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Hi Ladies,
Those who have read my bio knows that it has been over 20 yrs since I’ve gotten myself “dolled up,” and my physical appearance has dramatically changed, and not in a feminine way. Where there was once clear, soft, hairless skin, now I look more like a sun searched Big Foot. My delicate facial features have been replaced with scars from past bar room brawls. My little mens, size 8 feet, that once looked so pretty with open toe heels and polished nails, have turned ugly with rough skin and missing nails. Both arms, both legs and my back are covered with tattoos, and they are not flowers & butterflies. Yesterday I flipped thru the pages of Members Pictures and was so impressed with how lovely the ladies looked, and just imagined how convincing they must have mastered their feminine voice and mannerisms. I can’t believe how badly I want what they have. I’m sure it wasn’t easy for them and I realize it’s sometimes a long, hard road. But when I look at myself in the mirror, I think it’s an impossible task. I don’t want to look like a big, burly truck driver in a tight dress. I want, and need to look like the feminine part of me that needs so badly to express herself. I am not looking for physical gratification I got as a teenager, instead I want to experience the part of me that I suppressed so many years ago. I spent my entire life feeling like I was cursed with a fetish to crossdress, like I was the only guy that felt as I did and that what I was doing was wrong. Today I am much more confident in myself, and the more time I spend here on this website, I know nothing is wrong with me. I may be different than other people, but aren’t we all. And I am so happy that I am not like my homophobic friends that literally fear anyone different. I feel they are really insecure with their own sexuality. And I don’t judge people by their outward appearance or what they wear. I don’t believe it’s my place to judge anybody, only God can judge. So what to do?? Am I up to the challenge? Can I do this alone? And how do I do it without my S O knowledge. Or do I just say this is who I am and if you don’t like it then move out?! It’s my house anyways!!
Thanks so much for giving me this place and these ladies to support me on my journey..
Hugs & Kisses to all, Bren
Bren… GOOD LUCK! We all get older and as far as I know Raquel Welch is the ONLY one who hasn’t gotten worse with age. First off try something age appropriate, we can’t all be 20 something size 4’s. If your staying home then who really cares even if your going for that look? If your wanting to go out then find a “look” that covers and goes with your desired presentation. Many here have found the hybrid feminine male look is comfortable and easier to go with as you are not trying to look like a gg and you can still be feminine. As for your S O… they always seem to find out so depending on your relationship maybe you could ask for their input and explain things up front, or not. Again, GOOD LUCK!!
🍷C
Excellent advice Carolyne 🙂
Lisa
Hi again Bren!! Sweetie….make -up/cosmetics can do wonders but you may have to be careful with clothing choices. I cannot wear short skirts, short sleeves or show cleavage due to burn and shrapnel wounds from the Vietnam War. That is OK by me…..my face is pretty clear and a couple of spots cover with foundation and bronzer. Much can be done so never fear. Go easy with you S/O on intros, start small.’ Good luck….
Dame Veronica
Hi Bren
An important point to remember is that you have been living with these feelings for decades, and gone through many an internal struggle with them.
Right now, you probably feel like you want to burst out on the world – but your wife particularly is in for a shock – decades worth of bottled up pressure ain’t gonna pop quietly.
So I’d say the same thing I keep telling myself – baby steps all the way. You took a long time getting here, a bit more time will only help.
Another thing I struggled with is “This is my life, I’ll do what I like with it”. This is why I fell down the first time I tried to talk to my SO.
I now take the view that it’s our combined lives – I chose that when I chose to marry her.
This doesn’t mean pandering to her whims or laying down the law. We both have a part to play, so managing expectations is the way that works for me.
I set my actual expectations really low – I know she doesn’t like it – and expect nothing. This is the hard bit!
But, I talk about what I would like – and try not to talk about it too frequently, but with enough detail and in as calm a way as possible that lets her know I’m not demanding or even asking for the moon – I’d just like it!
We’d all like to win the lottery, right?
Where she has stated things she doesn’t want me to do, like be dressed around the kids, I’ve agreed. Maybe for now, maybe later – who knows the future?
In return, I no longer have to be secretive or furtive – it’s common knowledge. I don’t display it, out of deference, but she comes to me when I’m dressed more and more – the last time I got a massive hug, which felt amazing.
As to appearance, that’s an ongoing art for women too – you just have to find your own look or looks. Plenty of women have tattoos that aren’t bunny rabbits, and some have really gone through it and it shows in their faces.
It’s like learning an instrument – you aren’t going to be Jimi the moment you pick up s guitar.
Small steps – a nice dress and wig, some foundation that’s the right colour, mascara and lippy. Takes a while to get the lips… :0)
There are other gals in similar situations here – reading their stories really helps.
And on voices?
I’m a trained singer and have acted many parts in plays – but getting an authentic female sounding voice is practically imposdible without surgery to the vocal cords!
Work with what you have – if you don’t know what you have, look for it bit by bit and put the puzzle together in all the time it takes.
Love
Laura
hi bren. obviously cross dressing is an important part of your life much the same way as it is to most of us here. as mentioned previously, make up can work wonders if it is applied well. if you are worried about your tattoos, then wear long sleeve dresses or a nice pink jumper. we come in all shapes and sizes bren but the important thing is, we are all in it together regardless of size, height, colour or race. we are doing nothing wrong, just society tells us its wrong but for me its society that’s wrong and outdated, ive seen faster snails moving forward than society does!
regarding your SO, just tread carefully there, dont rush, just go easy. you know your SO better than anyone, how she would react? how she would accept and the prognosis of it all.
there really are no simple answers here, but any male can cross dress and look femme regardless of looks or size. ideally if your SO accepted it, then things would be so much simpler for you and it would give you time to experiment without fear of getting caught and secrecy.
I wish you the best of luck, my door is always open if you need to talk.
fiona xxxx
Thanks to everyone!! I have come to feel that I am probably making the whole thing hard on myself and looking for excuses to tell myself “Don’t do it!” I know everyone here has probably experienced the same struggle. And your absolutely right Fiona, it is society that is all screwed up, not us, not me. I only want to do what feels good, what feels natural to me. I just want happiness without portraying this image of “Mr He Man”. I have done it for so long it is a hard habit to break. Thanks Again Ladies, Hugs, Bren
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