ms sh.- You raise some good points and thank you for posing this question and sharing your feelings about this. You didn't elaborate much on your point other than he gets uncomfortable about his crossdressing and presumably either gets mad or clams up and doesn't want to talk about it.
And, maybe it sounds as if you want some sort of "logical" explanation of the "what fors" and "why's of why he crossdresses. Well, in many cases, that is the 1 million dollar question that many of us have a difficult time explaining ourselves, much less to someone we love and are pressing hard for answers to questions that we, as CD's have a difficult time putting a finger on the answer or pinning down the origins of the desires to CD.
I can tell you that, from my perspective anyway, when i dress, i feel like i'm on cloud nine and just the mere fact that I'm wearing all sorts of pretty clothes, are reveling in the flood of sensations of being a bit girly. It is just so thrilling to get to do that. I can't explain why but it does. I would wager he can't put his finger on it any more than most of us can. Many of us see women as being beautiful and there's a certain amount of envy of the fact that they can get all dolled up and be so pretty....it's just overwhelming. And getting to join in on that fun can be so thrilling.
of course, there are those of us who are dressing and end up looking like caricatures of women for any number of reasons but we still love doing it.
So, your answer in part is that he likes to feel girly. He's stepping on the other side of the fence and it's fun. He's emulating what he perceives as being female look and mannerisms and he likes doing it. Imitation is the most sincere form of flattery, as they say. Getting to be one of the "girls" is such a thrill for many of us. It doesn't make us gay, although some might be.
But, as you already know, women's clothes are so much softer both in appearance and the look, touch and feel. He feels that inside and wants to act on it. It has nothing to do with him thinking that you're inadequate or lacking in any way. In fact, he's wanting to share this very secret side of himself with you because he trusts you and wants to open up more and hopes you will be accepting of his little idiosyncrasy. That's all it is.
Getting over the hurdle is likely going to require the two of you having an open and honest discussion, difficult as it may be.....if that's what you want to do in order to find some sort of satisfactory resolution to this.
Once again, he likely can't answer the "WHY" question because he doesn't know that answer himself. If you really want to pursue getting the communication going so that you can actually have a dialogue on this, it might be a good tactic to do so more from a reassuring angle rather than the hardcore detective angle. I'm not saying you are doing the latter but that's usually how that line of questioning goes from the shocked significant other in these situations from what I can tell. It's akin to asking him why he likes to breathe? then, pressing hard to get a definitive answer as to why and all the rest. Believe me, it's hard wired into his brain that he enjoys dressing up in women's clothes in whatever degree he likes to do it.
I've had the same conversation with my wife. She is immensely perplexed at why I would even "want" to wear any sort of women's clothing because it makes no sense to her or me. I just know I love doing it and can't seem to quit. I don't even try to quit any more. Why? because I LIKE it!! ha. It's just me. It's who I am and I would not be happy if I were to stop my dressing. it's as simple as that.
I do wish you both the best and hope you two can resolve your differences, questions and uncertainties. Cheers!
