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So I read a lot here about our panties being seen, bras being noticed, or even being caught fully dressed outside by neighbors. I have posted about these in the past and see the same post all the time. If you wear panties and a bra, they will be seen. Do you think women tell the world every time their panty lines or bras are noticed or seen? No, they don’t care if it happens. It’s part of wearing panties and a bra. Now if you venture out of your house fully dressed as a woman or just wearing some women’s clothes, people will see you. It’s going to happen. We make these experiences happen and then worry about the reactions or consequences. I truly believe we make these things happen and then get worried that we were seen. But did you want to be seen? Did you want to show your panty lines off or through a panty peek? These situations aren’t accidents. Many of us want to be noticed for what we wear. We want the attention, or we would have prevented it from happening. The more comfortable we get with ourselves and our dressing the less we will worry about what others see or think. Be yourself don’t let the little things bother you. Go out and be yourself.
Michelle, it is a nice sentiment and I really agree with what you say, but it is still difficult to build the confidence, to just dress and be seen. I am always underdressed, but I do sincerely hope that nobody notices and I always check with my wife if things can be seen. On the other hand when I am ‘caught’ I have never had a negative reaction, so it gets less worrying as time passes (plus as I get older I care less what others think anyway).
But there is a bad side of society, or a bad side to at least a few members of society and things can turn ugly because of their ignorance and intolerance and bigotry. So we still need to be careful and have our whits about us.
Hugs
ChristineMichelle,
You have clearly hit the hammer on the nail. We are frequently our own worse enemy. If one does not want to take the risks that you have highlight, then one must stay within the walls of one’s home. If one ventures out, there will always be the risk of be seen by someone, perhaps he will care or perhaps he will not. But you are correct, the risk cannot be eliminated short of never venturing out.
MacKenzie Alexandra
Michelle, my goal is to blend in as much as I can. For the most part I have been successful.
Many people love to dress and under-dress and still go out, but do not want to be clocked, and that is fine. Others want to be noticed or just don’t care. We are all different. For. many it is a big deal, a really big deal, to the point of endangering their marriage or family ties, so it is demeaning to those people to just say “Don’t let the little things bother you”. To many being noticed is not a little thing. It is certainly possible to give all the telltale signs of under-dressing, but I do agree anybody who does, does risk discovery. With a bit of effort that risk can be pretty minimal.
There was a time I worried about such things, but as my self-confidence grew it became less of an issue. I am fortunate that my wife is fully aware and accepts my under-dressing so that major worry is gone. I prefer my family and friends don’t know, so around them, I am. more careful. I do not care about the public in general so there I am much bolder and at times even enjoy showing off a bit. That is just me and my experience, which may be quite different from others.
It is true most women don’t care about some VPLs or bra bumps, but they are “normal” for women, but not men, so there is a huge difference.
While I agree with much of what you’re saying, I also have to agree with those that recognize being seen is a very big deal.
I’m trans and have nothing to hide. But there was a time in my life when being recognized had serious consequences. And that’s exactly what happened one day. My next 3 years were awful.
I also personally know several girls that go out and attract quite a bit if attention. However, they restrict their going out to cities far away from their homes. Each of them has told me their lives would be utterly destroyed by a revelation of crossdressing in their home community.
So it is not a simple matter of shrugging our shoulders for some of us. I just thought you should be aware that not everyone has the luxury of enjoying your perspective.
/EA
When I use to dress male mor often I always wore panties and a sports bra every day. I was at work one day and bent over not thinking about it. This woman I work with said to me your panties are cute. That went into a whole amazing discussion and I told her about amber. She loved it.
Hey Michelle
While I respect your point of view, I’m very much with Emily Alt and JJ on this.
I think it’s a false comparison to say:
‘Do you think women tell the world every time their panty lines or bras are noticed or seen? No, they don’t care if it happens. It’s part of wearing panties and a bra.’
The situation is obviously VERY different if you’re a woman compared to if you’re CD/trans. For a GG, it would be pretty insignificant, and not even worthy of comment. For someone who’s CD/trans and not yet out, it could be devastating.
As JJ said:
‘It is demeaning to those people to just say “Don’t let the little things bother you”. To many, being noticed is NOT a little thing’.
Many of us, myself included, underdress because we feel female rather than because we want to present as such. We wear panties and a bra while in drab because it feels totally natural to do so. To us, these are our normal clothes. It doesn’t follow that we would ever want to be ‘seen’, and we certainly wouldn’t want to ‘make that happen’.
Later in your post you go on to say:
‘But did you want to be seen? Did you want to show your panty lines off or through a panty peek? These situations aren’t accidents. Many of us want to be noticed for what we wear. We want the attention, or we would have prevented it from happening.’
Okay, that might be true for some. But it is decidedly not true for all, or even most. Underdressing does not imply that, subconsciously, we want to be seen or would engineer situations where that happened. Some of us go to great lengths NOT to be seen, NOT to be noticed, and we definitely do NOT want the attention that would come from either of those things.
I am in the process of booking a makeover, followed by a meal out and a night’s clubbing. But I’m making sure that all this happens 170 miles away from where I actually live. I absolutely do NOT want to be revealed as trans in my home community, until such time as I control how and when this happens.
I’ll finish with another quote from Emily: ‘It is not simply a matter of shrugging our shoulders for some of us’.
We are all different, and we are all living in different situations. I don’t think it’s ever possible to make sweeping generalisations.
Sorry Michelle! I totally get what you were expressing in your opening post, and I hope that this reply is read in the spirit in which it was written. I’m aware that it comes across as a bit of a rant, but my intention is not to ‘have a go’. I just wanted to reinforce an alternative viewpoint.
Ellie x
I think everyone goes at different speeds when it comes to this. Yes I underdress daily but don’t call it that anymore as it’s part of my daily routine. I’ve been called out a few times when my bralette was noticed while in male mode. Even when fully dressed and out shopping I don’t worry about what people think or I wouldn’t have gone out in the first place. Of course I wouldn’t want the “guys” from work seeing me out I know myself that it’s a chance I take every time I go out fully dressed or presenting as a man while in women’s clothes which I do more often now. I think it’s up the the said person on what the wear out and how they feel about being clocked or a bra line showing.
Based on my own experience and the many stories told on CDH, the worry part is a function of need, desire, goals, experience, self-confidence, the extent of one’s wardrobe and make-up skills, genetics, our place in society and community, family relationships, etc.
The variations and combinations of these aspects can’t be boiled down to a simple “don’t worry about it”.
You nailed it, Michelle!
I have to disagree about just one thing. When I am wearing just panties under my drab clothing, nobody will know. They are lace panties and actually don’t display a panty line. Also, my slacks and shorts are loose fitting enough that a panty line wouldn’t show. The rest of your post is pretty much true. Obviously, if I were to need emergency medical attention, medical personnel might well see my panties as they are all I own. I’ve rid myself of all male underwear.
I totally agree. The thing is that I haven’t got the courage to just come out. My last attempt was going upstairs to hang clothes wearing a dress and earrings, no wig or make up. I took a robe with me in case someone went up. Pretty silly right. It’s exactly what you say. I want to be seen, but I’m so afraid.
Well said!!!
I go out routinely. Its not so much wanting to be seen as it is wanting to be part of life rather than a bystander.
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