Bobbi Anne,
You've been given a lot of great advice by many of our sisters here. If I may, I'd like to add a little more based on my own personal experiences.
I didn't tell my wife until we had been married for more than 25 years. Of course it came as a huge shock to her to find out that her husband, the real man she thought she married had been carrying a secret inside for decades that I had never shared with her. The fact that it was crossdressing, which, let's face it, is not a readily accepted addiction (not like drugs, or porn, or something "normal" like that) made it even worse.
We went through hell as we came to terms with the fact that there was a part of me that I had kept from her for so long. That was one of the most painful aspects of coming out to her, the fact that I had been keeping secrets from her. I also laid it completely on the line though when I came out and told her absolutely everything - the good and the bad. I told her how I had tried to stop, how I've gone to counseling, how I've binged and purged, the pain I have felt as I have lived with this part of me that truthfully, I don't understand and never will. I also provided her with a lot of research on the subject of crossdressing that I had read over the decades, so that she could see that I was not some sort of isolated pervert, I was just a man with a strange part of his character and makeup. Also, I then let her dictate what the terms of my crossdressing would be. Whether she wanted to see it (no), whether she wanted to participate in it (no), whether she would give me space if I needed it (yes), whether she wanted to talk about it (it depends), etc. Basically, although I know that crossdressing is a huge part of my life and who I am, I made the decision to not throw it in her face.
In our case too, both of us loved each other fiercely and both were committed to making our marriage last and stay together, no matter what, so we both worked (and still continue to work to this day) to be open and honest with each other. That's the best thing that came out of this for me, I no longer had to hide anything, so I could now be more emotional, I could now cry at silly movies, I could now tell her that I liked a certain dress on a woman. She realizes that as a crossdresser, I do have some emotional and psychological makeup similar to that of a female, which also made it easier for her to understand a lot of my past actions. She realized that since I was trying so hard to hide my crossdressing from her, that I would overcompensate and try to act super-macho (in effect, I was a real ass**** at times), so my opening up and coming out to her, totally and completely and honestly, was the best thing for us.
She still doesn't like my crossdressing, but at least now she seems to have a better understanding of some of the things that motivate me. As I said, I don't understand why I'm this way, so trying to explain it to her and make her understand it is highly unlikely. The best we can do is to try and be honest without hurting our wives. After all, they didn't marry us because they were lesbians, so finding out that there is in effect another woman as part of the marriage has got to be unsettling to them, or even downright scary. How they react to it ranges all across the map, but we can't understand that and never will, just like they can't understand us.
So my suggestion and hope for you is that you and your wife are able to talk openly and honestly and come to some understanding that works for you. Every one of us is different, so our situations and how they are resolved will be different.
Hugs,
Holly