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I don’t know if this is the right place for this post. But it is on my mind and I want to say what have to say, and I think this might be the best place for it. I am not even sure I am making sense right now or not. It is just a bash of what I just read in another chat site. Mental notes if you will. So please bear with me as I rant or complain or whatever you call it for what I am about to type. Just hear me out.
Something just popped into my head. I was on another chat room site (Non-CD just a regular old chat room, nothing special)about a few minutes ago, and I saw two GG’s talking to each other in chat.
One of them was talking about her husband being a CD’er to the other lady in the room. I just sat there watching and reading the room. Not saying a word, just being quiet. I wanted to see what some real women really think of us. These two women must have been talking for hours, anyways.
I felt so bad for this poor woman. Married after 12 years, Three kids later, and he springs this on her. I don’t know if that’s the right way to say it, but I am saying it.
She was talking how she felt like she lost her feminine touch and to feel like a real woman, how she lost her manly man, how he became obsessed with CDing, being put in massive debt, and so on. Well you get the idea, at least I hope you do.
I can just picture this woman being full of emotions and very lost. Wanted to really help, but didn’t know how. Maybe it was the best I stayed out of it. I could have made things worse for this lady. Maybe a crossdresser was the last person she wanted to talk to.
Do any of us ever think how they would feel after we came out to them? I knew and know about the immediate shock of them learning about. But after that immediate shock, I never pictured it as bad as this one woman described it. Also, I never even thought of the long term effect it has on them.
Maybe I just got a real dose of reality or something more. But after learning what I just learned was a for sure eye-opening experience. It was never just about us(us as CD’ers) and yet most of us do just that. We forget about the women in our lives and what they must be going through and their minds.
This is Hippie with his random thoughts
Thanks for a very real post. I’m one of the fortunate few whose wife was very understanding. We’re going out twice this week with other cd couples. We’ve had our vaccines and we’re staying outside with masks. However that said it’s still not easy introducing a 3rd party in to the relationship. I dont think I could handle it if she said she wanted to CrossDress as a male. I dress femme around the house but don’t put on a wig or makeup. When we do go out I tend to dress up more than she does. I have a bigger collection of clothes and shoes. We’re both retired and remarried so we never had to deal with this when we were younger. I think it would be difficult for young couples with kids. I do have a younger trans friend and they decided to stay together.
There’s certainly a lot to unpack – and much of it is simply down to choices.
Not every CD is out hunting men, as we’re not all built that way.
There’s no “3rd person” in the relationship, unless that’s how it’s presented – maybe as a way to distance oneself (both partners) from the perceived horror.
Yet not everyone perceives CDing as a horror.
It’s really not a Rocky Horror Picture Show unless that is how you choose to see it.
It’s ALL down to perception, presentation and package.
That last one, package, refers to everything about the person.
If the person succumbs to overspendingon CDing, maybe it’s not the fault of CDing, but that the person is given to spending money on hobbies to feel better.
I spent a lot of money on collecting vinyl records, instruments and music gear, and computer kit.
I don’t blame those things for making me spend money.
Seems to me a lot of people, CDs included, want to pin the responsibility and blame on the activity, not themselves.
And, where there is conflict, there must be a victim, right?
The poor, innocent woman – how could the nasty, lying, deceitful CDer keep such a secret? What a nasty person he is….
Of course not!
It’s clothing, and not a big deal.
It’s only a big deal to someone who chooses to make it one.
The desire to dress a certain way is self expression, a basic human need.
Everyone has secrets.
Some are bad secrets, like frequenting websites for a pickup when you’re already committed in a relationship.
Others are protective secrets, like what you did with your previous partners before you married.
These are good secrets to keep, I would suggest – and, what is more, none of your current partner’s business – marriage is not ownership, but an equal, loving, committed partnership.
In my opinion.
In the old days, coming out was pretty much not a choice – not even an option. Far from being deceitful, CDs were pushed into that closet, and advised in the strongest possible terms to stay there or else, you pervert.
We were left there to be depressed, angst-ridden, suicidal creatures, living with the constant fear of discovery and the consequences.
You bet we think long and hard before coming out, and then some have the gall to ask why it took so long, and call us names, like deceitful.
Hah!
Just putting the heels on the other feet 😘
Love Laura
Great post Laura. I’m sympathetic to both sides. The foundation of any relationship is honesty but we all have secrets. I’ve been with my s.o. since high school and only told her about my cding a couple years ago. It has evolved over time , and I still don’t understand it fully. Should I have told her as a teenager when I thought it was a passing faze. Or in my twenties when I didn’t cd at all and don’t recall having a strong urge to. I told my s.o. when I came to the realization that my little “hobby” wasn’t going away. I tried to respect her feelings as much as possible. Wanted her to hear it from me not by finding a bra in my sock drawer. Everyone has little secrets but if they run amuck they become big lies and threaten even the strongest relationships .
Yes, I think we think about it. We think about it a lot. And run many negative scenarios in our heads. Sometimes based on real facts (the SO may have made negative comments on crossdressers or transgendered people), sometimes on perceptions (intuition), sometimes just on imagination.
I think running all these scenarios in our head, and mostly with negative consequences, is why we hide it for so long.
Did she lose her manly man? Or were some aspects of him being sensitive, or caring, or other supposedly feminine traits also some of the things that attracted him to her? Some crossdressers separate two different personas, others say they are still the same person just presenting differently. Some just want to wear women’s clothing, some want to present as female, some want to stay at home, some want to go out in public. For some crossdressing is a stepping stone to being transgendered, for others it is gender fluidity. From your brief description, and possibly even her brief description in the chat, we don’t know where her husband is coming from or even going to.
Check out the book “Living With Crossdressing” by Savannah Hauk. It gives perspectives both from the crossdresser’s and from the GG SO’s sides.
For me, you bet I think about it – so much so that it can sometimes be paralyzing (echo everything @lauralovett said). I’m fortunate that it has never been a secret between my wife and I, but that hasn’t made her any more ‘accepting’ – which is OK, because she’s entitled to think and feel whatever she wants, and I get to continue to love her for being her and show her that every day!
Marcellette
After almost a year and half on CDH, I’ve read many stories of coming out to SO or other family members, we all come out to this coming out from different times in our relationships and a large variety of reactions to us.
For myself when my my X found out she immediately told our 3 grown kids. Almost all the reactions from my kids about my CD is coming though my X, so is slanted toward anger and disgust. I am told daughter number 2 doesn’t want to see or talk about it.
When we got married in 1985 i was nearly over the cross dressing desire I was going through then and saw no need to tell her. When she found out about my current cross dressing about a year and half ago, about 8 years after the divorce, she was angry and disgusted. After hearing her say for the umpteenth time that if she had known before our marriage she would have have never gotten married to me, I told her that our kids would never have existed. That made her even madder than ever. I am pretty sure though that, knowing each of our personalities, neither one of us would be married or have children. So in many ways I am right now in the best place I could be.
SandyHippie, you bring up some interesting points and it would be nice if all of our SO’s had an opportunity to express how it impacted them when they found out. A single instance is probably not a good reflection of how it is handled generally. In essence we need more data in order to learn the full extent of the problem and what would be the best way to approach what is just another form of revealing ourselves to our SO’s. Not to be dismissive of what happened in that instance but it is only one side of a single story.
You made this comment;
[[how he became obsessed with CDing, being put in massive debt, ]]
Really? How many millions of bankruptcies have occurred because of overspending on credit cards on non-essential items? Our society in the US is predicated upon upon using credit to drive us into debt. This is a societal problem overall and it does need to be addressed and blaming it all on a single CD’er is disingenuous. The spouse had never purchased her own closet full of shoes and clothes that she only wore once? I had no idea how many pairs of expensive shoes my late spouse had until I was trying to make some space for my own meagre collection. Yes, I have 3 pairs of expensive male Bally shoes but none of them are less than a decade old and the oldest pair I have had for 40 years. They have been worn and cared for and still look good. Yes, my late spouse did look after her own shoes but she had something like 30+ pairs and some looked to be absolutely pristine still in their original boxes. “But is was on sale and I saved a fortune” was the usual excuse.
So I am not buying the whine about overspending because it is hypocritical for only one party to be allowed to do it. Overspending is a couples issue and should not be used as a blunt object to cudgel someone just because they happen to be a crossdresser.
Financial woes are one of the primary causes of divorce and whichever party is doing it is in the wrong in my opinion. Overspending is not infidelity, it is not alcoholism or gambling either. It might be an addictive behavior but it applies to both parties.
We do need to know how to let our SO’s know about our inner femininity without harming them and we need more research and guidelines to help us handle what is a problem common to all of us. I just wanted to make the point that I do not believe that our SO’s have a legitimate case when it comes to what we spend on clothes. How many of us buy our own clothes from thrift shops?
Thank you for letting me get that off my chest.
Warm hugs
Rowena 👩🏻🦳
Hippie, I think coming out to a wife could be done in the right way, hiding something from your SO is not really healthy but it often is the case of keeping secrets. I’m In that camp, my wife of 23 years does not know I cd (which I’ve done since around age 10). For me, keeping the secret is not healthy per se, but I believe at this point it would destroy our marriage and I do not want that, I dont want to hurt her , I do love her. She knows me as Jeff, her manly man, her fix it all guy, her husband and I have decided that’s they way it will stay for her. So a secret cd I will be..
💖
I can honestly say that the impact on others is my biggest concern about this process. And I’m not just thinking about the impact their knowledge will have on me i.e. ‘Will they think less of me’ or ‘will it damage our relationship’, but the impact to them if others knew.
As an example, what would people think about, or how would they treat my SO if they knew her husband was a CD’er. Would she be ridiculed, laughed at or cast from her friendship circles. What about the children, would they be bullied or ostracised (kids can be so cruel) if their friends saw me out and about. Would my parents question the decisions they made when raising me and could it cause a rift between them…
I’m a big girl now, CD’ing is my life choice that I went into it with my eyes open and, as such, I’m comfortable with any consequences associated with following it. But this was not their choice and so, IMHO, it’s unfair to inflict any consequences on them that they didn’t choose for themselves.
Didi💋
Interesting reasoning – but I would say you’re not inflicting anything on anyone by having a hobby – you’re exercising your right to your own life within a relationship:
I have been an actor of sorts since the age of 8 or so, when my parents enrolled me into our local theatre workshop.
I’ve been in many plays, dressed up and in makeup, of course, on stage, in front of my family and the general public.
You could argue that pantomime is inflicting stuff on your family and the time spent in rehearsals is time away from the family that you’ll never get back.
There are many who frown upon actors – but will happily watch films.
You get the point – it’s all down to how it’s presented, and what goes with it, not the love of clothing
Also…
It’s not OK to view gender fluidity as a horror these days – it’s a normal part of being human, and the world needs education. /pet rant over.
Now, where do I sign up for Ru Paul’s Drag Race UK…?
😁😍😍😍
Love Laura
Hmm, good point but I rally just a little.
I wasn’t saying I inflict consequences on them, but my actions may cause others to.
Yes I totally agree that society should’t see gender issues ‘as a horror’ but the fact is it does, and it’ll be a long time before there’s a real and genuine acceptance of all the different flavours. And so, like it or not, people will judge based on their own beliefs or perception of moral standing.
Is it right for a woman to be bullied out of her home because she’s tarnished by some unsavoury criminal act her husband committed… of course it’s not, but it happens. The point of my post was, I’m OK with people judging me, hell, fill your boots if it makes you feel better, but judge others for something I choose to do, That’s not OK.
As for the acting, I recognise that analogy but, again IMHO, it’s not quite there for me. Acting is seen as a job, something that actors are paid to do for the entertainment of others. Therefore there’s no perceived self gratification or pleasure in putting on the female costume, other than the check at the end of the show. And so, back to the point above, society sees it as acceptable.
As for RuPaul’s, if I could look half as good as some of those queens, you’d never get me out of a frock. Now, can someone please teach me how to look like that… PLEASE 😘
Didi💋
I don’t get paid to act, it’s purely for pleasure. A hobby. Something I do in spare time I don’t really have.
Society is getting better – gender diversification is something that top companies like Microsoft are proud of.
“Society” can look down all it likes – that old society is dying fast, thank God!
No-one has the right to judge you for who you are, or to judge those around you because you are associated with something that, these days, we are ALL being encouraged to promote, not put down.
I get your point, it’s just 50 years out of date.
Of course, where you live may have different attitudes, of course – there are still places where CDing is against the law, and I would never condone law-breaking.
Love Laura
Didi,
Unsurprisingly, a very thoughtful couple of posts.
It’s interesting to me that CDing seems to be ok with society … as long as it is either women doing it or guys who are doing it for any reason OTHER than enjoyment and personal fulfillment. Not sure what that says, but that’s my observation.
Those of us who are husbands must sacrifice for our wives and put their needs first. So telling anyone else (and maybe even her herself) may have consequences unfavorable to her or kids. It is selfish to run around and say “I gotta be me” when we have obligations to the ones we love.
I think one of the reasons my wife withdrew acceptance/encouragement is because in my pink fog, I ran roughshod over carefully crafted boundaries. I told someone else without asking her first. As we know, women can be very demanding and high maintenance (!!! lol) and the woman part of our inner selves is no different. Give her an inch; she’ll take a mile. But when you’re married or have obligations and vows to someone else, it ain’t all about me, and indeed, my needs should come last.
My 2 cents anyway!
I think about it all the time which is why I’ve not told anyone. Us Northerners (in the UK) are not as accepting as the Southern Softies so I know I would not be accepted by friends and family. I’m not at the stage of coming out yet anyway and I’m just enjoying the privacy of doing it myself.
I think to be a CD, TG or any part of the LGBT etc community you have to be self centred and do what YOU want, not what people tell you to be like. I’ve been in the latter all my life but finally at 65 I’m starting to be self centred.Hi hippie,
I totally consider my wife’s and children feelings regarding my crossdressing.
I was married 24 years before I discovered how much I truly like being feminine.
Unfortunately it has pretty much killed our intimacy.
My wife is the only one that knows and I wish It didn’t bother my wife but I any deny my feminine feelings for her sake I wish I could.
Fortunately we still love each other and I think our marriage will survive this.
I know I do feel guilty a d selfish a lot but I have to be who I am .
Huggs Patty.
It is a double edged sword. Every day as far back as i can remember I thought of the effects on others close to me of coming out as well as the effects to myself of NOT coming out. Being raised Catholic I have always struggled with varying levels of guilt for anything. As a result that is why it took so long to tell my SO of 30 years five+ years ago. Ah the conundrum…keep it hidden for my sake or keep it hidden for her sake! Telling her went as well as could be expected and in the middle range of the acceptance scale but not as much as I naively hoped for. Basically…don’t ask, don’t tell. So in reading other people’s stories I am at least grateful for her acknowledgement of my interest and her “acceptance”. I cannot say how she truly feels internally as she does not like to talk about it. And I cannot really say if it changes her view of me as I sense that she/we sometimes go through the motions of marriage while other times we are totally enamored with each other like when we were newlyweds. Next year will be the real test as all of our children will be out of the house and our focus will turn 100% on each other. Should be interesting.
Hippie;
I think that you have shown exactly how discretion can be the better part of valour.
I’d agree that I don’t think your input would have been the least bit appreciated. She probably wanted someone to listen and sympathise, not to help.
I’ve had a little experience in this and can say that I firmly believe that sometimes the human mind does some interesting things… One of those is the justification of actions after the event. “I’m not interested in him physically” can become “I don’t feel feminine enough for him/why aren’t I feminine enough to keep him from this”. Which can be the flip side of “I can cure the CD / Gayness by showing you how to be a man”.. It doesn’t matter what the ultimate cause is, this deep level of feeling will be followed by a rationalization of some sort which allows for the acceptance of the feeling and the discussion with others. This doesn’t make either the feeling or the rationalization invalid, just somewhat “squishy” or “fuzzy” and workable and possibly resistant to discussion.
However, my most relevant experience was listening to a bunch of women in the 70s talking about a community member who had a trans woman as a husband (and 4 kids) and was beginning to transition publicly … Oh, they went to town on him/her, but the way they did it was by enumerating all the ways that his/her actions were detrimental to the poor wife and her ability to feel feminine and loved, and what that ultimately meant for her. I remember thinking at the time (with the very limited understanding of a 11/12 year old), that this seemed to be a little unfair to both of him/her and her. While they weren’t completely cut off from the community, they seemed to be somewhat removed from many social events.
I had to stay with them, and then some close friends, of theirs for 3 weeks at the age of 12 and now I know that she was well into her transition with Hormones (I was a very light sleeper), and it had a detrimental impact on their children at the time. I lost contact with them when I was moved overseas, but many years later I went back there and got in touch to say hello with my friend. She (Dad) now looked fantastic, and we had some discussion about it. The comments about his Mother indicated that she carried the feelings for many years before she felt better about herself. This was partly because they both loved each other still but only the (ex) husband wanted a close physical relationship after the transition. It can be a very very real expression of feelings on the part of the wife. My understanding is that they ended up being close friends.
Now, as an older CD… Let me also say that Perimenopause and Menopause can radically change the feelings of a woman EVEN when there’s no CDing involved, and that can start fairly early in some cases. Again the change of feelings can be rationalized after the event and if you’re silly enough to come out just when she’s going through the change, you’ll never know how much of the feelings are directly attributed to menopause or a reaction to being a CD. Any older person has seen these with their loved ones and friends in a way that few people understand when they’re younger (hence not just CD partners)
I now have to remind myself to believe what she’s saying about her feelings NOW regardless of what I’ve understood previously…. It doesn’t matter if it’s contradictory, or doesn’t fit the understanding, it doesn’t change the current situation. I wish I’d learnt this in my 20s.
However an obvious warning for those who have not had to deal with it yet, just try using menopause as an explanation for anything at your deepest peril. 🙂
-Molly
I’ve not come out to anyone yet and I’m dreading anyone or my wife and kids finding out, but I mentioned it to my gay male friend last night. I thought if anyone is going to be open minded, he is. He walked out on his wife and three kids back in the 1980’s. I told him about my CD and he was surprised that I would do this. He soon came around to the idea and we’ve chatted about it a lot today.
As for the wife and family, that is still no where nearer but by telling one person I feel a part of a weight has been taken off my mindI know telling at least one person helps. Brings back some long forgotten memories of my early years.
For me it took getting caught by my 1st wife and her leaving me. To make me become open about my CDing. I told one person, then another person and you get the idea.
Everyone has their ways of dealing with things. My case was the worst case scenario, not all marriages end that way. But from I read over the years on here. Seems like to me, that you telling them is better than them catching you or finding out other ways.
My take on that approach, is that they have time to think about it and react to it.
Them Catching you or them finding your stash. Is a much bigger shock to them and they end up drawing their own ideas about you.
Something to think about
Lysette, I agree with @Hippie that it is better that they find out from you rather than the other way around. I also appreciate your apprehension because I had the same feeling. When I told my soulmate that was one of the most difficult things I have ever done and if I ever had to do it again I would do it differently.
Our emotions tend to prevent us from speaking clearly when we are in this situation so I would recommend writing down what you want to say in the form of a letter to your SO. Tell her your feelings about being a CD and your feelings for her and how you have always loved her while being a CD. Apologize for keeping it a secret and let her know that it was because you didn’t understand how to explain it to her before now. Let her know that you are willing to come to an agreement with her because you love her and do not want this to be anything that ever comes between the two of you.
Once you have prepared the letter then arrange for some quiet time where the two of you will not be disturbed while you sort it out.
Warm hugs
Rowena 👩🏻🦳
Thank you both. Excellent idea for a letter so I can plan what I want to say. I am taking it very slowly right now and my doctor has advised me to re take up my testosterone injections. I told her they were making no difference and that I’m looking to transition so she said with my levels being less than 20% of what they should be I still need them for overall health and bone density and that we’ll deal with the transition another day. So that’s two people told now.
I think you’ve hit on a major problem for all of us CDers/trans folk. We often underestimate/underrate our SOs!
I can speak from experience as my wife runs from the most supportive stance to… I’m not kissing a woman!
She even said to me tonight that she does understand that the old male me died in an accident three years ago and that Polly is who has taken his place. I wanted to kiss her so much… but, no… not a go this evening!Sad Polly
Polly, have you tried telling her that if she closes her eyes she will still be kissing her loving husband and she won’t know the difference?
Warm huggs
Rowena 👩🏻🦳
Yes, Rowena… I have but one of the strange things about head injuries is one cannot process important matters on the fly, as it were.
I understand this and we have both agreed that it will take some time to process something as important as this.
Good thing though… this evening we have both agreed a negotiation about an evening a week where I will revert to my drab self so we can have an intimate evening! This, in the meantime while more processing takes place. She even kissed me twice tonight both times passionately when in Polly mode!
Everything’s takes time, eh?Hugs Polly
Communication and compromises are the secrets to every successful relationship, my dear Polly. I spend one day a week in drab perforce because there are certain things that I can only do while in drab. But I digress.
I just had a conversation with my hairdresser who stopped by because she left some of her things behind when she was here last week. She told me that she has decided to leave her boyfriend because of me. I was aghast and then she explained that when she saw how happy I am en femme she wanted that same happiness for herself so she has decided to leave what is an abusive relationship and have the freedom to become herself and be happy.
You are giving your SO her freedom and she is giving you yours so together you will find happiness. And that makes me happy too.
Warm hugs
Rowena 👩🏻🦳
Hi Hippie,
I consider my closetedness (nice word huh? ) to be 95% from fear of the worst possible things that could happen with my wife and my marriage. 5% from not wanting to deal with close minded BS from close minded people outside of my marriage. Always always always – thinking of how it could affect her, and our marriage as a result.
As for two ladies in a chat room….. the one with the CD husband could be a serial killer for all you know. How her husband’s CDing affects her and their family is part of their journey. We all know that “coming out” sometimes has negative consequences, or there wouldn’t be anyone in the closet.
My concern here isn’t the woman in the chat room. It’s you. I think most everyone has things in their life from their past that can be stirred up when we least expect it. One minute all is fine, then suddenly something tears open an old wound. The fact that observing this conversation has powerfully upset you is very important. When you bring up the turmoil it caused in your first marriage, it seems to me that you are feeling a lot of guilt. By your own admission it wasn’t the reason you first marriage was bad, just the catalyst to bring it to a conclusion. Sound like it only change the “when”. I have to wonder, if your CDing is the only reason you feel this guilt from that first marriage. Wether it is or isn’t, it’s time you for you to work that guilt out of your life. You can see a counselor/therapist, or try journaling.
I could be wrong. (it’s been known to happen). Perhaps it’s just pain from the first marriage and not guilt. Perhaps something else I just didn’t get from the few paragraphs of your life that I read. But I am sure it needs to be dealt with.
Big Hugs
Autumn
Okay, I may be proven the biggest fool in the CD world. So …spare me all of that.
Sorry “Doctor Z” but coming out is simply not as necessary as you might think.
But in fifty years of dressing in public very few people beyond some CSR’s and hairdressers and MUA’s, and even far fewer people who may be a threat to my anonymity, are aware of my public dressing. AND I CHOOSE TO KEEP IT THAT WAY. I and I alone own my special passion.
I learned early on that frequent dressing diminished the crazy appeal of pulling it off by puttin’ it on. Infrequency makes it a far better experience.
What I came to was the very safe and sane decision to “manage” my dressing and leaving that pink fog locked in a trunk under the workbench in the basement.
I am committed to dressing only rarely and extremely well. By saving up and planning I can afford top end salons and accomodations.
If possible I dress, and actually go to the salon, in another city. If I dress in my own city I manage everything to the hilt. I know where the loos are. I pack lipstick proof food and drink.
If I dine I know the menus in advance and even know the layout of the restaurant. I bring a full set of male clothes to slide home in or to use in any emergency or if I have to help someone in distress.
By doing this it stays special, it hurts no one and is a reward for good behaviour.
Blabbing to the whole world would ruin all of that.Hi Hippie,
I don’t have a SO or anyone for that matter
. What I do have are really close friends. I do think about the ramifications of me coming out as CD. That is the main reason why I haven’t exposed myself and yes there are other reasons.When making this decision I look at the good and bad effects. Yes, it would set me free to live but I care so much for my friends I’m afraid I would loose them. We have been through so much together.
Hugs Katey
I’m thinking a lot of what my near and dear will endure if I did go fully public and that is one of the major reasons I don’t.
It’s so many aspects to it and I probably only considered a few.
For example, when our kids where in school one of my biggest fear was that one of the class mates would see Kelly and realise it’s really the dad of my kid in drag. Given the way kids can be I think my kids would get a hard time then and luckily that never happened (probably because I almost never went out then).
Other things is that when I walk alone in public as Kelly I don’t worry to much even if some one I know would happen to seem me in distance since they would probably not recognise me. On the other hand if I walk with my wife they would recognise here and the I would be outed.I been lucky in that my wife does accept Kelly and I do dress in skirt/dress/heels most days. To be honest I’m even surprised that she accept me dressed. I sometimes wondered how I would react if she decided to put on a full fake beard and 3 piece suit or so.
For every step I done in coming out I always talked to my wife first to make sure she is at least somewhat ok with it. A few times she protested and then I just step back and leave it alone.
/kt
When I was sitting there in the room. I was reflected what it must have been like when my 1st wife found out about my girly side. Needless to say our marriage was already crappy, but the CDing was the final nail in the coffin.
I remember all the lies, the excuses, the hiding, and everything that goes along with it. I still see her face of a shocked and disgusted. Still remember them nasty words and the many fights over it. Fights so bad cops were called a few times.
Just listening to them two ladies talk, brought back all them memories I tried so hard to forget and the tears that came back to with the memories.
I’m no where innocent either, I did some the same stuff that lady said.
For some reason reliving the memories this time. Seem to hurt a hell of a lot more this time and that was over 20 years ago. It’s affecting me now, like it just happened. Like my past has come back to haunt me.
Yes, I know she can’t hurt me no more, but tell my brain that.
Gen…
Great post…love your paragraph on ” …Not a Lie” Well done Lady. I certainly appreciate I your concept and expression.
Thank you…
Dr.T.J.
That’s what it means to be “triggered”. And as I go through life, I realize that you can’t always predict what will or will not be a trigger. You have my support and ear if you need it.
As to your questions, we’ll my wife had always known, so there’s that, but she’s also the only one. If I reach that point, our kid(s) could be next, but it’s a choice my wife and I would make together, as we hope to be wiser as two than one. We’d look at how it would affect then each and collectively, and how it would affect their relationship to me. Wil is all they know, they don’t know Bridgette at all, and might not want to. They get to decide that. All but one are out of the house long since, the girls are in their thirties with their own families. The boys are 20 (not at home) and 18 (still taking classes, and at home).
I do worry how they would respond.
Bridgette
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