- September 16, 2020 at 1:12 pm #384335Stevie SteinerParticipantRegistered On: June 11, 2020Topics: 22Replies: 461Has thanked: 1890 timesBeen thanked: 2156 times
Okay, so this might be for those girls who have already gone through the process, but … jeez, I thought the hard part would be coming out. ” Yes, I am a crossdresser “, just isn’t enough. As I explain to my friend why I dress and behave the way I do, she brings up an old boyfriend who was a crossdresser. How he enjoyed wearing lingerie and dresses, she would say it made it “sexy”. The sensual feel of the material. Of course, I told her I understand that and feel that, but it’s more than that with me. It’s not just the feel of the panties, dresses, etc. Or the just the look of the lipstick… it’s more than that. A lot more actually.
Trying to explain that it’s not just a clothes thing, wanting to look like a girl. It’s NOT a sexual thing, it’s a gender thing ….. it’s still hard for many to look inside the shell, wanting to understand, but confused by our diversity. So, I say it is not a clothes thing, it’s a woman thing. And these are the clothes I should wear, and would wear, in a perfect world. In a perfect t world I wouldn’t have this body, of course. It’s not a fetish, or a style thing. It’s me – it’s you. ( so I tell her ).
There are many here not yet even telling someone e, and there are many ladies here for which this is old history. But, how hard was it?? Not just coming out about it, but more so Explaining exactly what ” kind ” of crossdresser you are? Is it always this confusing?
I didn’t really think this was going to be the hard part. Lol.
Total of 44 users thanked author for this post. Here are last 20 listed.
- September 22, 2020 at 1:16 pm #386434Caroline OBrienParticipantRegistered On: April 18, 2020Topics: 2Replies: 33Has thanked: 48 timesBeen thanked: 105 times
I know that I’m a crossdresser. I can’t explain it, more than half the time I don’t really understand it myself.
I spend quite a bit of time thinking about why and I’m not really much farther ahead.
So I’m trying to think less about why and more about how amazing crossdressing makes me feel.
- September 22, 2020 at 8:31 am #386387Grace ScarlettParticipantRegistered On: July 26, 2020Topics: 3Replies: 125Has thanked: 720 timesBeen thanked: 568 times
Hi Stevie…. golly gosh you have opened up a can of worms here girl…I am speaking for me and nobody else….crossdressing is my way of life now, I fully accept it’s the way I want to live, and I will never/ have no intention/ absolutely refuse to change. It’s not done as a ” turn on” for me, it’s done because grace is happiest looking and feeling pretty, and it damn well feels right. Maybe deeper down it’s more complex but it sure don’t feel like it to me. If that’s a crime,I plead guilty as charged. I am not qualified to give myself any kind of “label”, basically I am just living the dream…..sorry my lovelies, rant over…just one more thing Stevie…I adore Stevie Nick’s as you do, there must be some sanity in me somewhere…..haha…love you all, Grace xx
- September 22, 2020 at 8:01 am #386378Bobbi SueParticipantRegistered On: September 15, 2020Topics: 6Replies: 27Has thanked: 62 timesBeen thanked: 187 times
It’s not the only reason I dress, but I think one of the more pertinent reason is, it’s a chance to be nice to me. Like everyone else, most of my adult life involved putting others, like my kids and wives, first. After all, that’s what we’re supposed to do. But now they’re gone and I have time to focus on me. And apparently my feminine side has an easier time accepting and enjoying the attention. I like my feminine side.
Kisses, Bobbi 💋
- September 20, 2020 at 4:27 am #385483Paula FParticipantRegistered On: August 7, 2019Topics: 9Replies: 518Has thanked: 882 timesBeen thanked: 1756 times
All the way back in 1965 when my sister Nancy first had me get dressed in our room in one of her sundresses and panties, I never had to explain why I was so comfortable being seen by her friends as a girl. Back then, everyone knew for a definite fact, that if a boy got caught playing with dolls, he would end up in reform school, or worse. So Nancy and one of her friends dressed me that day and did a little hair work and I joined the legions of young girls in the apartment complex, and amazingly, no one that knew said a word. I can’t explain the feeling back then either. I only knew that the girl in the mirror looking back at me, was me. This part of my life lasted about 2 years before all the girls broke up the Barbie group and went on with their lives. On the other hand, I never wanted to stop seeing ‘me’ when I looked in a mirror, so I kept dressing whenever I could as Paula.
The dressing had absolutely nothing to do with sex as I was only 5 when I was first dressed, but that changed abruptly as I became embroiled in puberty years later. Other than the obvious solution available to boys my age, that was the extent of any sexual involvement with me dressing and being Paula. To say the least, that was probably the most confusing point in my life. I still did not have to explain anything to anyone, yet.
I met my first crush at 15, and he was male. Knocked me for a loop for sure. Life pointed me in the direction of girls, but only their clothing and makeup attempts interested me, and they did make good friends to be around, but the instant I met Vincent face to face, I knew why I was that way with the girls. He had moved into the neighborhood when his company transferred him to where we lived and planted him about 3 blocks from our house, on one of my regular travel routes in the ‘hood.
We became friends very quickly, and he NEVER asked me about being dressed in girls shorts and tops, just accepted how I was. He finally told me he was gay, and that he had known a couple of gurls like me out in California and that he liked them a lot. We became very close over the next 3 years and taught me soooo much about life being a CD and not being ashamed of how I was. He even took me on my first major shopping trip for girls clothing that actually fit correctly and was color coordinated, not the mish mash of clothing I had hoarded and managed to liberate to my stash from various sources. If I was at his house, I was Paula. Dressed and acting like a girl, being taught a great many things by him. I was heart broken when he was again transferred and I could not go with him as I was still in school and he was sent over seas.
In my 20’s, the 1980’s, I really didn’t care who knew I was a boy presenting as a girl, I just didn’t do it in my hometown, and the people who knew, met me as Paula, and that’s who I was to them. Not long after my mom passed and I moved back to live in her house, the ’90’s, I and my sister ended up face to face one day and spent the rest of that day explaining to her about her unknown sister, how I wanted to live, and how I had lived before moving back. Of course she knew I was gay, but we had never really spoken about that either, but seeing me that day dressed as Paula really threw her.
That was a very difficult day for us both, but at the same time, a very, very important day for us both also. Nancy was the FIRST member of my family to meet me, and more importantly, the first to accept me as Paula. I was 31 when that happened and had kept it all more or less secret from most people until that day. After we crossed that point, I began to really accept myself, as well as the people around me. Both of her daughter’s were raised around me from babies, and I guess Aunt Paula imprinted on them as toddlers, and that is how they address me and consider me. People I have met since that day, I let them make up their own minds. I don’t volunteer any form of explanation to them unless they have a question and have the honesty to ask ME, not anyone else. I am me, I will not be anyone else for any other person. I won’t hide me from anyone and those that I feel should know, will know. I won’t march down main street with a big sign naming me as a CD, or a Transgender not in Transition, or any other label. I won’t offer any form of explanation to others unless we are having an intelligent conversation and not a debate of who is the bigger sinner or denier. I am who I am, like me or not. It is my life after all, and I will meet any obstacles on my own and conquer them through understanding and not conflict.
PS. I do enjoy and value meeting and helping other girls like me that need the help and will just ask me for that help.
PPS. My boss and all of my coworkers now know the truth as of this past week now, the last hurdle for me, I think.
- September 20, 2020 at 2:07 am #385440Mandy WifeParticipantRegistered On: September 12, 2019Topics: 4Replies: 81Has thanked: 40 timesBeen thanked: 271 times
I explained their Dad’s / PennyJ’s crossdressing to our 2 grown up kids this week (we agreed it would be better coming from me as the kids could ask any questions they wanted without the worry of being inappropriate, causing offence or upset and they could also see that I’m 100% ok with it all and that was important, then hubby came into the conversation once the “details” had been gotten out the way).
I started the conversation off with a “I need to talk to you about something but everything is absolutely ok, no-one is hurt, nothing has happened to anyone and Dad and I are absolutely fine and that’s not going to change” then just said “so your Dad is what’s known as a crossrdresser” and gave them a few seconds to process that and then asked if they knew what that meant and went from there.
They know Penny and dressing is just part of who Dad is and that it’s not something that can be explained really, it’s just how he feels and that we have both read books, found support on here and we’ve come to realise that Penny has always been around, we just weren’t in the right place and it wasn’t the right time to fully welcome her and everything she brings to our relationship fully.
I can honestly say I’m so proud of how the kids have been – yes there have been inappropriate funny comments but nothing negative or derogatory – just our typical kids reactions – although what is it with the obsession of “does he tuck?” !!
- September 20, 2020 at 2:33 am #385448Amanda BurtonParticipantRegistered On: January 15, 2020Topics: 2Replies: 91Has thanked: 1006 timesBeen thanked: 330 times
I think you handled the whole issue with your children beautifully.
It so important that they are able to understand and ask questions, and to know both parents are totally OK with the situation and accept it.
Honesty and openness and the importance that the family unit is not being compromised, and the fact mum and dad or parents are still exactly the same regardless of dressing is extremely important to them.
Beautifully written and excellently explained.
Wish you both well.
- September 20, 2020 at 3:44 am #385475Mandy WifeParticipantRegistered On: September 12, 2019Topics: 4Replies: 81Has thanked: 40 timesBeen thanked: 271 times
Thanks Amanda. Yiu are right, honesty and openness is the best way to go in my book and in the case of our son, he actually feels closer to us both and able to open up more and talk about personal things more (and he has done this week).
We’ve had some laughs as well – our son loves ladies Jean’s as they are a nicer fit and he doesn’t mind his girlfriend pai minting his toes when she’s doing hers -so I told him now he knows where he gets it from!!
It’s all a balance I think and I knew the kids would be accepting and supportive of we were both fine and they are but they were also upset that their Dad had not been able to be himself before now but they know that was timing and to do with our level of understanding more than anything and it’s not something they need to feel bad about.
- September 18, 2020 at 9:57 am #384884Heather JamesonParticipantRegistered On: April 1, 2019Topics: 5Replies: 318Has thanked: 483 timesBeen thanked: 1019 times
Hey Hun, I think you explained it very well, it’s not about the clothes or the lipstick or the sexual aspects, this is me, that’s all you have to say. I read a few of the comments, Bobbi as usual straight to the point, love it or shove it or Sam-an-tha, in her more diplomatic tone, I’ m transgendered, that’s all you need to say. You don’t have to explain yourself to anyone, you are you and if they don’t like it, too bad. I gave up trying to please people years ago, you’ll drive yourself crazy in the process. We’ve talked a few times and I find you funny, authentic and a person I like to call my friend. It doesn’t matter if the world loves you as long as you do.
Love your potty mouthed friend Heather. XOXO
- September 18, 2020 at 8:27 am #384847Laura Jane MooreParticipantRegistered On: July 10, 2020Topics: 3Replies: 45Has thanked: 279 timesBeen thanked: 188 times
I would like to understand why I crossdress and consider myself transgender.. since I think I have been born into the wrong body…
My earliest memories go back to pre-school… probably 4 or 5…. so it was with me early. I know that my mom wanted a girl…. but I have no memories of being treated like one by her. Would have been lovely though.
- September 18, 2020 at 8:01 am #384834Jin CrockerParticipantRegistered On: November 15, 2019Topics: 4Replies: 253Has thanked: 26 timesBeen thanked: 557 times
- September 17, 2020 at 7:04 pm #384726BobbiParticipantRegistered On: September 13, 2018Topics: 26Replies: 1424Has thanked: 1533 timesBeen thanked: 3225 times
- September 17, 2020 at 1:23 pm #384634Jennifer McCrennaughParticipantRegistered On: July 18, 2019Topics: 7Replies: 127Has thanked: 2222 timesBeen thanked: 319 times
I’ve tried to stop asking “why.” Tried to. The simple answer is IT MAKES ME HAPPY. Full stop. And who doesn’t want to be happy? Why does it make me happy? I dunno. It just does. But then do we ask baseball players why baseball makes them happy? Do we insist on knowing why making music makes musicians happy before we let them do it? Do we stop a poet from his poetry until we satisfy ourselves of his intentions? There are certain things in life that just make certain people happy, 99% of which are totally harmless. Properly handled, crossdressing is one of them. Why do people need to know why? Why do we?
- September 17, 2020 at 9:28 am #384589Riley McCortParticipantRegistered On: September 10, 2020Topics: 4Replies: 11Has thanked: 27 timesBeen thanked: 70 times
Yes its difficult to explain. When I explained it to my loving understanding wife years ago that way she understood. Its not all sexual. Its a need. Yes at “play time” I/we dress in sexy lingerie and things its a very powerful feeling. Being dominated is fun too 😘
- September 17, 2020 at 8:51 am #384576Brianna SParticipantRegistered On: June 17, 2019Topics: 0Replies: 3Has thanked: 2 timesBeen thanked: 12 times
I’ve been thinking about this question quite a bit over the past few months.
I started wearing panties when I was a teen. They were found and I stopped it all for more than 20 years. 2 years ago the wife asked me to wear panties as a dom thing. And it all spiraled from there. We both quickly found that the femme touch calmed me and my temper.
I started needing to feel more and more femme but keep it closeted best we could. No one other than my wife knows and this need. When I have to go several weeks with out dressing or anything I start being the a$& that I hated. So I put on a pair of legging or something soft and feel it melt away. There are times I wish I can be full time Brianna but working in a man’s world won’t allow it along with kids at home.
- September 17, 2020 at 6:30 am #384543Cherry BerryParticipantRegistered On: June 30, 2020Topics: 1Replies: 14Has thanked: 23 timesBeen thanked: 55 times
Well for me, I’m still living with my family (parents, brother, etc.). I tried to explain to them that this is just my preference of looks and style, I don’t think of it as being right or wrong. I’m a really sensitive person and this is one thing about me that really defines me, which they do not understand and never will. So I told my brother first and he doesn’t like it, but he also said that he doesn’t want to tell me how to live my life either. My parents do not like it at all, but I think over time they will get used to it.
The main thing is that you should always speak from the heart and explain your feelings as clearly as possible. I actually wrote down everything I wanted to say on a notepad, before I said anything! After that, you just have to wait and see what the other person thinks. In my opinion, you have to give them time, because most people just aren’t used to hearing this sort of stuff.
- September 17, 2020 at 6:13 am #384535Lake JohnsonParticipantRegistered On: July 24, 2020Topics: 1Replies: 13Has thanked: 134 timesBeen thanked: 78 times
This maybe the best thread that I’ve Ever read on here. Yup, I’m that girl who sits in the corner and listens and observes during a conversation, but doesn’t usually get involved (another one of the many things I need to work on)… but here goes..
There are only two people that have seen me “dressed” and know me, my cis female cousin and the owner/tech of the salon where I get a pedicure. And fortunately (or perhaps unfortunately) the specific question “why” has never really come up. I’ve answered lots of questions they’ve asked, and some of course I didn’t answer.
For me, it seems the underlying point in most of these wonderful replies I’m reading (and myself too) is since we have a problem explaining it to ourselves, how could we possibly explain it to others.
I’ve dressed for a while now with so many buy-dress-“Why am I doing this, I have to stop”-purge cycles I cringe at thinking I should count. For me it hasn’t necessarily the look or the feel of the clothes I wear (that is wonderful of course) but the feeling of correctness or alignment I have when I have those on. As examples, the Carhart jacket I wear for work (In my male role) is a women’s but if you laid it next to the mans equivalent I don’t think you could tell the difference.. add my snowmobile gear, and some of my tennis shoes as well. (Of course I have women’s coats, shoes, etc that leave no doubt). My glasses I wear daily are women’s glasses, but don’t stand out that way. In all those examples I shudder to think if I had to wear those same items if the tag read “Men’s size…” I define CD as “Correct
And it’s not only the clothes. I was thinking about this when I got out of the shower and doing my daily lotion routine. I don’t do it with the thought that this will make my legs softer, it just feels right that I’m doing it. So many other things from daily vitamins to unscented deodorant to… I could go on and on. It all is just correct.
As many you noted we have made our decisions (or trying to make them) on
What is right for each of us, I think it’s the uncertainty of what our heart or soul or inner self or whatever the term you want to use, is telling us. For myself, once I’ve realized who I really am my past, present, and future makes so much sense and so much brighter. For me it’s to continue on my journey as I have my first appointment for GAHT on the 12th of October. And I’m so at peace and excited with that decision I could just scream.
Wow..so much for being the quiet girl! Love you all and thanks for making this such a
Wonderful home away from home.
- September 17, 2020 at 4:45 am #384513Stephanie KennedyParticipantRegistered On: March 15, 2019Topics: 9Replies: 599Has thanked: 3598 timesBeen thanked: 2155 times
Hi Stevie I only had to try to explain it twice in my life to others, First, was when my wife found my clothes luckily she only asked she easy questions. Are you gay?Am I still attracted to her? Where did i get the clothes? When did you buy them? The questions kept coming weeks after she found out. Thank goodness she took the time to go to the library and learn. I think she brought home ten books and still she had questions. I remember her showing me something that some one wrote about a cross dresser who enjoyed little wearing little girls dresses and i did not know what to say she quickly said I think it is cute. I was in shock so i said nothing. To her credit she truly wanted to understand WHY? It almost became her obsession for a while. Eventually She went with me to the club i was member at the time the club was hosting a significant others night where she met other CDs and their wives. She had so much fun talking with other CDs. She was amazed how stunning some of the members looked. The second time was when the club hosted a group of college students that were studying psychology. One young woman asked the question WHY do i like it so much. I simply replied i enjoy the choice of colors and styles. She just said i understand men’s clothes can be boring with a smile . They wanted to understand also. As many have said its more than the clothes. Its trying to express our internal sense of who we are and who we most identify with. That can be very frustrating when it does not match our external body that we were given. So the question WHY always comes up. It up to all of us to which one we believe. Luv Stephanie
- September 17, 2020 at 4:23 am #384498Patty PhoseParticipantRegistered On: May 7, 2016Topics: 0Replies: 1276Has thanked: 870 timesBeen thanked: 2860 times
I began wearing stockings, pantyhose and bra when I was 4. I loved the clothes and wanted my own dresses to, but they were out of my reach. I wanted to wear all the wonderful clothes and look like a pretty girl. I would look in magazines and department store catalogues at all the pretty and wonderful clothes and dreamed and wished I had them and was wearing them.
At 13 I began buying my own pantyhose. Then at 17 I saw Daisy Duke and was just blown away. I wanted to be like her. I wanted to look like her. I wanted to be her. I bought some short girl shorts and some platform wedges and began wearing them out. I grew my hair longer and often wore a long shirt that looked like a short dress. I was sometimes mistaken for a girl. I would get compliments on my shoes, legs and get asked of the pantyhose I was wearing was what I was buying.
At first I was very nervous. Someone noticed I was wearing pantyhose. Then it got me excited and I was hoping it would happen more often. It also enhanced my desire to become even more femme.
At 18 I got my own place and began buying and wearing all the wonderful and pretty clothes I had wanted so much for so long. I bought a few Daisy like wigs. When I wore them with my silky pantyhose, sexy stilettos and super short dresses, I felt so wonderful.
Then I got the idea to go out. The thought excited me but the fear I felt held me back. I took teeny steps standing outside on my stoop in the dark for a couple of weeks. Each evening I stood outside a little longer. Then I made my walk from the stoop to the car. In my bliss and euphoria, I nearly bumped into a guy walking his dog. I was petrified. I walked quick to the car and opened the door. The interior lights came on spotlighting my legs in my shiny pantyhose, sexy stilettos and super short dress. I got in quick and shut the door. My heart was pounding. I was shaking and sweating. I needed several minutes just to calm down enough to do anything. When I finally did, I decided to continue my outing. I drove around a couple of hours and got out and walked around a bit in several places I felt were safe where I could be seen but not touched.I guess I was practicing social distancing back then.
When I got home and over the next few days, I thought about what had happened and the range of emotions I felt. The fear was overwhelming, but the excitement, thrill and rush was nothing like I ever experienced before. I wanted more of that. I began going out more. I felt the fear every time, but the desire pushed me through it.
The I went to a college Halloween party dressed fully femme. I got a lot of attention, compliments and got hit on by both guys and girls. WOW! I had girl power. What an unexpected and wonderful surprise that was. I also met other dressers who invited me to party with them, which I did often.
The experiences were wonderful. I loved dressing up and looking like a girl. I loved the adoration it brought. I loved to just wear my wonderful silky pantyhose and show off my legs in my sexy shoes and short dresses. I was living dreams and fantasies.
But through all that and in spite of how much I loved, craved and desired it, I never wanted to be a girl. I liked being a guy. Just a guy who loved wearing femme clothes, looking femme and sexy and enjoying having girl power.
- September 17, 2020 at 3:55 am #384489Samantha JoanParticipantRegistered On: November 17, 2019Topics: 12Replies: 66Has thanked: 317 timesBeen thanked: 220 times
This is a great question. It is one I have only really started asking myself, in the last four years.
The reason for this is because of the environment where I was working. In an office and industry that is predominately female, I knew that the time was right to come out properly. It turned out that they had a feeling that I crossdressed anyway, which made things easier but nevertheless, actually talking and speaking those words was difficult at first. Still, walking into the office as Samantha for the first time, was absolutely nerve racking.
As I said to someone who asked the question, Batman cannot exist without Bruce Wayne and vice versa, which I apply to Samantha also.
On reflection, it was like turning a valve to release the pressure that built up over 30 years previous.
I find letting others know about Samantha and their acceptance surprising, as reactions can be so different, yet I have found nothing but support and encouragement. It is hard sometimes to open up as I need to retain her inside for me.
In the last couple of years, I have pondered the ultimate question of explaining why? Is it genetic makeup, nature v nurture etc, and came to the conclusion that if those have brought me to where I am right now, then I celebrate that and accept that she will always be a part of me.
Samantha x x
- September 17, 2020 at 3:26 am #384487Kay AndersonParticipantRegistered On: June 1, 2020Topics: 14Replies: 420Has thanked: 3191 timesBeen thanked: 2084 times
I also wanted to add something. In describing myself to another, I am not sure how to completely convey that shedding my male persona was like a spiritual awakening to me.
P.S. Great post Stevie!
- September 17, 2020 at 1:54 am #384476Kay AndersonParticipantRegistered On: June 1, 2020Topics: 14Replies: 420Has thanked: 3191 timesBeen thanked: 2084 times
I think that many people start out with concepts & judgments in their mind about crossdressers and transgenders. Then you try to explain to them your reasons and you may be up against their bias. I have only come out to my wife and the gals here. I have mentioned my feminine feelings to a therapist long ago, not mentioning any dressing. She was very receptive although the conversation did not go that far as I was working on other issues at the time. I am currently seeing a a different therapist and I have had thoughts about coming out to her. Just not sure yet. We have an excellent relationship and talk about many deep things and I may be ok with keeping it that way.
So explaining it to others… I would explain that going back to when my mother was pregnant with me and she wanted me to be a girl. I was bathed in her thoughts and whatever hormones and chemicals come from the biology of those thoughts. I was surrounded by a pink fog for 9 months. Somehow that pesky Y chromosome was there in me. The rest is history. The fake male persona I was supposed to be on the outside. The kinder, gentler, nurturing, sensitive me on the inside. This isn’t about the clothes or having sex in lingerie. This is about interacting with the world as the true me, my self acceptance and healing shame / guilt from the past.
I am not sure if I sat down with any of my friends, family or co-workers that they would understand this, so I will not even try at this time.
- September 17, 2020 at 12:03 am #384464Laura LovettParticipantRegistered On: March 26, 2020Topics: 6Replies: 311Has thanked: 851 timesBeen thanked: 1286 times
It really depends if I feel like explaining it or not, and who to.
I don’t think there’s a need to explain, any more than anyone should explain why they like to dress a particular way.
In fact, it’s a perfectly legitimate point of view to say that we’re not cross dressers, just people who enjoy clothing – and maybe makeup too, and all the other accoutrements associated with presenting a female image.
At which point, it becomes Drag, pure and simple, except that Drag is more commonly associated with Drag Queens, who create an exaggerated form of presentation for the entertainment of others.
It’s just dressing up – but, then again, it’s more than that. It’s an incredibly beautiful and powerful form of self expression.
Powerful, because it unlocks suppressed feelings and allows you to be your authentic self.
Powerful, because of the effect it has on others – people can feel a range of emotions from being very threatened by things they don’t understand, or unaccountably attracted, maybe to the presented image (Which is designed to be attractive), or to the novelty, possibly.
I would much rather discuss the phenomena than try to explain it – I rather enjoy conversations with people who justify it for you, and come up with all kinds of reasons that I hadn’t even considered.
Some men I’ve met have insisted that I dress like this because I am actually a woman.
It’s a really lovely thought, but obviously not true – I am just presenting as a woman.
To explain why I am presenting as a woman is quite easy – I don’t really like presenting as a man, or enjoy what men look like.
But ultimately, I just wear what I like to wear, and that is why I “cross dress”.
- September 16, 2020 at 8:59 pm #384453Camryn OccasionnelParticipantRegistered On: December 10, 2018Topics: 0Replies: 388Has thanked: 657 timesBeen thanked: 930 times
How do I explain my crossdressing??? For me, it’s simple: I don’t.
No one, and I mean NO one, knows that I’m a CD — except for my CDH sisters, and I’m pretty sure I don’t need to explain it to them. The very few at CDH who know me, know that I’m ultra-closeted, SO-less, and live in abject fear of being discovered.
So, I hope never to be in a situation where I’ll have to “explain” it, for I certainly couldn’t. I don’t know “why” I do this, and I may never know. What I can say, is that I love it, and that without it, I would live, but live with a profound sense of loss.
- September 16, 2020 at 8:43 pm #384451Amy MyersParticipantRegistered On: February 11, 2019Topics: 11Replies: 998Has thanked: 2465 timesBeen thanked: 2243 times
The explanation about the “why” of this really is the toughest part. I simply cannot explain this even to myself, so how on Earth can I explain it to others?
I have played several musical instruments over the years, and have been drawn to making music for longer than I have been dressing up, and that’s saying something. So I have started using that analogy to help explain the unexplainable. No one questions my artistic leanings, it is just the way my brain is wired, and I compare that to my need for dressing. I do not know what drives me to play, and practice and practice to get something right, but I do.
I believe that this is a real need, and it causes great distress to those who cannot express their feminine feelings, and this too is very individual. Some folks simply cannot live very happily without being feminine, and need to fully transition, or live full time as female, others seem to be able fill their need by dressing from time to time.
- September 16, 2020 at 8:29 pm #384449Bettylou CoxParticipantRegistered On: May 26, 2019Topics: 14Replies: 1342Has thanked: 2070 timesBeen thanked: 3841 times
Two or three years ago, my answer to the question was simple: “Because I have to”. It was a compulsion which I didn’t really want to resist. But today, I think I stumbled upon a much better answer. I did my wife’s nails a few days ago, and today, both the PT therapist and the dental tech she saw complimented her on them, and asked where she had them done; she told them. Later this evening she mentioned this to me and asked me how I was able to do them; without thinking, I replied that I was really a girl, I just couldn’t pass the physical. She wasn’t sure whether or not I was joking. Neither am I.
- September 16, 2020 at 8:29 pm #384448Stephanie GreenParticipantRegistered On: September 12, 2020Topics: 2Replies: 55Has thanked: 51 timesBeen thanked: 244 times
I have tried to explain my cross-dressing to a non-CD only once and was not successful in doing it. I believe it is one of those things people can’t understand unless they experience it themselves. I don’t know exactly why I do it. I have a theory, but haven’t been able to confirm whether or not it is correct. Explaining why I cross-dress is like trying to explain why I eat when I’m hungry or drink when I’m thirsty. It is something that I need to do to satisfy myself.
- September 16, 2020 at 7:36 pm #384433Natalie MooreParticipantRegistered On: June 3, 2020Topics: 9Replies: 26Has thanked: 120 timesBeen thanked: 217 times
If I had explain my crossdressing to someone, its a part of me just as my smile or sense of humor is a part of me. I’ll definitely agree the clothes are a part of it but when some people think crossdressing is merely a fetish there is A lot more layers to it then that. that’s why cding is so interesting because it means so many things to do many different people, I’m sure we all can agree on a few things but we all do it for different reasons. Your born with it even if you started later in life, it’s still part of you and As I’ve learned you can only put in the back seat for so long until “she” comes out to drive.
- September 16, 2020 at 5:34 pm #384413Maya SolParticipantRegistered On: July 19, 2020Topics: 6Replies: 14Has thanked: 20 timesBeen thanked: 99 times
It depend on you. Because each of us is different and it’s a complicated topic.
In my case, 11 years ago, I cover my wife’s eyes and I promised something special. Then I went to my hidden shelf (at that time it was hidden) I took out my high heels long sexy boots (I still have them) and few other clothes and tights, etc. Then I started to walk in the room through her so she can hear the sound of the heels. At this stage she learned what’s going on. I could see that in her face. We both were in the mod for sex, I guess it helped 🙂 Anyway she was OK with that and I explained that I love to wear women clothes and so and she accepted it and Maya. At that time my other me wasn’t called “Maya” and I decided on this name later. Well I wasn’t telling you the true story for only one thing: the real story is that the name “Maya” decided to choose me 🙂 We are not choosing a name – the name choosing us! Before that I didn’t have a name for my other me. Anyway, I explained to her the first thing that came to my mind trying to describe for myself what it is: “It’s a kind of fetish and another way for advanced sex”. At last 3 years after I could dress freely and run with high heels in our place 🙂 She even bought me some items. Then we moved to live in a different country and had to start our live from noting and I didn’t have Maya’s stuff for a long time. Then finally when we moved our stuff into the new place, Maya was able to dress again 🙂 But after some time our relationship started to break and I was less wanted to dress in front of her. Today things are little bit better but I still not want to dress in front of her, even when she know that I’m doing it when she’s not around.
But my case is not the same as your case because each of us feel different about it. The only thing that common to all of us is that we are wearing women clothes and love it. Except for that all the rest is different. Try to explain your partner exactly what you think about it and what it is to you. And the best advice is: question yourself first if you really love your partner and that she’s part of your life to share this with her? I’m not recommending to hide this kind of thing if you have a great relationship.
- September 16, 2020 at 5:24 pm #384405Heather HarrisonParticipantRegistered On: August 3, 2020Topics: 6Replies: 74Has thanked: 442 timesBeen thanked: 306 times
As far as my experience, it started off in a different place than where it’s heading now. I think there are stages in this journey. For me, it started on Halloween, and I LIKED it. Maybe I fetishized it at first, but came to realize that Heather was the empathic, sensuous part of me. Once I realized that, it changed over time. I now know that it is an integral part of my being. I’m still trying to sort this out, but I recognize that part of me needs to come out and play more.
I realize that there are so many labels to what we do, which I find a bit confusing, but the bottom line, for me, is if I don’t understand my motivations, how can someone else.
- September 16, 2020 at 4:11 pm #384398Olivia LivinParticipantRegistered On: October 22, 2018Topics: 34Replies: 1421Has thanked: 5887 timesBeen thanked: 3167 times
I just try to explain how it honestly makes me feel as a whole person.
I seem to get through to most using the gender spectrum theory, with Arnold Schwarnager at one end and Jenn Anniston at the other, bad spelling?, sue me lol. You can insert anybody you like….Barbie and GI Joe etc.. Then I explain that our physical body may be at a certain point along that line while our mental/emotional being may fall at a different point.
- September 16, 2020 at 2:49 pm #384376StephanieParticipantRegistered On: September 14, 2020Topics: 1Replies: 9Has thanked: 42 timesBeen thanked: 43 times
some of us really wish it was this simple an answer for us Peggy Sue
We all have a lot in common but it can be so different for all of us too that it can be confusing to explain to others but even to really understand ourselves
I have come a long way and really feel like I know myself better than ever but it is still difficult to explain to people what I am
I still enjoy being a man most of the time but I am not a heterosexual man and my dressing is more than just a way to express myself
Sorry I don’t have a good answer for Stevie’s question, I struggle with it sometimes
- September 16, 2020 at 2:46 pm #384375Sa•man•thaAmbassadorRegistered On: January 21, 2018Topics: 202Replies: 1333Has thanked: 5608 timesBeen thanked: 4456 times
Hi Stevie, this goes far deeper for me also than the clothes, look, portrayal or whatever…for me it’s a gender thing so I tell people I’m transgender & I’ve never really had to explain that to anyone. Not sure if that really answers your question tho lol
- September 16, 2020 at 2:40 pm #384372Stevie SteinerParticipantRegistered On: June 11, 2020Topics: 22Replies: 461Has thanked: 1890 timesBeen thanked: 2156 times
The hard part is, I guess, explaining a ‘ non transitioned trans crossdresser ‘? How to explain the transgender part when you haven’t transitioned, I guess is the point with many. ( hey, things were tougher in the 80s and 90s ).
- September 16, 2020 at 3:14 pm #384381Sa•man•thaAmbassadorRegistered On: January 21, 2018Topics: 202Replies: 1333Has thanked: 5608 timesBeen thanked: 4456 times
Dang, is it that hard for people to get their mind around, or am I just that far insulated right now?? Maybe i need to get out more??Lol…
“Pre-op” “Non-op” “woman in a man’s body”. Crossdressing and transgender are different things really…at least in my mind… you dont have to have medical procedures to be trans
- September 16, 2020 at 2:28 pm #384365Peggy Sue WilliamsParticipantRegistered On: June 26, 2019Topics: 10Replies: 191Has thanked: 744 timesBeen thanked: 714 times
I interface often with the public, when I am out cross dressed. I have a brief condensed explanation I give to members of the public who show interest in girls like us. (Not to include admirers, whom I rarely encounter.)
Here it is: “I occasionally wear clothing associated with the female gender in order to express the female parts of my personality. I am not transgendered and do not want to be a woman. I am a man and enjoy being a man. I am a married heterosexual man with a wife who fully supports my need to occasionally express my female self. I greatly admire women and their clothing and enjoy wearing female clothing . Some men play golf, I play girl.”
For those I encounter who want more information, I offer them my business card and encourage them to contact me.
- September 16, 2020 at 1:40 pm #384346ParticipantRegistered On: January 15, 2020Topics: 2Replies: 91Has thanked: 1006 timesBeen thanked: 330 times
Steve it’s always hard to explain to someone the reason why, first you have to clear all the negative ideas they have towards it.
To explain, is to be totally honest from the start, many, many hours of soul searching have been spent pondering why, and there is different answers to many areas of crossdressing.
Genetic make up in our genes perhaps from birth, hormones, who really knows. The thing is we enjoy this activity, is it really any different to dressing as cowboys or Romans at weekends.
The important point is we don’t dress because there something wrong with us, or it’s our partners faulty or indeed some kind of kinky sex games, we dress because we enjoy feminine things and the pleasure it brings us. It certainly does not mean we have fallen out of love with our partner.
Each coming out will have its own set of problems, it’s own unique ending. All we can do is tell it from our hearts.
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