Ooooh Jackie, i can well understand your situation and future thoughts. You know your wife better than anyone else so you must be pretty sure of the response you would receive if you came out to her. Its a difficult one because of your wifes health issues too and you certainly dont want to tip her over the edge. It seems obvious to me if you are home 24-7 that the oppurtunity to dress with your untold wife is nigh on impossible. Unless she knew, i can see no other option but to leave the house to maybe spend a night in a hotel or maybe you could get in contact with a group or friends reasonably near to where you are. You would be suprised at how many of us are out there and how many are quite close! Even if you treated yourself to an outing once a month, its better than nothing and it would give you something to look forward to. I really hope things turn out well for you Jackie.
With Love, Fiona xx