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  • #574264
    Grace Scarlett
    Participant
    Registered On: February 16, 2021
    Topics: 163
    Replies: 3866
    Has thanked: 14518 times
    Been thanked: 23245 times

    Hi girls…

    These are just my thoughts…it’s not to stir, to agitate or to blame Anyone…but what’s going wrong here??

    Every so often something blows up…like face app or vegetarians…remember those topics???…very heated!!!!…and another disagreement has just settled down. These things are always going to happen in forums….but this seems so much more than just that…..

    Some of my best friends and wonderful contributors are either gone or are considering leaving.

    Lulu and Lisa have disappeared, Stephanie plumb and Amanda Burton are on the brink….all four of these girls are not girls who have just signed up…they are long term contributors. I might add that all four are/ were also in the top ten most thanked on the site….some of their posts are wonderful

    Football analogy time….No one player is bigger than the club…totally true. but get rid of your best players and relegation always follows….

    Ok…I am in no way blaming, condeming or pointing fingers at anybody….but can something be explained or sorted out here…something’s going wrong…

    please don’t turn this into a political or argumentative post ..just chuck in some thoughts and ideas……before it gets worse…

    Worried, Grace xxxx.

    ❤️❤️❤️EDIT……I am not responding to your replies here…….I feel this is not a discussion….i just wanted honest opinions, which is vital…❤️❤️❤️

     

Viewing 35 reply threads
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    • #576417
      Pumped Forheels
      Lady
      Registered On: November 22, 2020
      Topics: 2
      Replies: 101
      Has thanked: 3 times
      Been thanked: 366 times

      Count me in as clueless!

      I don’t know what happened, probably doesn’t matter. One thing I do do see on forums from time to time is people can get pissy if you don’t agree with them. We should be able to state our opinions without getting attacked, but also state them in a no confronting manor. I don’t rip into someone if they don’t agree with me, but I will stand my ground and put in my two cents.

      I try to lightly tip toe around some of the issues discussed here because I don’t agree. That doesn’t mean it isn’t correct for someone else. Just two differing opinions and/or situations.

      You need thick skin to be on most any group and I have had my fair share of confrontation over the years.

      On another group someone asked opinions about some clothing and many stated they didn’t care for the style. The person that asked the question got all worked up and took it as a personal attack! WTF! You ask people’s opinions, you get them and you can not deal with it?! Nobady attacked, nobody made any rude comments, just stuff like, “sorry, just not my style.”

      We all are here because we are just a it off the normal. Why can’t we accept that and be more courteous to others that might not fit our version or correctness? One would think we should be more accepting that athe average person.

      3 users thanked author for this post.
    • #575557
      Carole Corbett
      Hostess
      Registered On: September 5, 2016
      Topics: 1
      Replies: 44
      Has thanked: 37 times
      Been thanked: 153 times

      My wife mentioned to me about this issue and I had read about it.  I’m still not sure what it was so I was very interested to read these posts.  While sad that this has happened I am encouraged by the kindness and love that has been spoken so far here.

      I could craft my own response but I believe that it would be some combination of what Brielle and Marcellette said along with a dash of everyone else’s.

      This site and many many of you that have posted including Rach, Emily,Marcellette, Brielle and so many more have helped me through my journey and gave me the courage to tell my wife.  I’m very lucky as she has accepted me.  I though I was doomed and didn’t know what to do.  Had I not had all of these friends and many more from CDH I’m not sure where I would be.  Thank you!

      The darkest hour is before the Dawn. My hope is these challenging times help us grow.  It’s up to all of us to try and help make that happen.  I would bet that CDH has literally saved lives.  People like me and others and many of you that were lost and considered horrible things because they didn’t know what to do and who to turn to.  We need to grow from this…it will not be easy and we may fall down again but we have to get up.

      CDH and the folks on it saved me and there are a lot more like me and others that need us.  Let’s focus on the future and how we can make it better.  I love you all and support all of you!

      hugs

      Carole

    • #575552
      PrincessByDawn
      Duchess
      Registered On: April 4, 2021
      Topics: 2
      Replies: 79
      Has thanked: 244 times
      Been thanked: 276 times

      It’s a trend everywhere, outside of internet groups as well. People are just waiting to get offended at the stroke of a pen. Be it right-wing revival, or left-wing conservatism, people are growing more and more intolerant. It’s the state of the world now. Of course, social media allows you to be hateful by hiding behind a screen.

    • #575548
      Michelle Trott
      Duchess
      Registered On: April 7, 2021
      Topics: 1
      Replies: 370
      Has thanked: 770 times
      Been thanked: 1671 times

      I somehow missed the whole thing but we all have a common bond and should just agree to disagree. I have my beliefs and convictions but I can easily understand if yours differ from mine. Isn’t that what makes us all unique?

      4 users thanked author for this post.
    • #575161
      Stevie Steiner
      Managing Ambassador
      Registered On: June 11, 2020
      Topics: 66
      Replies: 1724
      Has thanked: 7259 times
      Been thanked: 8987 times

      Grace, I think what was happening was that things were being taken too far by some.  Things became personal and spiteful.  Frankly some ugly stuff had to be pulled from the forums.  Things get out of hand, but I want to think we are better than that.  Now, I believe  we have had someone leave for personal reasons – and I hope all the best there ❤, others may leave for disagreements they may have with site policy, and others may be suspended for blatantly challenging rules….  I am not privy to all that happened – or does happen – to he honest.

      I know I’d rather just watch Family Feud than have one here though, right? 😊

      Stevie

    • #575157
      Bianca Everdene
      Lady
      Registered On: April 11, 2017
      Topics: 29
      Replies: 928
      Has thanked: 3988 times
      Been thanked: 4094 times

      🤐

      5 users thanked author for this post.
    • #574702
      Emily Alt
      Duchess - Annual
      Registered On: August 24, 2019
      Topics: 12
      Replies: 641
      Has thanked: 500 times
      Been thanked: 3016 times

      This strikes close to home.

      I don’t know what the recent topics were that blew up and caused so much distress.  There does seem to be more angst and heated discussion in the forums I regularly visit.

      I was recently attacked on TGH when I asked for advice about transitioning at my conservative work place.  I did use some blunt language to describe the environment, but my intent was merely to convey how the political opinions of my coworkers threaten my ability to work without harassment.  A commenter took this as a personal attack on her values and responded in a very mean spirited way.  I responded back that I was only trying to describe what I perceive on a daily basis, and offering that we could agree to disagree.  Within minutes she responded with more vitriol and essentially said my type should be removed from her country.  Wow!  Didn’t see that coming.  That’s when the moderators stepped in and removed the entire sub-thread.  A moderator emailed later to say attacks and heated arguments are on the rise, and several members have been banned or sternly warned.

      I took a step back after that experience and one other on another support site.  I’m not giving up on any of them including CDH.  But I’m not commenting or posting as much either.

      So Grace I echo your concern.  Clearly we won’t always agree on things that are said in a forum.  I can live with that and move on.  Why is it that some people refuse to walk away from an impasse?

      Emily

      • #574704
        Grace Scarlett
        Baroness - Annual
        Registered On: February 16, 2021
        Topics: 163
        Replies: 3866
        Has thanked: 14518 times
        Been thanked: 23245 times

        Hi Emily.

        ” your type “!!!….oh gosh, that’s almost ” Call my lawyer ” time…

        I’m sorry you are holding back…your posts help keep us ticking….and thinking too!!

        Grace xx

    • #574688
      stephanie plumb
      Baroness - Annual
      Registered On: November 17, 2018
      Topics: 188
      Replies: 2484
      Has thanked: 4162 times
      Been thanked: 12435 times

      Hi Grace,

      Amigo – I am no longer on the brink.  You have inspired me to wipe my eyes, girl-up, and Carry On, with gritty resolve.   I will stay  and support you.    My  wish is that our other amigo, dear Amanda, also stays with us.  And that we do not lose any more dear friends.

      Hugs… or may I say bosies?  xx 💖💖💖

      • #574994
        Donna
        Lady
        Registered On: January 17, 2021
        Topics: 165
        Replies: 3962
        Has thanked: 22938 times
        Been thanked: 14793 times

        Sorry to say will lose me starting next week on Monday for awhile. Will come back as soon as can and able promise all that one.

        Hugs
        Donna

        • #575155
          stephanie plumb
          Baroness - Annual
          Registered On: November 17, 2018
          Topics: 188
          Replies: 2484
          Has thanked: 4162 times
          Been thanked: 12435 times

          I hope all goes well for you and you will return soon.

          But first you must concentrate on your recovery.  We don’t want you bursting any stitches because of our scintillating wit do we? Or raising your blood pressure with more squabbling about unimportant things.

          No, take time for yourself and you will be back the sooner. Its a wonderful new adventure you are on.

          Hugs Steph xx

          5 users thanked author for this post.
          • #575368
            Donna
            Lady
            Registered On: January 17, 2021
            Topics: 165
            Replies: 3962
            Has thanked: 22938 times
            Been thanked: 14793 times

            Thanks Steph understand that and promise will be back when able.  As for other things not important.  Last weekend though to have some fun. Oh will be a great new adventure for sure in my life as a woman Looking forward to it all.

            Hugs

            Donna

            • This reply was modified 3 weeks ago by Donna.
            2 users thanked author for this post.
      • #574700
        Grace Scarlett
        Baroness - Annual
        Registered On: February 16, 2021
        Topics: 163
        Replies: 3866
        Has thanked: 14518 times
        Been thanked: 23245 times

        🤗🤗🤗Massive Huggs🤗🤗🤗….

        Steph, that’s the best news!!!…

        thank you for…..just being here YAY!!!!!

        grace xxxx

    • #574647
      Stephanie Bass
      Princess - Annual
      Registered On: November 30, 2019
      Topics: 16
      Replies: 2580
      Has thanked: 34930 times
      Been thanked: 8906 times

      Hi Miss wonderful Grace im not 100% sure of the situation but Think i know what was going on but as we all here have opinions to each post or forum this makes the world go around .. Just be respectfull to each and everyone as when i came here i was afraid and alone as for friends but so much has changed over the last couple of years here i really dont like loosing girlfriends .. Im a much happier girl and dont see leaving but maybe stepping back a ways till things calm down hugs to all i love you ..

      Stephanie Bass

    • #574630
      Eileen Bach
      Baroness
      Registered On: February 27, 2021
      Topics: 1
      Replies: 131
      Has thanked: 71 times
      Been thanked: 589 times

      My Terri is a Moderator on her much smaller and local forum. Not sure what has gone on here but Mods have a duty to step in and tone down rhetoric before feelings get hurt.

      All members should remember that all view points are valid, even wrong ones, to that person posting. Too often, those that proclaim tolerance are the least tolerant. Personal opinion from experience.

      Eileen

    • #574578
      Donna
      Lady
      Registered On: January 17, 2021
      Topics: 165
      Replies: 3962
      Has thanked: 22938 times
      Been thanked: 14793 times

      Grace everyone that commented so far feel same way.  Oh by the way what color of panties wearing today lol. and style. very important. Anyways feeling a tension somewhat IDK what happen and how it happen but if things don’t change. Feel pretty much same way that others feel.  Know many feel free speech and such is important but also going to play devil advocate here for sec. If screaming in a theater fire. Know many people will run.  Think anyone can post whatever they like. as long as it fit in the guidelines of CDH. Do love to be part of a good debate like some that came and gone. But just seems like never fails those get blown out really quick. with so many opinions going on. If only could hold back the fighting that starts in them. Anyways could go on and on in this subject.  But will be myself. No one can change who wanting to be. I am Donna and will be a woman come Monday afternoon for sure.

      Hugs All

      Donna

      • This reply was modified 3 weeks ago by Donna.
    • #574576
      Krista
      Duchess
      Registered On: January 24, 2017
      Topics: 9
      Replies: 773
      Has thanked: 3049 times
      Been thanked: 3808 times

      Dearest Grace, Like many others, I too am in the dark.  Mind you, this has been a terribly busy week.  A good friend of mine of over 25 years passed away a few days ago so I have missed what this is all about.  And I certainly hope it wasn’t one of my posts that stirred up controversy.  My wife will be the first to tell you that I’m kind of an oblivious “goofus” when it comes to interpersonal relationship sensitivities.  Every time we go visit one of our kids, she reminds me of the things I’m not supposed to mention or talk about. I don’t need any details of what happened but I do get concerned when I hear that good friends like Amanda and Stephanie have thoughts of leaving CDH.  Your question is valid not only about this site but for society overall. People are being judged for their level of “wokeness”; too woke, not enough.  Gaaad.  Maybe because I’m from northern Canada (where we have brain freeze more than 6 months of the year) I don’t see as much of this as exists in hotter parts of the world.  And that makes me thankful.  I’ve always thought that we, as a group of CDs, would have a better understanding of the importance of sound and respectful communication and I’ll keep on hanging my hat on that belief.  Thanks for sharing your awareness Grace.  Have a most lovely rest of the week.  Hugs, Krista.

      • #574582
        Grace Scarlett
        Baroness - Annual
        Registered On: February 16, 2021
        Topics: 163
        Replies: 3866
        Has thanked: 14518 times
        Been thanked: 23245 times

        First and foremost….my condolences honey…my heart is heavy for your loss…

        I have been here for well over a year now ( in two visits )…I can’t ever recall you posting anything but fun and love

        …………and where the hell can I buy ” brain freeze “….it would be lovely to have some sometimes….just for a while, haha.

        Huggs to you and Sandy,

        grace ….xx

         

    • #574520
      Dianne Lambert
      Lady
      Registered On: September 26, 2021
      Topics: 11
      Replies: 163
      Has thanked: 1288 times
      Been thanked: 872 times

      I read the post that started it all, frankly couldn’t make heads or tails of it, and moved on. I’ve been a bit taken aback, and confused about the controversy surrounding it.

      I have been posting less, and spending less time here lately due to the controversy, I admit. I’m not mad at anyone or anything like that, saddened, really, but this is the only place I felt safe to talk about these feelings, etc. and for now at least, I feel like I now have to guard what I say, so am less inclined to say anything.

      This coming on the heels of the earlier post complaining that just chatting about my day, my continuing adventures as I explore this side of myself, etc. is somehow suppressing those who need support, makes me even more hesitant.

      So I’m still here, and have no plans to leave, but it’s going to take me some time before I can relax and feel comfortable just chatting again.

      • #575387
        Laura Lovett
        Lady
        Registered On: March 26, 2020
        Topics: 37
        Replies: 1529
        Has thanked: 4724 times
        Been thanked: 7485 times

        Talking about your adventures, whether a new pair of shoes, a walk in the park or a trip to the shops is a big part of what this site is about – especially in “Life as it goes on”. What it says on the tin.

        By sharing your femme journey and space, you automatically provide support, comfort and maybe even laughter or food for thought for others.

        The feedback is the lovely part of it – reading what others see in the glimpses you share, and continuing the chat. It provides acceptance, validation and a warm hug just when it’s needed.

        And you never know when you need a hug until you get one!

        Love (and hugs) Laura.

      • #575143
        Beth Green
        Lady
        Registered On: February 24, 2021
        Topics: 30
        Replies: 579
        Has thanked: 5755 times
        Been thanked: 3184 times

        I too am holding back my involvement. I spent too many years dealing with military politics, work place politics, office politics, church politics (that one really burns my keester!) and political politics. I wish to avoid all this bru ha ha and live peacefully. The issues currently rileing people up give me pause. I won’t go anywhere but I won’t chime in for fear of blowing my blood pressure as just reading the vitriol upsets me.

        I truly hope this settles down and we can resume being supportive and loving girls.

        Beth

        4 users thanked author for this post.
      • #574567
        Grace Scarlett
        Baroness - Annual
        Registered On: February 16, 2021
        Topics: 163
        Replies: 3866
        Has thanked: 14518 times
        Been thanked: 23245 times

        Dianne…

        I know what you mean…somewhere,  the fun with the Marmite, peanut butter and pizza posts seems to be a borderline thing now….but the general forum was always about ” everyday life “….things that go on around us as we live our lives

        …there has to be more than just ” the subject”….or it will get boring …this site is built for support, of course it is!!!….but support can be given in a thousand different ways…..I would like to think we could chat without you feeling scared….or being here is a waste of time!!!!

        Huggs, grace xx

    • #574494
      Liara Wolfe
      Lady
      Registered On: August 14, 2021
      Topics: 3
      Replies: 779
      Has thanked: 1321 times
      Been thanked: 2891 times

      I’m really kind of in the dark here. I don’t know what started all of this. I do know that I think this is a wonderful site. So I hope whatever this is can get resolved and we get back to being the loving women we are.

      Hugs, Liara

    • #574491
      Angela Booth
      Lady
      Registered On: August 1, 2020
      Topics: 4
      Replies: 639
      Has thanked: 1801 times
      Been thanked: 3090 times

      This site is like your favorite magazine. There are topics that will crop up time and time again. It’s cyclic because the editors understand that they have new readers coming in all the time so have to keep the readership going. There will be new articles and something of interest to the long term reader.  There are a lot of new members that do not contribute but will read what is written. It is contact, you don’t have to participate to benefit. We cannot judge how the unheard benefit but it is a point of contact in their lives. Some will reach a point where it has no more use for their needs and move on and more move in. In any publication there are things that could offend and there are choices. If you can see it might offend you could stop reading that article. You could make your opinions known but in a forum it doesn’t finish at the end of the article. It continues in a debate and that’s where things can get heated. Where do the moderators step in? Where does free speech end? It is a minefield.

      I sat on the margins for a while after joining and then started to participate. If there was advice I could give based on my life experience then I would offer it. I have also learned a few things too. I enjoy the light hearted posts and the general feel of the site. This is the first C.D. site I have joined.

      As for what has happened recently, well I’m afraid this is something that can happen with any site. Such is the diversity of the subscribers it is, sadly, an inevitability due to human nature. Where does free speech start and stop, what is offensive to one is agreement to another. I made my opinion known and, I hope, in an inoffensive way and left the debate. I was aware that the post was pulled and the author has made an apology and gave her reasons. It was mentioned earlier here that we didn’t know what was behind it all and we now know. The resultant actions of people leaving the site is very sad. This was only one post among so many more positive posts. Just one among hundreds.

      Just think of what this site is about and what it does for our community. Has its purpose and integrity been compromised ? It may have been wounded a little but still has a purpose. These spats are part of life and if we learn from it we can move on and enjoy the benefits.

       

    • #574405
      Brielle Ross
      Duchess
      Registered On: August 14, 2021
      Topics: 2
      Replies: 197
      Has thanked: 847 times
      Been thanked: 842 times

      Just my two pence worth – we do need a safe space to chat, vent, and love on each other, but we also need a balance of that and not being afraid to speak our truth as well. I don’t know all the particulars, and anyone wanting to cut their ties to the group has every right to do so. But I hope we all can get along and not feel like we have to hide what we feel. Most of us have been hurting ourselves that way for our whole lives.

      Please everyone be kind to one another and extend Grace to each other. We need each other so much! 💔

      Hugs and kisses!

      Brielle

    • #574396
      Stephanie Kennedy
      Princess
      Registered On: March 15, 2019
      Topics: 20
      Replies: 1166
      Has thanked: 8838 times
      Been thanked: 5098 times

      Hi Grace I do not know what has happened to stir up all this controversy. One of the many things I have learned when things get a little confusing always go back to the basics. A few facts just to remember.  Cross dressers only make up about 1% of the general population. We come from all parts of the world no matter how we were raised or culture we were exposed to when growing up. Cross dressing is still very much misunderstood even by our most brilliant scholars. We have been around for thousands of years, it is not exactly a new activity. WHY? is the question most of have asked at any point on our lives. Most here can explain know how we feel and again for most its pretty much the same. We are here to connect with others who feel the same way and have found this is a safe place where we can share our secret.I try to keep my religion and politics out of general discussions There is so much passion when discussing about our core beliefs. We all have cover from the same umbrella when it comes to our cross dressing. There are those who enjoy it in private and alone and there are those who have said I have had enough of hiding . I am going to enjoy it full time all the time. There is nothing much more that that. I am grateful now I have a club back in my earlier years where there where those who identified them selves as transsexuals you were either pre-op or post op. The other members where simply cross dressers. I would say do not take any one person for granted. You never know when our time has come to be a part of history. I do understand that cross dressing can come and go in our lives depending on our individual situation. One of the many things we have learned here. It never just goes away. So I try never to say good bye Best to say “I will see you later”. Keep it simple ladies. Do not forget, we came together so we could share our secret in a SAFE environment without criticism or made to feel uncomfortable.

        Luv Stephanie

       

       

       

    • #574394
      Tina Q
      Lady
      Registered On: April 14, 2021
      Topics: 27
      Replies: 146
      Has thanked: 694 times
      Been thanked: 855 times

      I am a fairly new member to CDH only joining earlier this year. I am not in favour of anyone leaving because of posts that offend for a variety of reasons.
      This is the best CD site I have found.

      Some are new to crossdressing and some have been doing it for a lifetime. Some have been on the site for weeks or months and some for years. All need to feel welcomed and that what they say has merit because it matters to them. The new members and longtime members need to respect all that are on the site.

      We all have our own history and reasons for crossdressing and reasons for joining CDH. Starting with some context on your profile and posts can possibly alleviate misunderstanding.

    • #574362
      Celeste Starre
      Lady
      Registered On: June 26, 2018
      Topics: 43
      Replies: 1254
      Has thanked: 331 times
      Been thanked: 4578 times

      My take is “that’s life,things change”    I’ve been a member of forums like this for many years. People come and go for all sorts of reasons. Forums themselves come and go as well.  When this one goes another will take it’s place.

    • #574361
      Rachel Williams
      Lady
      Registered On: November 3, 2019
      Topics: 4
      Replies: 132
      Has thanked: 353 times
      Been thanked: 442 times

      Hi girls…

      These are just my thoughts…it’s not to stir, to agitate or to blame Anyone…but what’s going wrong here??

      Every so often something blows up…like face app or vegetarians…remember those topics???…very heated!!!!…and another disagreement has just settled down. These things are always going to happen in forums….but this seems so much more than just that…..

      Some of my best friends and wonderful contributors are either gone or are considering leaving.

      Lulu and Lisa have disappeared, Stephanie plumb and Amanda Burton are on the brink….all four of these girls are not girls who have just signed up…they are long term contributors. I might add that all four are/ were also in the top ten most thanked on the site….some of their posts are wonderful

      Football analogy time….No one player is bigger than the club…totally true. but get rid of your best players and relegation always follows….

      Ok…I am in no way blaming, condeming or pointing fingers at anybody….but can something be explained or sorted out here…something’s going wrong…

      please don’t turn this into a political or argumentative post ..just chuck in some thoughts and ideas……before it gets worse…

      Worried, Grace xxxx.

      ❤️❤️❤️EDIT……I am not responding to your replies here…….I feel this is not a discussion….i just wanted honest opinions, which is vital…❤️❤️❤️

       

      Hi Grace – Fully understand your concern and am supportive. At CD H it has always been my belief that we are spread amongst the spectrum from those who might be totally in the closet with just an occasional bit of underdressing to some that are commencing transition to some degree. Do not understand the need for any nastiness just because people are aiming for less or more than someone feels comfortable with.

      Rachel

       

       

       

       

       

    • #574358
      Wendy Swift
      Lady
      Registered On: May 11, 2020
      Topics: 10
      Replies: 717
      Has thanked: 699 times
      Been thanked: 3161 times

      I’ve been around forums (various themes) for as long as I can remember, and while the original theme of the forum maybe one thing, i think it is just human nature that we digress and discuss other topics.

      This is totally fine, as I find a variety of topics (other than the theme of the forum) is what makes it great.  Discussing just the theme of the forum can get quite boring quickly.  However, what I’ve found on forums is that if there is digression, one of 2 things happen : the mods clamp down heavily with an iron fist, what happens then is people leave because of a perceived “lack of freedom of discussion” (I left a forum because of mod’s heavy hand).  The other is the mods allow a certain degree of freedom, but then the participants start “regulating themselves” and then we wind up with walking on egg shells as you don’t know what topics will set people off.

      There is no right answer or solution.

      Worst part is, and I’ve seen this time and time again, because posts are made behind a computer screen, people become impulsive and will say almost whatever they feel without any thought of consequences (unfortunately this spills over into real life too).  This is a huge reason why I don’t do any social media.  People will say crap.  On top of all that, there are trolls that post things just to get people agitated.

      Feel free to disagree, but with any forum this is the nature of the beast.  Besides, I’m too old at this point in my life to get into any pissing contest with anyone over the internet.

      This is about as vocal as I’ve gotten on CDH     lol

    • #574356
      Misti
      Lady
      Registered On: February 26, 2016
      Topics: 0
      Replies: 30
      Has thanked: 1 time
      Been thanked: 73 times

      My CDing ebbs and flows. Just think i was never here before, before my CDing reemerged at a very high speed. As I got more into it i became more curious about the who, what where and why aspect of being this way. I found random information out there which was somewhat helpful but never enough to fully engage me further. This site regardless, and i told my SO yrs ago about it , has given me more clarification of ME. Whether i dissapear for some time, i always come back(due to time contraints, job, SO and everyone being around. I still make it back and learn from everyone thats a part of this. Ive gone farther than i imagined bc of this site.

    • #574355
      Michelle McQueen
      Lady
      Registered On: June 14, 2021
      Topics: 16
      Replies: 726
      Has thanked: 3485 times
      Been thanked: 3675 times

      I haven’t been a member here very long but have been on many forums over the years and it seems disagreements and ruffled feathers always happen. Its going to happen sooner or later. Those who are the most offended will take their ball and leave and the ones who let comments roll off their backs will remain. This isn’t saying one is right and the other wrong but I think its just a normal evolution of any group of humans. We are complex and this group may be even more prone to having feelings hurt real or not. Everything changes all the time.

      So untwist your panties girls and shrug it off. Enjoy what we have and don’t sweat the details. All of us make our own decisions. This is a free site for most of us and a great meeting place for discussion of our lifestyle. I don’t feel so alone when I come here. I’ve had posts deleted, disagree with some things, and have said some things I probably shouldn’t have, but I’m staying. I hope you do too.

    • #574347
      Marcellette Laval
      Baroness
      Registered On: February 1, 2021
      Topics: 7
      Replies: 221
      Has thanked: 614 times
      Been thanked: 1194 times

      Grace,

      I’ll offer a few thoughts….

      As individuals, we are all on a journey of some kind every single day of our lives, and what we are experiencing in our lives is largely unknown to many.

      I’m still pretty new here, 9 months or so since I joined CDH, but even in that short time I’ve had several friends disappear.  Some for totally unknown reasons that weren’t shared or even hinted at, they just vanished.  Others, who were struggling with ‘acceptance’ of their feminine side (whether ‘just’ crossdressing or actually considering transition) just reached a decision where they felt CDH was too much of a temptation for them as they were trying to squelch their feminine (an on-line purge if you will), or to reach some kind of acceptable balance with their SO who saw CDH as competition for their attentions.  Sometimes I think that people who are in such situations may be waiting for an opportunity to leave in a face saving way and an argumentative or contentious thread (regardless of the actual subject) provides a way out for them.

      Then there’s the diversity of where everyone is at on their particular CD journey and what their interests are at that stage.  Acknowledgement and tolerance of this is sometimes lacking.  One may be bored by yet another forum topic of panty choice because that was 30 years ago old news for them and they’re sick of it coming up again and again…but to the newbie, this is the first time they’ve ever been able to discuss such a thing with others of the same ilk.  And though trite to the old-timer, it is incredibly exciting, and meaningful, to the newbie.  These differences in perspectives are, I think, sometimes insufficiently self-recognized, which can lead to difficulties when the two interact – especially in a public forum exchange.

      I think of this often (in a broader sense) when I find myself getting angry at someone or judging them (hard as I may try not to, I confess that this happens on occasion).  We just don’t know what is going on in the lives of others and that emotional outburst or seemingly outrageous or uncaring comment or action that someone delivers ends up triggering an ‘in kind’ response in defense, and things escalate from there.

      For me, one particular event highlighted my failures in this regard, and it changed me.  A car passed me at high speed on the shoulder of the road narrowly missing me and throwing up all sorts of debris that hit my car as he flew past me.  I had every judgemental and unkind thought you can imagine, and verbalized the same.  I was able to follow this car as it was making the same turn ahead that I was when it jumped the curb and pulled into the parking lot and the driver bailed out of the car before it had even come to a stop and ran toward the building.  It was a hospital emergency room – clearly someone he loved was there and the situation was grave.  I felt particularly small and ashamed at that moment and realized just how much we don’t know about what is going on in the lives of those we interact with – especially their angst or suffering which rarely shows in any obvious way, or worse it shows up in a way we misunderstood (that reckless driver isn’t a jerk, he’s a husband or father desperately trying to get to his injured loved one).  So on this point, I think sometimes a forum post is made by someone who is suffering in some way, but the post itself isn’t explicitly revealing of that, and the dialogue that proceeds results in hurt feelings – I believe many times totally unintentionally (at least initially).

      It takes a great deal of discipline to try to communicate in a consistently kind and understanding way – especially when there is disagreement.  But I think we owe that to each other, in life yes, but especially so in here.

      Be willing, and open, to understanding the struggles of our ‘sisters’ in here – even though they may be very different from our own.  Acknowledge their journey and the path they choose to take – even though it may not be the path we choose.  And most importantly, love one another.  People will leave CDH for many reasons, but it is up to us to ensure that one of those reasons will never be that they weren’t loved in here.

      Be kind.

      Marcellette

    • #574323
      Laura Lovett
      Lady
      Registered On: March 26, 2020
      Topics: 37
      Replies: 1529
      Has thanked: 4724 times
      Been thanked: 7485 times

      I must admit to being too wrapped up in work and memories of a fantastic weekend to have properly noticed – although I have seen some rather snipy posts recently, but to all involved in the squabbling…

      Laura is very disappointed.

      Almost as disappointed as I am with myself when I get squabbly and objectionable. Which has happened – I am not perfect, what can I say?

      I don’t want anyone to leave – you are all my best sisters in the whole world, intelligent human beings, as individual as stars and fingerprints – and all equally valid and valuable, no matter what those differences are 🤗😚😍😍😍😍🤩😘😘🤗🤗

       

      Love Laura

       

    • #574316
      Stephanie Roberts
      Princess
      Registered On: May 20, 2020
      Topics: 20
      Replies: 1147
      Has thanked: 9678 times
      Been thanked: 4520 times

      Hi Grace,
      Polly and I are deeply concerned!
      What’s going on? I sincerely hope Stephanie or Amanda decide not to leave. CDH would be forever poorer if that happened!
      Love and hugs from Stephanie and Polly 💖

    • #574315
      Bobbisue Jones
      Lady
      Registered On: May 24, 2021
      Topics: 12
      Replies: 705
      Has thanked: 4951 times
      Been thanked: 2806 times

      Grace, I agree with you. We are a family of sisters, and like all families, squabbles are bound to happen but not to the point of sisters leaving the family.

      Everyone of us on this journey really don’t need tags or labels. We are on this journey for one thing, wether it’s just wearing feminine clothes or becoming a “ full “ woman. Your own personal happiness! We go as as we can or want for all different reasons, but in the end it’s all about being Happy. Love and hugs Bobbisue J

    • #574310
      Charlene Victoria
      Lady
      Registered On: November 29, 2016
      Topics: 26
      Replies: 236
      Has thanked: 1317 times
      Been thanked: 1385 times

      Grace, first – hugs, I am sensing a need there.

      In answer to your question it must be remembered that we girls don’t live in a vacuum. The culture around us (at least in the USA) is deteriorating. Part of that is the “cancel culture” that attacks the free expression of ideas, disagreement (without being obnoxious), opinion etc. “Out there” we live in that cesspool. As much as we might try, we do bring a certain amount of that spirit here.

      Proof?

      Do you grow pickles in your garden? No, you grow cucumbers. How do cucumbers then become pickles? They get pickled by being surrounded by brine. The same principle works here.

      As I understand it we have moderators that moderate activity here. But the best moderation is that of the self by ones self.

      I was taught when a child, “it’s not what you say, but how you say it,” that is important. As a person of deep Biblical faith (yes, and yet a member of CDH. God has a sense if humor does He not?) . . . back on point; I think of this bit of wisdom from the Scripture, ” let your speech be always with grace, seasoned with salt.” It seems often that truth is being lived so that speech is more and more salty and less and less gracious. Sadly, salt is good, but when one uses too much is spoils the food rather than enhances it.

      Question? Is too much salt here lately?

      Kindly,

      Charlene

    • #574301
      Regine Kelly
      Princess
      Registered On: October 9, 2020
      Topics: 43
      Replies: 1471
      Has thanked: 19218 times
      Been thanked: 6943 times

      Thank you, for saying what I am thinking, Grace.
      I too am pussyfooting around, not sure what will be acceptable, and missing so many of our sisters, I have stated before that I felt the cancel culture had found it’s way, here, and I’m afraid it has/is come to pass
      Hugs, Regi👸💖

    • #574294
      stephanie plumb
      Baroness - Annual
      Registered On: November 17, 2018
      Topics: 188
      Replies: 2484
      Has thanked: 4162 times
      Been thanked: 12435 times

      Hear her! Hear her!

      Grace, you are (as you well know) speaking for a lot of the oldies, sorry, I mean “long term members” who have regularly contributed to this site and feel passionately about its aims.  Which I believe (or it did once) include freedom of speech without censorship (unless absolutely necessary), open and honest debate,  and the respecting of girls privacy.

      There has been a trend in society and also migrated here to CDH for people to be looking for offence, and to shout down opinions and views which do not agree with their own biased agenda’s. I believe  intolerance and censorship are on the rise. Fun is now being frowned on (by a tiny minority.)  The tail is trying to wag the dog (sorry twopoos!)

      I myself now have to think carefully about everything I say. It is killing my creativity. I no longer feel free to express myself as I once did.  Its not the CDH I joined in 2018, that’s for sure.

      By the way –  I LOVE your football analogy.

      It’s not too late. We need girl power, so join up ladies! Relegation is not an option.

      Steph xx

    • #574293
      Dee Nash
      Lady
      Registered On: November 7, 2021
      Topics: 2
      Replies: 102
      Has thanked: 481 times
      Been thanked: 478 times

      Hi grace,I think that your always going to get heated debates on forums like you said and me personally would just not get involved,(scroll past)in the short time I have been on this site I have learned so much from you fantastic girls and I would hate to see it ruined by experienced girls leaving,all my love Dee xxxxx

    • #574290
      Cassie Jayson
      Duchess
      Registered On: September 29, 2019
      Topics: 36
      Replies: 745
      Has thanked: 1626 times
      Been thanked: 3532 times

      Thanks Grace. I to am puzzled, What has offended my best friends and favorite contributers t the discussion at CDH. I love you all.

      . . Casssie

    • #574289
      Rozalyne Richards
      Lady
      Registered On: September 20, 2021
      Topics: 0
      Replies: 751
      Has thanked: 225 times
      Been thanked: 2856 times

      Hi Grace, i thought this was a site we could talk about our crossdressing, not about saving the world just about saving our sanitary,

      The thing is we can’t placate everyone some people will take offence in the smallest things, me i just come on here to chat to the girls,

      Huggs Roz X

      That should say Sanity , I should use my dictionary more often X

      • #574391
        Laura Lovett
        Lady
        Registered On: March 26, 2020
        Topics: 37
        Replies: 1529
        Has thanked: 4724 times
        Been thanked: 7485 times

        I truly believe that cross dressing will save the world – convince me I’m wrong?

        😁😍😎😎😘😘😘🤩❤👗👙👜👠💄💍👒

        • #574677
          Elizabeth
          Lady
          Registered On: October 7, 2021
          Topics: 24
          Replies: 319
          Has thanked: 1819 times
          Been thanked: 1360 times

          Laura, Crossdressing on its own won’t save the world, but if it was more acceptable to everybody it would be a start. For what it’s worth I personally believe on God through Jesus Christ can save the world and us. I’m not forcing this down anyones throat.

          3 users thanked author for this post.
          • #574689
            Laura Lovett
            Lady
            Registered On: March 26, 2020
            Topics: 37
            Replies: 1529
            Has thanked: 4724 times
            Been thanked: 7485 times

            I love that you have your own viewpoint, Elisabeth, and I won’t argue with it.

            However, you haven’t convinced me I’m wrong 😋😋😋

            (And “convince me I’m wrong” is a kind of meme at the moment, so I mean it very light-heartedly!).

            Love Laura

            2 users thanked author for this post.
        • #574517
          Rozalyne Richards
          Lady
          Registered On: September 20, 2021
          Topics: 0
          Replies: 751
          Has thanked: 225 times
          Been thanked: 2856 times

          I believe you are right Laura, crossdressing might save the world X

          Hugs Roz X

          5 users thanked author for this post.
    • #574281
      Sally Drinkwater
      Duchess
      Registered On: July 15, 2019
      Topics: 23
      Replies: 323
      Has thanked: 100 times
      Been thanked: 1312 times

      It’s not all about pink mist, non existing dates or knicker questions. Perhaps a bit more political or day to day problems would make things a bit more interesting.

    • #574268
      Marti
      Baroness - Annual
      Registered On: February 5, 2019
      Topics: 49
      Replies: 821
      Has thanked: 3690 times
      Been thanked: 3741 times

      Grace,

      I don’t know either, I’m afraid. This is a sad moment, and I feel like I’m tiptoeing around the place thinking what to say, without someone thinking ill of it?

      “Goodbyes make you think. They make you realize what you’ve had, what you’ve lost, and what you’ve taken for granted.”

      Marti xxx

    • #574265
      Elizabeth
      Lady
      Registered On: October 7, 2021
      Topics: 24
      Replies: 319
      Has thanked: 1819 times
      Been thanked: 1360 times

      Grace, I’m a fairly new girl on the block. I understand your comments. I continually want to make contributions and respond to comments. Me personally? I am someone who loves football, singing , church and politics. I am not a member of any political party but I would class myself as a Right wing Conservative. Some people would label me as a bigot, but I hold strongly held views. Don’t want to offend anybody on this page.
      Girls for what it’s worth I’ve no intention of leaving this page, that’s if you still want me
      Thank you
      Elizabeth

    • #575451
      Katie Time
      Lady
      Registered On: April 3, 2021
      Topics: 36
      Replies: 293
      Has thanked: 2071 times
      Been thanked: 1769 times

      💕Katie

      2 users thanked author for this post.
    • #575442
      Heather Jameson
      Duchess
      Registered On: April 1, 2019
      Topics: 12
      Replies: 802
      Has thanked: 1932 times
      Been thanked: 3217 times

      Hi Rach and Emily, I’m a crossdressing, bisexual, transgendered person and I think your both very intelligent beautiful people. I enjoy reading your posts and comments as they are thought through and thought provoking. I’m glad your here, we need more people like you who aren’t here to bash and shame people, that’s not what this site is about. I’ve been here since pretty much the beginning and it really upsets me to hear this. I’m so sorry you have been treated this way and if anyone has something to say about me, bring it.

      I’m not just a bitch, I’m a nasty bitch. Love to you both, Heather.

      6 users thanked author for this post.
    • #575126
      Emily Alt
      Duchess - Annual
      Registered On: August 24, 2019
      Topics: 12
      Replies: 641
      Has thanked: 500 times
      Been thanked: 3016 times

      Hi Rach,

      Thank you for your support and kind words.  Ironic you should say that.  I agree 100% – nobody deserves to be treated like that.

      When I came to CDH 2+ years ago I considered myself a crossdresser.  The support I got helped me discover who I really am.  I now consider myself trans and have started to medically transition.  I haven’t encountered any issues with other members based on my gender identity or sexuality.  Honestly, I wouldn’t be where I am without CDH.  I have no reason to expect any member will turn on me because I’m transitioning.  If that happens it’ll be dealt with swiftly.

      I know there have been some messy discussions lately, which I assume you’ve been part of.  It’s beyond me why anyone would single you out because of your trans identity.  As I said before, that hasn’t been my experience at all.  Differences of opinion can usually be resolved when both parties are willing to listen.  It troubles me that you feel CDH is not a safe space.  Obviously you stick around despite the adversity, and I applaud you for that.  I would respectfully offer that you work with the ambassadors to identify and resolve the root cause of your issues.  You should have the same safe space the rest of us have.  We may be on different journeys, but we’re all in this together.

      Regarding my recent issue at TGH, I tried to delicately tiptoe through a political minefield.  I learned an important lesson – it’s not possible.  I would prefer to build bridges with the people I disagree with.  That means I have to be better at tailoring my message for everyone in the audience.

      Emily

    • #574967
      Regine Kelly
      Princess
      Registered On: October 9, 2020
      Topics: 43
      Replies: 1471
      Has thanked: 19218 times
      Been thanked: 6943 times

      Rach, I am sorry for everything you have gone through, and while I know not the harrasment you speak of, there has been far too much of that lately, on so many posts.
      I have to disagree with you, for the vast majority of us here, you are more than welcome, this IS, a safe place for each of us, with the exception of those the mods HAVE to be made aware of, and dealt with. I myself, have come to realize I am transgender, albeit a crossdresser, and I am just as welcome here as yourself.
      I did not see your original post, but I have seen your apologies, and the acceptance of them by all, while I am aware of hurt feelings all over the place, I wish everyone could just say bygones are bygones, and let this go.
      I joined this site some time ago, and have always found it to be the warmest, most welcoming home I have ever had, and it breaks my heart to see the turmoil of today.
      Hugs to one and all,Regi👸💖

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