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Hello lovely gurls,
I’m in the phase of Journey where i’d like to meet a cd friend but im scared. How to start the conversation, what to ask, how to ask. For ex, when i go to a salon, i wanted to ask if they do any makeover services but im scared how to ask that…
How did you meet your first CD Friend?
Hugs,
Neha
The very first girl I met was like me….taking those first steps to meet other girls. We met in drab per her request. I never heard from her again. A month later I met another girl and her spouse. We were all dressed casually. Spent the day shopping and had dinner. She became a friend and we still see each other occasionally.
If you want to meet other girls you’re in the right place. The first dozen or so girls I met were all from CDH. I started making CDH friends with local girls and we struck up conversations. Meeting was a natural progression in the getting to know each other process.
Taking the first steps to meet another CD is scary. Remember we all have been in your shoes. Just be yourself. Don’t worry about passing. Do your best to look good and blend in. Your first time out it’s better to choose a casual setting. Coffee or shopping thrift stores for example.
I highly recommend getting a makeover. Nothing will boost your confidence more when you’re first starting out. Be direct. Tell the salon you’re a CD and want a makeover. Trust me. You won’t be the first and you won’t be the last. Most salons welcome business from our community. Makeup pros love us. They have a blast because most of us are happy to let them have creative license with our faces! All of my many makeovers have been fabulous experiences. You gotta do it Neha!
Hope this helps!
/EA
Be wise, girlfriend. A couple of years ago, I desperately wanted to meet a CD in the hopes that we could share our stories and perhaps I could come to understand and free myself more. I met two people online who claimed to be CDs. They came to my apartment wearing panties under their drab, no other femme wear. I had to lend them bras and stockings, and one of them was about my size so he wore a dress I had in the closet. In the end, the bottom line was that both were interested in nothing more than sexual relations with a crossdresser. That was not my intention in seeking out a crossdresser. I never saw them again.
The next person I tried to meet lived near me. A little wiser this time, I suggested we would meet on a park bench between our two homes. The person never showed up. We tried again. I was stood up again.
I have a girlfriend now, and she would hit the roof if I made plans to meet a crossdresser. I guess I will have to put that desire on ice for a while. I wish you better luck than I had.
Now “all you lot” are making me feel old!!. (Which I am.. But I digress..) Would have been mid 80’s (Before SM.. aka Social Media).
I was part of a posted paper newsletter CD group and via that met another CD from rural Victoria. Letters and phone calls for starters, then a meet in drab at a pub in inner Melbourne.
From there the “do you know” network kicked in and I met quite a few more CD’s via this method over the years. Joining a local group or two led to many more ‘meet ups”, mostly in their homes with both of us dressed. Some went well, others, I got “outa there” as fast as I could.
One interesting time comes to mind. I was in London UK for a Trade Show and went to a nightime CD Group meeting. Met someone who was working for one of the exhibitors.
So.. some “knowing glances” were shared as I walked past his stand the next day.
Caty.
I’m in the same boat! I have a woman friend that lives 2 houses down from me. She has a “part time” boyfriend..her words not mine..and she admittedly likes to go full nude sometimes in her back yard so I know she’s a bit of a free spirit. We have become friends lately. I’m tempted to open up to her, but am scared to death she’ll out me to someone. It would absolutely ruin my relationships with my neighbors. Everyone around here is sooo closed minded.
Thinking I’ll just hold off but maybe drop hints and see if she is inquisitive.
Hi Neha!
As far as salons go, I will echo Emily and say Go For It! I did exactly that a few years back and found the manager ( of a Great Clips ) was a lesbian. I had shown her a pic of a lady with gorgeous hair and said ” I want something like that! ” She was all to happy to sit me down and style my hair “a la femme”, lol. Always enjoy going back. Very LGTB friendly place!
Haven’t met any cd/tg face to face, tho’ I would like to think I have met some gals here I would like to consider friends.
Stevie
From my own experience, I’d say go to one of the large gatherings like the Keystone Conference. I found it an easy, stress free and safe way to go. Prior to that time, I was very reticent about meeting another CD person outside of the online environment, but there it was quite easy and comfortable. Many were persons I’d already established a relationship with here at CDH, so we already knew a bit about each other and the in person meetings were comfortable and enlightening. Some of my online, virtual friends became real life friends. I’m looking forward to continuing these friendships among those that are local with further outings.
The CDs I’ve met have all been from CDH (Hi Emily, hi Sandy!). I’d still like to make some inroads with a more local community, but for some reason I have imposter syndrome about it. I’m aware of a group, have been in communication, am on the mailing list, and I still balk when the time comes to lean into it. It doesn’t make much sense to me; I go out dressed fairly often, to go shopping or to have drinks or whatever. For some reason, though, meeting with this particular group intimidates me. I’ll get there, though!
I have to agree with Emily, get the makeover! The hour I spent with the esthetician at Sephora getting my makeup done was one of the most positive and validating experiences I have ever had. It was wonderful! You will not regret it!
Hi Neha,
Yup, I’m with everybody. Get a makeover or a lesson and go to a meeting or conference (getaface + findaplace). That’s sort of how it happened to me when I was trying to understand my intersex situation except that I reversed the order. Years ago when Be-All was a big conference, I drove to Chicago and I attended for one afternoon in drab. I used the time to find makeup artists and immerse myself in the climate. Then several years later when I was still trying to learn makeup I was befriended by Carollyn Olson of The Vanity Club (who was selling makeup books at the time) and she introduced me to another member, Jenee Davis . Jenee was very kind and helped me understand even more about myself. She and I met in drab at a restaurant and talked for hours. And that’s how it all started for me. Since then I’m just always try to learn more and attend more conferences. Incidentally, I just had a chance to talk with Jenee again at the last Keystone Conference and she is still as friendly and beautiful as ever. Also, I always try to pay it forward and follow the example of the ladies before me and share what I know. So, look around and find something happening near you (lots of Pride things about to happen and just make yourself part of it either in drab or dressed but just take a step). There probably won’t be a grand flash like, poof, you look great and everyone is buying you drinks but it will be a step though the doorway and the rest is what you decide to do with it. You can just search trans or LGBTI+ conferences for a start to see if something is near you or drop a query on CDH. Anyway, safe journey and I hope to see you sometime at a conference. Marg
I was very curious about 10 years ago when crossdressin came back into my life. I met a crossdresser named Jenny on craigslist. So we met for coffee. Incredibly stunning woman, she is a vital reason i crossdress today. She was so nice and sweet and did i mention drop dead gorgeous? Lol
Unfortunately Jenny had to make a choice of Jenny or saving her marriage and she chose the latter. Smart girl obviously. I see her on occasion in passing. Really wish i could have a coffee date again to show her how far i have come. Hopefully one day.
Xx alexis
I wish it was the “me, Jenny”! Nice story. I had a friend maybe 10 or so years ago that I met on another CD site. Tara. We hit it off good and actually attempted a meeting. Innocent enough. Her wife was ok with it until she wasn’t and then she flipped out and filed for divorce. Not my fault. Tara was pushing a bit too much with the dressing and forgot how to be a husband. She got jealous or just sick of his obsession with dressing and left. Tossed Tara under the bus with all his friends, coworkers, family…everybody. I felt so bad and we lost touch with each other. Tara said that some pictures I sent her were actually introduced into the divorce proceedings (yes, a bit naughty but she asked). Kind of freaked me out. To this day, I feel bad an wonder about her. She was sweet but had to clip her wings a couple of times when she got to politcal and anti govt. That was weird.
I’m in a small town an have not met a CD. But recently I was shopping at a place an a very pretty young gentleman wearing makeup helpd me I couldn’t say a word.because I was looking at how she did her makeup. 🙂 I jus might ask for help with mine cause I am starting.. but I am so scared of asking.how to go about this.. or will she be creeped out by some older person asking them for advice.. jus so many questions id love to ask an share with another CD! Thanks for this🫶
I think I’m just going to let loose. Screw it. The only issue I have is with neighbors. This weekend I’m heading out dressed,shopping, lunch. To hell with being afraid. I will not be close to home and I just have to jump the shark on this. Anyone else wanna say screw it and go for it this weekend? Love to hear your stories. You all will hear mine!
Kind of like skinny dipping! All in?
Jen
Ok, I do remember the first time I met a lady. It was around 1987. I was a coffee delivery man and one of my customers was called the “Bunk House” in Syracuse, NY. Now closed. It was a gay bar and I got along great with the bartender. I forget his name, but he was such a nice guy. One day when I went in there, I was just having a chat with him at the bar and this amazingly beautiful brown skinned woman came in and hit on me. She asked me “How married are you?” I said married. I married my girlfriend that I got pregnant a year earlier out of what was right. She left me a year later and left me a single dad,…but I digress.
Anyways…back to the bar story. When this beatiful woman walked away, I said to the bartender that she was absolutely gorgeous and if I wasn’t married, I’d love to get to know her. He laughed and said “her”? That’s a he. I was so dumbfounded that a man could look so pretty. I said I could be with a man that pretty and he laughed. Last time I saw her.
My stories. At this point in my life, I would only be with someone like me. I’m not hung up on the biological stuff. Just wishing to make a life with someone like me.
All your thoughts?
When I went for my first makeover at a transformation place (Sept 2009) near my home, the woman mentioned that she has parties at her home, and that she has a meetup group to announce them. In December, she had a Christmas party. Although I couldn’t attend (everyone was home from college and I wasn’t out to anyone), she also had a “pre-Christmas party” running early. I was able to leave work a bit early (I was able to do a bit of transformation in my office with the door locked, and finished in my car). I went there and met my first few CD/TG folks. I had to leave before the full party started because I had to get home, but I was hooked. I couldn’t attend the Jan 2010 party as my (now) ex had surgery, but by February I was attending parties regularly. I did tell her by then and would change at the place, but I came home dressed (I was told it would be OK). I have met most of my friends through these parties, and even joined another group in the last few years.
As far as asking at the salon, I was repeatedly and fairly frequently told something. Last month while in the hospital, they had these sayings on the wall and one was an expanded version.
- If you don’t ask, the answer is always no.
- If you don’t go after what you want, you’ll never have it.
- If you don’t step forward, you’re always in the same spot.
If the salon doesn’t do CD makeovers, you can often find someone who does at places like Ulta, Sephora, or Mac. If you’re still afraid to ask in person, call them on the phone which will keep you anonymous.
You are actually on your way just by being here and posting to try meeting another CD in person. When I first joined, I was scared to death to even get a private message from someone. But as you become more comfortable here, you will meet more and more people like yourself. You should read people’s profiles And find out things that you may have in common with them. Then be free to send them a message to discuss your common interests, outside of crossdressing. I know that those encounters will lead to meeting another CD in person. You’ll get comfortable with them as you get to know them better. And it doesn’t matter if you meet in drab, it is so refreshing to actually meet someone like us in person, and know that you can discuss, finally, everything in your life. I know that this exact scenario has happened to me, and it is most enjoyable. Just be careful, trust your instincts and relax and let it happen.
My first day on site I had so many massages, they scared me off. When I took time to see they were all welcoming and supportive, I joined in. Any hope, fear, or feeling you have had, we have all had. Take your time to read replies and pick ones you think sound most like you. I am many years your senior, but have friends of all ages. Chat anytime, any subject. Jen and I welcome you. Regards, Lorraine
Hi Neya,
Well, I’m still a way off finding a CD friend in real life. It would be nice.
I don’t intend to go against all the positive advice you’re getting, but I’d just like to add the ‘patience is a virtue’ aspect.
Sometimes what you want and what you get doesn’t quite match up and that can be really frustrating. Not your fault, just a case of accepting things can sometimes take time.
I second the idea of going for a private makeover service. IMO it’s probably the gentlest way to stretch yourself. You’re on very safe ground. You are the paying client, they’re there to provide a service and grow their business – they’re not going to be anything but nice to you – as if they wouldn’t be anyway.
eM x
It was over 20 years ago and I just turned 39. I was online a lot chatting with others but wanted a more personal connection. I also wanted to go out. So I found a support group in Indianapolis. The group was called IXE.
IXE was a support group, not a dating site or activist organization. It was supposed to be a safe place. The website said there were rooms where I could dress at the meeting place. So I took my “gear” one Saturday night and made the short road trip.
I got there and changed into my clothes and put on my makeup. I know I took time cause I wanted to look good. Anyway I was in the bathroom and I finally came oUt. The leader of the group met me at the door and shouted “OMG a man in a dress!”.
I was so embarrassed. She said you look nice but other people have to use the bathroom. Her name was Emily. We became friends, I met others and my list of friends grew. I became comfortable in myself.
Emily was always there guiding and encouraging. We went to Southern Comfort in Atlanta. While there I was out by myself and I was still a shy person. I was hoping we would have lunch since she was the only person I knew. I caught up to her and she said “Oh it’s you. I see you all the time.” and went to look for someone she never met before.
We did meet later that night and had dinner. We went to the dance afterwards. It was a great experience.
I would say look for your Emily.
I met my first CD friend through CDH, right here! Shortly after I joined two girls here reached out to me to tell me about a local CD support group, a social group only. They soon invited me out to a meeting and though terrified I went and was able to change to and from on site which I did. When I made my appearance everyone was so wonderful to me! I soon overcame my nerves and was able to enjoy the company but too soon it was time to go home!
It didn’t take long for me to become a regular with the same group, then they gently introduced me to their more public dinners, where one arrives fully dressed and has dinner in an often busy restaurant. Now I have the confidence to go out just about anywhere, using caution as any woman would of course.
To anyone else I’d suggest trying to find a similar group in your area as these ladies have all been through this and can help you.
Amy
I met my first crossdressing friend here, at CDH. I joined about a year ago, found the site by accident. I am a straight, happily married, guy (gal?) who has a fem side and enjoys looking “pretty” from time to time.
I saw there was another CD gal in my area and messaged her. She responded back and we set up a time and date for coffee. I had never met another CD in person before, and I was very nervous and apprehensive. I was not, am not, looking for anything “weird, sexual or otherwise” (you know what I mean), I just want to meet another guy who enjoys wearing gals clothes. I told the lady this before we met.
We met at a McDonalds (classy – ha ha), and she actually bought the coffee. We were both looking like “soccer moms,” gals pants, top and heels – cute. I was nervous as was she, but we finally relaxed and began to share our experiences. She had only met one other CD, it did not go well – got “weird” – and no more.
The two of us had a wonderful conversions, trading our life experiences and talking about our wives and why we enjoy crossdressing. Overall it was a wonderful time and we both hope to meet again soon.
So, that is how I met my first CD fiend. My suggestion, if you are so inclined to meet another CD, give it a try, you might enjoy the experience!! Have fun.. Staci…
Good luck to you, Neha, I wish you well with your effort. My “meet and greet” days are long gone. I wish there was a site like Crossdresser Heaven available years ago for me…I cannot imagine the possibilities of “what might have been”. I think you’re in the right place to get advice and answers to your quest…I’ll be curious to know where this goes, please share, if/when you can…!!!
I met my first CD friend thru another CD forum. She lives about 60 – 70 miles from me but is in a town I go to regularly. Somehow on the forum, I was made aware of where she lived. I sent her a message asking if she would like to meet for lunch when I go to that area. The answer was “yes” if she’s in town and has no conflicts. We’ve met for lunch 3 times over the past 10 months or so. Because she is in her own town and her agreement with her wife is she will not dress in town, I’ve only met her in drab mode. I go the VA there and am always underdressed with thigh highs, panties, and a bralette. Once I changed to full femme mode in the VA parking lot. The other times I was just underdressed. I’ve yet to meet someone when we’re both in our lady mode. I’d like to meet someone local that I can shop with. It will happen with enough patience. I hope!!!
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