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Hi Girls, i really should try to post more often and my apologies for not doing so. Now as you may all know, sometimes i switch to a more philosophical topic, especially when i am eating my lunch in my car at work. You have time to reflect on yourself and general issues and topics that spring into your head as you happily daydream whilst tucking into cheese sandwiches.
Ok Fiona? so whats on your mind? i Started to think to myself, do i have any regrets such as, would i have changed something or done something more or less if i had known the outcome first? of course we are talking about crossdressing. My biggest regret is not telling my wife far sooner, so whats yours? if you have any regrets. what do you wished you had done? maybe you missed an oppurtunity or missed a bargain dress at a store, whatever it is, please share with us!!
Fiona xxx
I wish I would have begun living full-time as a woman when I turned 18…but I still love my life according to the path that’s brought me to today!
Hugs,
Shawna
I think maybe we should stop beating ourselves up about the past and remember how different the world was. 50 years ago In the UK you could go to prison just for being gay. Where I lived you could be charged with disturbing the peace for dressing as a woman in public, which meant you could be legally attacked, this was in the 80’s
Not talking with my wife about where my feelings were going!
Purging as much as I did. Miss a lot of stuff I threw out over the years.
Not acknowledging my feelings when I was younger because of my own assumptions of what I “should” and “should not” be doing.
Like many others, my biggest regret would be that when I told my then fiance about my crossdressing, I didn’t know better… so I told her I’d never do it again. And heaven knows I wanted that to be true. But alas, we know better, huh?
Definitely not acknowledging when younger.
Mind you, it was hard back then – it would have been virtual suicide, as the bullying would have got much worse than it already was.
I would have liked to have taken a leaf from Freddie Mercury or David Bowie’s books and just been brave, believed in myself and gone for it.
So many opportunities I passed up because of the perceived shame, and habit of hiding.
I don’t really want regrets in my life, so am trying to see all that as lessons learned – I am where I am, so it’s time NOW to figure out how to make this work.
I rid myself of the shame some time ago, now I have to help those around me come to terms with me in as appropriate a way as I can.
There is only one goal – to free myself and be myself so that I can help and support other’s.
Love Laura.
It would seem that we all wish we had ourselves for who we are at a younger age and for some,myself included, we could be more open with those close and society in general. But we are all there now to some degree or other so let’s embraceit, love it and enjoy it.
I regret that I didn’t accept my feelings of femininity sooner and I didn’t tell my wife about my crossdressing. It was an embarrassing moment when she came home early and found Leonara fully dressed… Although she didn’t “approve”, I have the opportunity to dress when the opportunity presents itself when she is not home. I am very grateful for her love and caring after I went through a dibilitating spinal stenosis operation….and the operation has not “short circuit” my feminine feelings…
I thank CDH and ladiesfor giving me the opportunity to express my innermost feelings
Regards,
LeonaraI think the first person knew when I was in my late teens , however I never took it anywhere I would just occasionally wear some underwear while wishing to go a lot further , so similar to most reply’s funny thing is I had a lot more chances to do so then . So yes I regret not being stronger and being more honest with myself then , xxx
You bet! I regret telling someone, a peer, when I was 14 and in middle school. It spread like wildfire through the school. I was called every negative you can think of, from pervert on up. It was the late 60’s and there was no internet or other ways to know if anyone else did this. I was considered a freak and was driven to stop dressing entirely. But I knew I wanted to continue. It has taken me fifty years since then to accept myself for who I am and I am still struggling with it. I see a counselor which is very helpful and she is very supportive. I finally told my wife and it was a great relief for me. It was like a fifty year burden was lifted. She is also very supportive, gave me a couple of her tops and a pair of panties to get me started. I am now purchasing my own clothes and makeup and accessories. I regret what originally happened but I also regret keeping this hidden for fifty years. Now I feel like a kid in a candy store: new experiences, new feelings of relief, I feel like who I am supposed to be. For those familiar with Fiona Dobson’s site the one thing I took from that was “Accept yourself for who you are. Create yourself as you desire.”
Very thought provoking Fiona. I sometimes regret telling my wife about my CD’ing. She has been a real trooper at trying to understand and support me for many years, but I think she would prefer being married to a non cross dressing husband. Z
I’m like pretty much what everyone else is saying, not accepting and hiding from myself, never mind society. I truly am Heather and have lived a life as a charade. My best memories were in my early teens when I was Heather every weekend and explored and found love with a very special person but through it away because it wasn’t acceptable. I’ve had a good life, but not the one it should have been.
Heather.
Hi Girls, I would have to say my biggest regret is not giving into my urge to crossdress earlier in life. At 57, I finally decided to give into the urges and started expressing my feminine side. I came out to my wife before I did anything and she has been very accepting and supportive. She doesn’t understand why I want to and quite frankly neither do I. Anyway, since I started I have been a much happier and calmer person.
Regrets? I’ve had a few, but then again, too few to mention.
In the words of the famous song: I wish I knew then, what I know now, when I was younger. Pre internet, as with a lot of the ladies here, I thought I was some sort of freak – does anybody else like wearing women’s clothes?. If I’d known thirty years ago that I wasn’t alone, I think I would have taken this whole malarkey a lot further.
And thirty years ago I was slim, fit, and sassy enough to have passed easily, with a full head of easily style-able hair.
I sincerely hope that anyone in the closet is reading these replies. In an age when,as has been mentioned coming out could have been social suicide and pre internet unless a close friend or family member provided support you really were on your own, it was very difficult.
I don’t see any option but to be who you are and take the knocks, which can be less traumatic than you think, rather than have those soul destroying regrets that can haunt a person as they have done with myself in the autumn of your life.
Hi Fionia
well I do regret not owning my femm needs when I was younger, If I had done this I would properly be out to the world now, I also regret not telling my wife much sooner, this would of mad life much more easier< Who knows I might even be on HRT now instead of living in the closet. that being said I am happy with the life that I have
I regret that like many “mature ladies” in this post, that the world was so down on crossdressing by males in my earlier years. It still galls me no end that a woman can wear masculine looking clothing and no one bats a false eyelash.
I mean really, for pity’s sake Marlene Dietrich, got around in a top hat and tails in the 30’s and it’s taken since then for us CD’s to even gain a molecule of acceptance!!
But overarching all of the above is the lies and deception I have to indulge in to get Caty time. IE My beloved” knows but does not want to know”, so any makeovers/dinners out/shopping trips are never divulged to her.
I hate not being up front about it. But she is very conservative and would never accept Caty “in the flesh”.
Caty, I can relate to this so much.
I only dress when away from home and my wife does not know.
I don’t feel bad about dressing at all but I do feel bad about doing it behind her back and sometimes lying.
She is lovely but pretty conservative in her views. If I told her I suspect she would be supportive but it would hurt her. So for now at least I remain in the closet.
But I also relate completely with your first point. My wife is forever borrowing my male clothes!
I wish I accepted myself as a teen and fought that hard battle starting then, though I know it would have been so difficult on those teen years with those teen emotions.
I wish I told my wife sooner in our relationship. I tested crossdressing with an ex-girlfriend twice, which didn’t go as expected and led to me thinking no woman would really accept this.
I hope I don’t end up someday regretting that I didn’t come out fully and just live my life the way I want. I worry that I think so much about all the people who matter to me today, but maybe they won’t really be there for me in a few decades when they go what ever way they really want.
Most of mine are very similar to the rest of you girls.I definitely think I should have accepted my crossdressing desires when I was much younger.All the evidence was there from very early childhood.A deep interest in female attire.I also had a deep desire to be the opposite sex.I spent a lot of my childhood,adolesence and early adulthood wishing upon wish that I was a girl.Even though I am probably not gender dysphoric though you never now.I really wish that my childhood and teenage crossdressing sessions had been longer.Usually consisting of an hour or two dressed in my mum’s skirt’s and tights while she was out shopping.I probably dressed a little longer if my parents were out for the evening.Although inevitably that would have been curtailed through feelings of guilt and fear of being caught.I also regret not coming out to my wife sooner.We have been a couple for thirty six years.I wish that I could have told her in my courting days.She didn’t know about Roberta until she had known me for twenty one years.
Other regrets included not buying my first pair of female shoes until I was twenty five.One very big one was all the money I wasted on buying clothes only to purge within a few days.The money that I wasted was incedible.
Fee I have 1 major regret. My mother who i was so close to never got to know the real me the whole me the person I become when I let my fem side take over, she passed away 5 years ago unexpectedly at 62 she was only 16 yrs older than I and I was and alway will be a momma’s boy? I am sure she would have been ok with it but I never gave her and I the chance to know. Even at 46 I was still trying to love myself for who i am so the thought of my mom being either disappointed or worse kept me from ever telling her even though many times I just wanted to let it all out to her. The one person I told everything to was also the one person I kept the biggest secret from. Maybe if I would have gave her the chance to love me unconditionally as a mother does then I would have been able to love myself as well. And yes I am still working on loving myself just as expressing mys of through my clothing has its highs and lows so does the hate and love battle I have with myself
Hi Trinity, i sympathise with you there. I never ever told my mother either and she passed away 4 years ago after ill health. When she was younger, she was a tyrant!! but as she aged, she became more mellow. Despite everything that happened during my childhood (see my article) i stood by my mum to the end, i do regret never saying anything and i am sure she would have stood by me no matter what, but i suppose, i didnt want to upset her either, especially as she was dealing with her many illnesses towards the end, i suppose i could have told her earlier on when i was younger but she was much more volatile then and it really was not worth the risk, life was hard enough!
Keep your mum, high in your fondest memories, who knows? she may be looking down on you with admiration 🙂
Fiona xxx
Replied once but the below passage from one of the articles I wrote here ( https://www.crossdresserheaven.com/sometimes-she-screams-krista-pm-to-cyn-about-title/ ) came to mind and I wanted to mention it too-
“While she may have been there before, the first time I heard Cyn was when I was 11 years old. As a boy approaching puberty, my thoughts were turning to girls as often happens. But in the midst of those thoughts about dating a girl at school, I heard a small voice whisper-“what would it be like to BE her instead?” That thought bounced around my brain until it coalesced into a desire to see what I would look like. So I went to my sisters’ closet and put on one of the dresses..and then the unthinkable happened-my dad walked in on me! Fortunately, he didn’t yell at me or hurt me. Instead, he told me to change my clothes and come talk to him. He told me that lots of boys are curious and that there was nothing wrong with that. Then he asked a question that brought me up short-“Do you want to BE a girl? Cause you know they can do that now.” The small voice shouted “say yes!” but the boy wasn’t sure, so he stayed quiet. My dad said, “ok, then stay out of your sisters’ things and we don’t need to tell them about this.” And I heard a small sob in my head, and then a silent scream.”
While I am forever glad to have had the life I’ve lived, the friends I’ve made, and the kids I helped bring into this world, I often wonder what would have happened if I had answered “yes” (or even “maybe”) to my dad’s question back 40 years ago?
CynHi Cyn, wow! thats a toughie! your father seemed a very understanding person and if i was in your position at the time, i think i would have followed your path, its not the kind of thing you could have made a snap decision out of, you were startled, maybe embarrassed, the shock of being caught by a parent is for most of us, unthinkable!!! i can fully understand your regret though, but you are older and wiser and i suppose if you knew then what you do now, things most probably would have been different. Thanks for sharing cyn! 🙂
Love and kisses, Fee xx
Cyn, my Mom walked in on me and found me enfemme for the 2nd timme in 3 weeks. I too was 11. She looked at me and said i thought so, i will meet you in the living room………as you are.
So we sat and i was mortified. I still remember having my legs crossed so tight the circulation in my legs was stopping and i had my arems crossed under the bra so she woudl not see.
She was kind and asked how long i had been dressing. I told her it was only my 2nd time. She didint believe me as she said my makeup was too nice for only the 2 nd time. Aksed why i insisted on wearing her things. I shrugged. Well, she said i am waiting for an answer. Cyn, i just blurted out because i want to look pretty and wish i was a girl. We talked for almost an hour. She got up to leave and told me to hang her things up b4 ii went to bed and to put her things back whn i borrowed them.
I pranced about in front of the mirror after she left and wasaglow in how girlie i looked. It was int eh 60’s and i had shoulder length hair which i put inot a pony, shoing off my earrings. I had felt like her daughter and i just felt so nice. In later times i woud sit and listen while she and my aunt chatted. In todays world they would have brought me to a gender specialist. I regret there were none back then
julie
Yes ,I do have regrets.I regret not coming out in my teens to my parents and siblings. But back then,in the 60,s and 70,s being a CD was unheard of.Mom was of Irish descent and Dad was of German descent so there was absolutely no discussing anything.I tried a few times and was very unsuccessful because society was different then.I started seriously dressing in my late 50,s and could not be happier.My sister totally embraces it and life is grand.Keep at it ladies and have fun with it.
I regret not trying to understand and accept my feminine side a lot earlier than I did.
i have no regrets, just wish i could of came out sooner i years. telling some one that i x dress but back in the years it was not a good idea, my grandmother knew and took it to her grave and my grandfather did also. my wife knows and lets me dress up only when our last adult child is not home for hours. my mother wanted a girl when i was born, she also passed away in 2013 and now i have her dresses and some skirts and blouses to keep her in my mind. she left her clothing to me even tho she don’t know it, but in heaven she does. if society was not so dis agreeing on x dressers i would of came out, but i have hidden it for years. now i am out of the closet so to speak, but not going out doors, but i do dress up when i can and under dress allot in winter time. love the feel of nylons and look of a dress. love looking like the woman i should of been. just wish i could share it with some other friends besides C.D.H. and dress up and have a great time out being happy and free
Hi Fiona.
My biggest and only regret is the same as yours, not telling my wife sooner. I wish that I had the confidence to tell her when we forst started dating 7 years ago. But back then I didn’t understand who I was and what was going on in my head so I kept quite and she found out last year about it all. I wish I hadn’t kept quite because things would be different now. We could still be together or she could of said that isn’t my cup of tea so we shall take this no further which if she said that I would have been ok with it and I could then be who I want to be and not have to feel guilty about it as I would be single.
Love Samantha x
Je ne regrette rien.
For all the wishes of being more open and dressing more in past years would that have impacted on what actually happened.
Would I have married and thus had two kids, would I have divorced if discovered again causing problems with kids. Working in a male dominated industry would I have been ostracized. Shunned by wider family and friends. Who knows and just thoughts which is why I have as said above. I regret nothing.
My regret is not telling my wife before we were married. She walked in on me about five years into our marriage, after our first daughter was born. That combined with some other asinine behavior on my part put marriage on a rocky road for the next ten years. I regret that behavior as well. Part of what kept our marriage together was my wife was raised Catholic and her grandmother had divorced her husband when my wife’s dad was about 2 and being Catholic couldn’t remarry so raise him as a single mother. My wife never saw herself as that strong and would have had to move back home with her parents. So she chose the lesser of two evils; living with a cross-dressing husband.
Beyond that, I regret not dealing with my cross-dressing sooner in life. I think of the wasted years living in denial.
Above all Youth is wasted on the young. All of the problems I’ve had to overcome in the last say 10 years could have been avoided it I had just grown up instead of only growing older.
Mind you doing so would have changed my life immensely, probably to the point of not even having met my wife, which means my two children and grandchildren wouldn’t exist. Who knows what would have happen then? I just might have ended up a lonely old man, because I couldn’t find a decent woman to marry me.
No, not willing to trade what I have for a maybe. I love my wife, my kids and my grandkids. 52 years with the same woman is worth a lot especially considering she proves she loves me daily by the way she treats me. She’s far more than I deserve.
Not really. I’ve been dressing for over 45 years and I have some fond memories. Maybe I regret not taking my time when I was younger to learn about clothes. I hate to think how many bras I’ve bought that eere too small! I’m comfortable now in what I wear and I maybe wish ypung Helen had been as comfortable.
I have no regerts, except I should have paid more attention to spelling class and partying too much. Life is what it is and gave me a beautiful daughter who loves and respects me. I am frustrated I did not find CDH sooner and the understanding it brings.
My regret is that we had no internet and digital cameras when I was young and hot. well, young anyway.
🙂
I very much regret the school and society I lived in when I was young, which made it suicidal for me.
Suicidal to tell anyone at all, and suicidal to keep it bottled up.
I could not deal with the knowledge of who I am when it hit at 14. I knew before then – 5 or 6 years old. But at 14, it really hit home and I tried to smash it out of my head very literally.
It didn’t work thanks to the amazing emergency services, who I cursed at the time, but am indebted now a million fold.
But growing up like that forced me to keep it in at all costs, especially to my physical and mental health.
It was only when I started letting it out, in as private situations as I could engineer, in unfrequented fields and woodlands I would walk in whatever female clothes I could steal.
My brain started to hatch plans that I had previously never dreamed of – a mad scheme to go to university.
As someone who did really badly at school because of the timing of my self realisation, going to university seemed impossible, except when in the light-headed mode that female clothes put me in.
Long story short, I went to Uni, scored a Bachelor’s, and went on to better things than I had previously imagined.
I went from a no-hope factory worker/lorry loader to my present position of Technical Consultant for an IT specialist company.
Each step up the ladder was accompanied by a an upscale of cross dressing – time and time again the co-incidences were becoming more like cause and effect.
But I cannot understand why the culture was so Neanderthal at my school. I had a very hard time for being vegetarian. I had a difficult time for being musical and not sporty. I was a rank outsider, who teachers turned a blind eye to, even when they saw me being bullied.
This isn’t supposed to be a sob story.
My life is amazing right now, and I intend to make it even more so (as it’s far from perfect, lol) and for my kids to have it even better, and know how to make it go their way while benefitting those around them.
And for you girls to know there is always hope.
…she’s a good friend of mine, who came out and inspired me to do the same.
This isn’t cryptic, it really happened!
Love Laura
I’m a transgender vegetarian, which sounds like I should need a lot of help Molly. I also had to do manual labour jobs as my parents took me out of school before I could graduate. I didn’t take the suicide route but about 20 years ago I had a life threatening tumor which left me without a left scapula. At the time of the operation everyone thought I was incredibly “Brave” ,the truth was I had no interest in living. Now I have my qualifications and am a ESL coordinator/teacher living my life at about 80% as a woman. Never give up on life, you never know what is round the corner.
Celeste. I think any decision regarding coming out can put us on a certain path that like any other can have consequences, or costs if you will. I recall one lady who lost her family but still found happiness another who was accepted in the workplace as transgender then had to fight to keep her job. It was very difficult to tell my wife but I felt confident enough that I could survive if she rejected me and live my life on my own if I had to. If that sounds brutal, insensitive or selfish then so be it.
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