Stephanie:
I am putting pen to paper to share a recent milestone and life changing experience. I had a full weekend planned to celebrate my 60th birthday, but it became much more than that. My 60th birthday celebration included a lovely open house party on Saturday and time with my daughter (Eleanor) on Monday, my actual birthday. My time with Eleanor included taking her to the train station for her journey home to Leeds. Eleanor suggested we get into town a bit early so she could treat me to a special birthday coffee. I loved the gesture but what happened next took my breath away!
I had come out to my wife and children as a crossdresser about a year ago. Both of my children were accepting of Stephanie, but I had never had the opportunity to discuss this more with my daughter Eleanor. I wanted to talk to Eleanor about this revelation and get her thoughts and feelings about this part of my life. I had conflicted feelings and wanted to confess my guilt and apologize for not being the proper father and role model I felt she deserved.
We arrived at Coffee #1 and, after getting our coffee’s, Eleanor presented me with a birthday card and a box of fudge. Upon opening the card, I found another envelope inside. On this envelope, she had written the following message: “For you to spend on whatever your heart desires”. I thanked her for the gift but didn’t give the message a second thought. I was very preoccupied with how to start this difficult conversation.
Taking a very deep breath and with my heart pounding in my ears, I started by saying that I had been wanting to talk to her for some time about Stephanie. I wanted to take this opportunity to get her thoughts and answer any questions she might have. To my immense relief, she gave me a huge smile and said she was hoping we would discuss this and would love to hear all about Stephanie. I can’t tell you enough how ecstatic I felt hearing Eleanor saying my femme name.
With a frog in my throat, I started at the beginning and told her how I had been dressing in some form since I was about six or seven years of age. I explained that as I grew through adolescence, the urges to dress had diminished. By the time I married her mum (I was 22 years old) I had no desire to crossdress. However, after 5-6 years of marriage, my “need to feel pretty” returned with a vengeance. I also mentioned that I had been terrified to come out to her mother about Stephanie. My feelings at that time were filled with guilt and confusion.
As we drank our coffee, the conversation shifted from my past to who Stephanie was. I told them I had come to accept that Stephanie was a real person and that she could not be ignored. I revealed how Stephanie got her name and that I had joined Crossdresser Heaven. I shared about how important CDH is to me, the wonderful support and friendship that I have gained, and the wonderful friends I had made (including my closest friend BFF Michelle).
Eleanor asked a few questions as we chatted. One question was “Did I want to go out in public?” I told her that I definitely wanted to go out in public as Stephanie and that I had actually done so last year. I had gone out dressed for a lovely walk in a very serene, safe setting.
She suggested that one weekend I could visit her in Leeds and we would go shopping for Stephanie together. If I was feeling bold enough we could even go out to a restaurant together in the evening. I was flabbergasted but simultaneous on Cloud Nine! Eleanor also mentioned that her birthday gift was for me to buy something special for Stephanie hence the “For your heart’s desire”.
We made our way to the station and had a little wait before the train arrived. I asked her if she wanted to see some photos of Stephanie. She said she would love to! I shared a few of the photos I had taken especially for my birthday. She exclaimed, “OH! Dad she is absolutely gorgeous”.
I am SO proud of Eleanor! She is so supportive and understanding at such a young age ( 22 years old).
This was unquestionably the best coffee I’ve ever had.
Eleanor:
Upon deciding to go for coffee, I had no suspicions that our conversation would carry out the way it did. Having my Dad bring up his crossdressing made me so happy. I was unsure before whether it was something I could bring up, or whether that would only make him anxious. I felt so proud and honored that he was happy to talk to me about it. After we finished our coffee, I had to catch my train home. I missed my first train but I’ve never been more willing to do so or more glad that I did. We sat in the car for a long while, whilst he showed me some photos and we chatted about going out together sometime. I left the car smiling, and I stayed smiling for the rest of my four-hour journey…and for a long while longer after that.
