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So, dressed up in what might be my new favorite outfit, smelling lovely, came into the office, and it looks like I’m the only one here. Oh well.
My thought, though, for this forum is how important is “being seen” to the cross dressing experience? We spend a lot of time talking about or wishing we could go out en femme, some of us are able to and some not. How important is going out? I’m curious about everyone’s thoughts and wondering what (and why) going out adds to the experience. For me, dressing up at home is very different from venturing out. Venturing out when no one sees is different than interacting with others. Why is this?
One thing I do want to be clear about, you don’t HAVE to go out. I know there are some ladies here who like to dress up, but don’t feel the need to venture out. That’s ok and I don’t want to ever convey the impression that not going out lessens you in anyway.
Thoughts?
Personally, I love going out. Shopping or just out for a walk. It took years to build my confidence. It is exhilarating, especially when I can interact with other people like the cashier at our local grocery store. I feel complete. Just my thoughts.
Lanna
Lanna,
Darling, if we all looked as gorgeous as you, we’d be strutting our stuff, too. 😊
I personally agree.
I’ve always wondered why CDing had to include the “going out” component. Is going out necessary ? I’d be a hypocrite if I said I never did. I do admit going out has a thrill rush that I do enjoy, as if you’re doing something socially taboo.
More often than not, I don’t go out most times. When I introduced Wendy to my wife, she stipulated that going out dressed was not an option. Most times I follow that stipulation, as I don’t want to push my wife and this dressing boundary any further.
Currently I’m happier than a pig in mud being able to dress openly in the house, and I really can’t ask for anything more.
Besides, I don’t really pass that well as my drab features are too prominent, even with makeup so it would be better to not chance being made in public.
The going out part is something I take in small bites. Small, easy to conceal, bites….Not so much for the thrill, but just to let this part of me be less concerning…I’ve only been here a few days, but have tried to look for a Massachusetts group, but haven’t found one. I’ve found a New England group, but haven’t chatted with anyone as of yet. Haven’t seen anyone in it when I am, come to think of it….I’ll keep looking….Oh, so the point was to maybe be out and about a bit more dressed. I do wear Women’s Lee Rider jeans when I go out. I haven’t seen any adverse reaction from anyone when I do…And of course the bra and panties under…sometimes a bit of mascara, rouge, and a pale pink lipstick…..Nothing too extraordinary…
Hi Sarah
As someone who has recently been out (twice in 2 days!) after a lifetime of dressing alone indoors I have to say I found it pretty exhilarating! Or at least at first I did. After a while, and when I realised no-one would throw rocks at me, I just settled down and was me. I almost forgot I was dressed.
At one point on the Saturday night I had to walk back to my car, fully dressed and made up, to get something. The sound of my heels clicking on the pavement as I walked (yes I could walk in them by then!) was just amazing.
I can’t wait to do it again, but as I am in the closet to my wife and friends can really only do it when she goes away.
But – let joy be unconfined – I found out today she is going down to our daughters for a week in June! Huzzah! A whole week….
Much love
Helen xx
I too,love going out fully dressed,whether its casual,jeans and a top or dressy,in a dress or skirt and blouse and heels.Most people are too busy with their own lives to notice me as Michelle.If they do notice me and something is said,it has led to a few interesting,friendly and informative conversations.
Naturally there are those who are really happy to dress at home and have no inclination to go out as being happy is the main thing.
As for those of us that want to go out as a matter of progression, the going out and being seen are two components. I found that I had to go out which in itself was not a big deal having the confidence to do it then the second component kicks in, being seen. That is by someone who knows and reactions from anyone I passed. I knew I was acceptable but the fear was being outed dented the confidence. In the event it never happened and leaving the house and going out became a regular thing and I am always seen.
Because of my height and broad shoulders I have not a hope of passing out doors in public. So I have settled for outdoor wear clothes from the ladies side of the store. Jeans, coat if needed, shorts, shirt, sneakers, socks (alliteration there!) and underwear of panties, cami, and bra with no forms, and no wig or makeup. I’m happy with that, and my very supportive wife. Occasionally Marlene will visit the house and sit and have a cocoa or refreshing drink and Marlene and wife chat away. Wife says she so enjoys Marlene’s visits and wishes she would come more often. Best, Marlene.
Sarah,
The first 7 or 8 times I when out in public dressed, I didn’t want anyone looking at me. Soon afterwards, it stopped bothering me and I actually enjoyed the attention. I felt it was validation that what I was doing with my clothes, makeup, mannerisms …etc was working. It gave me a confidence boost which made me more comfortable when out which increased my confidence and on and on. I so enjoyed being out & about that it led to the point today where I live virtually all of my life in public dressed en femme.
Fiona
My closet was a lonely, dark, crazy place. Gender dysphoria drove me out. Out of the closet and out of the house. The first few times felt so empty. Not a soul anywhere. I needed face time with people. I joined CDH and made some friends. We socialized a bunch. The dots started to connect. This is how I was meant to live my life.
Going out. Being seen. Interacting. That’s important to me….I have to live my life. There are no right or wrong answers. We each have to do what’s best for us. That said, those scary first steps will be some of the most rewarding you will take. I’ve never met a girl that regretted going out….and expect I never will.
Personally, I like to look at the bigger picture. I’m just another person out doing her business. Trying to keep all her spinning plates in the air. Just like anyone else. I do it for myself and I do it for the trans community. It makes a difference.
/EA
When I first began to crossdress actively, I thought that i would be satisfied with making it a personal experience – in the privacy of my home only. Nope. As time went on I became more driven to take my newfound persona into the community at large. My wife was against it at first, but she gradually warmed to the idea, and I did – with increased frequency. I had no negative reactions, in fact no reactions at all besides surprising a cashier by using my male voice, so my confidence was raised. I wore clothing that i felt would be “blending in – with style” and again, no negative reactions to date. At keystone I twice had the opportunity to go into the community wearing a skirt, and it was exhilarating. I was among friends of course in a controlled situation but it has whetted my appetite to do so now in my own area. I obviously want to be seen, but yet not seen as unusual in any way. The bar keeps raising, but I find the experience so exhilarating. We’ll see what happens next!
Kris
Funny, I was at coffee today and there was a sister fully dressed in a Capri outfit, wig, and makeup. She definitely wanted to be noticed and made a point of attracting attention by moving to the music coming over the coffee shop’s sound system.
My only item of visible clothing that wasn’t “male adjacent” enough to pass was my anklet set. So that’s me. If they figure it out, fine.
When I first began going out dressed, I was very nervous about being around people and being seen. But on of my lifelong fantasies and dreams was to be fully femme, looking very pretty and sexy, turning heads and getting admiring looks.
So, basically what I did was little by little, pushing through the fear, getting closer to people, then walking among them, going into stores and shopping and turning heads and getting admiring looks and compliments.
It’s scary to be seen and noticed but it’s also an incredible thrill and feeling.
“How important is going out?”
To me, going out relates to being accepted by others. Because I am still experimenting with how much I dare to wear, I find myself watching other people to see if they noticed me or not. I don’t think that is just for my ego, but I am probably saying, “look at me” too. It’s more did I pull it off right when looking at their reactions.
I have only been out twice and while it was a bit scary, I loved it. I hope to do it again soon. I went into a mall and walked around, while I didn’t talk with any one (still working on my female voice) I did get a few smiles from some of the people.
To me being seen as female is a validation and is part of the reason I submit photos on CDH. While I would love to try out the sexy look in public I am satisfied with just being a regular girl when I go out.
Hugs, Liara
I have been out dressed a few times where I interact with others while traveling, very exciting.Have been camping alot hanging out at the camp in obvious lady wear and have been seen a few times from a distance (usually working on my tan lines). Dress alot at home and underdress often in public. The times out have been so exhilarating its hard to explain. But the dream is to be able to just go out about and be me
I love this topic Sarah!!! Reviewing this last month of activity as just a sample, in 30 days:
- Dress up session at home: 20 days (15-20 min each time, 1-2 times a day)
- Dressed up and went out: 1 day (2 hours)
- Dressed up and stood in backyard: 1 day (10 min)
- Wore flats while shopping in male mode: 1 day (1 hour)
- Didn’t dress up at all: 7 days
- Crossdresser thoughts: EVERYDAY
Most of the time, my desire to dress is to just look in the mirror, pose, see the beautiful hidden side of me, and to think, what if. I don’t need to be seen those times.
I do leave some of my things out so my wife sees them. Sadly, I don’t know why I need or want to remind her of this part of me she married unknowingly. One lame reason is our constant housekeeping war – she’s messy, I’m not, and since I have to deal with her clothes thrown everywhere, she can deal with my feminine clothes and shoes visible and organized.
Every so often, I do feel a need to express and validate that I’m a real crossdresser by being seen by real people, interacting with them, and mostly confirming that people (strangers) are cordial and couldn’t be bothered about my lifestyle. Its risky, I feel that, but I’m getting more confident each time I go out. This part is the evidence of the struggle to just be me all the time, whatever I feel, whenever.
I love (need) to be validated and acknowledged. And yet, I dress in my girl things for my own personal satisfaction. I go into the office several times a week in girl clothes (haven’t been passable since my 30s), so everyone know about my fashion choices. We got a new boss and I was worried how she would react, if the situation would change at all. I planned to be in traditional male clothes only she showed up a day early! During staff introductions she looked me over and said: “Happy to meet you, that is a cute skirt for you.” Aren’t life’s little surprises wonderful?
Hi girls,
I am like Emily, I was driven out of the closet and the home. I am seen 24/7 every day and have been for over a year now. Even now that it seems like a daily routine that’s part of my life as a legal female, there is still the thrill of being seen. I work at the main reception desk of a government building. I am seen and interact with everyone who comes in the door. I also take the bus to and from work, and to get around the city where I live.
Do you want to be seen? Can’t wait for the next thrill? Ride the bus! You are closely scrutinized by every other rider as soon as you step onto the bus and look for a seat. All eyes are on you girls, so you want to make sure they appreciate what they’re viewing! 🙂
Big hugs,
Ms. Lauren M
I’ve only been out a few times in the public and I feel torn about my need to do it moving forward. First off it’s exhilarating, no doubt and I did feel proud off myself for having the guts to do it but I can’t say I loved it. I felt immediately emotionally vulnerable, every time I heard someone laugh I assumed I was the reason. I know most of this is in my own insecure head and I’m hoping it subsides the more I do it. Being out among other dressers in safe locales is something I love to do, but getting dressed to go shopping by myself isn’t something I have enjoyed so far and I don’t know that I’ll ever have the nerve to walk around the mall like many others do. Thanks Sarah, this is a great topic.
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