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Hello ladies,
First, I wanted to thank you for allowing me to join this wonderful community. In the short time I’ve been on this site I have experienced and seen so much love for everyone here. You really know how to make a girl feel welcome!
Recently I have have been feel ‘itchy’ when not able to dress for multiple days. This feeling started just before I began dressing again after a 2.5 year hiatus. (Yes, I unfortunately had a purge not too long before COVD.). Anyway, when driving to the office I generally feel like something is missing, and I sense it’s directly related to clothing.
Now, since getting back in touch with my female self I have not been able to procure enough undergarments to underdress daily. I hope to remedy this soon! However, I also cannot underdress every day while at work or at least I don’t think I should. Some days I work from home and can dress (until I have a virtual meeting), some days I work in an office and can underdress, but roughly 50-60% of the time I’m working outdoors doing rather ‘manly’ things. The days when I’m working outdoors the sense of loss disappears when I’m actively engaged in a work task, but as soon as my focus is lost the feeling returns. It’s not every day, but some day and it feels sad.
Have any of you experienced feelings like these before?
Emotionally speaking, being on this forum has encouraged me to unlock some repressed memories from my youth regarding my upbringing. Mentally confronting these memories has brought on waves of emotion, but positive and negative. I know in my heart that going through this experience is a good thing, but in the moment is nauseating.
I do plan on making time to speak to a therapist about the trials of my past, and crossdressing, but haven’t done so yet. My wife and many friends have talked through their childhood traumas and it’s done wonders for them. Why am I holding myself back, I should just do it…
I love you all so much. *sniff*
-Natalie.
Hi Natalie,
I think many will confirm that the ‘pink fog’ starts to come after a few days. Personally I find I am often satisfied after dressing fully and feel wonderfully calm and at peace. Then after a few days the need arises again, and if not satisfied it there the whole time after a week or two. Underdressing hemps, but is not the same.
I agree though, if I am busy the need reduces. Although I can be busy in a skirt too. But, if I am bored or just not busy my mind always turns very quickly to dressing as a women.
Hi Natasha,
The term “Pink Fog” is certainly new to me, but I suppose it’s the most appropriate term.
There is comfort in dressing which seems to soothe my anxiety. I guess I’m just curious why?
Hi Natalie. As you have already said, you should speak to a therapist who understands gender issues. Its not easy to do but it will unlock peace and acceptance of yourself.
I know the feeling you’re having. It seems the more I dress the more I need it and because I under dress every day, when I’m not wearing something feminine I really miss it. Panties and a bra have become part of my normal clothing no matter what I’m doing and I love it.
(Michelle, living in a pink fog)
Hi Natalie, yes, there is comfort in dressing. And the “itch” never really goes away until you are able to “soothe it”. Through the years, whenever I dressed, I never really experienced any sexual release from doing so, it just felt right and put me at peace. I always knew that I was supposed to be a girl, and now realize that I was born a transgender female and those are my clothes.
I hope that may help you on your journey, wishing you well. 😉Love,
Lauren M
Hi Lauren,
Thanks for the comment. For me there are times when I experience a certain sexual excitement when dressed, but that depends on what I’m wearing. I find women’s clothing much more visually attractive, and the feeling of the fabrics! Between my male and female personas I find myself more willing to dress adventurously.
Part of this may be related to perception of my body image/body positivity. Yet more to discuss with a therapist! – Natalie.
Hi Natalie, I feel that way almost any day I have to be in drab mode. I’m starting my transition therapy so it may be a little different for me than a lot of others here. I now realize I am really crossdressing when living as a guy. So the days I also work in the office (fortuneatly only 2 days a week), I’ve felt weird going in dressed male biz-casual.
I plan to socially transition (full-time) in January, so that won’t be a problem any longer. But along with all the above, there are days I could dress at home but I just don’t have the “drive” to do so. I think it’s because I look on my female clothes and makeup, etc. as just clothes now.
I’m not feminized enough to feel comfortable just dressing and not doing makeup, wig, etc. Sometimes I wonder if that means I’m just trading a male mask for a female one. But I think it’s mainly that I just want to look nice and feel attractive, in general.
Hugs,
Brie
Hi Brie,
You are such a sweetheart. I can only imagine the emotions your are going through as you approach January and your social transition, but I am overjoyed that you’re able to live life as your true self. If there is anything I can do to help support you please reach out.
Thanks for you sharing your experience! Hugs – Natalie.
Hey Natalie,
Thank you for sharing. I absolutely understand what you are feeling. As many of the girls here, I have been exploring female clothing and undergarments from a very young age (4-5). For decades, I repressed this feeling and dismissed it as just a ”fetish”. Until about 3 years ago (I’m 53 now!), when I started dressing fully and having this urge to be seen! Before, it was the opposite…hiding, feeling guilty, shame…but then it just became so enjoyable, free and…the best description I can come up with is…it felt ”right”! About 6 months ago…I decided to ”come out” at work. Granted…there is almost no one here in the building…but still! I started simply with wearing heels…which then moved to wearing skirts…and finally…fully dressed and made up! My colleagues have been very supportive and understanding. It’s been liberating! However…my female self stops at the office door. My ”virtual” colleagues also do not know about this and I dress only waist down on days I know I have video calls.
I am still hiding this from my wife, kids and family. Only my best friend (and my therapist!) know about this. So I do live a ”double life”. Female at work…male at home. I can tell you that I look forward in going to work every morning. I plan my outfits in my head throughout the weekend. Once at work…I find it terribly hard to leave! After a few days at home…I am getting feelings of withdrawal! Sometimes I almost wish I could just wear a pair of panties at home…but that would be too risky. However…just as you said…I don’t think about it much when I keep busy. I love renovations and do a lot of work around the house. I love power tools and my tractor and do feel completely at ease doing ”manly” things. I will share with you some wisdom my therapist told me…that I now keep as my mantra…
”Especially in today’s world, there are no parameters, guidelines or ”rules” that define how you express your gender. (In my case) It can feel right to express yourself as a women at work and be comfortable and happy, while also being a man at home with your wife and kids and friends. One doesn’t have to exclude the other. It’s not about ”I’m I a women…or am I a man..am I in transition…or is this a phase? Is this all in my head…or are there repressed feelings I must let go? You don’t need an definitive answer to those questions to be happy. If it’s enjoyable…then let yourself ”enjoy”. It’s as simple as that!”.
I have found that letting myself ”enjoy” without guilt or shame (both as a man or women), while difficult to do, is what has provided me more clarity. Discussing with a therapist also has been very useful. Living as a man for so long (and from a generation that still promoted men as strong and unemotional types), I have kept so many feelings and experiences repressed. Letting myself be happy, and accepting who I am has made me a better person…both as a man and as a women.
I am looking forward in hearing more about your story. Believe in yourself and let yourself ”enjoy”. I’ll be in your corner rooting for you!
All the best! xoxo
Stephanie
Hi Stephanie,
YES! We certainly do live in a different age. My mind was blown when I learned that gender was a spectrum. The world of gender is no a simple 1/0 binary. WHAT!!!!
If this revelation in gender occurred when I was in high school, perhaps life would have been different. Regardless, I am happy to be who I am, but wish I could have embraced the feminine side of my personality earlier. When I finally do end up meeting a therapist I can only imagine what feelings will be unlocked. Natalie.
I think most of us experience feelings like this. People here sometimes ask if their desire will ever go away. I find that it’s more of a cycle than anything. There are ups and downs. It’s one of the most interesting and confusing things about the entire experience. Sometimes I feel completely confident and comfortable, and other times I feel ridiculous and embarrassed. It’s quite strange how I can feel so many different emotions about a single thing. I don’t know of anything else in my life that is quite like this.
While that can make the experience difficult, it also has some blessings. I think I am much more thoughtful about a lot of things. I find I am much more sensitive to others’ emotions and struggles. Religion is an important part of my life, and part of the conflict with my desire to dress, but this desire and my dressing has made me think more deeply about my beliefs and my relation to them (which is actually saying something because I’ve always thought deeply about my faith).
One thing I do think about, however, is balance. I don’t always get to dress up when I would like to (like today, for instance), and I miss it when I can’t. My wife’s feelings about this are as confused as mine sometimes so trying to be sensitive to her needs means I refrain from dressing as I would like to sometimes. I try, however, not to let that pull me down. I mean, I can’t go fishing or skiing every day either, but that doesn’t mean I can’t enjoy other aspects of my life. I am not transgender with this, so I understand that others feel differently, but I actually think that letting the pink fog get out of hand diminishes the experience. I’m not trying to say that this is a problem with you (no judgement intended in any direction here), but I find that for myself, keeping things “under control” so to speak, enhances the experience. I certainly can’t tell anyone what that balance should look like in their own life, but I think it’s something to keep in mind for all of us.
I hope that makes sense, again, no judgement intended in any direction here. I just wanted to share something that helps me keep perspective and work through the ups and downs that we all go through.
Hi Sarah,
I really appreciate the response and gives me a lot to consider.
Balance in life is very important, but there are times when life feels more like riding an rollercoaster. Once you’re on it you have no control, but by god you should be enjoying yourself (and hopefully not losing your lunch).
Embracing the ride is something I have a hard time doing in my life. Whether at work or at home, but it’s something I’m working on. My kids have taught me a lot about letting things go, but it’s really hard for me to do that. I guess the same goes for dressing. I shouldn’t worry about when I’ll have the next opportunity, but simply enjoy it when I can!
Emotional sensitivity, including awareness of others emotional needs seems to be a common trait for many on this forum. I’ve know this about myself since I was very young.
Natalie.
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