• This topic has 66 replies, 26 voices, and was last updated 3 days ago by zeezee.
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    • #407952
      DeeAnn Hopings
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      Hi DeeAnn.

      I think you really addressed the reason I asked the question I the first place.

      No of us need ‘curing’ but clarity. I suspect those of us invested in our own mental health and the health of the relationships of those closest to us would continue to seek answers and question until the day we die.

      individually though that could take far longer  than were we to find a great community like CDH and/or a professional who’s goal is to aid in your well being, steering you always towards wholeness.

      The human mind is a very slippery thing. One of the ways that this is very noticeable is when we have something that we don’t want to do. The mind will conjure up so many ways to distract us, delay us, etc. from doing what we need to do. For those of us who are transgender, for example, imagine all of the things that can happen to get us to avoid reaching an understanding that we need to do in order to move forward. When people say that they are “stuck”, this is what is happening. Our minds have been successful in avoiding change, or at the very least, the consideration of it…

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    • #407437
      DeeAnn Hopings
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      I think some people feel that a therapist will “fix it” for you, but that isn’t how it works. What the therapist will do is ask questions as a way of getting you to think about some things that you had not considered, or helping to realize how some things that seem unrelated, actually are and help the understanding of how it all fits together. The idea is to help you come to your own understanding and decisions.

      A few years back my wife and I saw a family therapist as she felt that we weren’t as close as we were. Reluctantly I agreed, but it turned out to be a good experience. Along the way I mentioned that I was transgender and non-binary. We talked about that for a couple of sessions, but in the context of how that may or may not impact the relationship. We did some sessions individually and I came dressed for mine. Ultimately he figured out that my gender identity did not have much negative effect on our relationship. If anything it helped from the standpoint that we could easily talk about it and other potentially sensitive topics. However, the questions that he asked me were interesting and thought provoking.

      I remember one of the questions was as I got dressed, was there a point where some sort of a shift was felt? I said there wasn’t for me, but there was a point where I felt I had crossed a line. It was when I applied lipstick. Later on I realized that there was another point. It was when I did my nails. What I came to figure out is that those were activities that were traditionally reserved for females and that for me they were like inflection points. They were confirmation that I had left one world and entered another…

      • #407890
        Rei Durden
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        Hi DeeAnn.

        I think you really addressed the reason I asked the question I the first place.

        No of us need ‘curing’ but clarity. I suspect those of us invested in our own mental health and the health of the relationships of those closest to us would continue to seek answers and question until the day we die.

        individually though that could take far longer  than were we to find a great community like CDH and/or a professional who’s goal is to aid in your well being, steering you always towards wholeness.

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    • #407165
      zeezee
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      I recently went to a psychologist where the first words out of his mouth is ‘Crossdressing is not wrong’.  That made me feel so comfortable. I can talk about it without feeling ashamed. I think we will get along well.

      • #407192
        Rei Durden
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        Great news zeezee!

        You must have been on cloud nine to hear such acceptance! Talk about putting the right foot forward out of the gate!

        Good luck, Rei

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        • #408162
          zeezee
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          It was the thrill of a lifetime. I hope this will lead to greater acceptance at home.

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    • #407116
      Katie Bforever
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      My Gender therapist saved my marriage and myself form total destruction, I actually don’t hate/feel guilty anymore about my Cross-dressing. The first mistake I made was to go to a regular marriage  therapist with my wife (which she chose) and it was the most uncomfortable situation you could ever imagine, the lady told me I was wrong for being like that, I needed to stop or get a divorce, said I was a bad partner for her and for her not to feel bad if she left me. Horrific moment…then I found Judy, the most loving, educated LGBTQ therapist I could find. Talking to her was like talking to an old friend you knew for years. Changed everything for me as a CD, I never once went out in public or  stopped purging my clothes until I met her. I could almost cry just thinking about how far she got me on my journey as Katie.

      • #407181
        Rei Durden
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        Oh Katie! That must have been SO hard to push through all that negative input and the feelings it caused. I’m so sorry that happened, even worse if it was while your spouse was in the same room?!

        My heart really hurts at that thought but it sounds like you are in a fantastic place now, not just regarding Katie and CD. I sure hope it’s done wonders for your marriage as well?

        Best wishes, Rei

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    • #407115
      Emily Alt
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      I found a good gender therapist about 2 years ago.  She’s been immensely helpful.  I wouldn’t be where I am today without her.  I believe it’s important to find a therapist that has a lot of experience with trans patients.  Most marriage counselors do not.  I also believe females are better therapists.  The guy I had before tried to cure me!  Fail!

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      • #407180
        Rei Durden
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        Hi Emily.

        The recommendations for a female therapist have been overwhelming.

        I find in many regards women in general to be better at many things (that’s a topic for another discussion though!)

        After such a sour experience with the guy trying to ‘cure’ you was it hard for you to give someone else a try? I know it would’ve been for me.

        I’m happy you stuck with it and found such great help!

         

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        • #407424
          Emily Alt
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          Hi Rei,

          I actually thought the guy trying to ‘cure’ me was successful.  I had a gap of several years where the desire to dress vanished.  Of course it came back – stronger than ever.  That’s when I got brutally honest with myself and realized crossdressing might be a blessing.  How right I was.  When I sought a therapist a couple of years ago, I’d already moved past acceptance.  The goal had become finding someone who could help guide me on the path to becoming more feminine – mentally, emotionally, and spiritually.  I never gave it a second thought.

          Emily

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    • #407108
      Tiff Any
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      Hi Rei , I found a fantastic gender therapist who’s helped me & my wife , we’ve seen her together and individually . Without a doubt the right therapist is essential .

      Tiff 💐💐

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      • #407179
        Rei Durden
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        Hi Tiff!

        The responses to this question have far exceeded my expectations.

        There’s been a lot of Ladies in favour of what you say, so much so that I’ve decided to explore some local options.

        I Always appreciate your input girl!

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    • #406541
      Kimmie
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      Happy to help. It took me a couple of tries to find the right person, but it was very worth it for me.

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    • #406477
      rebekka moore
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      Thank you Kimmie,

      I plan to start seeing a therapist soon (all be it remote), but am set on wanting them to be female.

       

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    • #406286
      Jill Sweet
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      Hi Rei

      I am the kind of person who always thought therapy is awesome but for other people. I am much much too private to talk to anyone, save my spouse and daughter about my private thoughts. Being Jill is the most private part of me. I also believed that, partly because of my job, that I was both smart enough and insightful enough to figure out myself. I was wrong. I found that I couldn’t get over the shame and guilt of being Jill. I found I couldn’t accept that it was ok to be Jill. Despite a closet full of sexy clothes and girly things I was doing something wrong. I felt selfish doing this and shameful. I agree 100% with Kimmie. It had to be a female therapist and just the right kind. She didn’t encourage me or discourage me about crossdressing, instead helped me accept and move towards what was healthy for me. She let me find Jill myself with great questions. I started to accept to accept being jill. I could feel the doors open inward and I moved towards the feminine me and Jill came out to greet me. I don’t feel the same level of shame nor guilt. I don’t feel selfish anymore. I learned that a healthy me included a large dose of being Jill. This may sounds obvious but for an slightly, ok moderately stubborn soul like me it was an admission of strength and weakness. I can be jill and no I don’t understand all that that means. I am on my way, ready to be the feminine creature I wish to be and ready to stumble and venture forward terrified but without the barriers I created for myself. Hope this helps.

      kisses

      jill

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      • #406295
        Rei Durden
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        That shame and guilt are crippling aren’t they?

        That’s one of the first things I found here at CDH was those feelings vanishing.

        I sounds like you had a fantastic experience, as many here in this thread have, in your time spent with a professional.

        I appreciate the time you took to share that, and admitting you don’t have all the answers,. Probably not such an easy thing, I know it’s not for me either!

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    • #406165
      Kimmie
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      I disclosed my cross dressing to my therapist, a clinical psychiatrist, though that wasn’t the reason I saw her. I simply brought it up in the course of the treatment. (For me, at least, the fact that the therapist was female was ESSENTIAL. I’m certain I would never have felt comfortable discussing the topic with a male therapist.) She treated the disclosure as she treated every other topic we discussed, inquisitively and professional. Any therapist who expresses any type of judgment about being a CD is a therapist who should find a different occupation.

      I would leave this topic, however, to a therapist you see on your own, not a marriage counselor you see with your wife.

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      • #406292
        Rei Durden
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        That sounds like very good advice Kimmie on both counts.
        Thanks for that, best wishes, Rei

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    • #406149
      Heather Jameson
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      Hi Rei, talking to people here is great and has helped me immensely over the years as we are all in the same boat and understand what each other are talking about but counselling and therapy take it to a different level I found. Now this is just me personally but I found talking to a professional really helped as they make you realize who and what you are and are feeling. They don’t give you any answers they talk to you and ask you questions that will bring you to a self realization and hopefully acceptance. One other thing I found was stay away from psychiatrists as all you get from them is you’ve got OCD, here’s a bottle of pills, take these and all will be fine. I finally got to a psychologist who specialized in gender issues and did about a year with her which really opened my eyes. After her she referred me to a gender therapist where I had a few one on ones with and then was introduced into a group of similar people but of a wide age group which I really liked. There was 3 younger people there and they reminded me so much of me 40+ years ago, scared, confused, feeling dirty and ashamed and I got to talk to them and answer their questions, it was like I went from patient to therapist. I used to say at work, the last person to be trained on a job is the trainer for the next person as it reaffirms your training. I’ve stood there and told you how to do it, now you tell them. It really engrains what you have learned but most of all I just didn’t want those kids to go through what I did, I wouldn’t wish that on my worst enemy, it wasn’t pretty. Substance abuse, prostitution, depression and a couple of suicide attempts not great times. Your young life is supposed to be the best part of your life I feel and mine was hell. I can talk about it now but for years I tried to keep the skeletons in the closet but the closet gets too full when your living a lie.

      There once again Heather has gone into full ramble mode. The other girls should have warned you, don’t ask stuff like this, Heather will never shut up. LOL Just kidding, an excellent topic and probably one of the most important things we should discuss here is our mental health, there’s a lot goes through your mind especially when your young when your a girl like us.

      Take care, Heather.

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      • #406291
        Rei Durden
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        Taking on the role of a mentor is probably something you hadn’t planned on I bet?

        As you said, much of our learning comes through teaching and I think it’s awesome you rose to the challenge and came out so much the better, as hopefully the people you spent time with did too.

        Thanks for sharing your story Heather.

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    • #406090
      Patty Phose
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      That has been pretty much my crossdressing lifestyle. Get some clothes, get new and better clothes, explore and get bolder in my dressing and experiencing the excitement, thrill and rush of going out. It’s feeling I can’t get from anything else and I love it.

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    • #406089
      Patty Phose
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      it makes no sense to me why I would want to be cured of something I love and enjoy so much.

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      • #406290
        Rei Durden
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        Definitely not something to be cured. Understood and accepted though for sure. I can’t speak for anyone else, but self analysis has not always been a strength of mine, it’s taken years of effort to have serious heart to hearts with me.
        I don’t want a cure, not for me or any of us. Just some peace and freedom.

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    • #399894
      Sarah Du Hessisse
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      Hi Rei

      As if I would to go to a therapist anyone who thinks I should can do one. Not that they don’t do  a good job, It’s the mindless idiots who do see for nice people that we are, they are the people who needs a therapist.

      Love & Best Wishes to you & SO

      xx

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      • #399901
        Rei Durden
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        Hi Sarah, thank you and best wishes to you as well!

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    • #399879
      Heather Harrison
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      I finally decided I had to do something about my PTSD and try to get some direction regarding transgender issues. I was so fortunate to find a wonderful transgender therapist, who also has a lot of experience with PTSD. She used a technique called EMDR to address the PTSD issues and that is really working well.

      I have had 3 sessions so far and I’m so pleased and would recommend finding a therapist with that background. I found my therapist through the Psychology Today website.

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      • #399902
        Rei Durden
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        Hi Heather, thanks for the website recommendation when looking for a specialist in this department.

        I think it’s excellent that you’ve found someone that’s helping you so much and so quickly too.

        I’d never heard of EMDR before you mentioned it. It sounds interesting and  and if it’s of benefit to you, all the better!

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    • #399814
      Leah
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      Rei,

      thank you, my experience is nothing I woudl wish upon anyone.  Therapy has certainly helped, but the support and participation from my wife has been extremely helpful. She knew up front, it is not “her thing” but knows what it means to me.  As long as I keep the balance, she is good.

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    • #399759
      rebekka moore
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      Hi Patty,

      There is no “cure” because there is nothing wrong with you.  Nothing to cure.  Only something to cultivate and grow.

      Love and hugs,

      R

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    • #399746
      Leah
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      I i9nitially started seeing a therapist after my PTSD kicked in after being involved in an airport shooting.    My Cd never came up with my first counselor as he was a man, and that was very tough to be able to talk to him about that.  my second one was a beautiful lady.  She did not have a lot of knowledge about CD but was a great listener, and understanding about it and very supportive.    She has significantly helped reduce my shame and guilt regarding CD along with the support and participation from my wife.

      I still have moments of why do i do this but know it will never go away and it is a deep part of me that I cannot stop. I have been working on embracing it more and more as well as dressing and trying things I have never done with it.  Highly recommend any CD to consider talking with someone about dressing up.

      • #399763
        Rei Durden
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        Hello Leah.

        First off let me say how sorry I am to hear about the PTSD you suffered from being involved in such a traumatic experience. I cannot even imagine how difficult that must have been. I’m happy there is help out there for you.

        Therapy sounds like it’s been an extremely positive experience, not just regarding CD-ing, but as your spouse seems to be so supportive most likely your marital relationship as well.

        Thank you so much for sharing such a personal story with me, and for the great advice. Rei

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    • #399696
      Bianca Everdene
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      Hi Rei

      I think I will go back to see her. Perhaps to start to show her some outward signs of my inner Bianca. Maybe gradually feminise my appearance to become more comfortable showing  it face to face with a real person. Perhaps the more I do it with her, the more likely I will be to just be confident around others looking how I want to look.

      And at the same time be able to talk about my thoughts and feelings while en femme.

      ❤️B

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    • #399665
      Daisy Marie
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      I’ve been going to my therapist since 2017, because of my second depression and ADHD. One year after the beginning, she suggested me to do a theatre course as a compliment for my psychological rehabilitation. Surprisingly it was during theatre that my inner girl was waken up after 20+ years of sleeping. However I could only tell my therapist that I was going through this self-discovery process on last March. She recommended me to gather a second opinion with another therapist (specialised in transgenders) and that second therapist couldn’t assert whether I’m trans or not, but, according to her, I’m either non-binary or a trans girl with little dysphoria.

      Summarising: therapy is a great way to get freed from traumas and mental deadlocks that jeopardises our lives and, moreover, it’s a great way to shed a light on secret parts of us; however, crossdressing and gender subjects are somewhat tricky even for the most experienced therapists.

      xoxo

      Daisy

      • #399742
        Rei Durden
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        Hello Daisy, thanks for sharing some personal history, it sure adds some context for the discussion.

        I have a lot of respect not just for people who aren’t afraid to ask for help from friends (face to face, online) family or a professional. Nobody’s perfect and none of us were given a users manual for navigating this world.

        As your therapist encouraged a second opinion that says to me they absolutely have your best interests in mind (and that’s super encouraging to anyone who’s had a less than stellar experience in the past.)

        I’m happy that you’re finding clarity. Rei

         

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        • #406116
          stephanie plumb
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          A second opinion could also mean they are out of their depth or don’t have a clue. Pass the buck (or is it rake in the bucks?) to someone else(who can rake in more bucks.)

          Please girls don’t be offended by what I say. It is no more than my personal opinion. If therapy is your thing or you feel you need it then of course you must go for it.

          I am deeply suspicious of most so-called therapists of the “Lend me your watch and I will tell you the time” sort.  Often their knowledge of gender issues is what they got from their textbooks at college or googled.  Something any of us can do.

          There is so much advice and combined knowledge here on CDH that I would urge girls to look here first before forking out significant amounts of money just to have someone confirm what they already know, or advise them that they can be fixed.  And its all free! It most definitely helped me discover and come 100% to terms with myself.

          I wonder, for every positive experience with therapists, how many found them to be a waste of time and money?

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          • #406300
            Rei Durden
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            Maybe all the ladies that have found it to be a waste are among the number of people who join CDH and also find it lacking?

            Maybe that’s unfair, I don’t know, but some people put more thought and effort into what car they want to buy than reflecting on what kind of person they want to be.

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    • #399663
      Patty Phose
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      If I went to a therapist, it would not be to try to cure my cross dressing. I love being a cross dresser. I love the clothes and how I look and feel when wearing them.  I don’t want to lose that or give it up.

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      • #399748
        Rei Durden
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        Hi there Patty! I love your certainty and self awareness, and I 100% agree that there is NOTHING to ‘cure’ as there’s nothing wrong with you, me or any of us.
        I’d run away from anyone telling me to ‘give it up’

        I think that prior to the Information Age there really wasn’t an easy way for anyone to fact check the advice we were being given by family, friends, or doctors, but nowadays a safe, supportive and educational space like CDH can be a great alternative (or a supplement to) advice from professionals.

        Thanks for your input!

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    • #399644
      Grace Scarlett
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      Huggs Rei

      JUST my opinion….

      no therapist needed for me, I really don’t think I have a problem….grace is a very happy girl.

      I get the best advice from you girls…people who ACTUALLY do crossdress……and it’s all free !!!

      always smiling, grace xx

      • #399754
        Rei Durden
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        Hi Grace and a good day/night to you!

        LOL free is Good……….unless it’s bad :p

        Even though I said it to Patty already, I LOVE your absolute certainty and strength of knowing who you are! I believe that it’s something we all aspire to when visiting CDH. Thanks for sharing!

        Rei

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    • #399555
      Bianca Everdene
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      Hi Rei

      So went to see a therapist today.

      Didn’t really learn anything different from all I have learned here. I think the combined knowledge on this site is second to none.

      And explored thoughts and feelings and perhaps ways to come out more, or as she put it ‘allow people in’ to this part of my life. But again nothing really new, that I hadn’t really thought  about.

      It did feel good to sit face to face with somebody and talk about it. Kind of like ‘buying’ an understanding friend for an hour🤣 And she is totally comfortable with me dressing how I want.

      So the next question for me is – Is it worth paying somebody so you can go out dressed en femme for an hour in their company to talk about your thoughts and feelings about crossdressing?

      ❤️B

      7 users thanked author for this post.
      • #399559
        Rei Durden
        Participant
        Registered On: October 11, 2020
        Topics: 14
        Replies: 451
        Has thanked: 2814 times
        Been thanked: 1680 times

        Hi Bianca. Thank you the follow up.
        When you sum up your thoughts the way you did, it feels like you’ll pass on another session, for now at any rate.
        I’m happy that it was a positive meeting and I am sure it’s comforting to have a professional confirm many of the things you’ve learned from the internet.

         

        2 users thanked author for this post.
    • #398663
      Sandy Jayson
      Participant
      Registered On: September 29, 2019
      Topics: 13
      Replies: 232
      Has thanked: 547 times
      Been thanked: 966 times

      Thanks Rei, for your post here and all the responses you have received.  I have not gotten counciling and every time I am ready to do it I read more posts here and all the gals here help me get through the next thing.

      The long post from Araminta almost makes my head hurt.  She is surely right that many therapists don’t have any idea of cross dressing.  My own 2 cents worth is that there is no blanket theory of why we do this.  I believe that many of us have different motivations or combinations of motivations.  I also believe that many of us have no desire to go all the way to gender reassignment ( although as I have responded in other posts if there was a switch were we could go back and forth between male and female I would do it in a second).  Experience the world as fully female in every way would be enlightening.

      More over I don’t think each one of us could explain exactly why we do this and how we feel.  In fact my motivations are not exactly the same day to day.

      Sandy

      • #398672
        Rei Durden
        Participant
        Registered On: October 11, 2020
        Topics: 14
        Replies: 451
        Has thanked: 2814 times
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        Sandy, I would totally hit that male/female switch!
        I’ve often contemplated a similar idea thinking of the future of virtual reality, being able to plug into another’s body and perceptions.

        It’s great that CDH has been such a blessing for you in moments of need and I suspect many others feel much the same. For the time being, interacting with all you fabulous ladies cures what ails me. Thanks for the great response.

        5 users thanked author for this post.
    • #398660
      Bianca Everdene
      Participant
      Registered On: April 11, 2017
      Topics: 16
      Replies: 567
      Has thanked: 2003 times
      Been thanked: 1991 times

      Got my first appointment next week Rei. Actually looking forward to unloading my thoughts and feelings on a qualified therapist in gender issues. Let’s see how it goes. Willing to try anything once.

      Good luck to you if you do go ahead with it. Would love to hear your experience.

      ❤️B

      3 users thanked author for this post.
      • #398661
        Rei Durden
        Participant
        Registered On: October 11, 2020
        Topics: 14
        Replies: 451
        Has thanked: 2814 times
        Been thanked: 1680 times

        Definitely Bianca! Let me know how your visit turns out of you feel like sharing.

        2 users thanked author for this post.
    • #398605
      Araminta Purdy
      Participant
      Registered On: January 23, 2020
      Topics: 1
      Replies: 179
      Has thanked: 220 times
      Been thanked: 544 times

      It is probable, even likely, that accounts regarding therapists (‘healers’) that have come my way have largely been the disappointing ones. Even so (supposing I haven’t made this clear yet) I am skeptical of the competence of many therapists dealing with these specific issues. Many seem to rely on Dr. Benjamin’s rather outdated (and by his own statement, deliberately incorrect) principles. Much has happened since about 1966-9. Not that his work is not important It is, in fact, seminal and is particularly key in promoting Gender Affirmation Surgery (Sex Reassignment Surgery of ‘sex change’) as a reasonable and suitable treatment for what would be known as Gender Dysphoria.

      An example of my criticism is embedded in Chrissy’s response, “My therapist believes that I use crossdressing as a fantasy to being a woman. She also believes that I dress up as an outlet due to loneliness.” I am uncomfortable because neither cross-dressing nor being a woman are fantasies. Subjective realities, perhaps, but still real. It suggests a lack of recognition of the possibility of a genetic/instinctive basis for being feminine. It suggests that being feminine is unsuitable for males failing to recognize that femininity is not necessarily mandated by being female or necessarily solely regulated to females. It suggests that the therapist conflates ‘woman’ with ‘female’ contradicting de Beauvoir’s famous maxim. The comment regarding loneliness is perceptive but the basis for that perception is questionable.

      It is my feeling, based on experience and multiple accounts, that one reason for the onset of cross-dressing is the desire for feminine companionship for romantic and intimate purposes. Often this is impractical or difficult for a variety of reasons. (Parents can really cramp your style!) Some males turn to creating that feminine persona in and within themselves, usually less for romantic purposes than other considerations. Either, in some, this is the result of a deep-rooted inclination to be feminine (as there are other avenues of sating that particular urge) and the act of athenasing becomes, in itself, significant or, if not deeply motivated, when an actual female heaves into view, the practice is abandoned. In the latter case, in later years, the impulse can re-impose itself. So, yes ‘loneliness’ is a factor but the nature of that loneliness needs to be examined more closely than casually. The therapist described does not seem to acknowledge that one wants to be a woman because femininity is an essential aspect of one’s being. That the stimulus may be internal as well as external.

      I may be being unfair in my judgment but I still get the strong impression that some therapists are simply incognizant of the more rational concepts of gender and that they still irrationally conflated gender with sex. So, on the one hand, while I strongly recommend seeking the assistance of a therapist I also have to offer the caveat that one needs to choose a therapist with care and that this involves some understanding of the issues on one’s own part.

      I suppose that the thing is that when one uses the service of a therapist they should think for themselves rather than blindly accepting and, if unsatisfied with what that therapist offers by the way of ideas, principles or notions, they should not feel that seeking assistance elsewhere is some sort of betrayal or unfairness. On the other, other hand, do not fall into the trap of disliking someone simply because they tell you things that are uncomfortable for you to hear.

      Araminta.

      • #398638
        Rei Durden
        Participant
        Registered On: October 11, 2020
        Topics: 14
        Replies: 451
        Has thanked: 2814 times
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        Thank you for the deep dive Araminta. I’ll have to give this one another read (or three), my head is spinning! 🙂

        Getting caught up in confirmation bias/echo chambers is sometimes far too easy.

        4 users thanked author for this post.
    • #398443
      rebekka moore
      Participant
      Registered On: January 7, 2017
      Topics: 77
      Replies: 846
      Has thanked: 406 times
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      That’s an excellent point you bring up.  A therapist who is even knowledgeable enough to speak to the concept of Crossdressing.

       

    • #398432
      rebekka moore
      Participant
      Registered On: January 7, 2017
      Topics: 77
      Replies: 846
      Has thanked: 406 times
      Been thanked: 1618 times

      I’ve only seen a therapist once (for 5 visits), regarding issues I was having with my relationship, somewhat unrelated that I won’t go into here.

      I wanted to open up to him about the CD’ing, but never felt comfortable enough.   I was glad I did not, but would like to with the right person.

      4 users thanked author for this post.
      • #398441
        Rei Durden
        Participant
        Registered On: October 11, 2020
        Topics: 14
        Replies: 451
        Has thanked: 2814 times
        Been thanked: 1680 times

        Hi Rebekka that sounds like a bit of a dilemma.

        I’ve not yet looked online for local therapists that are friendly or knowledgeable in this department but I sure hope when I do, I’ll be able to find plenty.
        Hopefully you’ll find someone you feel at ease with.

        3 users thanked author for this post.
    • #398426
      Chrissy Fairchild
      Participant
      Registered On: October 4, 2020
      Topics: 1
      Replies: 9
      Has thanked: 24 times
      Been thanked: 53 times

      I have been seeing a therapist and a psychiatrist for many years because of unrelated issues. I have opened up to my therapist about my crossdressing to her. My therapist believes that I use crossdressing as a fantasy to being a woman. She also believes that I dress up as an outlet due to loneliness.

      • #398435
        Rei Durden
        Participant
        Registered On: October 11, 2020
        Topics: 14
        Replies: 451
        Has thanked: 2814 times
        Been thanked: 1680 times

        Hi Chrissy, thanks for sharing.

        As I’ve never sought therapy for CD-ing I can’t say what goes on in personal sessions but based on some of the other girl’s responses it makes me wonder if that therapist is the right person for the job.

        I could be WAAAAAY off in my opinion though. I guess if it’s helping you that’s probably all that matters right?

        3 users thanked author for this post.
    • #398417
      Fiona Shrek
      Participant
      Registered On: September 18, 2020
      Topics: 0
      Replies: 11
      Has thanked: 36 times
      Been thanked: 18 times

      My therapist was recommended to me by my pastor so I was pleasantly surprised when he said my CD not a problem as it wasn’t hurting anyone. Being married means it isn’t quite as simple as that but it is nice to work on problems without the assumption that CD is one. He’s also recommended finding a support group which is how I ended up here and maybe finding locals.

      • #398420
        Rei Durden
        Participant
        Registered On: October 11, 2020
        Topics: 14
        Replies: 451
        Has thanked: 2814 times
        Been thanked: 1680 times

        A great example people surprising you with their depth and understanding. Your pastor sounds amazing! Reading a story like yours can definitely give people courage to ask for help.
        I totally agree with your assessment of being married “so it’s not that simple“ Spot on!
        thanks for the advice Fiona

        5 users thanked author for this post.
    • #398405
      Amber Scott
      Participant
      Registered On: June 30, 2019
      Topics: 3
      Replies: 61
      Has thanked: 61 times
      Been thanked: 183 times

      I’ve been in therapy for 18 months and it saved my life. I was lucky enough to be recommended to a therapist, by my primary care doctor, who deals in gender identity issues. I love her to death. Plus her wife is very active in the local LGBTQ community. BTW I have brought up with her the seemly lack of support we get from the LGBTQ community due to us being considered a fetish by many. She has helped me come to terms with Amber. I have never felt so at one with myself in my life. It has given me the strength to express my feminine side when out in public. Haven’t gone completely ‘en femme’ in public yet. But I see that hurdle fast approaching and I am more prepared for it. I do go out, including work, with nails painted, ear rings and lipstick. The mask helped with this. LOL. I personally would recommend therapy to anyone struggling. Start with your primary doctor. It was tough for me to ask my doctor for help because he is an ex Marine Corp. doctor. Very alpha. Plus I see him almost everyday at the hospital I work at. He will stop me in the halls from time to time and ask how me and Amber are doing. Therapy was one of the best thing I have ever done for myself. Good luck on your journey.

      Love and Peace,

      Amber

      • #398410
        Rei Durden
        Participant
        Registered On: October 11, 2020
        Topics: 14
        Replies: 451
        Has thanked: 2814 times
        Been thanked: 1680 times

        It’s such a great thing to have someone surprise you with their support and kindness, and I admire the courage it must’ve taken to reveal Amber to a coworker, especially given the impression of being a MANly Man! I appreciate the time you took to write, thank you!

        3 users thanked author for this post.
    • #398351
      Seren
      Participant
      Registered On: March 2, 2020
      Topics: 37
      Replies: 412
      Has thanked: 3560 times
      Been thanked: 1885 times

      I’ve found my 6 months of weekly zoom therapy incredibly useful. I was already searching for a therapist when l came out to my wife (lifelong depression, anxiety, self esteem issues). I then switched my focus onto finding a therapist specialising in this area. These talks have taken me from my ashamed guilty cd closet, through 10 weeks lockdown zero dressing opportunities, to omg I’m on hrt.
      Finding the kindness of this community made me realise that I’m not alone, not a freak and have no reason to feel ashamed. Therapy has helped me dig deeper and really unpack my cd history. But the first step was admitting to myself that this was part of who I am.
      It upsets me greatly that in so many places admitting that you are struggling, or even questioning, and especially seeking help, or even going to therapy is still so stigmatised.

      wishing you a wonderful sunny Sunday afternoon/morning/evening xx

      • #398409
        Rei Durden
        Participant
        Registered On: October 11, 2020
        Topics: 14
        Replies: 451
        Has thanked: 2814 times
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        Thank you Seren, have a fantastic Sunday as well. Thanks for the thoughtful advice and sharing your history.

        3 users thanked author for this post.
    • #398315
      Tiff Any
      Participant
      Registered On: June 1, 2019
      Topics: 0
      Replies: 851
      Has thanked: 2616 times
      Been thanked: 2149 times

      We’ve seen together and individually a gender therapist , definitely recommend this but like Pegg Sue mentioned one with relevant experience in gender , CD issues

      • #398414
        Rei Durden
        Participant
        Registered On: October 11, 2020
        Topics: 14
        Replies: 451
        Has thanked: 2814 times
        Been thanked: 1680 times

        I love the fact you and your SO went together for therapy, this sounds like something my wife and I could explore as she’s mostly accepting, sometimes more than others, but still struggling with it. Thanks for the advice Tiff!

        3 users thanked author for this post.
    • #398280
      Peggy Sue Williams
      Participant
      Registered On: June 26, 2019
      Topics: 10
      Replies: 214
      Has thanked: 802 times
      Been thanked: 855 times

      Rei,

      The peer-to-peer support available here on CDH is excellent.  It is real world and practical.

      As far as professional counselors, therapists, clinical psychologists, etc., IMHO, it is best to utilize one who is thoroughly experienced in transgender and CD issues.  Seeing a professional who has no background in transgender or CD issues can actually be dangerous.  Case in point, a girl in a support group I used to be a member of was told by a PhD psychologist that in order for her marriage to survive, she had to be “cured” of her desire to cross dress.  We know that is both impossible and incompetent advice. It also destroyed the marriage.

      Professionals and non professionals both serve a purpose, and both support each other.

      • #398285
        Rei Durden
        Participant
        Registered On: October 11, 2020
        Topics: 14
        Replies: 451
        Has thanked: 2814 times
        Been thanked: 1680 times

        Thank you for the response Peggy Sue, it makes me feel at ease hearing such positive feedback for CDH, I had a really good feeling when I found this place.

        I can only imagine how many people’s lives and psyches have been torn apart by the advice of a ‘professional’ not willing to pass a patient along to a more qualified person.

        6 users thanked author for this post.
    • #398273
      Christine Fun
      Participant
      Registered On: August 24, 2020
      Topics: 3
      Replies: 14
      Has thanked: 96 times
      Been thanked: 122 times

      Wow, did it help me. The validation and support changed my life. It was great to get a smart person to validate that it is totally OK and I’m not mental.  It helped me stop letting others stop me from being me. My second time out in public was to go see the doc (ya, the waiting room was scarry) and I got called mam on the way which made my month. I learned about some of my fears and how to get the courage to face them just to find out I was living in my head. Today, I was totally dressed as a woman to go out to get food, then to the park for lunch and a nice walk with pleasure and fun. Without it, I would probably be waiting for everyone to leave to get an hour or two alone to dress. Hope this helps you.

      It does not hurt.

      • #398274
        Rei Durden
        Participant
        Registered On: October 11, 2020
        Topics: 14
        Replies: 451
        Has thanked: 2814 times
        Been thanked: 1680 times

        That sounds perfect Christine, thanks for the great advice!

        3 users thanked author for this post.
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