete and pay for them.
When we got home ,She gave me some of her old clothes she was going to get rid of , do did Sis. So I had my own clothes. From time to time they gave me old clothes.
We were open about it, and it was ok. Now at 27 I’m going to have a sex change , Mom and Sis have been with me all the way.
You are so lucky that you had the chance to open up to your mother, That is the one thing in life I never did, always thought about it, as I always dressed in private at home when living there, Mothers being mothers will always snoop and I believe she always had know.
On that note gurls if you have the chance to open up to your mother don’t waste the opportunity
Great story Holly. While my Mom never bought me girl clothes, she did give me my femme name. My Mom always wanted me to be a girl, and of course my Dad was a man’s “man” and I ended up playing hockey, football, soccer, etc. I never came out to my Mom when I was young but we did talk about it just before she died. I asked her what name would she have given me if I was a girl and she said “Krista” without blinking. I loved it immediately. I agree with Paula – open up to your Mom while you have the chance. Hugs, Krista
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