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Hi again all my beautiful friends, I know it’s been a while.
As you know, for the last 3 years I was lost, in various directions with life in general. I tried to find focus and peace with crossdressing/feminizing (which was totally amazing for my mental health at first), and then started thinking more in depth that potentially I, like many, was feeling gender dysphoria… and then I started feeling even more lost.
However, exploring Carmen to the n’th degree, in the end, was exactly the roadmap I needed to be able to sort it all out in my head. To experience the absolute amazingness (and wild ride) of femininity and feeling like a hot sexy woman. But that’s what it was… a wild ride to experience, and when the wild ride started coming to an end, I was left with something spectacular… I was left with direction, confidence in myself again, confidence in my mental state of mind, comfortable with my physical self… and freedom… a real feeling of freedom that being anything I wanted to be brought about.
What I was seeking all along wasn’t about gender… it was about freedom. To feel free with no expectation, with no judgement, with no burden… to feel free to just be me.
I go out now with my long hair, thin brows, lipgloss and more feminine versions of the clothing styles I’ve always worn, not acting in either gender… just being… me. Naturally, me. And it’s been reassuring. Inspiring. FREEING. I feel nothing else other than just freedom to enjoy this life and everyone around me. I’m free to be the real me. Not an expectation of a “gender”… just an expectation to be a good person. A happy person. A confident person. A strong person. An accepted person. A… me. The real me.
Dear Carmen: thank you so much for sharing your amazing story! As someone at as very early stage: but recognising many if the points you make: it is so inspiring and hope-giving, just at a time when I couldn’t see any hope at all!
Freedom to be the people we really are: is it so much to ask?
Thanks again, Hugs Gabby
Welcome back Carmen, I have missed your deep musings on life, the Carmenverse and everything. You have such a deep and inquiring mind looking in depth at everything, it created more questions than answers and more confusion.
At last you have had your epiphany and after all the deep thought and angst the answer is quite simple, isn’t it, you are you! No label required.
I came to a similar conclusion as I am the same person I have always been but like to live as a woman. If anyone asks I will say I am Transgender, it’s a term they can relate to. To my old friends and family I just say that this is how I like to be and everyone is happy.
I am glad you have found your happiness now and be the gorgeous person you are. I hope you will still visit from time to time and update us with happy things.
As George Bernard Shaw said, ‘Life isn’t about finding yourself. It’s about creating yourself’.
Hugs.
Hi Angela! Thank you. And yes, I do overthink everything it seems… but it allows me to get through what I need to get through mentally relatively quickly. I think this exploration though… my curiosity of all of the Carmenverse almost killed this cat LOL (wait, cougar is probably more appropriate).
I was born this way (the endless thought and curiosity of literally EVERYTHING)… I can’t help it. Even at a young age, when my folks used to by me toys, I’d have the thing pulled apart within minutes to get to the more interesting bits LOL! I was the only one in the family it seems that would break a brand new toy just to get to the electronics to see how it worked. That was the fun exciting part of new toys. Folks didn’t even get angry about it after a while! Hahahaha.
A couple of weeks ago, I had a guy come out to the house to fix a couple of dings/dents on one of my cars using PDR (Paintless Dent Repair). I was instantly drawn to the tools and techniques he used while he worked, so much so that WHILE I watched him do his thing, I was on amazon buying every tool he was using. Interested me so much that I asked him to leave a few dings, as I knew I was about to tackle it myself when my Amazon orders came in. Hahahahahaha! I’m a total nut it seems.
The point is, I’ve applied every bit of that drive of just learning to this Carmen exploration. In this case, I had to break me, to get to the real me. Fortunately, it worked out 🙂
This is so awesome to hear Carmen. Finding the true you is one of the most important things we can do. I am so happy that you have found this freedom. This is so cool.
“What I was seeking all along wasn’t about gender… it was about freedom. To feel free with no expectation, with no judgement, with no burden… to feel free to just be me.”
Thank you so much Carmen, I have also been able to reach that point in my walk as a trans woman, and it is so amazing!!
Hugs,
Ms. Lauren M
Carmen
Enjoy your new found freedom. Accepting yourself is big important decision. Continue to be YOU, as you are. Stay confident, strong, comfortable and positive
Hugs Luvs ❤️ GingerHugs accepted Ginger, thank you! 🙂
We all need to stay confident, strong, comfortable and positive for sure! One huge takeaway from this experience is about “fitting in”. So much of our life is “feeling” like we fit in somewhere with society as a whole and in particular, fitting in to our perceived mental image of how we fit in to our group of friends and important people in our lives. Throw in images and expectations of social media, of news, of society, and it makes for a mish=mash of mental anguish. Do I fit in as I guy? Do I fit in as a girl? Do I fit in as trans? HOW do I fit in? The trouble with that thought, is it’s based on outside influences. The real question then, becomes… how do I fit in with myself? That’s the imbalance that creates who we are within society. Outside expectations of us as people… how can that ever be fulfilled? We can only fulfill ourselves.
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