The Pill

@chrissydee 

The 'would you take the pill?' question crops up here every few months or so 🙂

For me, the short answer is 'no'.

The long answer is 'nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo'.

I'm Ellie. That's not an alias I've invented for CDH. It's what I call myself; it's who I am.

I'm trans, and I LOVE being this way. I'm not frightened of it, I'm not ashamed of it, and I CERTAINLY don't want it to go away.

Put one of those pills near me and I will destroy it with extreme prejudice. You should remember that my day job involves access to explosives.

Ellie x

@chrissydee 

Hi Chrissy,

I saw this question last night went I went through the chat after I realised your clocks had gone forward! 

My answer is also a resounding NO!

As you know, I’m hidden like you, but I can’t imagine not having Lucy in my life nowadays. I lost any guilt and shame attached to all this a number of years ago.

Luckily, unlike Ellie, I have no access to explosives. If I did and I attempted to blow up the pills, it would no doubt be the pills that survived rather than me 💥

@chrissydee 

I replied no. BUT I need to qualify that, my current self has to say no.  Even if I would have no memory of my CD, I would have all that wasted time over the years where I could have explored my male desires/wants more.  BUT I love what I have become, I am much more sympathetic to so many more situations than HE ever would.

 Cassie

@chrissydee 

Chrissy,

Thanks for the question. I am like most girls that responded. I would not take the pill. My only regret is that I don't dress more. Presently I have been in a new dress for several hours and I I am staying up pass my bedtime since I just don't want to take the dress off. Unfortunately, I am also pretty much still in the closet, so when I have time to dress and make myself up, I am one happy lady. 

Hugs, Irene

@chrissydee I believe that, even if I had no memories, I would still feel that there was something missing. Since recognising Allie as a distinct and equally valid aspect of my personality, I have never felt as complete as I do now.

I do understand that not everyone has even minimal acceptance or support of their SO, but the poll results show that doesn't appear to influence how people voted.

Thanks for the question, though, Chrissy.

Allie x

@chrissydee I've been dressing since I was 4. from the first time I slid on stockings I felt so good. I loved that feeling and wanted it more. By the time I was 5, I was dressing in all femme things except for wig and makeup. I was given "special time" for my dressing.

Then when I began buying my own clothes and going out, the excitement, thrill rush I felt was incredible and so strong. I couldn't feel that way doing anything else. Throughout my life and have loved and enjoyed those feelings.

When I've been tired, they energized me. When I've felt sad, they cheered me up. When I've been bored, they excited me. And they've brought me feelings or euphoria and pleasure I was not able to get from anything else.

Give it all up and have no memory or recollection of doing it and never feeling like that again? Nutty as it seems, I vote no.

@chrissydee Absolutely not!  I like myself as a woman much better and I like the way I relate to the world better as a woman.   Plus, who wants to wear those ugly male clothes?

@chrissydee NO way,I am very happy being a crossdresser,I would NOT change anything.

@chrissydee as much as I love crossdressing, I feel like it takes away from more meaningful experiences and meaningful relationships, at least for me

@chrissydee Thought provoking question......  I think the answer has to be "NO!!!" purely because I enjoy my time as Holly - and I've come to realise that she is a big part of the real me; she's been with me since the day I was born and will be with me when they put my coffin in the furnace.  I just couldn't feel right without Holly - and she wouldn't feel right without me (yup - I'm writing this as my male personna).  Yes; I'm scared of being found out, also I have purged a few times in the past - just never again; one of the few advantages of getting older, I suppose, is that I've come to accept that fundamental change comes to very few of us.  Holly XXX

@chrissydee Thank you for reminding me of my past.  I'm an older gal with a young gal's mind and my answer is a strong NO!  I don't post much, but a BIG thanks to many of my sisters on this site.  Three years ago, I was 100% closeted and in a terrible, vicious, emotionally damaging cycle of purging.  Thanks to so many ladies here who helped my to accept Carla. Carlie and letting her out to stay.  xx

Forget? No. Stop? Yes.

Occasionally, my crossdressing causes issues between my wife and I, and I hate it. 
Most of the time, my crossdressing isn't a problem, but very occasionally, it causes issues.

I hate upsetting my wife, so if I could stop, I would..... Oddly, I've discussed this with my wife, and she wouldn't want me to stop.

Cerys

@chrissydee  No!! Best, Marlene.

@chrissydee I'm not sure how this post got hijacked by a somewhat frivolous discussion about explosives but I think there is a serious context as well. Some time ago when i used to attend a CD social group with wives and partners, I would occasionally ask other attendees the same pill question. The overall response I got from CD's was similar to the votes cast in this poll with a large majority saying that they definitely wouldn't take the pill. However, the response by the CD's partners (nearly all cis women) to whether they would put such a pill in their partner's morning coffee was exactly the opposite. Nearly all the partners said they would do it in a heartbeat and wouldn't give it a second thought. The sort of self-justificatory explanations by CD's for why partners shouldn't do this were often laughed away with the Mandy Rice Davies type comment of "they would say that wouldn't they?". It was very clear to me that having a CD partner was just too stressful for most women and they would love to be free of that stress.

I voted that I would take the pill. I don't think that being a CD is such an integral part of what I am that for those who don't know I'm a CD I would be any different if I didn't cross-dress. I see being CD as an unfortunate genetic variation that most people don't understand or accept. i would love to be free of this strange obsession and the extent to which it dominates my life.

@chrissydee 

I never want to forget how great it is to just be me

@chrissydee no way for me.  Life has ups and down either way.  Take the pill and something else will be causing you angst.  Embrace the suck.  Its part of being human IMHO, and the suck makes the good times so much better.

@elaines 

I'm a hider myself - presents some logistical issues, as its off-site.

@christineth 

Hi Christine, I would go for it and take that first step outside, I did it this week on Wednesday i took a deep breath and walked through the door and out into the wide big world, I got in my car and went for a drive through all the country lanes near where i live it was amazing, 

Remember it's one small step for womankind one giant leap for Christine, once you have taken that first step you will remember it the rest of your life, good luck Hun,

Hugs Rozalyn X 🤗

@christineth Step out in public ! You want to , just do it !

@finallyfiona 

Fiona is enriching my life, I've not had this much going on in my personality that I can ever remember.

I feel strongly that in the longer term I will want Fiona to stay in my life, whichever way that goes.  

This 🙂

Just substitute 'Ellie' for 'Fiona' 

@rebeccabaxter I think it's understandable. I feel it's about where you are in your journey. A person in the middle of a root canal might wish they'd never set foot in that office, but someone after the procedure would recognize the benefits and see that the tough times were a part of a larger, more healthy process.

Someone who's in the beginning of their CD/TG path might currently just be feeling the weight of the guilt and shame and stress of telling/not telling their spouse. Or someone who's personal beliefs strongly conflict with the nature of being CD/TG. It seems very reasonable that someone under all of that pressure might very well want it all to go away. :/

@rebeccabaxter Hi Rebecca, after a good deal of soul searching, I voted yes. I've fully accepted and love that I fall into the transgender spectrum. When I'm Robyn I can only describe it as euphoria. I participate in cross dresser support groups, social groups as well. I went to First Event this year. Part of me is a woman and I'm so grateful to have come to that reality. Fully acknowledging this is who I am I  also have a loving woman who shares her life with me and supports me, grown children who I hide this from and whose reaction to this knowledge would undoubtably be difficult. A long self-employed career as a man, I can't potentially throw that all away. And yet here I am, writing this completely enfemme, because I can't help myself. It was a tough choice for me, yes or no to the pill. I guess I worry about disappointing those closest to me. And at the end of the day we make a choice. And, thank god there is no such pill.

Robyn

@rebeccabaxter they are probably in a bad place right now.  I hope they see things in a more positive light when they get through their issues.

@melaniejames 

I'd just like to flag that that was a hole lot of puns. There are lots more though ... you've a fairway to go yet.