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Julia Reynolds replied to the topic "Discovery" – 1 months ago
@barb33 You asked: “Has any of us looked at an attractive woman… ladies in their mid-twenties and older, wishing you could be her for a week, a day, an hour.” Hell yeah! I do that all the time. They don’t… Read more»
Angela Booth replied to the topic "Discovery" – 3 months ago
@barb33 It’s an interesting history over ‘Blue or boys and Pink for girls. In the victorian times white was the colour for both as it was easy to clean and boys were dressed in girls clothes quite often right up… Read more»
Barb33 wrote a new post 3 months ago
Discovery I’ve been crossdressing since an early age. My first time and what I wore were my sister’s red tights. Their feeling of sliding up my legs
Barb33 and Tiffany Cross are now friends 4 months ago
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Been there, done that, as have many here. The most important thing we must do is to accept ourselves as we are. There is nothing wrong with wearing women’s clothes, fantasizing about being a woman or transitioning to be a woman. It is just who we are.
Once you accept that try to live your best life. It is your life, not antibodies else and nobody can tell you how to live it. As I have said before, if somebody has a problem with the way you dress, it is their problem, not yours.
Oh you’re right about being there and doing that, and it is our life, but in reality we can’t always be who we feel we are. It depends on where you live of course, but it most areas attitudes have not progressed enough that we can always outwardly express who we are. I have a friend who moved up from Florida, where attitudes are a bit more accepting, but here she found that she could not live life as a woman and still find a job. Laws don’t mean squat, whether age, race or gender identification. There can always be some reason why we don’t get hired, but it happens. I have another friend who is now divorced after his wife found out. I was in a similar situation, almost 10 years ago and some things have changed, a little, since then but had I decided to come to work dressed as a female I would have been out the door in short order. A Right to Work state also means a Right to Fire state. Yes, if somebody has a problem with the way you dress it’s their problem, but many times, their problem becomes a problem for you also. Now that I’m retired and have no one I have to conform to, and I’ve reached the point where I just don’t care what others think about me any more, I’m out and full time. I’m fortunate to have wonderful friends who accept and support me as I am (since no matter what the outside looks like the core me is still the same) and aside from a few 2nd looks have not received any negative feedback, except for my sister who says I’m not allowed to look better than she does. To the contrary, I have had women approach me and tell me they’re impressed at how I can walk around in 5″ stilettos, and even once a suggestion on perhaps I should be wearing a more blue eye shadow for my complexion. I love it, I love being Jennifer, she’s my life, she’s ME now, but when you still have to survive in the working world, other peoples problems can, and often do, become ours.
Hugs,
Jennifer
@jenniferr You are right, Jennifer. There is no one solution to all of our issues or problems.
Even though I am also retired, I do have restrictions that I know that I have to live within. It’s my choice to do so, so long as my wife accepts it. I don’t want to experience any of the negative alternatives.
@harriette Oh I understand, if my wife were still alive i believe things would be different for me too. Although she accepted my dressing too, at home in private, she did have an issue about something like that extending beyond our walls and perhaps into our public life. We were going to retire together, but she became ill and I retired to take care of her. She passed just 2 weeks before our scheduled retirement. So when she passed I was retired, and now alone. It took about a year to adjust, a period in which I didn’t dress, just didn’t feel it any more. But at least i didn’t purge, again, and sure enough, after awhile, that craving came back. By that time, after a year of fighting my cancers and then a year of her fighting hers, most of our so called “friends” had drifted away, it’s during those times that you really find out who your true friends really are. With no more than a handful of true friends (who still accept and support me today), retired and widowed, I was completely free to begin any new life I chose to. After taking shrapnel in Vietnam, losing the right side of my colon to cancer, 2/3 of my left lung and 1/3 of my right lung to cancer, and losing my wife of almost 50 years, I no longer give a crap about what any stranger thinks of me. I’ve paid my dues, and as the surgeon who removed my lungs said the day after I survived the surgery, “God’s not done with you yet.” I believe I was spared, to care for my wife, and then move on to give life to that woman who has been patiently waiting, hiding, occasionally peeking out, always there through thick and thin, driving me crazy at times. Maybe sometimes we do get a 2nd chance, an opportunity to build a completely new life, a better one with more love and empathy, more understanding and wisdom, to give that inner woman a chance. Now, it’s Jennifer’s turn, I have turned my life over to her, and she makes me happy. I feel a joy unlike anything I’ve ever experienced before, a warmth and freedom, and for sure an appreciation for every day I wake up. I’ve stood on the bank of the river Styx more than once and I realize there are no guarantees about having a tomorrow. A single word can change your entire life in a moment. So now, I have decided to set her free, set myself free, I am Jennifer, and I will not let her die in the dark of a closet. She deserves this time my body has been blessed to have remaining, or perhaps I have been deemed worthy of enjoying her. Now, it is exactly as you say “if somebody has a problem with the way you dress, it is their problem, not yours.” It’s a great place to be, but it’s one hell of a road to get there. May we all get to experience it some day.
Indeed.
Hugs,
Jennifer
@jenniferr Thanks for that heartfelt reply, Jennifer. Maybe some day Harriette will get to go out as some of you do, too.
@barb33 It’s an interesting history over ‘Blue or boys and Pink for girls. In the victorian times white was the colour for both as it was easy to clean and boys were dressed in girls clothes quite often right up into the early 20th century. Blue was also considered a girls colour as it was seen as a dainty colour and pink for boys as it was a stronger one.
In the 1940’s the change came to blue for boys and pink for girls, the reasons reversed and not so clear why, perhaps reflecting societies thinking then. There is still a strong colour association even today despite the modern attitudes. A few decades ago men started to wear flowery shirts and even pink. It was said ‘You have to be a real man to wear pink’….go figure.
There has been a recent topic on the subject of being ‘her’ for a day or week. I am sure that there are some that wish that totally but is it a case you want to be like her, to dress and deport as a woman? There are some stunning crossdressers as well as stunning real woamen, they are blessed with the right body and style. Like any girls there is that longing to emulate a fashion icon but the reality is much the same that without botox, medical procedure or screen filters it ain’t gonna happen. Just make yourself as presentable as possible using the wigs, clothes makeup and body enhancers available then things should be fine.
Hi Angela,
Wasn’t it the ‘Sixties pop singer Beau Brummel that wore pink frilly shirts? I remember that there was a men’s fashion to wear such shirts at the time.
Lynne
@denimwear Frilly shirts were indeed a thing in the late sixties and early seventies and was seen as masculine. ‘New wave’ came along in the eighties and attitudes were different as makeup was added.. Adam ant and Culture club to name but two..
@ab123 I remember cravats in the late ‘Sixties and early ‘Seventies as well. Stylish and much better than wearing a tie. Marc Bolan and T. Rex are amongst my favourites from that era.
Barb,
Is the picture in red really you? If that really is you, you are one of the most beautiful and attractive women that I have ever seen.
Hi Barb,
In much the same way as you, when I was eleven years old I had the irresistible urge to wear my sister’s dress. I don’t know what compelled me to do so, but the feeling I got pulling it over my head and watching it fall into place was incredible. After that time though, I didn’t take it any further. I think because the chances of being caught were too high. It was not until when I was in my late twenties that I once again had such an urge. Not with my sister’s clothes this time. I remember having a black bell skirt, but can’t remember where I got it. It was always such a relief to pull it on though.
Lynne
For most of us the initial fear is being read but I’m echoing what others have written on various sites-NOTHING beats going out in society as a woman.The rewards are well worth the chance of someone calling you out And what are they going to do-burn you at the stake?Just start slowly like a visit to Walmart and see how it goes
whoops-something else I would like to add from my own experience–think Cheers. I don’t drink much but for a number of years have gone to a few places that have music-sat at the bar and had a couple of drinks. After a while people will get to know you and accept you. The gender issue never comes up . They know me and call me Emily and with many conversations I have I suspect that they have forgotten that I’m not a woman
Gee Emily, that’s encouraging to hear. I’m soon going for evening number two at a coffeehouse /wine bar with music. Happy hour beer and appetizer then dinner. First time went very well.
I’ve gone to a local lounge too, just last Saturday again, and have had the same experience. I’ve found that if you just act normal, like a normal female would, people barely even notice, and once a conversation starts it’s all normal. All they know me as is Jennifer, and there are some who actually look forward to seeing me there again. It’s not what you look like on the outside, it’s who you are on the inside, and if you present yourself as just an everyday normal female, that’s how people take you. Our image was just blemished for awhile by those overblown drag queens going out and acting crazy in front of children. Fortunately that craziness has died down, but for awhile they were giving all of us a bad image. It takes people like us, who present normally, getting out there and acting like normal human beings that are helping people to accept us. If you want to be accepted, you have to act acceptable, and messing with children is a sure way to make people upset.
Hugs,
Jennifer
Hi Barb,
I’m always amazed at just how common these stories are. It seems almost all of us knew from an early age that we were “different” inside. Way back, when I was young, we didn’t realize what was going on, being born and raised in a little, mountain, coal mining town, (we didn’t even have TV until I was around 10) we didn’t know anything like transsexualism or cross dressing even existed. Had I revealed these feelings I would probably not be here today, my remains forever lost in some mine pit. So we hid it, fear drove us deep into the closet, not understanding why we had to be so “weird”, ashamed, hating those feelings. Once I hit puberty and didn’t develop quite like the other boys, I still grow no body hair, it became harder to hide and I became more isolated. But then came the Army (back then our options were enlist or be drafted) and they quickly built me up from my 95 lbs to a muscular 120. Life changed, but not the way I felt inside, and once I got out, now married with a child, I secretly began building my stash, dressing only during those few stolen moments, just as so many of us do. But there was always the shame and guilt, countless purges, probably enough to keep any Goodwill Store in business for months, thinking I had to quit this crap, be “normal”, wishing the desire would disappear, just die and leave me alone. But she don’t. She’s in there, a part of us, many times actually a larger part of us than the faux life we build around ourselves in order to fit in and survive. Now, maybe thanks to the internet and sites like this, attitudes are changing, and we can feel a little more free to express ourselves. So I’ve reached the point, I’ve lived that life. I’ve gone to school, served my country in Vietnam, served my community in local politics, had a wonderful almost 50 year marriage until cancer took her away, built my career and a satisfactory retirement, raised a daughter to be able to build a successful career of her own, survived colon and lung cancer, I’ve played that role, been there, done that. Now, it’s Jennifer’s turn, her turn to live life for the time I’m blessed to have remaining, and I will not let her die alone in some dark closet. And I find that now, while I have no regrets about the life I have lived up to now, that I have found a new kind of happiness, a joy that I can’t say I even experienced before. Maybe it’s something to do with the more feminine mentality I’m developing, maybe it’s a joy Jennifer feels for finally being set free, or a joy I feel for setting her free. But it’s something new, wonderful, and I’m enjoying it greatly.
Hugs,
Jennifer
WOW, Thank You for sharing your life story. It’s so familiar.
Wow # 2, following Lacy’s. What a captivating, respectful and inspiring story. I hope for you a 2024 of delight!
Absolutely lovely post. Something we all can identify with. Thank you so much
“She will be back, she never leaves; she’s been there from the moment of our inception.” That says it all, nothing else needed.
Barb, I can relate to so much of what you’ve said, I too started young as many do, and like you I gave it up for ages because of the shame of this. Finally a few years ago after discovering CDH I have been able let Amy free and have got over much of the shame I learned in my teens.
Like you I lament about all the time I lost hiding away but at least I’m were I am now, with a bit help from my friends at CDH!
I started to write an answer which turned out to be more of an article so we’ll see if it gets published…but back to my thoughts on this.
I think we need to accept that acceptance will never be black and white but also come out and take what’s thrown at us. Being me has cost me relationships but is also more important than being someone else, in what is then a theatrical relationship. I told my current girlfriend/partner on our second date about who I intrinsically am. I could have been a ‘deal breaker’ but it wasn’t. I would rather be alone and be me than be an actor in a play. I did that for thirty years and it was the source of a lot of sadness and depression. Swapping blue for pink would mean we would just want to wear Blue. It’s the desire to wear a colour associated with the opposite sex.
Of course NOW its so ironic that wearing red tights is all the rage. Oh well, wear them proudly, I say!!!
Hi Barb
Hope this reply finds you well.
Firstly, let me say what a brilliantly written and heartfelt article.
Like many ladies here and myself, it all started with a pair of tights at a young age and grew at a snail’s pace from there until really 2016. For personal reasons, I cannot elaborate any further.
You are correct, about the need for balance, especially in public. I will always maintain that having a feminine side and using it makes us even more of a whole person and while we do our best to hide it, she is there not outwardly facing but in our hearts, mind and spirit.
Wishing you a great weekend.
Hugs,
Samantha x x
I think you summed things up for me. I have always enjoyed dressing but cant share with spouse. To do so would end my relationship with the woman I love. I dress on the side and do all I can to keep it hidden. I am not a beauty queen but when dressed enjoy a feeling of happiness and contentment. I try not too pine for what if and instead enjoy my moments.
Thank you for sharing! I’ve sent Elizabeth off many times, but this time she is back to stay! Your article was spot on for me!
I too have had my share of marriages, at the start everything was fine even when I began dressing every day but I started pushing my luck, growing out my fingernails, plucking my eyebrows, getting my ears pierced but when my wife found out that I was taking her birth control pills to grow my own breasts, she had enough. She told me if she caught me dressed up again, she was going to tell all of our friends & family about how I am always dressed up as a girl. I was doing pretty good at hiding my dressing up from her until one day, she was at work & I got all dressed up, I had my body completely hairless, my finger nails & toe nails were polished bright red, I had on a pair of red satin panties with a matching bra, shiny, suntan pantyhose, my wife’s red velvet, mini dress with her red, platform heels, I had my hair up in a bun on top of my head, full makeup with my eyebrows plucked super thin with a high arch in them, my wife’s red & black chocker necklace, red & black bangle bracelets & her red & black, over sized hoop earrings hanging from my pierced ears. I had her red purse over my shoulder, I sprayed myself with perfume then walked down stairs & opened the front door on my way out to my car, as I pulled the door shut behind me & turned to go to my car, a car pulls into my driveway & stops right in front of me & the front door of our house. I looked at the driver & passenger & froze in my tracks, it was my mother in law driving the car & my wife sitting in the passenger seat.. They got out of the car & my wife said to her mother, see, I told you he was sissy & wants to be a girl. Then my wife asked me, where are you going sissy ? are you going to meet your boy friend ? I stood there in shock, my wife pushed me aside as she unlocked the door then she told me to get inside & take off her dress & shoes. Once I was inside, she told me she only came by the house so she could get all of her things, she said she knew that I was still dressing up as a girl & she was done with me, she said she wanted to be married to a real man not some sissy who wanted to be a girl. Her mother just looked at me in disbelief as I sat down on the sofa & crossed my legs like the woman I appeared to be. My wife came out of the bedroom with a camera in hand, smile sissy, she said as she began taking pictures of me, she said the pictures she was taking were for the court when she goes for our divorce & she said she was going to send some of the pics to my parents & all of my friends. She then told me to go put on a tight, low cut top so she can get some pics of the boobs I was growing, her mother looked at her oddly, oh, I never told you about how this sissy was stealing my birth control pills & taking them so he could grow breasts, she said to her mother, ain’t that right sissy, she asked me, I looked at her & her mother who were both looking at me & I quietly said yes, that was true. Her mother told me she thought their was something odd about me when she thought I was wearing pantyhose under my pants & a few times she would swear that I was wearing mascara then she started to notice my shaped finger nails & plucked eyebrows, my wife then told her mom about how I threw out all of my male underwear & socks & started wearing panties, bras & pantyhose every day under my work clothes & how I wore nightgowns to bed every night. My wife’s final trip into the house, she told me I could keep the outfit I was wearing that she no longer wanted it & any of her clothes she left in the closet I could keep, now I could start living as the girl I wanted to be, I smiled at her & said thank you, I am going to start living as Joanne from now on I told her, I then got up & walked them out to their car & watched them drive off.
@love2bejoanne Ouch! Reading this really hit me hard, what a horrible way for your wife to finish things with you. I can understand that she didn’t sign up for what your marriage became for her due to Joanne’s presence, but did she really have to be so nasty? I hope that’s far enough back in the past that you’re in a good place as Joanne now 🤗
Hugs,Fiona xxx
Barb,
Thanks for sharing girl. We all have so many similar stories and now we must embrace our true female selves. Acceptance and loving ourselves as women are the first steps.
I was 59 before I realized I was transgender CD and been married for almost 40 years.
Hugs,
Hope
@barb33 You asked: “Has any of us looked at an attractive woman… ladies in their mid-twenties and older, wishing you could be her for a week, a day, an hour.” Hell yeah! I do that all the time. They don’t even have to be attractive! XO – Julia