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Hello All,
I’ve been a crossdresser and closeted mermaid since early puberty. I’d get an old pair of pants with one leg torn and get into them mermaid style, practicing my swimming technique.
Girls fascinated me by how different they were from boys. They were so lucky, for example, to be able to dress up for Halloween as various fantasy creatures. Again, I’m attracted to mermaids. There’s a community who have tails custom made. I, myself, have a $2,500 anatomically accurate dolphin tail. Haven’t had an opportunity to swim in it yet 😢
I was also attracted to women with supernatural abilities on television. There’s something so beautiful about them.
Nearly all my crossdressing had been imaginary until my mom’s death in 2018. I did sew a female Starfleet uniform and kept it in my closet. In the final years of her life, I had a bodysuit and some small items tucked away.
Now that I live alone, I saw an opportunity to really see how close I can be to passing as a real woman. I don’t want to be a drag queen; I want those creative juices to let me see how close I can get. I feel an urge to become a woman, but I don’t want the surgery.
So, it came time to choose a name. The top candidates were Lisa, Kathy (because of the association with sexy cats), but I chose to name myself after the supernatural wife on Bewitched. She dressed pretty fashionably. She seemed quite feminine. Plus, there’s the supernatural aspect.
As I’ve been practicing crossdressing, improving bit by bit, I’ve felt an urge to get into a yoga routine. Another one of my fascinations is with contortion. There’s the benefit of healthy fitness.
The bravest thing I’ve done so far was in the past year when I drove to the mall. I had an appointment for a Sephora makeup session. Walking back down those hallways afterwards took guts.
Conversation doesn’t just mean physical body and dress. I’ve studied some differences in speech and the way women perceive the world or approach dilemmas. I want someday to be able to switch mentally into womanhood as I dress up.
As I became more comfortable talking with my therapist, it seemed that finally here was someone with whom I could share this. In a video session, I appeared dressed up. She remarked how broad my smile had been. Partly, I was smiling just because women tend to smile more often. She said that, beyond crossdressing, I seemed to actually be smiling more genuinely. Well, this was an excuse… an endorsement. She wanted me to write about how it feels to be Samantha. I already had a pink pen that came with my diary. I wrote a few entries in my notebook about it. Might as well utilize the therapeutic nature of crossdressing.
Now, one of my long term goals is speaking in a woman’s voice. Halloween is some months away. Maybe I can become so close in “passing” that nobody will know. Until then, I’m improving bit by bit.
xoxo, Samantha
Hi Samantha, expressing yourself now as a crossdresser is a major reason for your smiles,
. At last you are realizing your dreams and inner emotions. Passing is difficult and even absolutely knock out girls may be picked.
For me it is better to be kind, sharing, and helpful. You will get sustained feelings of happiness. So just live your life, enjoy. You are doing it alone. Great to have your input
Best Wishes
JaneHi Samantha,
Welcome to CDH. It’s nice to meet you. Good that you are stepping out on your journey. You’re right that it takes guts to walk the aisle in a mall. Hope your appointment at Sephora went very well.
And good luck with your Halloween outfit selection. You have many options you might consider.
Alice
Quest to know the female experience
About the title not so much the intro itself
I grew up with sisters and always wondered how it would feel to be one.
In early years, it was about the clothes.I still totally like the clothes, but over recent years I’ve enjoyed thinking like a woman, or at least how I think women think.
My friends including those that don’t know are almost entirely GGs.
Twenty-five or so know directly and there are a lot of women who have seen my pedicures, manicures and brow waxes and surely inferred what’s going on.
After the story is shared, we have lots of talks about how they do things, leg shaving, fixing hair, nails, even what kind of panties work for my shape. I suppose it is like becoming a sister.One is a serious feminist,others are old enough, 50s and up, to be “tired of all this crap” especially from stereotypical men.
I’m realizing how the established gender roles are an obstacle for everyone, and how that has held me back from almost anything that might even suggest I dress.
I see the treatment from men that attacks their worth and intelligence. I have had experiences with male managers and coworkers that make me miserable. I don’t hate men, except the arrogant blustering ones.
And being a crossdresser makes me even more threatened.
I’ve been made even more aware of male privelege by them. The “advantage” I have and the continual fear of what all these conventions could do to me.Pockets? Why don’t women get pockets?
So one day I go out on the yard wearing leggings and a long sleeve t-shirt.
No pockets, fairly new manicure. Nowhere to put my phone, chapstick, pocket knife.
So I put on gloves and get one of those little gift bags for a purse.
I sure get the pocket thing now. I used to think women were silly when they said, It’s hot. “I need to put my hair up off my neck. Or I can’t do that, I’ll break a nail”
And I see how even just putting on mascara and lipstick makes it longer to get ready. Especially mascara. I’ve just started wearing that to town.
Our lunch get togethers are with 2 of our closest friends. I’m the only guy there, and especially if I have on panties, I absorb the ladies’ lunch vibe.
All that’s a thrill, but more importantly a validation that I’m accepted.
As my friend said, “You’re lucky. You know both sides of gender, and can understand women better than other men can.”
Conversations about femme things, including what I wear and what I’d like to wear.
And acceptance of all of me.
What liberation from all those years in hiding!Hi Samantha, there are more than a few members here that share your goal of getting as close to “full womanhood” as possible with or without surgery. I am in that group, for sure, although I am actively transitioning with HRT and paln to socially transition by the end of the year.
I can’t say I share your interest in fantasy dressing, although I always wished I could dress in an authentic Playboy bunny outfit – but only if I had the real boobs to fill it out! I had an almost identical experience with my therapists (that’s right – two!). I’d been seeing an individual therapist that was also counseling my wife and I. After I came oiut about a year ago, I began seeing a gender therapist.
I’d been working remote for a year and a half, and my wife knew about my crossdressing, but we had yet to discover that I need to transition. I had separate appointments online on Monday and Friday. Both therapists saw the same thing in me and were genuinely tickled and honored that I felt comfortable enough to dress for them. They shortly confirmed (again separately) that I would not get past my gender dysphoria, and I needed to start HRT, even if the marriage couldn’t be saved.
My wife and I are moving into separate apartments right now, but we are still supporting each other and don’t plan to divorce. She just needs space alone to figure out what she needs and if we can work things out down the road. The separation has a lot more to it than my being trans, but it is a factor.
It is wonderful seeing a therapist en femme. My gender therapist a;ways giggles when our video connects and I’m dressed. I’ve worn a different outfit almost every session, and I fully dress (wig, makeup, false eyelashes, dress or top and skirt or jeans, shoes, jewelry. I also have a pysch nurse practicioner that I’ve gone for in-person visits dressed and it is fine – I don’t have a femme voice but no one has even noticed or even looked hard at me, so don’t wait for Halloween. Get out there and enjoy being a girl!!
Hugs,
Brie
Welcome Samantha,
I always loved Samantha on Bewitched and the mermaid tail sounds like an absolute blast! I admire your courage with the mall makeover and reaching out to therapists, well done. This place and the people here have been wonderful to me and the support is amazing.
You have great goals and a heck of a spirit!
Jenny
Hello Samantha,
Welcome to our amazing CrossDresserHeaven (CDH) site. So glad you have joined us here. Feel free to explore all that our site has to offer.
The Warmth, Compaasion and Hospitality of our community members can be found throughout the site.
Please do make use of the forums and articles or public chat room and friendships offered here on CrosDresser Heaven.
At any Membership level, You can contact any of us via [ PM ] Private Messages. You can find that link on each member’s Wall under their Profile picture.
Also, you may find what you need such as Help Center or Ambassadors by using the links in the top R/H drop down 3 bar [ hamburger ] menu.
Here is a good link to review the membership levels and the privledges for each. Such as Private Chat, Groups, etc.
Regards,
Terri Anne, Ambassador
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