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In the past few days I have seen a few mentions made about different members wearing clothes (or any other items) belonging to either their wives/girlfriends/mothers/etc. Which would be a really nice thing, as long as the owner had authorized them to wear their things.
No, I’m not riding the high horse here. Mea culpa! I worn my mother’s shoes and dresses and skirts, my sister’s dresses, and “borrowed” a few items belonging to my wife. And even though most of us can relate and even justify that conduct, that doesn’t make it right.
So, this is just a reminder to those who still “borrow” things… Please don’t! In particular items of clothing or jewelry which are special to those females around you. We understand the context and situation of others in CDH. Many are unable to buy their own things, or they don’t have a safe place where to keep them. But while I may be wrong in some cases, I have my own experiences and those of the hundreds of people I have met online and in person over the years to be able to say that while the disclosure of having a crossdressing husband/boyfriend/partner/etc. is usually really difficult to accept, finding out that their personal belongings have been worn without their authorization can be even more shocking for them, and it is a violation of their privacy/private property.
So, please don’t! Avoid it at all cost. In particular avoid items of clothing which may be meaningful to them. A beloved and cherished wedding gown which may have been a trigger for beautiful memories can go from that to a piece of garbage which evokes them very negative feelings.
Anyway, just food for thought ladies… And please, this is not an argument about “But they can borrow our clothes and get away with it”, so please don’t….
I borrowed or appropriated clothes throughout my teens and early twenties, and even a few times later in life. Honestly, it was shameful behavior that I deeply regret. I make amends by donating clothes I no longer wear.
Everything I now own was paid for with my own money. I went shopping for it….an experience any woman can appreciate. Knowing it’s mine is validating. And I feel good about myself.
Buy your own clothes dammit! You’ll be glad you did.
/EA
Yes, just like Emily said! 😆
(thank you Emily)
Like many of us with our Mum’s as the only female in the house, I wore my mother’s clothes at a young age. (Had a thing about strapless bras, so I cut the straps off one of hers, she never said anything, tho I dare say she was “not amused”)
Even after some relatives caught me and passed on “the news”, it was my father who “gave me the talk”.
Later in life… I had all my own gear, but I did try on my ex’s mother of the bride outfit once. Later again, (as in now), I’m an 18 and “She who must be obeyed” would struggle to go a 14. So no chance there even if I wanted to
But all through it all, like everyone says.. Just… Dont… Do…It
Caty.
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While I know you are right in principle I do not think anyone experimenting for the first time. Especially youth would go out and buy their own clothing. I borrowed very little and nothing you could consider special. But my first couple of dresses were certainly not mine. Now we have mine, hers and ours depending on the article. I could never share a dress or top with her but skirts and some jeans we can. You are a hundred percent right about things that are special to another person. I know I would have tried my mothers or sisters things if available but one was way to big and the other way to small. Please do not think that I am disagreeing with you. I just think there were no other options for many of us.
Michelle,
oh I totally understand and agree that for a child (in particular) there are no options most of the time. And most of us did things we would have never done if not because or crossdressing.
Having said that, I’ll make more emphasis on the main reason I decided to start this thread… it is “bad enough” wearing “everyday clothes” belonging to somebody else without their permission.
But wearing a very special garment (Wedding gown in my original example, or a favorite dress, things like those) will likely destroy anything that was special once they realize it.Maturity comes with living, but let’s this be knowledge for those who recently discover this part of who they are so hopefully they can avoid making the same mistakes many of us made in our day.
(By the way, I’m glad my wife’s clothes would never fit me! I totally accept I would had have the most difficult time avoiding at least trying on her wedding gown!)
I am raising my hand and admitting guilt on wearing someone else’s items as well. At the time, the urge over powered common sense and I went ahead and did it. I am not making excuses on what I did as it is wrong, plain and simple. Looking back I do regret wearing other people’s stuff.
You are right that wearing someone else’s stuff without permission is not right at all. It is an invasion of privacy, and from the other person’s POV it is downright revolting. Many thoughts/questions run thru that person’s mind, and it erodes trust very quickly.
After introducing Wendy to my wife, I stopped borrowing other people’s clothing as I now have my own and I can wear my own stuff as I wish.
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Gabriela, a very good point I’m sure all of us can relate to. Like Caty said, our mom or other female relative was the only clothing we had access to when so young so it was only natural.
I was just as guilty as 99% of us in that I borrowed my aunts lingerie. I don’t think she ever knew since it was only a couple of times. As I grew older I would acquire or even buy my own lingerie. A therapist asked me once if I wore my wifes clothes and I said no because I respect her when in reality it was because I didn’t want to take a chance of her discovering my dressing which she didn’t for over 30 years.
One of the first things my wife asked me when I came out to her was please don’t wear my dresses. I’ve honoured that request ever since which isn’t a problem as since coming out to her I have a closet full of my own things. Yes back in the day I did wear a few things of my mother and sister and in the early days would borrow a slip and pantyhose from my wife.
I have to admit when I came out to my wife she is very supportive and has offered me some of her stuff that she no longer wears. She also helps me with my makeup and hair (wigs) looking to move 24/7 to Paula and have been ordering items from different places in the UK that do larger size items ( size 20/22 🇬🇧 and size 12🇬🇧👠 still dressing as a man for work haven’t gotten that far yet but I know in the near future will be going out regularly dressed. If you have come out to your significant other why not ask them for help and to give you some advice and tips on what to wear and what size
love you all and good luck on your journey
Paula 💋💋💋💋
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Paula, you are so lucky to have a wife that supports you even helping with makeup, but for the majority of us, even though we have come out to our SO most don’t want to see us dressed.
I think every cd who discovered this in youth borrowed things growing up, me included. I felt guilty about it and as many have said it is an invasion of privacy. Doing this added to the feelings of guilt associated with dressing as a youth and into adulthood, for me at least. Buying my own clothes was a huge step for me, not only did it allow me to acquire things that fit but it allowed me to stop borrowing things that didn’t belong to me, and that lifted a lot of the shame I experienced in my early days. Thanks for the post Gabby it’s rather thought provoking.
Hello I am Teri……………………………. and I have been a hamper diver, looked in other peoples dressers and closets and found female items in the rag bin…………… but I am cured now.
Appears to me most of us that had this desire as a youth have been guilty of trying on someone elses clothes without permission. So a good twelve step program is needed to help us through our past.
Funny thing is when wanting to try on a female clothing item I can’t imagine that any of us would have the courage to ask for consent from another woman to wear their items. At first I was embarrassed just at my thoughts of wanting to try things on.
Having provided my opinion I do find confession is good for the soul. Thanks
I would suspect that whether we admit it or not, we’ve all done it at one point or another. For many of us who started young, it began with “borrowing” some of our mother’s things and then it grew from there. But yes, I agree, it is not a good idea to do that unless you have been given permission by the woman. And besides, from my experience, women can tell when their things are moved or not put back in the same way they put them, so trying to hide it only makes it more telling.
Hugs,
Holly
Unlike most, I did not experiment with my mom’s things as a child or teen. They seemed somehow off limits. As a very shy kid, especially in matters of a sexual nature, it was something I would never consider. My first experimentation was with my wife’s garments at about age 30 or so. Exciting tho it was it also seemed very over the top and never really went beyond a few skirmishes early on. I put all thoughts and actions away for 30 or more years.
My crossdressing really never began until I acquired my own things many years later, and it has flourished since that time. For me, the good news is that I have never been plagued with guilt or shame for any of this, like so many others I have heard about. My only concern was my wife’s feelings, and she has been great. I’m sure part of this has to do with coming out to her right away, fessing up about my early experimentation not trying to be sneaky about any of this, and now always asking if I can borrow something, usually some jewelry for a photo or a coat.
All of our situations are different, and you can’t back up and fix that which you have done in the past, but my advice (such as it is) is simply don’t sneak about any of this, and ask first!
Kris
Thank you Kris!
I think that the best advice we can give to those who are getting started their process of self discovery is that… be open about who you are, and the sooner, the better.
True, for many that is just not possible. But there are some facts in life to consider… (with my usual disclaimer: I’m talking about crossdressing only)Yes, crossdressing can be kept a secret from family and friends, and some have taken that secret to the graveyard with them. But there will be a cost to pay. Above all, an emotional toll due the secrecy itself.
not telling your wife/partner/girlfriend because you fear of her reaction usually results on them finding out later, either accidentally or because you tell them. And if they find out 10/15/20 years into your relationship, what makes you think they will now react in a more favorable way than before?
Telling is usually not an easy thing to do. But if you expect to share your life with that person, telling is only fair.
There are certainly a few times in my youth that I did just that, and felt like a louse right afterwards. I think it can also feed into the feelings of guilt about being a crossdresser, that what you want to do is somehow inherently wrong. Even if it’s not possible to be totally open about it to others, buying your own clothes is a good way of being more open and guiltless to yourself. x
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I’m one of the people who wrote about “borrowing” from my mother in the last few days. Unfortunately I’ve lost track of the number of women I took clothing from, especially in college. At the time I second guessed myself out of fear of getting caught, but now I feel genuinely bad about it and realize what an invasion it was.
I had only ever wore my sister’s swimsuits as I did not develop a taste for crossdressing until I was around 22-23. As such i never really felt that kind of guilt over borrowing such clothing. However, I can understand the perspective that crossdressing-borrowing is a lot more akin to gambling. Where you’re constantly running that risk of having everything blow up in your face if you get caught and the reward of feeling alive when you get to dress up. And people will have varying tolerances for what they are willing to risk. One can only hope that this post brings another piece to the puzzle for those weighing the complexities and consequences of crossdressing.
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