When I was younger

[Anonymous]

Back story, I am now 29. Fully accepting of my CD self, a memory of when I was 11 or 12 just popped into my mind and I had to share.

When I was 7 or 8, I would try on my mother’s clothes. At one point when I was 11 or 12z her shoes fit me. Given any opportunity, I would put on a skirt, pantyhose, and heels that belonged to my mom.

Another year went by, and I grew. I also got sloppy. I stretched out my mother’s shoes with my too large feet, and didnt put what I wore back the same way I got them. Fast forward 3-4 years….

Now I’m maybe 15. My mother had to take me to school. On the way, she had a talk. “You know, I have a friend at work that is divorced, and he used to come to work dressed as a woman”. I said, “weird”. Not knowing where my mom was going with it.

My mom said “yea nobody at work cares, hes just not sure if hes a she or a he”. Again, I said “weird”. That was the end of the conversation.
<p style=”text-align: center;”>Now that I’m older and look back at it as a mature adult, I believe that was my mother’s way of telling me she knew what was going on. And God bless her for never bringing anything up!</p>
Since then, I have been out dressed a couple times with help from a couple friends I met  on this website. I was intensely nervous each time, but no one ever batted an eye, except one woman.

I met a friend from this site dressed. We went to McDonalds. Simple McDonalds. A breakfast sandwich and coffee. Easy as that. I was very tense because an employee at McDonalds, I’d put her in her mid to late 50’s, would not stop staring at me. Not just a Stare, but a “I know what you are” stare. Very uncomfortable. It made me uncomfortable so I wanted to leave asap. Now that I look back on that, she may have been jealous that this boy looked better than her as a woman! Who knows.

I went out for my first time with another friend I met on here. It was basically a fancy hipster wine bar. I had to park 2 blocks away and walk to the venue. So nerve wracking. I know I was read by the staff, especially because of my manly voice, but no one cared. I hope that’s a little inspiration for some l.

Its bittersweet knowing that the cards are being played well enough, and I keep getting better at what I do:). I don’t go out too often,  but every little step is equivalent to a big step. Theres so many like me out there, just do it and you wont regret it.

 

 

[Fiona-Ann Moss]

Hi Alexis, thankyou for your post, it seems many of us start our journeys, trying on our mothers or sisters clothes! you can include me in that too 🙂 . Your mum probabably did know what was going on! they are not as daft as you think lol. The same situation applied to me after many years being in the closet with my wife and countless panties going ‘missing’ , i’m sure she knew, but never really let on. I am so happy that you are progressing well with your journey forward, you are quite right, every step forward, however small, is a huge hurdle that has been overcome.

Fiona xxx

[Paula Malmborg]

Hi Alexis

It sounds like we all mirror each other in some way, I also started with my mothers cloths, I now know that she new what I was doing but never spoke to me about this, Thank you for your story, each time I read someones adventure iy gives me that extra courage to make that step out

 

Paula XX

[Susan Zed]

I don’t know if my Mum knew about me as I would have thought she would’ve used it against me as she was that type of person. However, when she tried to wind me up she used to call me Susan hence my name now. I did think about changing my name S it had these negative connections but thought “well you called me Susan and all the while I was already secretly dressing in your things so I won that one and will be the Susan I want to be!”. So whilst I am Susan, she is “my girl” not my mother’s 🙂. I did use to dread my Mum noticing that I had been in her undies drawer but I think I became too good at hiding my activity.

[Sophie Underhill]

Thanks for this Alexis. I suspect your mother did know and was trying to say that is OK.

[Brittney Andrews]

Hello Alexis Jade; Thank you for sharing your story. Your right, your mother knew what you were doing. You were fortunate, that she loved and cared about you as not to completely humiliate and shame you with “the talk”. It’s wonderful that you’ve continued your journey of accepting yourself. It’s also great that you’ve met some CDH sisters and have ventured out in public.

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