On November 28, I joined Crossdresser Heaven. I had been crossdressing for a long time, but had never embraced it fully
I really didn’t know that much about CDH when I joined, but I immediately came to understand what it was all about. Just the thought of even revealing myself to anyone was terrifying to me. So right after I registered, I received my first private message. I thought to myself, a private message, this can’t be good. So I opened it, not sure what to expect. It was a very welcoming message from a member here who was wondering where in the state I lived. I hadn’t revealed that in my profile, since I wasn’t comfortable with anyone finding out where I actually lived. But upon finding out that I was close, she invited me to a Christmas party. In my mind, I thought how I had always dreamed of doing something like that, but of course there was great apprehension on my part since I wasn’t at all comfortable with my presentation to be able to go out. So, I declined the invitation, but got a friend request so I could learn about future events. I thought to myself that I had accomplished 2 firsts, one that I had just revealed to a complete stranger that I was a crossdresser, and accepted my first friend request.
So, I was contemplating where all of this was heading, and thinking to myself, “what am I doing here, there could be all kinds of different people here to out me”. But then the next day, I received posts to my introduction from fellow girls here that welcomed me, and let me know how it was a friendly, open and non- intimidating place to be. So I was convinced by them to stick around and see what this was all about.
The next big thing for me was thinking about posting a picture. I had been looking at all the gorgeous pictures that everyone posted in the photos section, and was very impressed with everyone’s presentation. But being self-critical of my female look, I had a really hard time picking out a photo. Then after I finally found one that I liked I posted my first public photo. Within minutes, I was so afraid of this photo being downloaded and shared on the internet, that I immediately deleted it.
From here, I started to read and post some responses on discussion forums, and was excited to participate. All along the way, with the forums, I received encouraging posts from members here, and slowly realized that there was nothing to be concerned about. So I decided that I could upgrade my membership and at least post a picture in the private photos section. It was difficult to choose a photo, since I really didn’t like any of them, so the one that I picked was one where I changed my wig to a longer style through Faceapp.
By posting in the private photo section, I didn’t have to worry about the exposure to the entire world on the internet. Then, as I posted some more on the forums, I received a few messages about the photo that were very encouraging. Some said that it actually looked really good. Some even wrote comments on the photos about the picture, and I was beginning to think that maybe I could stick around on CDH and with a lot of work, get my look down so I at least would satisfy my own critical self and feel good about posting more pictures.
I didn’t have any more opportunities to dress during the holidays, but I couldn’t wait to get to try my next presentation. I really liked the hair that Faceapp had put on me, so I searched for a new wig that might fit the bill. But by then I had read that using photo manipulation wasn’t really fair if you wanted to present an accurate picture of who you were. So I replaced the manipulated photo with the original. Surprise, surprise, I got the same type of comments about that photo without the long hair. So I was even more encouraged to try to perfect my presentation.
Then my search for the hair that I wanted seemed to be over, and I had ordered a new wig to match what I thought would be a good look for me. I was excited when it arrived, and couldn’t wait to try it on. So I opened it up, and put it on. When I looked in the mirror, I thought I was seeing Wayne from Wayne’s world, and was ready to send it back. But I remembered that several people had complimented me on a picture of a new dress with the old hair. So I decided to at least get dressed and see what the wig looked like with that dress. The next time I looked in the mirror, I was a little more encouraged. I decided that I’d try a little makeup to see what it was really like. Then to my surprise, I really began to like the new wig. Wayne from Wayne’s world was gone and replaced by a decent looking woman. So off for a few more pictures. I liked a few, but wasn’t that happy with makeup, since I hadn’t taken the time to do it properly. But the pictures were good enough to post. I actually got a few positive comments from friends that they liked the look.
Then last weekend, a new dress arrived and I was excited to give it my best effort. I took my time on makeup and thought that it looked pretty good. So I proceeded to take some more pictures. I saved the best ones, and then realized that there was one that I really loved. I could see nothing in that picture except a woman, and plucked up the courage to post it publicly (my first). I decided that even in a public photo, no one would ever suspect that person to be me. Then I decided that I liked it so much that I sent it for consideration for featured photo. The next day, I was shocked to have been chosen. Me, the brand new know nothing newbie, being selected for featured photo on crossdresser heaven. You can’t imagine how excited I was. But my excitement didn’t stop there. There were a bunch of positive comments posted on the photo, which made me even happier. After all, I hadn’t been at this very long, and wasn’t very sure of myself and my new efforts to crossdress.
Later I received an even more encouraging private message from a friend here that had let me know how much I had influenced her through our communications here. I never thought that it could happen to me that I could have a friend who I could help to crossdress. What a treat for me.
To say the least, it was a very good day for me to have affirmation from members that I could look good enough to actually look like a real woman. I’m so happy about it.
I just wanted to write this article to thank everyone here that has responded to my posts and provided words of encouragement to me in my journey with this wherever it leads. I no longer feel alone in crossdressing, and am very thankful to be a part of this sisterhood. I am looking forward to posting more, and hopefully even better photos in the future. Thank you all you have been incredibly supportive.
My CDH Story So Far
Wanting to Want to Dress
April (Pacific Princess) Advice and Encouragement, Crossdresser Support and Advice, Crossdressing and the Family, Crossdressing Just for Fun 51What it is about desire that makes life more exciting, and just more worth living? Have you ever wanted to want something?
The Increasing desire to Dress with the Mature CD
Trish White Crossdressing Just for Fun 181Hi Girls, I haven’t been a member here for that long. While cruising the CDH site and reading various posts, I’m have noticed what appears to be a common theme among a lot of the “mature” girls. This theme is that many mature crossdressers, like myself, have an increa...
What are YOUR favourite stockings?
Jemma Jones Crossdressing Just for Fun 47Come on girls, I want to know what are the stockings that you really enjoy wearing (I’m assuming you DO enjoy them!) Although there is a vast choice out there when it comes to hosiery, I bet the majority will say either black or fully fashioned nylons Those seem to be the f...
My Best Dress-up Day Ever
Diana Stockton Crossdressing Just for Fun 19While I have shopped quite a few times before in drag I always tried to hide and walk away from others. This time I was determined to just be like everyone else.
How to tame the tangle of long hair
Vanessa Law Beauty and Makeup, Crossdressing Just for Fun 16Long hair is beautiful, sexy and alluring but it can be a daunting challenge to take care of it correctly. If you're just starting to grow your hair, or haven't quite tamed it - here are a few tips and tricks to get the perfect look.
There is Only One Toilet
Vanessa Law Crossdressing Just for Fun, Vanessa's Transgender Experience 6The restroom can be a awfully frightening place for a transgendered woman venturing out for the first time. But it doesn't have to be that way. Here's a look on the lighter side of the transgender bathroom issue and one woman's experience coming to terms with her new gender.
We Looked Alike!
Falecia McGuire Crossdressing Just for Fun 13We Looked Alike! Hi Girls! I love to keep a journal and I especially like writing about my cross dressing propensities and my alternate desire to dress in an androgynous way whenever possible. Androgynous, for those of you who are not familiar with the term, is an adjectiv...
Drag Show Day
Paula Here Crossdressing Just for Fun 17Hello Lovely Ladies On Saturday Night, I went to my first Drag Show. (I previously mentioned getting tickets to the show in a post.) I had been dreaming every day about what to wear to the show. I browsed the store many times looking at dresses. My finances eventually kept me fro...
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Jennifer you said again the feelings I have for CDH. Can’t believe your 71, you don’t look a day over 50. For me if it hadn’t been for 2 things I wouldn’t be where I am today. First when my X found out she told our 3 grown kids and threatened to tell my 4 brothers. So I told my brothers myself and been telling others in my life a few here and there and have had no bad push back yet. The second was all the wonderful girls here and all their adventures, I so wanted to get out… Read more »
Thank you Cassie, your comments are an inspiration to me to persevere. I haven’t read your articles yet, but I can’t wait to read them now.
Hello. I just wanted to send a cherry hello to all you lovely women out there. In one of life’s flukes, I think this site is in the U. K., but I got to make an aquitance two miles up the street. How funny is that. During Pride Week, we went out for her first time EVER!!! She talks about it even recently. Another quirky thing, she heads up the LGBTQ + group where she works, & always wanted to venture out, as a woman, but didn’t have a crazy woman like me to say, “To heck with them, we… Read more »
Thanks for the comment, Nora Grace. Be careful though, you may have lots of visitors, since Boston is a great place to visit.
you look absolutely stunning, why not go outdoors and have a great time, no one would know it’s a man dressed up and no one would recognize you so why not go to a party with others near you and have a good time infem. i went to a Buffalo Bells meeting years ago and i was a little scared but i did go in but at first it was the wrong room, then i found the right room and sat down and all the ladies were very under standing and welcomed me to the meeting, we each had a… Read more »
Thanks for the encouragement and compliments. Pictures can hide a lot of what you might notice in person and close up. I still am very critical of myself, but getting better with all the encouragement here. Maybe someday, I’ll get the courage to reveal myself to the public.
Hello Jennifer I must say yes the name does fit you very much my name is ambermaria my mom gave me that name when I first came out to her her middle name was Maria and I always loved the smell as Amber I’m very very happy with being a cross dresser my self And how wonderful it is to be a cross dresser but I not just another cross dresser I want to be a woman also I feel much happier in life as ambermaria I’m now 67 and I believe it’s time to let the world know I… Read more »