- January 30, 2017 at 12:38 pm #43168cdheavenFounderRegistered On: September 18, 2015Topics: 1409Replies: 3907Has thanked: 0 timesBeen thanked: 7066 times
I have been seeing a therapist after my divorce. Divorce wasn’t because of CD. In our last discussion, I really opened up about where I was in my CD journey. She said I was transgender. I have only really thought of myself as a crossdresser. I am heterosexual and don’t have any urge to transition. So, I did some online research and see there is a WIDE variety of definitions on who is transgender from CD is a part of transgender to they are two totally separate things. I am not trying to stir up any controversy, but was curious about everyone’s opinion. Thanks!
- December 22, 2021 at 11:00 pm #592763Michelle BaileyLadyRegistered On: July 17, 2020Topics: 1Replies: 201Has thanked: 8940 timesBeen thanked: 983 times
Hi girls I am secret crossdresser and have been for over 40 years before that it was just trying on mum’s and other girls undies ,so in that 40 years I bought all manor of female clothing but never got a lot of time to crossdress ,purged what I had purchased only like most started up again now during that time I always dreamt of living full time as a female but with a lovely wife and three daughters no chance ,now this last 12 months have been able to underdress nearly 75% of the time buy more and more lovely undies so this has given me even more yearning to live full time as a female ,will it ever happen I don’t think so ,therefore I will carry with my life as it is knowing that I am wearing my lovely bras and panties etc and that I am the only one that knows I am living out my female dream Michelle xx
- December 22, 2021 at 9:10 pm #592754Carla RobertsLadyRegistered On: July 28, 2021Topics: 1Replies: 59Has thanked: 132 timesBeen thanked: 317 times
It is so unfortunate that we need to be classified and labeled according to someone else’s definitions. I consider myself to be somewhere on the trans spectrum, but crossdressing or gender non-conforming is more accurate based on how I live.
It is I,portent for us to live as much as possible, as we please, only adhering to definitions and characterizations, as it suits our individual lives and purposes. I am retired, and free to live as I please, I am still not without some restrictions and cultural expectations, but freely violate these norms, as I please, not thinking much about how to characterize myself too tightly, into any definition.
- This reply was modified 1 year ago by Carla Roberts.
- December 22, 2021 at 7:19 pm #592741Lara TuckerLadyRegistered On: September 29, 2021Topics: 2Replies: 1415Has thanked: 32280 timesBeen thanked: 5288 times
I consider myself a cross dresser. I love my male life. I have a wife I’m crazy about after nearly 38 years. (No she doesn’t know yet) I just really like to be very feminine, and feel pretty at times. Really love when that fog comes! The calming effect is splendid! I don’t have the dysphoria that some people describe, and have no desire to change.
Check back in a couple years and we’ll see if there are any changes in my feelings.
- This reply was modified 1 year ago by Lara Tucker. Reason: Emoji
- December 22, 2021 at 7:19 pm #592740SylviaLadyRegistered On: October 10, 2021Topics: 1Replies: 667Has thanked: 16947 timesBeen thanked: 2779 times
I don’t like labels.
I consider us all to be Rainbow-Girls.
For me the “label” is Androgynous , half male , half Female.
But never at the same time.
Out of the house , at work : male.
At home : Female as much as I can.
For me this is the perfect balance.
My Femme side has gained in strength the past two years.
Specially since being here on CDH.
I love being here and interacting with the other girls ,
finally able to talk about my dressing and girly stuff with
all you lovely Ladies here.
I hope it will long continue !
- December 22, 2021 at 2:06 pm #592645Mia Mor’eBaronessRegistered On: June 27, 2021Topics: 9Replies: 147Has thanked: 178 timesBeen thanked: 789 times
I am a crossdresser. I have no desire or plans to transition. I am a hetero male with an amazing wife, who just happens to love expressing my feminine side with clothes, makeup, high heels, and long flowing hair!
- December 22, 2021 at 1:48 pm #592638Elise MichelleRegistered On: January 3, 2018Topics: 25Replies: 354Has thanked: 482 timesBeen thanked: 1400 times
This thread reminds me of an old joke: “What’s the difference between a crossdresser and a trans woman? A: About two years.”
But all kidding aside, I was listening to a podcast with Savannah Hauk, a crossdressing advocate and author, and she made a great point. Crossdressing is an act, not an identity. People crossdress for many different reasons. Comedians, singers, dancers and drag queens, all crossdress as a form of artistic expression. Transgender people crossdress as a means of reconciling their self identity with cultural gender norms. Some crossdressers do it for sexual gratification. And many (myself included) do it for a sense of emotional gratification. Humans are extremely complex beings and there are a multitude of reasons we do what we do.
I think what is most important is being honest with yourself (and if you’re in a relationship, with your SO). If you need to give yourself a title, try for something more descriptive than “crossdresser;” because it’s such a broad category that it could include anyone from RuPaul to Milton Berle.
Savannah describes herself as “dual gender,” which is a term I kind of like. I’m perfectly comfortable presenting as a man. I like my male self. I have no gender dysphoria. However, I also enjoy presenting as a woman and have always had a strong desire to be one. I have no interest, however, in presenting as androgynous or as an efeminite male. It’s either full on “manly gentleman” or full on “girly woman.” So, I kind of feel like this “dual gender” description works for me. I guess what’s important is finding out what works for you!
- December 22, 2021 at 6:57 pm #592735
- December 22, 2021 at 6:16 pm #592717Carmen CruzLadyRegistered On: September 12, 2021Topics: 37Replies: 375Has thanked: 559 timesBeen thanked: 2358 times
Love everything you say here. Just a few weeks back, I was trying to do a more androgynous look, but the title isn’t for me, as I feel when I’m in guy mode, I’m feel all guy, but have been filling in my brows with makeup, wearing mascara, but doing it to enhance my guy mode vs. change it to feminine. However, when I’m in girl mode, definitely more into being super girly. LOL.
- December 22, 2021 at 1:44 pm #592636BrielleBaronessRegistered On: August 14, 2021Topics: 6Replies: 496Has thanked: 2496 timesBeen thanked: 2134 times
I suppose it could be looked at as if one person has their toe dipped in the water versus someone totally submerged that they are not really both swimming – but they ARE both at the pool. IMO anyone who crossdresses is on the transgender spectrum. It’s just a matter of degree.
- December 22, 2021 at 1:12 pm #592623Debbie LynnLadyRegistered On: July 26, 2020Topics: 2Replies: 165Has thanked: 998 timesBeen thanked: 964 times
Hi Georgia, this is an endless question! It’s a thousand points of lights as we all have our perceptions & understandings of these labels.
Simply for me, I’m not sure what label applies to me. I do know I’m really a woman inside my heart and my head. I know the deep satisfaction & happiness of presenting my exterior as female.
Love everyone’s comments. They are all equally interesting & valid. This is why I love CDH! Hugs, Debbie Lynn
- December 22, 2021 at 1:04 pm #592620AnonymousTopics: 0Replies: 0Has thanked: 0 timesBeen thanked: 0 times
Well this is a can of worms is it not.
Do I cross dress to attract a man….No ( I don’t like my own meat and 2 veg without thinking or touching someone else’s)
Do I cross dress for my own pleasure…Yes (Selfish as it may seem I aim to satisfy No 1)
Whilst dressed en femme do I wish I had the correct the appropriate fittings…No (At my age everything would be either saggy or soggy).
So by my own non scientific experiment I am not transgender but a Cross dresser.
- December 22, 2021 at 12:59 pm #592618ChelseywRegistered On: December 4, 2020Topics: 1Replies: 7Has thanked: 12 timesBeen thanked: 46 times
I don’t feel there is any one correct answer. It is just such a large umbrella of labels we all fit under. I am married and am very attracted to my wife and enjoy being intimate. When I see a beautiful woman part of me gawks at her like a typical guy and the other part says I wonder if I’d look as good as her in that outfit. (probably not!) lol. The world is so much more open about these things now it’s hard to say who is and who isn’t trans, bi, etc. I garuntee there is many more people with at least bicurious that will never admit it. With dressing we take a step so people automatically assume we are gay. I can honestly say I am bicurious, I wonder what it would be like to have a man make love to me.
- December 22, 2021 at 12:37 pm #592603Barb WireBaroness - AnnualRegistered On: September 16, 2021Topics: 17Replies: 714Has thanked: 4045 timesBeen thanked: 3363 times
Sure, I think you can have CD on one side and Transgender on the another.
However, I think the more you try and push them away from each other, the harder it is to do so. There sure is a connection between the two no matter how far apart you can push them!
I have more questions than answers, at the moment. I’m quite confused about my location on the spectrum. This is why I’m here, at least partly.
What I do know is that the friends I’ve made so far have way better questions than I have answers for me to muddle over.
Obi-Wan was right! Put the blast helmet on, tune everything out and “Stretch out your feelings!”
One things for sure, it’s a hell of a ride!
Love, Barb 🙂
- December 22, 2021 at 5:44 pm #592708AnonymousTopics: 0Replies: 0Has thanked: 0 timesBeen thanked: 0 times
- December 22, 2021 at 10:49 am #592556AnonymousTopics: 0Replies: 0Has thanked: 0 timesBeen thanked: 0 times
Did a post back on Dec 4th title was phase or solution Pretty sure this will clear some up.
I have finally crossed over to a more advance transition and have no regrats at all When did go through cd it was solution for me. Some told me was just phase.
I think that every transgender person went through a phase of crossdressing. True, or not? When someone is identified as a transgender person, one of the first recommendations is experiment living in the gender of preference for some time, usually an year, before engaging in HRT and SRS. Crossdressing is the most common way to go. And some transgender people find crossdressing as the perfect solution for a balanced lifestyle. A compromise that fulfills their desired lifestyle. So in crossdressing a final solution? For how many of you crossdressing was just a phase in the path towards a more advanced balance on life?
- December 22, 2021 at 6:32 pm #592725
- December 22, 2021 at 10:33 am #592554ChloeCDuchessRegistered On: November 5, 2019Topics: 15Replies: 776Has thanked: 3088 timesBeen thanked: 3833 times
This is a question that has been debated, I’m sure, since those words were first invented. Like others here, I happen to fully believe (and I will state that I seriously doubt anyone not experiencing what we are can even begin to fully understand it, scientific research notwithstanding) that there is a very wide spectrum of people who are somewhere on the spectrum of whatever one wants to consider what gender dysphoria really is.
The real question is, and one I think is almost impossible to come to grips with, is do you want to consider yourself unique in that it’s hard to place you into some highly defined group…or do you want to belong to what you feel is group of very like-minded individuals who have defined a term you feel comfortable with, that possibly can exclude others who don’t share as many or as similar values that you do.
I think it’s great to belong to a group. Unfortunately, groups can get big enough that some may want to tighten the definition of who gets in. Or worse, look askance at those who join other groups.
I personally have never understood what’s going on when I read, on occasion, about some of the infighting that seems to go on between and among the various L G B T Q I + groups. If we all can’t agree to get along together and accept and support each other, how can we possibly expect those outside that spectrum to also accept us.
I also think that there are 7 billion+ individual points on the spectrum that defines human life. But that’s just me. I can believe, and accept, that 6+ billion others may think a little differently.
- This reply was modified 1 year ago by ChloeC.
- December 22, 2021 at 10:28 am #592550Cerys BurtonLadyRegistered On: February 2, 2021Topics: 98Replies: 339Has thanked: 261 timesBeen thanked: 2809 times
I’m with you on this one. I’m not transgender. I’m male. I have no urges to transition. I do often live a large percentage of my time crossdressed, but I remain a man in a dress. Obviously I’m trans friendly and supportive, as I all all who are on the LGBTQ spectrum.
Transgender folk have a whole load more issues to contend with. We just have dressing as a woman, and lord knows, that brings enough issues.
We can get changed and most of our problems go away. Trans folk do not have this luxury.
Some say we do fit under the T umbrella, but I think we don’t as only our clothing changes. Our gender doesn’t. We are not trans-gender, we are trans-vestites cross clothing.
- December 22, 2021 at 10:16 am #592546Carole CorbettManaging AmbassadorRegistered On: September 5, 2016Topics: 10Replies: 223Has thanked: 371 timesBeen thanked: 1132 times
In the most simplest of examples I would say that may people think of it as a light switch…you are one or the other. I see it more like a dimmer switch where the intensity either way can vary and it can change over time. As my therapist said just focus on today and where you are…don’t worry about what could happen tomorrow. Enjoy where you are now as tomorrow may never come! Hugs. Carole
- December 22, 2021 at 10:14 am #592545Angela BoothBaronessRegistered On: August 1, 2020Topics: 11Replies: 1765Has thanked: 6148 timesBeen thanked: 8103 times
- December 22, 2021 at 6:20 pm #592718
- December 22, 2021 at 6:06 pm #592714AnonymousTopics: 0Replies: 0Has thanked: 0 timesBeen thanked: 0 times
- December 22, 2021 at 6:35 pm #592726
- December 22, 2021 at 11:44 am #592575
- December 22, 2021 at 11:37 am #592568Barb WireBaroness - AnnualRegistered On: September 16, 2021Topics: 17Replies: 714Has thanked: 4045 timesBeen thanked: 3363 times
- December 22, 2021 at 4:18 am #592395AnonymousTopics: 0Replies: 0Has thanked: 0 timesBeen thanked: 0 times
I think that there’s a cross-dressing spectrum, ranging from those who simply enjoy wearing women’s clothes to those who need to transition, with every shade of pink between. You can’t pin it down, it means different things to different people.
Back when I was self-analysing, I came across a guy called Blanchard (I think) who maintained that all CDs were either gay (trying to attract a man) or wanting to be female. Total B*ll*cks.
It’s clear just from reading posts on this site that we come in all flavours, gay, straight, bi, trans, whatever.
Just kick back and enjoy.
- December 22, 2021 at 9:47 am #592534Liara WolfeDuchessRegistered On: August 14, 2021Topics: 4Replies: 1985Has thanked: 3909 timesBeen thanked: 6654 times
Connie I so agree. I am not considering transition but dressing means more to me than wearing women’s clothing. I enjoy being feminine and try to be as feminine as I can when I dress. It often stays with me when I am in drab.
- December 22, 2021 at 3:30 am #592391Cece XLadyRegistered On: April 8, 2020Topics: 53Replies: 227Has thanked: 6277 timesBeen thanked: 1776 times
The confusion is understandable. Because I live this, i am clear that I am a crossdresser and am not transgender.
A close friend is a therapist. He does not get it at all. He believes all crossdressers are homosexual. Well, in my case this is true, but this is not a universal truth. His only other personal context is that his current girlfriend divorced her husband because she learned he was a crossdresser.
It is difficult for us to understand ourselves. It must be even more challenging for outsiders to understand us. Not even therapists — or their girlfriends — all get it.
- February 1, 2017 at 8:19 am #43324AnonymousTopics: 0Replies: 0Has thanked: 0 timesBeen thanked: 0 times
For me I suppose crossdresser is an approprite term since I enjoy both male and female roles in my life. I can understand the mindset of a tg which I know lots but prefer still to live both roles. When I am in my girl mode I am 100 percent female in actions and behavior including the dating of men. There are no easy ways to categorize this but dont want to be permanent in any one role at this stage. Just enjoy and be happy.
- January 30, 2017 at 7:31 pm #43196AnonymousTopics: 0Replies: 0Has thanked: 0 timesBeen thanked: 0 times
I consider myself a crossdresser who does not wish to transition, mainly because I like my life and have no desire to blow it up. I crossdress because I have a strong feminine side that I like to express. That I need to express. Does that make me transgendered? I would think so. This is all really hard to make any sense of sometimes.
- January 30, 2017 at 3:02 pm #43177AnonymousTopics: 0Replies: 0Has thanked: 0 timesBeen thanked: 0 times
Georgia even within our ‘community’ the definitions of “who is what” varies. Then add to that the fact that terminology is used differently in different countries. Then there are those who, within a so-called community, seek to isolate or differentiate between members of the community and choose labels to do so.
A while back I voiced my opinions. I got some positive feedback and, as is natural, some negative feedback. These days, I don’t really care ‘what’ I am called, I care only if someone seeks to exclude me or not.
My original post is also in the forums:
In my mind, I am ‘transgender’ but I don’t really care what others think, only don’t make the mistake of calling me “just a crossdresser” for that really does annoy me!
- January 30, 2017 at 1:11 pm #43174melissa la quintaDuchessRegistered On: September 29, 2016Topics: 3Replies: 151Has thanked: 1212 timesBeen thanked: 495 times
Well, not sure how much specialized training your therapist has had, but I think many experts feel that CD’s are NOT necessarily well-defined as transgender. In my community, most folks who are about to or are actually into transitioning from one sex to the other (HRT, surgery, etc) refer to themselves as transgender. While heterosexual crossdressers are often considered to be under the “umbrella” of transgender, it’s a very different state of being. Taking myself as an example, I am a crossdresser but have no desire to fully transition. I will probably soon be able to dress completely and go out as a woman, and that is about as far as I want to take things (except I may eventually want to be intimate with another CD). I guess that makes me a “mostly” heterosexual CD, maybe a teensy bit bisexual but I would only want to be with another CD or TG, as opposed to a gay male. Make any sense?
- December 22, 2021 at 7:02 pm #592736
- December 22, 2021 at 6:55 pm #592734AnonymousTopics: 0Replies: 0Has thanked: 0 timesBeen thanked: 0 times
ok sounds good to me my excuse is from the surgery but first of year be able to do more. Once sat comes and go will send them your way. LOL
1 user thanked author for this post.
- December 22, 2021 at 6:54 pm #592733Carmen CruzLadyRegistered On: September 12, 2021Topics: 37Replies: 375Has thanked: 559 timesBeen thanked: 2358 times
- December 22, 2021 at 6:52 pm #592732LadyRegistered On: September 12, 2021Topics: 37Replies: 375Has thanked: 559 timesBeen thanked: 2358 times
- December 22, 2021 at 6:38 pm #592727AnonymousTopics: 0Replies: 0Has thanked: 0 timesBeen thanked: 0 times
My end game is knowing will never happen but medical need to step up faster so transgender woman can actually feel the experience of having children. Oh since having surgery be the first time and last time will experience the monthly flow. Oh depending on what wanting to be done and can afford can a perfect 10 if wanting it. I will take the perfect 7 or 8 . Just needing to get rid of some extra pounds after holidays.
- December 22, 2021 at 6:23 pm #592720LadyRegistered On: September 12, 2021Topics: 37Replies: 375Has thanked: 559 timesBeen thanked: 2358 times
This is seriously where I’m at right now mentally. There are also various degrees of transition… what is the end game? There are many trans I imagine that feel fully transitioned, but didn’t do any surgery, or did partial, or went all the way but didn’t do boobs. I don’t know. I’m not there yet, but I can’t say “never” anymore.
Now, if someone could guarantee I’d be as passable as Jennifer Lopez or Megan Fox when I’m done, well… that might push me to really think about the next step.
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