On November 28, I joined Crossdresser Heaven. I had been crossdressing for a long time, but had never embraced it fully
I really didn’t know that much about CDH when I joined, but I immediately came to understand what it was all about. Just the thought of even revealing myself to anyone was terrifying to me. So right after I registered, I received my first private message. I thought to myself, a private message, this can’t be good. So I opened it, not sure what to expect. It was a very welcoming message from a member here who was wondering where in the state I lived. I hadn’t revealed that in my profile, since I wasn’t comfortable with anyone finding out where I actually lived. But upon finding out that I was close, she invited me to a Christmas party. In my mind, I thought how I had always dreamed of doing something like that, but of course there was great apprehension on my part since I wasn’t at all comfortable with my presentation to be able to go out. So, I declined the invitation, but got a friend request so I could learn about future events. I thought to myself that I had accomplished 2 firsts, one that I had just revealed to a complete stranger that I was a crossdresser, and accepted my first friend request.
So, I was contemplating where all of this was heading, and thinking to myself, “what am I doing here, there could be all kinds of different people here to out me”. But then the next day, I received posts to my introduction from fellow girls here that welcomed me, and let me know how it was a friendly, open and non- intimidating place to be. So I was convinced by them to stick around and see what this was all about.
The next big thing for me was thinking about posting a picture. I had been looking at all the gorgeous pictures that everyone posted in the photos section, and was very impressed with everyone’s presentation. But being self-critical of my female look, I had a really hard time picking out a photo. Then after I finally found one that I liked I posted my first public photo. Within minutes, I was so afraid of this photo being downloaded and shared on the internet, that I immediately deleted it.
From here, I started to read and post some responses on discussion forums, and was excited to participate. All along the way, with the forums, I received encouraging posts from members here, and slowly realized that there was nothing to be concerned about. So I decided that I could upgrade my membership and at least post a picture in the private photos section. It was difficult to choose a photo, since I really didn’t like any of them, so the one that I picked was one where I changed my wig to a longer style through Faceapp.
By posting in the private photo section, I didn’t have to worry about the exposure to the entire world on the internet. Then, as I posted some more on the forums, I received a few messages about the photo that were very encouraging. Some said that it actually looked really good. Some even wrote comments on the photos about the picture, and I was beginning to think that maybe I could stick around on CDH and with a lot of work, get my look down so I at least would satisfy my own critical self and feel good about posting more pictures.
I didn’t have any more opportunities to dress during the holidays, but I couldn’t wait to get to try my next presentation. I really liked the hair that Faceapp had put on me, so I searched for a new wig that might fit the bill. But by then I had read that using photo manipulation wasn’t really fair if you wanted to present an accurate picture of who you were. So I replaced the manipulated photo with the original. Surprise, surprise, I got the same type of comments about that photo without the long hair. So I was even more encouraged to try to perfect my presentation.
Then my search for the hair that I wanted seemed to be over, and I had ordered a new wig to match what I thought would be a good look for me. I was excited when it arrived, and couldn’t wait to try it on. So I opened it up, and put it on. When I looked in the mirror, I thought I was seeing Wayne from Wayne’s world, and was ready to send it back. But I remembered that several people had complimented me on a picture of a new dress with the old hair. So I decided to at least get dressed and see what the wig looked like with that dress. The next time I looked in the mirror, I was a little more encouraged. I decided that I’d try a little makeup to see what it was really like. Then to my surprise, I really began to like the new wig. Wayne from Wayne’s world was gone and replaced by a decent looking woman. So off for a few more pictures. I liked a few, but wasn’t that happy with makeup, since I hadn’t taken the time to do it properly. But the pictures were good enough to post. I actually got a few positive comments from friends that they liked the look.
Then last weekend, a new dress arrived and I was excited to give it my best effort. I took my time on makeup and thought that it looked pretty good. So I proceeded to take some more pictures. I saved the best ones, and then realized that there was one that I really loved. I could see nothing in that picture except a woman, and plucked up the courage to post it publicly (my first). I decided that even in a public photo, no one would ever suspect that person to be me. Then I decided that I liked it so much that I sent it for consideration for featured photo. The next day, I was shocked to have been chosen. Me, the brand new know nothing newbie, being selected for featured photo on crossdresser heaven. You can’t imagine how excited I was. But my excitement didn’t stop there. There were a bunch of positive comments posted on the photo, which made me even happier. After all, I hadn’t been at this very long, and wasn’t very sure of myself and my new efforts to crossdress.
Later I received an even more encouraging private message from a friend here that had let me know how much I had influenced her through our communications here. I never thought that it could happen to me that I could have a friend who I could help to crossdress. What a treat for me.
To say the least, it was a very good day for me to have affirmation from members that I could look good enough to actually look like a real woman. I’m so happy about it.
I just wanted to write this article to thank everyone here that has responded to my posts and provided words of encouragement to me in my journey with this wherever it leads. I no longer feel alone in crossdressing, and am very thankful to be a part of this sisterhood. I am looking forward to posting more, and hopefully even better photos in the future. Thank you all you have been incredibly supportive.
Jennifer you are never alone. You have sisters everywhere. Love your look and confidence.
Susan
Thank you Jennifer for your comments, it just goes to show what a wonderful home we share with all our sisters and friends here, with no judgement and respect towards everyone.
Sherri
Awesome article Jennifer your a movie star in the making. I loved reading your article thank you for sharing and for being a wonderful and amazing member here at CDH and a good friend to so many. I appreciate you and value you being here.
Hugs April
Jenn this is a great article thanks for sharing it. I have been here for two years and my experience has been much the same. Nothing but positivity
Thanks for sharing your story with us Jennifer, I've been on this site two times and the girls are fabulous they give each other so much encouragement you cannot help but feel the love on here, I've seen your pictures and i must say all i see is a beautiful woman, i wish i looked as good as you,
Hugs Rozalyn X
Hi Jennifer; I loved your story, I’ve been here less then a month and have many of the same concerns that you mentioned. I’m still working on my look so I can share some photos. Thank you so much for the article. Hugs Annabeth
Jennifer, from the comments from the other lovely ladies you have friends who offer friendship and support..as I mentioned before your “fashion show” your choice of outfits are so complimentary of your beautiful self…your “CDH story so far” is very touching and I and sisters here are so glad you found this wonderful website…
Jennifer,
As you are finding out, CDH is indeed a great place, full of friendly, helpful ladies. It has been interesting to watch your progress from "nervous newbie" to an increasingly confident lady. Keep in mind that this process is more of a marathon than a sprint. All of the more experienced ladies here have gone through a long trial & error process with makeup, clothing and deportment to get where they are today. So go slowly, learn and practice at a pace you are comfortable with and I guarantee your comfort level and confidence will grow in the coming year. And above all - enjoy!
Fiona
Thank You Jennifer, You Look Fantastic, Both Pics! & Happy!! This place is A Wonderous Group of Loving, Caring Ladies who Make you're confidence Grow & Grow and as Susan said. :You are Never alone"!! Jill
Hi Jennifer. I’m finally making the plunge to become what I always knew since a child. I’m a woman and now I’m going to step out to explore and experience that woman inside me but I need assistance, guidence and friendship dear. Can u and others guide me to bring out the femine side of me please
Hi Jen,
Thanks for putting to words what I think most everyone here has encountered. I too am new to all of this. Since joining CDH, I've noticed one of the most interesting thing about this site is the overall willingness to help others. I've seen many new members come in being ever so shy. Then watch how they blossom to full fledge Big Sister to so many others.
It truly is the best.
Hello Jen if i may call you Jen. you look absolutely stunning, yes no one would know it's you for you look different dressed up in that pretty outfit, you have the figure of a female may i say so. too bad about the Xmas dinner that someone asked you to come too, you would have had a great time with the rest of the girls and enjoyed yourself. i went to a Buffalo Bells meeting years back and i had a great time, we all talked about our self-one at a time and it came up to me to talk about myself and how i started. i wish i could have stayed longer but i had to get back home before the wife got home from work. my wife knows of my cross dressing now and lets me dress up when our last adult child is at work. wife has seen me dressed up and also getting dressed up, i even put on eye shadow and perfume, earrings, necklace, heels and nylons bra and panties and pad. i have my own dresses plus ones from my mom in which she passed away in 2013 and my dad 68 days later in 2013.hate to see my mom's things go to waste so i took them in which fit. i also took over my wife's dresses and some of her skirts that her friend gave her. they fit me fine and my wife would not fit into them. I basically. Buy my own dresses, skirts, nylons bra's, panties and pads, nylons, earrings perfume. i buy 2 bottles of perfume 1 for her and 1 for me. i love dressing up as a female the clothing is better fit and looks pretty when i wear them just wish i could go out doors again and be free. welcome to C.D.H you will find tons of girls here that will welcome you and freind you, lok around the site lots of info and gals to chat with have a great day. i am in Niagara Falls N.y area
Schwinggggg....Party on Jen. You look just fabulous, Thank you for an insight to Jens World......
You look great and I'm glad you decided to stick around. I look forward to reading you on the forums dear. This truly is a sisterhood and this is the best site I've found for support and encouragement. All of us need to know there are many more out there just like us all over the world and its not a crime to enjoy our passion but its just who we are and thats ok.