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Sooo… Aimee is screaming in my ear to be free, and I can’t deny her anymore. I’m done shopping for dresses and pantyhose as a “male” (I feel sorta like a creeper lately!) and am finding myself more and more trying to find ways to coax myself into taking that brave step into the world with the female side of my humanity. I know to not draw attention to myself – dress conservatively with toned down hair and adequate levels of makeup – and definitely leave my stripper heels at home ;-). I know it may take several small steps… but I’m honestly terrified of feeling so vulnerable and exposed as I tip toe out in public in my bell sleeve dress. With that…. if you are out in public in your alternate/true human form 😉 how did take your first steps in those beautiful high heels of yours? Does it get easier – or – do you just get used to the stares and commentary of strangers?
Huggs Aimee
I remember my first trip out, quite late at night around my local town centre, just window shopping. I remember the surprise that not one of the few people I met looked twice…..I gradually got more daring from that day on. I would just ease yourself in, Def leave those beautiful stripper heels at home. You will find your heart pounding as you step out….it’s a wonderful feeling…..good luck and best wishes honey…..love to know how you get on…..grace xx
Hi Aimee,
I started with taking the trash to the end of the driveway at night. Then walking around my yard and one day had to mail something so instead of going back to guy mode went to the Post Office around 7:30pm thinking no one would be there. I was wrong with that, there was about 6 cars in the lot and people coming and going getting mail from their mail box. I sat there and finally thought I have as much right to walk in as they do…so I got out, head high and walked in and dropped my mail in the slot. It was wonderful! I then got brave enough to go to Walmart and walked in and shopped. It felt amazing walking around with a skirt on and realizing no one cared. Since then I go out all the time, shopping, eating and enjoying Carla. I check out self check out if available or clerk if not. I do talk to them when necessary and none have acted shocked. I find some stores are great with crossdressers like Torrid, Old Navy, Macy’s and Target. I grocery shop as Carla and have never had an issue. Take your time, small steps will lead to busting out in all your glory!
Carla
Yes, the first few times – even now, a little stagefright appears, and the only way around it is a quick self pep-talk.
Imagine future you, all disappointed that you didn’t take the opportunity.
Don’t imagine what it will be like, try to get outside of your head and just enjoy the unfolding experience. Know that haters gonna hate and feel happy that’s their problem not yours.
You are happy, you are confident, you are smiling at being you, you are woman and free!
This is my own pep talk – and running commentary during uncertain experiences, like service stations, places I don’t normally go, or any time I hesitate.
Once out, Laura tends to take over anyway, with me simply imagining what I want Laura to be like, trying to raise the bar, and, perhaps be a bit of an ambassador for the craft.
Love Laura
“Stage fright”…..Laura, could not have put it better…..grace xx
Hi Carla…..you are so right, you do have as much right to be there as anyone else….you are doing NOTHING wrong…..spot on honey……huggs, grace xx
Hi Aimee.
Well I learned how to walk in heels in the house. Then how to use the stairs in heels. Then outside. Then makeup. Then my hair…
Once I felt confident enough. I got in my full en femme. All dolled up. Went with my girlfriend to a karaoke bar. It was a blast. My girlfriend loved hanging with Natasha. Now its a common thing we do together. Covid put a damper on going out. But I have a few nice restaurants open. You eat outside under a huge tent. Its not perfect, but better than nothing. My girlfriend and Natasha took my mother antique shopping 5 weeks ago. My mother doesn’t drive. Then after shopping we three ladies went to have some dinner. Under a huge tent outside. It was a great day. My mother was so happy… She needed to get out.
As too stares. My girlfriend and I get hit on from guys every time were out. Natasha ME passes as a women without a issue. Voice as well.
Just do what you feel comfortable with. Take small steps.
As for me. I came out at my 2003 family reunion. I had questions asked but I figure everyone I know will be there. Plus its over in one day. It turned out to be a great day. Then the following month. I went to my best friends family reunion. I have known him since 1983. It turned out great. Many questions. But I dont care what others think. I wasn’t going to change. Now, when I go somewhere. They pretty much expect Natasha showing up. I have 2 people in my family that are at odds of me being Natasha. But I dont care. But since 2003. I never looked back or regretted becoming Natasha.
Last week getting the mail. I was all dolled up. Here comes a FedEx truck going slow. I thought maybe my makeup was finally here. But no. So I walked down my driveway. The FedEx driver drives by super slow. He is just looking at me. I waved and said hello. He waved back and said hello back with a huge smile on his face. Then drove off.
I actually thought he was going to stop. My mailman loves to chat with Natasha. Every time he sees her. He has a 5 to 10 minute conversation with Natasha.
You just have to build up baby steps Luv. You will get there. Trust me.
Its a wonderful feeling inside that people have no idea a male is somewhere inside but they cannot see him. They only see Natasha, the lovely lady…and I am so happy to be out in the world as Natasha.
Hugs and love sis
💋💋Natasha
Hi Aimee , I don’t go out in dresses etc , just casual shorts , athletic wear , leggings trainers hoodies etc. …all obviously female attire , people will look / stare , but we all do it to others , my wife notices it more – she’s just geared that way . We’re comfortable doing this together or me alone , being out certainly helps the mind set , many at our gym know , regular coffee shops know …we all eventually get used to it , the initial venture nerves do leave eventually 🌹🌹
I know this is a long answer but it really explains it well.
As I think back on my life, in my youngest days I loved looking at my moms Glamor mags and the Sears and Roebuck catalog looking at the cloths, shoes and undergarments. I loved the style and design. I would even try on my moms panty hose. Over the years on occasion I would try on one of my wife’s dresses when home alone. As a photographer I was ask to photograph an lgbtq event and while I was in my ubiquitous photographers black on black pants and shirts. Everyone else in the place was in fabulous costumes and outfits. They were beautiful and so much fun. This year the event was in February and in October I decided that I would go in femme! My wife (who is super conservative and freeked out by anyone different) was gone for 3 weeks. So just me and the dog. I decided then and there that I was going all out. I went to see Phebe Cross here in Georgia, who works with the lady’s to dress them and style them and put makeup on them. It was a wonderful experience! I never felt so complemented in a genuine way. I felt for the first time in my life, beautiful. Phebe even gave me one of the outfits she dressed me in because it fit me so perfectly. I recognized that everyone really, man or woman, wants to or wishes they could be seen and feel beautiful. Who wouldn’t? I told my wife and grown girls that I went through that process to prepare for the event and shared with them the photo’s with mixed results. My girls were ok with it but my wife did not like it at all. I focused on loosing weight so I would look as good as I could in Feb. I went to Goodwill and would buy heals but was to embarrassed to try them on in the store so I would buy them, take them home and try them on and if they did not fit I would return them. I finally went to DSW and asked them to help me. They were fantastic! I found a pair of heals that fit me right and wore them out of the store. I went to the bank in them and I swear no one even noticed. I loved what wearing heals did for my posture. I would wear them around the house all day and worked on my walk. I ordered wigs and dresses on line and could not wait for them to come in to try on. I would wear night gowns to bed and shaved my body from head to toe. I loved the way my smooth skin felt. I remember thinking that if men would just shave there body there would be less violence and wars. My first experience doing my own make up was terrible. My wigs looked bad on me. But I finally found a wig that fit my face properly. When my wife got home after 3 weeks away she saw several dresses in my closet and went off on it. “You have women’s dresses in your closet!) I said “Those are not women’s dresses. Those are my dresses”. Those dresses are still in my closet but all the other stuff is hidden away. So the night of the event came and my wife chose to leave the house to shop but I am sure she did not want to see me prepare for the event. I got showered shaved and dressed up and headed for Sephora. I had to valet my car and in walking to the store no one even gave me a second look. I told them it was my first time out in femme and they were amazing. The makeup job was great and a ton of fun. Again not a single person in the store, women or boyfriends gave me a second look. I then went to the event and it could have not been more affirming for me. People who I have known for years did not recognize me but when I spoke to them and told them it was me. The response was wonderful. There was a woman who identifies as a lesbian approach me to tell me how great I looked and that she would totally date me!! I shot that entire event in 4 inch heels and had a fantastic time doing it!! I felt amazing! When I got home however, my wife came to see me and just stared. I said aren’t you going to say something? “What is there to say”? I said “I don’t know maybe you look great?” Nothing, she just went upstairs and has not mentioned it at all. I still keep those few dresses in my closet. But I now have probably 20 pair of shoes and I don’t know how many dresses and outfits that I keep hidden away. I only get dressed up when I know my wife will be gone. I still shave my legs every other day and my underarms and man bits daily. I put lotion on my legs and moisturizer on my face after every shower. My nails look great and I am getting better about my makeup. In spite of my wife and her absolute objection to my experience, I have talked to her about what a wonderful experience it was for me and the never before level of self care I am giving myself. I am very proud of my femme side. I share the photos with everyone I know. Not embarrassed at all to shop. Yesterday I went to Goodwill, mask on of course, and bought a dozen dresses, pants and tops. I was so happy to be doing it and did not feel the least bit conspectus or embarrassed in any way. I will sit down and try on heels and not think twice about it. So I am very proud to be exploring my fem side. I know this is a long story but thank you for giving me an opportunity to express it.
Hugs to all
Diane
Hi Aimee
Yes feeling vulnerable and exposed were two words to describe how I felt the first time. I imagine it would be a similar feeling to going out naked! Even just getting the courage to take that first step out of the car, huge. Sat for about 20 minutes waiting until nobody was about🤣🤣🤣
Paid for parking then off I went. Initially concentrating so much on getting the walk right in heels I didn’t really notice others. Trying to avoid cracks in the pavement, uneven surfaces etc. Gradually relaxed, and did some window shopping. Walked along the high street, started looking up, and noticed nobody was staring. Relaxed more, became more confident and started enjoying it more. Looked into a women wear shop window mainly to check my hair🤣 A woman in the shop window was dressing a mannequin turned and gave me such a warm smile it gave me a buzz and immediately put me at ease. I did realise I was perhaps overdressed for my little excursion, and now try to dress more appropriately.
You do realise the biggest barriers are in our heads. Most people are wrapped up in their own lives and don’t really scrutinise others too much. The more you relax the better the experience, make eye contact with others, smile etc. Skulking about only draws attention. It is such a buzz to go out and just be treated ‘normally’. Never had a bad experience.
And stories I have read here of acceptance from others interacting in shops etc encourages me to push the limits. Got my first makeover at a beauty counter and felt the beautician just treated me like she would a woman. I had such a fabulous time, and learned lots.
❤️B
Hi Aimee,
“First time jitters” is normal, and has happened to me with almost everything I attempt; certainly not restricted to CD. My first public outing was for my first makeover. Fully Dressed minus makeup, I stepped out of my car, through the doors at Ulta, and hurried straight to the rear of the store for my session. Then, with a professionally-applied “face”, I felt bold enough for a brief walk through my mall. No purchases, no conversations; just in and out. And guess what? The sky didn’t fall, and there were no villagers with flaming torches and pitchforks chasing me. Each outing thereafter was easier and easier, and now, Bettylou is my preferred shopping mode. So my advice to you is “Go for it, girl; you will love it.”
Hugs,
Bettylou
The first time out in public was an experience that was filled with many different emotions. Those emotions ranged from being scared, to nervous and just plain excited. Many of us can remember in great detail the first time we went out out in public. However, with each time I went out I gained more and more self confidence with my dressing. That was many years ago and my self confidence still builds today each time I go out.
Personally for me I believe that self confidence is key and the more confidence you have the more you will want to go out.
Hi, Amiee. I understand what you’re going through. I took my first public steps out en femme at a local shop/salon that caters to the CD/TG community. Even though I knew I was in a supportive environment, I was still very nervous. Fortunately, the ladies who worked there were supportive and made me feel comfortable. I fund that it does get easier with every trip out. I don’t concern myself with others staring or commenting. I do my best to look, act and speak like any woman. If anyone is paying attention to me, I assume that they just can’t take their eyes off of this good looking lady. Lol!
Aimee,
the first time I went out I was terrified but I did it. Every time I do it I gain more confidence and care less about what people think. I love going to get my hair and nails done en femme. I started growing my hair out about three years ago I would go into the salon in male mode to have it cut, no one barley remembered my name. I went to the same salon as a girl the difference is remarkable the girls always seem happy to see me come back. I like to shop in smaller boutique type stores. And if I am eating I try to do it around three in the afternoon there is usually a very small crowd.
Hey Aimee!
I felt the same way as you, I was shopping for dresses as a guy and yes I agree it’s sort of creepy or weird to be shopping in a woman’s clothing department as a man. So this summer I made a goal and finally stepped out in the world as my true self! The first time was very scary, but I can tell you with every time after that it gets easier and easier and you’ll enjoy it better. It’s a lot about confidence to get out of the car and walk into that store. People will look but you have to not really pay attention to them and just go about your business. Easier said than done! right? I started off small and went to very quiet places with only a few people, then when I got more confidence when I didn’t care when people saw me then I started to go to busier places and It got easier for me. I I hope everything goes well for you and you do get to go out finally into the world it’s such a rush you will love the feeling!
I’ll be dressing since I was a kid, but just in closet. Sometimes i be in a hotels but the most I drive in my car and this all. But now I find a girl from here and we will going out and maybe shopping, I’m so exited and nervous cause I never be interact with nobody and just to have the opportunity to meet her is a big deal and if we can go out tougher. Wow I’ll be realized, should be a big steep to come out. Please give me advices girls.
Hi Aimee. For me, it gets easier. Yes, that first time is nerve wracking. But I learned that if you act like a lady, they’ll treat you like a lady. I strive to be soft spoken, sit properly and act demure when I go out as Rachel. And the more I go out as Rachel, the easier it gets. You just have to put on your big girl panties and show the world how beautiful you are.
Like everyone else has said, the first time is very nerve wracking, but it gets much easier the more you do it. Mine was to a meeting of a CD group in a private room in a pub near the gay village. So a totally accepting place, but I was still nervous.
Dress to blend, I usually try to blend at the better dressed end of where I’m going to be. Like back when there were more restrictions, the only place I could go was the grocery store, so nice jeans a good sweater, and plain shoes worked fine, instead of the old sweat pants and baggy jeans so many other GG’s were wearing.
If you aren’t sure about walking in any kind of heels, just wear flats, not walking properly can be a giveaway, so make sure you’re comfortable. Once you get a few outings under you, then you can spice things up a touch, if you want.
You will find if you can dress like most of the rest, most folks wan’t pay any attention to you. When you look at the wide gamut of shapes and sizes GG’s come in, most of us can fit in somewhere there.
The old line about the only thing to fear, is fear itself comes to mind. Perhaps it’s not entirely true, but the point is that we are often our own worse enemy, and we let our fears overcome us. Fear is our safety net, until it gets in the way.
Hope the outing goes well, and let us know how it went!
Amy
Hi Aimee,
What a lovely name! I think there has already been a lot written below by others, and on other postings, still a bit from me:
1) Dress down, forget the tight tops, DD forms and 9″ heels. You want to blend in. Look conservative and your age.
2) I would wear flats or low wedge or full heels. They are more comfortable, you can get the female walk right easier, they won’t get stuck under the pedals in your car if you drive, and worst comes to worst you can run faster in them if someone anti-CD comes along.
3) If you are driving, pack some male clothes too. If the car breaks down or has an accident you really don’t want to be walking dark roads in a dress at night.
4) Choose somewhere there are people going places, they are intent of getting past you, not seeing if you pass. Avoid teenagers and young men. A busy street is great, people are past you before they notice you and you can always duck down a side street or in to a store for safety. Day time is much better, folks are busier and the drunks looking for trouble aren’t out yet. Avoid really lonely spots for the same reason that GGs do, bad people there!
5) Be confident, like you do this every day. Smile too, women smile more than men. You are enjoying yourself!
6) Bunch your fingers together a bit, women point their hands, men make fists. Also palms forward, women walk with their palm forward! Swing the arms gently around the elbow and shoulder.
7) When you walk, think of walking down a single line on the road, women usually walk heel-to-toe, men side by side. Swing the hips a little, don’t overdo it though!
8) Make sure your seams are straight, no incorrect hair is showing anywhere. Make up good?
9) Getting out of a car or up from a seat knees together. When you sit, remember to smooth your skirt under you!
10) Chin up, chest out and walk!
First time is a little nerve-wracking, then you start to realise most people don’t notice, don’t care or are too busy. Don’t get too worried, I was out a week ago and a woman was standing about 8 feet away staring at me (I thought) until I realised she was staring over my shoulder at someone parking a car behind me.
Once you get used to it all you can really enjoy it, the wind in your hair, your skirt flowing along, the bounce of your breasts in your bra when you step off a curb.
Now go enjoy yourself!
S
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