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Okay, when I first started this journey, I knew it would make my dating market much much smaller. And that was entirely okay by me because it was a conscious choice and well, quite frankly, I didn’t want to date anyway.
But I’ve been doing this for a couple years now, and spiritually I’m much much stronger than I’ve ever been. My soul is happy. And all the guy things that make me successful still exists. I’m driven, a hard worker, ambitious, fun, caring, professionally successful, very loving and personable. Physically, well, you know what I look like.
Are there cis women who could/would find themselves attracted to a man who just happens to look more feminine, and who is totally self-aware? I’ll never be that man’s man kind of man that pretty much every woman I’ve ever dated as run off for at the expense of… me. I have so many great qualities, but I feel like in order to “date”, I can’t be me.
There’s really no answer to this post. I don’t know what information really I’m looking for. I just started feeling that maybe I’m ready to date again… maybe I’m not. But there has got to be people out there who would embrace me for who I am on the inside, my capabilities and soul, and wouldn’t be embarrassed that I just love my long hair, I love skin-care, I love looking beautiful, I love passion and emotions, and I love with all my heart.. I just happen to do it all without looking manly man from the outside.
Signed, a little confused and maybe a little lonely lol.
Love you all,
Carmen.
Hi Carmen. I’m totally batting out of my league when it comes to my wife. But my journey is different to yours.
I have noticed hot gorgeous women married to ugly men. Ugly women married to dedicated handsome men. And every bit of mix inbetween.
I have seen beautiful men and women with ugly personalities. And ugly men and women with beautiful personalities.
I would do a deep dive into your own relationship failures and be totally honest regarding poor choices, personality traits etc that led to those failures.
By stating your income is within the top 15% kinda shows a weakness. Money can’t buy love. (I know within Asian culture it can… but are you really buying a hooker, or love?)
It’s remarkable how many on struggle street pull together and stay together. One has to ask why?
Anyways… Yes. There is someone out there for you. It depends on the level of honesty your willing to deep dive on.
Yes, I agree with all you said. I actually deleted this post after feeling like I was ranting due to mood. Then I chatted with the girls here on the chat thingy and felt better. I was a bit surprised actually that you all responded to a post I thought I had deleted! It even deleted it from my feed.
But yes, it wasn’t well written, totally agree with that! I stated income here to you folks not to try to impress anyone (I’m not trying to date anyone here lol), and 15% is peanuts here in California as a single wage earner. Dual income households make plenty more, so it’s no bragging monetarily that’s for sure. I agree money doesn’t buy love, it’s impossible, but I’m also not naive to think that no stability or means to provide for a partner in life is particularly an attractive quality. I could be wrong.
Point is, unless I’m already married which I’m not, starting this CD journey has significantly reduced my marketability in the dating world. This entire 2 years choosing to be single and not dating a soul has been quite the deep dive. I made poor choices in women, I absolutely know that… so saving a woman from her troubles is absolutely off the table. She’s gotta be independent and have a solid job. But now I added she has to be perfectly happy with a feminine man? I think that combo is next to impossible.
You’re probably looking for something unlikely to exist. As a straight woman, i want a straight man in my life. My husband came out to me 15 years into our relationship and its been a huge struggle and alot of work to keep our relationship going. He’s a great guy, but the crossdressing has taken it’s toll. Both of us are working on getting our needs met, but will not always get our “wants” for the sake of our marriage. Example, my want is never to have crossdressing in our relationship. Should you date, you need to be up front and honest from the start of things. Perhaps you might ask yourself if you can give some of this up or lessen the time you dress. Is it taking the place of anything in your life? Your potential partner deserves to know up front, for both your sakes.
Thank you SO much for your response. I’m sorry to hear of your struggles in the marriage. That’s not a great spot to be, no matter the reason.
I agree with what you have said, and honestly, I can. I can give it up, but I wouldn’t give up the parts of me that make me… me. I enjoy my long hair. I enjoy being able to cross my legs. I enjoy being able to research skin-care products, buy them, and try them. I enjoy all the romantic feelings typically reserved for “women”.
There is a distinct line between being a feminine man, and being a crossdresser. I could do with a little eyeliner, because it enhances my appearance in work video calls. I could do with grooming my brows, because I have none to speak of naturally and rather like having brows. I could go to get manicures and pedicures, have my nails as neat and tidy as any cis woman. My skin is soft because I can’t grow hair anywhere except my head… it’s genetic.
All those things… yes they border on feminine, but that’s not crossdressing. I don’t underdress, and I dress because I’m single and yes, it does replace something in my life right now like a fun hobby to replace the fact that I’m…. single.
But crossdressing wasn’t born out of a lifelong journey to be a “woman”. I don’t have dysphoria based on gender.
Can I give up crossdressing? To me, absolutely. Will I give up what makes me a much softer feminine man? Absolutely not, because I don’t believe those qualities should disqualify me as a manly man. I’d love to absolutely pamper my partner however with all my new found skills! I’d do her nails. I’d do her makeup. Both as fun activities just because, not a “Honey, you will do my makeup every day” lol.
Does that make me less of a man, partner, friend, lover… THAT is the magic question. To find a woman who appreciates a “feminine man”. As far as crossdressing, for the right partner, I absolutely would stop.
I’m just not willing to stop while I’m single, because it’s just… fun! 🙂
This is something that’s been on my mind as well since I started to accept this part of myself…. will anyone else accept this part of me?
For me I think I’ve arrived at the decision that I need to be fully open about it from the very beginning. Hiding it at first is both dishonest and very risky to any relationship you might establish. I may need just a bit more courage to put this into practice though.
It does seem that women who are OK or even into this sort of thing are few and far between though. from my experience at the other place, the category of “people who like cross dressers” are like 99% guys, and creepy, weird ones, at that.
Weird in a bad way that is. I’m down with good weird myself.
Hi Ashley, thank you for your response. I was typing out thoughts as they happen while I was in the mood and definitely didn’t convey it well (I actually thought I deleted this post a few minutes after I wrote it, but apparently it’s still up). But thank you. I agree, I think I severely limited myself in the dating opportunities by going this route in regards to dating cis women.
EDIT:
I do have a few female friends that do want to date and start a relationship, but 1) they have no idea that I crossdress, and 2) I have zero intent on putting myself back into the guy mode I was in prior to all this, which was, taking on the responsibility of the crap they get themselves into. So that’s a no go for me at this point in my life, or any future point in my life.I think I’ll just remain single, er…. dating Carmen. She’s much cuter than me anyway! LOL.
This is the mine field for a single heterosexual crossdresser – Put that on your dating profile and dive for cover as the people you don’t want start replying – I’ll leave you to your own imagination on that one.
This is an issue I have had to work with. As you can see from this forum there are a lot of married that have come out and there are varying results. I would wager most would love to be out like you.
You are very much content with yourself and understand that what you do is part of you and something that would have to be part of a relationship. Are you looking to try to get with a girl either in a social arena or social media by presenting as a female, or, as the male? The former is the true reflection and the latter has a caveat to add at a later date, pardon the pun there. The latter also has those problems in acceptance after a relationship with a male that wants to be female. They are well documented here so you understand that.
In my own universe I wanted the same as you. I got into relationships and held the secret and balked because I felt guilty. This was in the days where being a crossdresser was not a thing to openly be. Eventually I was open from the start or early in a relationship. One ended the relationship there and then, she didn’t like it. Another couple were more accepting and looked at how it could work. Now being a lot older, there were children of theirs and family concerns. After a lot of discussion the relationships ended but i am still very good friends and in contact. There partners know and so do the families! Yes that is odd as you would ask why couldn’t it have worked. If I were there brother or family it would be easy, a relationship is a whole different ball game.
I have remained single by choice now. You Carmen are much younger and you just never know what will be for you in this more enlightened world. I will say that I am single through choice but, then again, I will also say ‘Never say never’.
As the old adage states, ‘There is always some one out there for you’. so seek and ye shall find.
Hugs
I’m happy you didn’t manage to successfully delete this post Carmen. I think this is a really important topic. I have a lot of thoughts on the subject, but first I figured I would see if any cis women respond, as you requested. However I wonder how many cis women there are on this site? It does say that “Family, friends and loved ones are also welcome here” but I wonder how many there actually are. That will be interesting to see.
Yeah, I’m kinda happy now that it’s being talked about… so the tech mishap of deletion was a blessing in disguise 🙂
But please, share your thoughts. It sounds like it’s an important topic for you, so I’d love to “listen” to your opinions, thoughts, concerns, etc. This is what this post is intended for, to share information on this very subject that us singles could maybe grasp a little better understanding and learn from each other.
Yes carmen you have narrowed the dating field to a very, very, small subset of cis women. Finding an accepting female is like finding the mythical unicorn under a rainbow beside a pot of gold.
I agree you should be you and not hide yourself but face the fact that you will be on the hunt for many years with no success guaranteed.
Even the cis females who post here live with their SO’s under strict limits and if broken then its a speed dial to their lawyer. I’m not saying there isn’t someone for you but you are searching for the Holy Grail. Being a CD is a lonely life.
The biggest issue I have is really that I’m a hopeless romantic. What happened to “what counts is beauty from the inside”… what happened to “It’s how respectful you treat each other”… what happened to “Be kind, be a good person, be a partner”. Instead, in our world, it’s… look manly man from the outside first and they’ll come in droves, and it doesn’t matter how you treat me, what’s important is what’s on the outside.”
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Yes I agree. First impressions are always based on what we initially see before us and further knowledge is gained only by interacting over time to see the real person and how they think and act and even then all things are never clear.
Its obvious that women who are attracted to a manly man are only looking for a manly man. To attract a female who is looking for an enlightened man you have to present yourself as an open minded liberated gender fluid man and then only the rare female you seek will be interested… maybe. Its like fishing in a thousand acre lake which contains only one or two fish.
Yeah, there’s no “hook line and sinker” on this one unfortunately. I have to work on the confusion in my brain when it comes to this in order to date successfully. Until then, I’ll just happily go around town as a hot chick and keep turning down men until I can figure this out. LOL. But sometimes… oh my, sometimes, because of the frequency… it would be so.darn.easy for Carmen. Too easy, so easy that I won’t allow myself to go down that path. Not ready to go down that path. No, I’m not. I’m not! Really, I WILL NOT GO DOWN THAT PATH. I won’t do it. I can’t. Can I? Hahahahahahahaha!
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Yes it is tempting to go down that path when men are falling all over themselves for you and plying you with all kinds of compliments and courtesies. Its a very personal decision and there are many straight CD’s who look beautiful but never desire to be with a man. There is even a subset of bi-curious where some satisfy their curiosity and some who never do. I’m not surprised at all that you are courted so much but be careful because some men don’t take rejection very well.
I don’t have that problem because I just knew at puberty that I was bisexual and that doesn’t mean I’ve had many encounters which I haven’t but I realized I could see the beauty in a man as well as in a woman.
Carmen,
I wish I could give you the answer you need but I am confused myself most of the time and I am married. I know it sounds cheesy but there is someone out there for you. You are a beautiful woman so just keep being true to yourself.
I enjoyed chatting with you last night.
Hugs, Liara
Confucius say: “Man who search for his woman, must search only within self”
Translation: Sometimes, finding oneself leads to finding oneself alone.
Translation2: He who crossdresses makes himself harder to freak’n date.
LMAO!
And yes, Confucius also say: Thank you for the chat! That was awesome!
Always an interesting topic to discuss. I have to imagine that yes, the women who would “accept” (for lack of a better term) CDs are very, very few and far between.
Likewise, I’m a CD who is gay and gay men similarly want “manly” men. As a general rule, they’re not attracted to fem men, let alone men who present as women (as CDs do). If they wanted a woman, they wouldn’t be gay 😉
That leaves the same pool, which are straight (usually married) guys who just want to fool around and are often a little…odd?
CDing is a lonely road indeed 🙁
Jenny! Ha ha!!! I say this in the most loving way… You, my friend, are running the ultimate clusterf*ck of social genderbending confusion.
THAT is freak’n awesome
LOL – yes, very much so.
A boy who wears makeup and dresses like a girl, while having “relations” with men who adamantly insist they are straight. Meanwhile, self-identifying gay men have no interest whatsoever in me.
What a lifestyle! 😉
Such a very interesting subject and one that I think everyone would agree it’s amazing that it hasn’t been brought up before on CDH. Maybe it has and I just never saw it. That’s more likely. Anyway I know for myself that would be a dream to live out for a lot of us. The last time I looked CDH had more than 30,000 members. If we had response from just a couple cis gendered women on this subject I can imagine they would have about 20,000 replies quickly!😄 What Fun!
Hi Carmen, cis woman here. Not something I knew about my SO from the beginning so biased opinion coming up.
I am quite a liberal woman and even for me, the act of crossdressing wasn’t/isn’t a desirable trait for me. You described emotions and attitudes you have as “feminine”. My opinion is that there is no such thing. The freedom to feel and do isn’t gendered. An assertive person doesn’t have to be masculine. Likewise, a person that cries when watching a sad film doesn’t have to be feminine. I see this often here, crossdressers describing feeling free to express themselves emotionally because they crossdress. But you will never hear a woman saying that she needs permission from her clothes to be assertive. As a collective (there might be exceptions), you seem to have a very narrow access to emotional growth. Not blaming anyone here but society, it seems to expect men to bury their feelings while in the same breath, label women as “hysterical” when they don’t. It’s a zero sum game. I wish the crossdressers here, especially since they are dealing with an unusual trait themselves, learn not to genderise feelings and be free to fully feel life regardless of what they cover their bodies with.
Saying all that, crossdressing as an act is not attractive to me. To my aesthetic, as a woman attracted to the masculine. By definition, skirts are not what would attract my eye. At the same time though, I am not attracted to all men, just because they are wearing trousers. Even if Henry Cavill (the epitome of masculinity to me) was a crossdressser, I still don’t think I would find it attractive. There are definitely other things on my wish list too. The one on top of my list is honesty. And crossdressing seems to be followed by the opposite of it, deception. At least for the majority of men who crossdress anyway. There are the exceptions of course, who have been open with their partners from the beginning because of many reasons: the timing was right when they met their SOs, they had done the emotional work that follows self-awareness, they could not pretend for the sake of finding a mate etc. They are more likely to have a successful result. So you got that going for you, the ability to be honest. If your other traits are compatible with a potential mate, a woman might be able to consider you as a romantic possibility, especially if the physical attraction is strong.
I wouldn’t want a potential partner to have to minimise themselves in order to make it work with me. But at the same time, I require a potential partner to not expect me to adjust my emotional needs in order to fit with them. That makes a woman like me incompatible with crossdressing men. And yet, here I am with a crossdressing man, when I had no choice in the matter since I didn’t know from the beginning. This side of my partner added an unwanted burden to our relationship and exposed it as being build on deceipt. For that and through no fault of my own, I am not sure we will even come back from. So your approach is a lot more likely to produce a healthy relationship, even though your choices might be more limited than non-crossdressing men. But the same can be said about all humans, there will always be people out there that won’t be attracted to us for whatever reason. That does not make all of us worthy of love. But it doesn’t make us entitled to it by everyone that catches our eye. Keep being yourself, the woman for you is out there. It’s a big world and crossdressing is not a disease. Don’t treat it as such.
Good luck!
Thanks for your Candour Cath.
I find myself in the same position as Carmen.
Divorced 8 years, nothing to do with cross dressing, never started until I was on my own.
I agree that we ‘genderise ’ traits based on societal norms and expectations. And for most men, especially us Boomers or Gen X ages, we were indoctrinated into being ‘masculine’ to be attractive to woman who are mostly, as you are in your words ‘attracted to the masculine’. You say traits should not be masculine or feminine but what therefore is masculine?
Why is a man in a skirt not masculine? ‘By definition skirts are not what would attract my eye’. Who’s definition? Societal ‘rules’? Back to things which define us as masculine or feminine?
Gender stereotyping from birth teaching us what is ‘expected’ of being a man? So what exactly is this ‘masculine’ thing you say you prefer?
A stiff upper lip? Muscles? A suit? A bit of face fuzz? Someone who confirms to societal gender stereotypes? That was me for so long, being who I was supposed to be to be attractive to women. And yes that did include suppressing the traits you say are not gender exclusive, because we were taught from babies they are not things real men do like cry, show weakness, talk about our feelings, wear bright colours, watch chic flicks, light a scented candle, have a skincare routine! Things a ‘masculine’ man would do? Or seen a a bit ‘gay’?
All these suppressed feelings burst out of me when I was finally able to be me free from the burden of being ‘masculine’. No longer having to be who I was supposed to be, based on gender stereotyping which has a huge influence on how we live our lives.
And these feeling were traits which society see as ‘feminine’. And that includes what we wear.
Thankfully, where I live and work anyway, society is moving forward. I am a staff nurse in a frontline hospital and work with a wonderful team, mostly women in their 20s 30s. Last year I started coming out to my team, culminating in a Christmas night out in a gold sequin gown. The acceptance I have received has been overwhelming. And I feel much happier, centred, positive, no more barriers, no more hiding, no more, as you say, deception.
Why did I hide this part of me for so long, being deceitful? No, it was a deep sense of shame for not being who I am supposed to be. And I think this feeling, and the fear it brings, what we may lose if we do tell our true selves to people, that keeps so many of us in the closet.
And this shame, why? Are we doing something wrong? Why can’t women accept us for who we are in all our glory?
I now have so many close girl ‘friends’. Finally letting go of the hope of having a relationship with a woman who will accept all of me was a great weight off my shoulders. No longer having to be who I’m supposed to be, but free to be my own wonderful colourful self, wearing what I want to wear, acting how I want to act, doing nobody any harm. I have my health, a wonderful son and daughter who I am proud to say I brought up as a single parent, a job I love, some good friends who know all of me, and my own home. Not prepared to get into a relationship with a woman who will ‘tolerate’ all of me, so on my own. Don’t feel sorry for me, happiest I’ve ever been.B x
Thank you. This was an absolutely fascinating read and very appreciative of your thoughts on this all. There’s such a large spectrum of crossdressers. I would say, in your relationship, have you found out exactly why your husband crossdresses? There could be a million reasons. Some, unsurmountable in my opinion. Some, can be worked on if the intention is truly understood (and communicated).
For me, crossdressing was to find myself. To experience the world with a completely different set of eyes, to allow myself to “feel” and feel free to feel the full range of emotions human beings are capable of, to understand. I’ve said this before on these forums, and I do absolutely believe: I’ve become a better man, by becoming a better woman. All that really means is, I can enjoy, participate, fully understand another. To be entirely whole without the need to suppress or shove feeling away that “society” has dictated.
Wanting to be a whole human being, embracing all traits and emotions without shame, doesn’t seem to be a sickness to me. Categorizing human beings in how to act based on gender seems very limiting. I don’t want to continue living this life as a half human being. My entire reason for crossdressing is to be whole, in whatever chosen gender.
Do I have to crossdress? Absolutely not. But I will bring all the amazing traits I’ve learned, my whole self, into my next relationship.
There is a huge spectrum of us… that’s why I say, get to the real heart of the reason your husband crossdresses… you might learn, that like me, he’s trying to learn to be the best darn man he can be for you, by understanding himself through a mechanism the dives so much deeper than any therapist can even get us to… crossdressing. I for one, believe, that you can’t truly understand another person, unless you’ve lived it yourself.
All I ask from people is just some understanding. You see, a woman can put on one of our t-shirts and we think it’s sexy. A woman can go get greasy under the car working on an engine with us and we just think it’s hot. A woman can go and get grimy, or eat like a man at a restaurant, swing a hammer, know about tools, and we just find that incredibly cute and attractive. A woman can put on our boxer briefs and walk around the house, and we just go gaga and makes us want to jump her bones. YET, the second a man shows anything feminine, women throw their arms in the air, the world is coming to an end… oh gross, that’s so weird and disgusting. There is no reciprocal understanding there.
Maybe, just maybe, we just want to feel attractive, sexy and beautiful in ourselves. Every woman on this planet understands that desire in themselves, but often negate or find that unreasonable coming from a man.
Sigh. Such is life.
You may have hit the nail on the head here. My husband doesnt like the way he looks, he’s gained some weight, getting older and face drooping. When he’s dressing he feels attractive and younger. Even though its all an illusion. I think deep down he’s insecure with the aging process (who isn’t?) I’ve encouraged him to dress nicer and concentrate on looking better as the man he is. Skin care and moisturizing is universal, doesnt need to be just “woman’s stuff”.
That’s exactly my point! We all know, within a relationship, insecurity in one detrimentally affects both. It’s subtle at first, but begins chipping away the communication, creates resentment. What’s so harmful, about wanting to feel beautiful?
Yes, it may be an illusion. But isn’t putting makeup on an illusion? For both men and women.
It seems, within this community of CD’s/Trans, we’re mixing up illusion with what is actually going on. For a heterosexual CD, he just want to feel beautiful. He wants to feel the beauty of how he sees femininity. In our man brains, the feminine form is just… beautiful, soft, lovely. Why aren’t we allowed to share in that beautiful feeling.
On the inside, we are all wanting the same darn thing. Both genders, bi, gay, straight, cd, trans… we want to feel attractive, wanted, loved… by our partners. If we don’t receive that, then our man brains take over. We fix it. And how do we do that? We CREATE the illusion, the vision we have in our head, of what beauty is. It’s essentially saying, “fine, if our partner isn’t going to make us feel beautiful, and I’m a good man and won’t step out of my marriage out of sheer love and respect for my significant other, then there’s really no other fix to the situation than create that beauty in ourselves. No reliance on anybody but ourself to feel the way we need to feel.”
I realize it’s complex. But the communication needs to be understood.
Shame on society in general for creating the perception that a man can only be a man if he doesn’t care about feeling beautiful. Shame on cis women who feel that they own all rights to the desire of feeling beautiful. Shame on everyone really, all of us, for not being open to understanding that a man who wants to feel beautiful has every right to do so, and none of it has anything to do with being a good, loyal, loving, macho, straight, man.
I’ll say this over and over again…. Beauty comes from the inside.
I have said this before here: beauty is not a word that applies to women only. Chris Hemsworth, Henry Cavill, Hugh Jackman etc etc etc. I would dare anyone to claim that they are not the definition of male beauty. But I don’t see the demographic in this forum striving to emulate their beauty. I would surely want to be wanted by them! But since I am not a crossdresser or trans, I don’t feel a need to bind my breasts, cut my hair really short, put on a three piece suit and stick a moustache on my face. Wanting to feel beautiful does not mean skirts, breast forms, bras, stockings and the list never ends. If beauty comes from the inside, as you claim, nurture and harvest that. Because in reality, you can’t have it both ways. I have read it all in the years I have been living through this. And to a non-crossdressing woman, I am afraid they sound like excuses and justifications. I do not judge anyone working their way through something as complex as crossdressing and gender issues, and I hope that what I am writing here doesn’t sound harsh. I really do have an enormous amount of sympathy for the vast majority of the people here (with a few exceptions). But I cannot have empathy (as I cannot possibly experience the internal battle that most of you have gone through) and claims that any human would need a costume and face paint to allow themselves to feel emotions, is quite a humorous idea to me. Wearing a Superman suit does not make one fly 😁. I hope you find happiness because I surely think you deserve it.
My current partner is attracted to and been in relationships with both men and women and with trans folks. She describes me as a two-for-one deal… she has both a man and a woman in the same person. I count myself as incredibly lucky.
But she might be as close to unicorn status as humanly possible.
I’m not as beautiful as you, Carmen, but I’m a feminine looking man. Shorter, ambiguous shaped arms and legs, feminine face. When I grow my hair out longer, I’m often mistaken for a woman even when I’m men’s clothes. Even with shorter hair, especially when wearing skinny jeans, I’m still mistaken for a woman. Finding women who are attracted to an effeminate man is hard enough. Finding women who are attracted to crossdressers seems to be even harder.
If I lost my current partner, I’m not sure if I’d want to date. But I’d be up front about crossdressing and own my feminine side. I just wouldn’t expect much positive response.
Best of luck to you. Sorry you feel lonely.
Thank you. Yes, it would appear you are one of the lucky ones!
Loneliness is fleeting. It’s just an emotion in a vast time and space, easily overshadowed by new activities! In my case, just get into Carmen mode and go have a ball lol. I have to look at all the benefits of being single, and be grateful that the singleness allows me to be free to love being… me.
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I feel the same way you do. I am coming out of a long marraige and am not looking to jump into a new relationship right now but would like to start one or more friendships with a CIS-woman. I created a profile on Facebook dating and someone contacted me on the first day. I am/was concern with the speed to which it got noticed but may have already said to much and chased her off. I guess I will see in the coming days if I screwed up or not.
I have a girlfriend and we live together. I told her after we were dating for a few months. She didn’t throw her arms up and call me names or accuse me of lying all this time. We have been together for a long time and have had many deep discussions about my feelings. I do think that you can find a woman that would love and accept you. It could take a while. Unfortunately, we still live in a society that judges people that don’t fit neatly into society’s little boxes. I have watched a youtube documentary about a man and woman who were married and the the man transitioned into being a woman. They still have a happy marriage. As we know, many marriages don’t survive this kind of thing. But this one and another I recently read about have happy endings.
I have also read where people say “what if you wife wanted to be a man?” Yeah, a lot guys would say “yuck! I am not sleeping next to another guy! We are done!” I would not say that if it was my situation. And I am not attracted to guys. I love this person and I would try to make things work.
Interesting take on things. My husband isn’t super masculine, but not super feminine either. Just be sure that you can give up/reduce the dressing with the right partner. I struggle with knowing that if he told me right away, we wouldn’t be together. Yet he is a super guy, ie male, and trying to figure out that I’m better off with him than without. That’s my dilemma at the moment. Fortunately for me, he can lessen his need for crossdressing. I really want to be the only female in our marriage. Needs vs. Wants.
Hi Carmen
I completely understand your position and feelings. When we embark on this journey none of us know what the outcome will be or what sort of person we will become. Along the way we may have been curious of various aspects of gender, and probably confused at times as well. But we eventually find ourselves, we eventually discover the real inner person, the real Carmen.
The thing is, you need to be the real you all the time, by that I mean the real inner person, the loving caring person, irrespective of what you are wearing. Lots of women, as you say go after the macho type man, that clearly is not you, as far as I can see one of the reasons for this is social conditioning. It’s what they are supposed to be attracted to so discount all else, for many this is fine and they find the person of their dreams, but many don’t and miss out on finding that special person as a result. There are women, that although not attracted to crossdressers do appreciate the loving caring side, the softer person, the more fem kind of guy. These women have had enough of the toxic macho culture and just want to be loved and cared for. Yes they are in a minority and yes you would be very lucky to find such a person, especially if you want them the accept the whole of you.
So what is the answer? Be yourself, be the person you have always been, the loving caring person. Show the world you are a lovely person and hopefully you will find that special woman that loves you for the person, the inner person that you really are…….. Some here will say that’s impossible, I would say it’s not easy, and you will need a lot of luck but it is possible, believe me, it is possible……………….
Carmen,
I’m a GG married to a CD. I’m starting to understand that there are benefits to a CD or feminine man. My husband listens and treats me better than any other man I have had a relationship with. I realize that many of hyus traits that I love best come from him having a feminine side. The dressing part is still a process, but having a husband and a girlfriend in one is actually a really nice bonus. I think your key to success is in “selling” the best parts. You can have girl time together, you can do her hair and nails, you can shop together and go to the spa together.
Best wishes,
BettyYou speak my language! Isn’t the best parts of a relationship the enjoyment of being able to do everything together, as best friends… I’m looking for full compatibility in my next relationship, to create that “us against the world” feeling that so many couples I know are significantly lacking.
Does it absolutely have to include crossdressing in public, or even in private? For me, no. For others, maybe. Crossdressing, and men who do it, I’m finding are the true meaning of a manly man… one that is in touch, self-aware, available, and have the guts to go against societal norms. I don’t know what can be more macho than a man who has the strength to choose to not partake in that machoism!
I have to agree with you 100 percent.
I have wondered if my husband (and any CD) would fare best with a bisexual female partner. That would eliminate some of the obstacles a CD runs into with a strictly hetero woman. Just thoughts.
Best of luck to you finding your special unicorn 🦄
I think you hit the nail on the head, Betty. Bisexual women, who are attracted to both masculine and feminine people, are the most likely demographic for successful relationships with heterosexual CDs. Some of them, anyhow. My ex-wife was bi, but ultimately wasn’t comfortable with my crossdressing when it got serious (but that wasn’t why we split up). She just liked my masculine persona, I guess.
Still, with 6% of the female population identifying as bisexual, that’s about 8 million people. If a quarter of them are cool with crossdressers, that a couple of million people.
Carmen,
I was talking to my husband about you the other day. Explaining the challenges in finding an accepting and loving partner, etc. I was telling him how gorgeous you are and that when I first saw your picture, I mistook you for a wife or SO. I think a challenge in finding a hetero GG is that you are so pretty… like soooo pretty. I feel threatened by my husband’s femininity and I find myself comparing myself to him. Whose legs are smoother? Who looks better in a corset? Who looks better in stockings? I hate that his hips are smaller than mine and that he doesn’t have cellulite or stretch marks. It’s stupid, I know. I feel as a GG there is a need to feel pretty and feminine and I don’t want to be bested by my husband, a MAN. I told my husband that when he gets all made up, he had better not look prettier than me or we will be done with this CD business! I’m kidding, of course, but my point is that the GG needs to feel like she is the princess. I think all CD should make a point to make their wife or SO feel like they are killing it at being beautiful women. I suspect that you, Carmen, understand how to make a girl feel pretty and appreciated. Any girl would be lucky to have you, so long as they aren’t threatened by how freaking gorgeous you are.Hugs,
Betty
Hi Carmen as your question goes i wish you all the luck in your journey as both Male and Female .. As i have said i have the ultimate Unicorn as married now 39 years and came out to wife just after marrage and sh accepted Stephanie and i wish this for all here wife is so supportive no complaints just love her so much anyway good luck girlfriend so hope you find what you are looking for in both your worlds ..
Hugs Stephanie Bass
Covid has kinda curtailed opportunities for a while, but let me share pre-covid experience. When I first started going out en femme…and I am not remotely as cute as you are… I found I received more attention in girl mode from younger and very attractive, intelligent women. I liked it a lot…but I was also married.
Now, I’m older and no longer married, but haven’t been out to test the waters, partly due to covid and partly to having retired into a much more rural area. Translation, no appropriate clubs.
I think you’ll find a positive response!
Carmen you are super cute and sound like a sincere gal and I’m sure there is someone out there for you. I didn’t catch if you are a sometime cross dresser or if you present full time as a woman, but either way just be yourself and open and honest while you are out searching for love! Even though we are in the minority, there are those of us CIS girls that support our hetero male CD’ers. Not all women are attracted to the high testosterone presenting male species, lol. Good luck on your journey!
THIS. It makes me smile! Thank you so much. Looks like there’s a couple of CIS girls on here that seem to be the type then that I should be looking for. This gives me hope!!!! Thank you again, I really appreciate it! I don’t present full time as a woman (I really love my boy life as it’s gotten me where I am today as a person). But presenting as a woman at will out in public is incredibly fun since I’m single and not hurting anybody! Plus, I think I’m good at it (again, thankful of who I am in boy life for that drive and creativity to be good at stuff). LOL.
Cis woman here, chiming in.
I think my lovely lady, you might just be looking in the wrong sort of pools 🙂 We are most definitely out there!
My current partner to me is this beautiful blend of man and woman and I tell them that they are beautiful every day (or make a very good effort to, anyway!).
Have you tried looking for someone that identifies as pansexual? Broadly speaking, pansexuals usually realize that there are these amazing people that don’t fall into either gender category and are instead capable of loving those who are a blend of both.
I tell my partner that they are a gift to me and changing the wrapping paper on the outside isnt going to change how I feel. Personally Ive been with some folx who are so far from the standard norm that I hesitate to try and label them, but before my current partner Ive never been with someone who is a CD.
I think what honestly helped is being open with it from the beginning and they were willing to take it slow so I could adjust.
Dont give up, sweetie. We exist, we are out there and 100% are looking to love.
Dear Saria,
Thank you, thank you, and thank you, so very much. There aren’t enough women like you out there, it seems. But maybe many women, like you, are starting to see beyond the stereotypes, and are actually trying to get to know men like us, men who have and embrace their feminine side. I’m blessed that my wife has been very accepting of my cross dressing. But again, thank you for being supportive of your SO.
Big hugs, Jill
Dear Carmen,
First off, this is a two part response: 1. You have my sincere hopes and wishes that you find a woman who accepts you for all that you are, without hesitation, without reservations, and without limits. I’ve read many of your posts, and I can say this about you: You’re a very intelligent and sensitive man who is well spoken, with great writing skills and a desire to be kind, helpful, and supportive of others. That combination doesn’t happen often enough in men. Thanks to society’s “guide book”, we’re supposed to be the macho types that always do manly things. Any man who doesn’t is a (insert negative and derogatory adjectives here) and should be ridiculed forever. But you’re not that kind of guy. I don’t believe any of us on here are. A woman would be VERY lucky to have you as their partner, regardless of how you dress. And for the record, I think you look amazing!
Now the second part: I want to thank all the GG who are so supportive of us cross dressers. You can’t understand how good it feels to have you in our corner, especially, when society says horrible things about us and paints us truly perverted people. Thank you for standing by us. Thank you for being there for us. Thank you from the bottom of my heart that is happier because of women like you all, including my very special wife. We’re lucky to have you as friends and SO’s.
Much love and well wishes, Jill
Hi,
I’m replying to this as a ciswoman who is supportive of her bf. Personally I don’t worry too much how my bf would look or what he likes to wear as long as he remains the person I started dating with inside his heart. For me its really wonderful to have a lover who loves getting in touch with his feminine side and I think it has made our relationship more fun. But I must say I don’t think most women sharing the same sentiment as me.
As women we are more worried about if our bfs will become gay (that’s the biggest worry I had, and once i realised it’s not so i got relaxed) because in that state a relationship can’t function.
So I think a good communication and understanding between the couple is the key. Having said that, taking that giant step of talking about it with your loved one at first and not knowing how would she react to that are the biggest hurdles in achieving that. And realistically speaking some women would find it really hard to get around the idea of her bf being a crossdresser.
Thats what I think ))) Feel free to reply back with your thoughts…
If I’m slow to reply please accept my apologies in advance because sometimes i couldn’t join in here for weeks …
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