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I just watched a short documentary tonight called “is she or isn’t he?” It’s about a young man that wanted to be a woman and even considered surgery and was doing HRT but ultimately dropped the transition process after living as woman for two years and went back to being a guy . I was thinking after the show ended was this person just a crossdresser or wasn’t sure who they were? there is so many publications, articles, books, and information on trans gendered people but where does crossdressing fall into the trans spectrum and why is there still so much unknown about it? Everyone’s path is different and many may never transition or even want to in their lives but still it’s seems so tough to get real answers for the reason why we dress?
Thoughts or comments?
You raise some good questions, Natalie. I wish I knew the answers.
We ourselves don’t know why we do this thing of ours, we just have to do it. IMO, the real issue is so much of what is “known” about us that isn’t true. We aren’t gay (mostly), we aren’t Drag Queens, and we aren’t sexual predators….but those are the common beliefs, which keep us isolated from society in general. We have a public relations problem which needs to be resolved. But I don’t know how to do it.
Bettylou
“Everyone’s path is different and many may never transition or even want to in their lives”
DING!!
I think that’s just it! There isn’t a “one, clear cut definition of a crossdresser” Every crossdresser walks a slightly different path. You can’t “cookie cutter” us as straight, gay, bi, trans, etc. and everyone’s reason for dressing is just slightly different. Probably why as crossdressers, we support each other so heavily, because only “WE” understand it.
xo – Robyn
Hi Natalie
Good points raised already…and no, I could not tell you why I do it…I just want to/ need to/ have to….
Over the years it’s become a way of life….home from work, shower, bra and panties etc without really even thinking about it.
As DeeAnn says…nobody is going to fund any type of research into it, and until we are more readily accepted, it will probably stay that way…
anyway, do I really want to be a lab rat??…I actually think I’m quite normal. It’s the bigots and trolls who need to be studied and analysed….to see just why they will not accept US.
thoughtfully yours, grace 💋
Hi Natalie
There has been so much negativity towards crossdressing historically in film, TV and the media. And it always seems to be linked to homosexuality. Either that or the character is mentally disturbed or deviant in some way. I think this link has seeped into the subconscious of society, creating a suspicion, a nervousness, a preconception that there must be something dodgy about someone who cross dresses.
Don’t think there has been anything recently, and the younger generation is a lot more educated about live and let live, as long as you are doing others no harm. Hope for the future❤️
Is it something that we need to find a reason for? Is the issue with us? Why do we do it? Why not? Is the problem with us, or with those who have a problem with it?
Personally I feel we have become better people doing what we do. Breaking down mental and physical barriers to be who we want to be, not who we are supposed to be.
Do we need to find a reason to look better, smell better, feel better, be a better person. Life’s too short to be bland. Be as fabulous as you can my friends.
❤️B
Genevieve,
I love your analogy and agree with you totally.
Kathleen
Great subject,
I don’t believe there is much information and a lot of “misinformation” with respect to crossdressing.
My impressions are it is seen and treated as more of a sexual thing. Like we only do this to “get off” and nothing more. That is certainly not true.
With respect to “older” gurls, there is even less information available. Geared heavily towards younger people.
This is not understood and different from being “Trans”, IMHO. There are times where I do want to dress like a guy. Not because the situation requires it, but because I want to. I would dress more as a gurl if circumstances were different.
Honestly, I want the best of both worlds.
Don’t we all?!
Back in the 90’s I would read maybe 1 or 2 Playboy mags a year…and yes, I would look at the pictures, and the cartoons, the the Advisor, and read the articles, all of it. I vividly remember one article that attempted to delve into the trans world. If I remember correctly it was mostly about GRS, and some of the more well known women, such as Tula. But…the cover illustration for the article which was a cartoon, showed what looked like a factory worker male (probably auto), chunky, balding, thick stubble, having come home from work, sitting in a overstuffed chair in front of the TV while the wife can be seen through the kitchen door fixing dinner and two small kids are playing on the carpet behind him. He is dressed in some ill fitting flower print dress, clunky heels with feet up on a padded stool, a skewed looking wig, with a can of beer in one hand, and a cigar in the other. What an image. And that was how back then (and unfortunately, still a lot today) that cross-dressers were portrayed. The cigar got me, because practically every image back then that showed a cd, they had a cigar, as if, somehow that signaled that here was obviously an all male who liked to dress in women’s clothing…and nothing more involved; although it wasn’t used, the word fetish comes to mind. We’ve come a ways since then, but unfortunately images like that were so prevalent that there is still difficulty in changing that demeaning and dehumanizing perception. And like I mentioned, the article was more about post-op women with very little about cross-dressing itself.
Sometimes I wish we could think up a better term than ” crossdressing “. The word cross infers change, or differing…. , in this case, the clothing you are expected to wear; and most people do not consider that “normal”. Now, society has finally, finally, gotten around to understanding sexuality. People can finally get Gay/Lesbian/Bi-sexuality because it relates more to sex in there minds. And everybody understands sex, right?
Gender?? That is one thing I am continually trying to educate people on. Many just do not understand a mismatched gender like they do sexual preference. They see gay as gay, lesbian as lesbian, etc. with little variation. Harder to put us into a clear cut catagory. It doesn’t help that there are so many types and degrees to crossdressing, I’m sure we could separate CD’ers into several distinct groups. But that would mean … more labels. That sure doesnt help in educating the ignorant masses, does it?
I think we still have a long road ahead. Funny thing is, this does not deter me at all! Just makes me more determined to help them understand. Note: I should mention that I always wanted to get into teaching, lol, so I enjoy educating others. Sadly far too many just refuse to listen, and prefer to remain ignorant. ☹
Stevie
Definitely there should be more information available, not for us but for the younger kids just starting to explore this. I remember being so confused at 10 years old but there was absolutely nothing available and no one to talk to about it. If I had I would have been treated as a freak and a pervert, probably subjected to aversion therapy.
As for the why, there is no answer because there is no question, It’s not why are we this way, it’s this is the way I am and that’s all there is to it. I have read quite a few articles and papers both about the psychological and physiological approaches and it basically comes down to they have no idea, some things can’t be explained because they don’t need explained.
I’ll be 57 in a few months and have reached the point in my life of I don’t care what people think or say. This is me, you don’y like me don’t talk to me, no skin off my ass, have a nice day.
Great topic, thanks, Heather.
There is no definitive answer to the question, each individual will have a personal drive to satisfy their own mind. I have said many times that it’s simple down to the chemical make up of our DNA. Some have a deeper chemical influence within the mind that has more powerful feminine hormones than others, hence the differences in levels of CD, or complete transition.
Many of us have memories of dressing young, and many of us have attempted to resist this. So the chemical stimulus has to be driven by the brain.
We are just another variation of human identity,driven by chemical mixing, there is no other answer to find, every aspect of life in the human body is controlled by hormones and genes.
We are humans that have the chemical ability to be both feminine and masculine, but at different rates, even at different times. Many things can affect us which seem to trigger the feminine protection mode, or we simple seem to need to dress as a release from the hormonal battle that quietly rages in our brain.
We are born this way, it just takes some of us longer to evolve, and a lot longer even still to tame those that choose to be ignorant of our way of living.
After reading through all the great responses I have little to add that hasn’t been said.
What I can say is although my wife is supportive and accepting she absolutely does not understand, at all.
And as I am still relatively new to acknowledgment of this part of me, I can’t offer much in the way of answers for her. Thankfully we’re both naturally curious and there is a TON of info out there that can help us shed some light on the subject, but for every answer there seems to be two new questions.
When I first came out I didn’t know what to expect and almost 2 years in, I still haven’t figured it out, but we are at least a little bit clearer on where the boundaries are firm and where they’re flexible.
i think that so many cds hide in the closet and hide their secret. so everyone thinks they are hiding something that must be wrong. gays and lesbians are out. you see them everywhere. how many cds do you see out? i have seen very few. cds are like deer. for everyone you see there are probably 10 that you didnt see. maybe they are not dressed and not ready to be seen. i think if all the cds would go out in public the numbers would be unbelievable. then people would probably think wait a minute there must not be anything wrong with this. they are not hiding, it must be ok. then we can focus on ourselves and not worry about what everyone else things. hiding and keeping secrets is going to help us solve the question of who are we?
Hi Natalie
Great post with some really good points, I think it would be really good if other people could understand how we feel and why we are what we are. Unfortunately there are people out there who couldn’t careless about us. I totally concur with Heather’s views and don’t care what they think of us, which is contradictory on my part because I have never come out to anyone. If I haven’t told anyone about my femme side, I couldn’t really expect them to understand me if they were to find out. I admire all you girls who have had the courage to come out.
Love you all Sarah xx
I agree very much with Stevie that the term ‘crossdressing’ needs reimagining. Not unlike the way pronoun usage has changed with respect to nonbinary gender identity, it is something that needs affirmative redefinition, and by us, rather than by everyone else who isn’t us. Really there is nothing ‘cross’ about it; it is simply a realization what I am visualizing and feeling for myself, just like anything else I might do at any other moment. As to the why? On the whole I think we are all better off seeking acceptance–it is who you are and you don’t have to know why–rather than explanation. My choice of shirt and tie for a big meeting would also land me on a ‘spectrum’ somewhere, but that spectrum is so channeled into normalcy that no one thinks of it as such.
That’s true. Yes, there should be! It also shouldn’t solely be classified as anything ‘gay’ either! Yet, principally *still* sadly that’s all it really gets marred as. My journey began as an homage to the ones I worship and adore and look up to! …I never imagined it would actually take me to where (and the way) I live my life -now- It would be wonderful if it was as easy to do and be appreciated -as- an honor and a ‘thanks’ to so many women who continue to inspire us everyday, and be left as that… Right? I blame weirdly out-of-touch and overtly macho / aggressively conservative males for it’s regression and failure to be recognized as an artistic expression in it’s own right.
Hi Natalie, Very thoughtful discussion. For me, and I think for many of us here, the correct term is “right dressing” or heck, just “dressing”. But society likes boxes and labels so the group of us are lumped together under the label of “crossdresser”. And as it has been stated already, a big swath of society doesn’t really understand what that label means, and unfortunately, many of those who don’t understand tend to lean towards having a negative perception. While changing percepti0ns doesn’t necessarily need to take a long time, changing attitudes and especially the underlying values absolutely can take a long time. Meanwhile, we just continue on this journey and live our life the best way we can. And thanks for the supportive environment we find here. Stay safe, stay healthy, All the very best, Hugs, Krista.
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You know, I really do hate to disagree. I believe it is mostly the women in our lives who provide the greatest opposition and the most obstacles to our acceptance. Some men might object or even ridicule those other men (us) who crossdress, however, for the most part they’re just not interested. If cis women could find understanding, acceptance, humor, and a sense of fealty with us, we’d be good. In fact, I believe if women were open in their acceptance of crossdressers, far more men would crossdress. Many men who are not psychologically oriented as crossdressers still get a charge out of masquerading – think Harvard – think “Hasty Pudding!” I also believe that once women displayed their affinity and respect for gay men, society opened to their place in a diverse and caring human society. Although this analogy could become time-worn, leave it to the ones who figured out how to remove their bras without undressing to figure out how to bring acceptance to crossdressing!FAM
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