Dealing with insecurities

[Morgan LaFey]

In general I try to relax and just enjoy the thrill of dressing up, but my mental health frequently gets in the way. I’ll put on a favorite dress thinking “yes, I feel so sexy.”

Then I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror. How can anybody find this gross gremlin sexy? Your belly sticks out. You have no butt. Your feet are too big. Your legs are too short. Your nose is too big. It honestly makes me want to set fire to my entire wardrobe and never look back.

I hate getting in that mindset, because it really ruins the fun of dressing up. I want to feel sexy and I want to BE sexy, but all I see is a monster. My wife, bless her heart, always reassures me. She gives me kisses and tells me “I think you’re beautiful,” but my brain just keeps spreading its lies.

Hopefully this all makes sense as it’s just kind of word vomit. Does anybody else deal with these insecurities? How do you combat them?

[Jessica V.]

Morgan,

I feel you! Lately I have a strong desire to dress because of the picture in my head I want to look like but don’t because the image in the mirror is no where near that mental portrait. I’ve been wanting to get a professional makeover and go out on the town. My wife is also very supportive and don’t know where I’d be without her but I just wanted to let you know that you’re NOT alone and your beauty will shine through!

[rhonda]

Hi Morgan Sometimes we should stop and count our blessings and most of us have demons to burn . Your wife loves you and excepts your dressing , I think you’re away ahead of the game of life . Cosmetics , girdles , wigs  clothing what are they for , too give a false image , to deceive the opposite sex or the same sex as the case might be . I keep saying if I could lose 8o lbs (it used to be 100 lbs ) I could get me clothes like I want to wear . and if that mirror keeps telling lies turn it around Rhonda🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹

[Jane Doe]

I think it’s hardwired into our brains. Like the way in which listening to a recording of your own voice makes you cringe, or the seeing a photo of yourself is unsettling. Even in male mode, our self image is different to the way that the rest of the world sees us.

[Camryn Occasionnel]

In my case, I wouldn’t call it insecurities. It’s just the reality of cold, hard facts — at least that’s how I see it from the dim recesses of my own private closet. It’s why I avoid mirrors as much as possible while dressed; it’s why I’ve never posted a photo yet; it’s why my fantasy of ever getting out to meet other crossdressers may never come true.

But crossdressing feels good. Really good. And I just can’t allow my buttlessness, my obvious “pooch,” or my age-ravaged little body and a face that defies beautification, to spoil the image that lives in my brain.

At home, alone, when dressed, I am become…. Camryn.

[Morgan LaFey]

Thank you for the encouragement Stephanie! 🙂 I recognize that a lot of my issues stem from general self-confidence issues and a mental health state that is… well, it sucks. I have good days and bad, and this was definitely posted on a bad day. I’ve only recently been seeing a doctor about that in hopes of combatting some of the surface issues like anxiety and depression. Gender identity and expression is a whole other can of worms that I haven’t gotten into.

Lucky for me I do have a partner who loves and accepts this part of my life, and has only ever encouraged me to embrace it. I’m also thankful to have found this community who has thus far been nothing but amazing, encouraging, and empowering. I hope to someday get to a point where I can just be happy (or at the very least not frustrated) every time I get dressed up.

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