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Im curious to how often we all dress and how far do we go to present as female when we dress. From underdressing to crossdressing at home, to attending events dressed in public, to dressing and going out by yourself and blending in public, to dressing full time and living as a woman. What level of support and or involvement do you receive from your wife or SO. Where are you in your level of dressing somewhere between any of these. Share who or where your at in the spectrum of dressing and or feminine presentation and level of support of wife or significant other.
I am a crossdresser who dresses about 20 to 25 times a year my wife knows but does not understand why my agreement with my wife is she knows when I dress as April, so there are no surprises or accidental viewings or being outed. My wife knows is mostly neutral towards my crossdressing she does not encourage, but will go out with April in public far away from home, but not locally and does not want April to be out locally which I have not. My wife doesn’t care for hair removal and the feminization of my male self with eyebrows and or hair removal. She does accept some if gone for multi day events. No April in the bedroom. I do not underdress, however when I do dress I like to present as much as possible as a woman with clothing, breast forms, undergarments shape wear, shoes, wig, makeup, fingernails and toenails painted, jewelry, and other accessories. I like to go to CD/Trans events to present in public 5 to 10 days per year. And take photos lol. My wife has spent some evenings at home with April she has made dinner for us a few times while i have been dressing. She feels April is more open than my male self which she appreciates and I am working on to be that way when not dressed. She does not care for when she feels I have presented a look or style that is similar to her look and style. Most of our experiences together when dressed at home or in public have been good but a few have not been pleasant. She feels I wear too much makeup and look like a big man in drag. I do however love and appreciate my wife and her being as open and accommodating as she has been as she has no desire for her man to dress and present as a woman what so ever, she has no attraction to it at all.
Thanks April
Ditto. My SO is in the house but goes to another room if I dress, etc. If I ask for help,( photo, back zip, back lace) she will help. It is obvious that while saying nothing, she would prefer to be in another place. A breakthrough came in the last 2 days as we are now talking about it. We went to Costco today, when I put a top and leggings in the cart, she kind of rolled her eyes. I am convinced she sees the entire situation as WEIRD. I feel sorry for her as it must be hard to make any sense of me. I’m out of ideas.
Hi Lorraine! I will add that as accepting as my SO has been, there are times that she’s not as into it. When I first revealed Lola to her it was mainly male me in lingerie. Shortly after that when I started really fully dressing, with makeup, wigs, ect, it took a while for her to adjust to that. There have been several times that I reverted to keeping my girl time from her (like only when I’m alone in the house) just to give her some space. I hope you and your SO find a good middle ground that works for both of you.
💖Lola
I go full-on woman whenever I Carmen out… nearly 4 times maybe 5 times a week, sometimes multiple times in the same day.
There is one thing though that being a crossdresser spills over into man mode… it teaches you everything there is to know about how to present more “put together” as a man, even if it has nothing to do with “feminizing”.
My situation is a real mixture
1/. My beloved “knows, but does not want to know” about Caty and has never seen her dressed, (at least not in person…Couple of photos have been left out over the years… Ooops.)
2/. She would strenuously object to seeing me dressed.
3/. I sleep femme every night, summer and winter. “Full disaster”. Bra, forms and weather dependant nightwear? Silk in summer, heavy duty pj’s in winter. In my own room, up the other end of the house.
4/. I underdress full time, In summer panties and a light cami, winter same again, but all heavy duty pieces.Plus pantyhose/heavy duty tights
5/. On frequent overnight charity business trips, I do the “full Caty” and depending on the length of stay, can “go public” about 2-3 times a year.
6/. For what its worth most of my lingerie and sleepwear is “hidden in plain sight” in my wardrobe and chest of drawers.
Happy dressing
Caty.
I dress to a point every night. Leggins, bra, forms and sometimes a woman’s shirt. I can fully dress when ever I want my SO is fully supportive and we share lots of our clothes and bras. I only get the chance to go full Syndee on the weekends mostly by my choice. I usually get home fairly late and don’t see the point of doing my makeup and hair if I am going to just have to take it all of in a matter of hours. Many but not all of my friends know about Syndee and have seen me mostly dressed. I have never really been out in public dressed other than running the trash out at the house or something like that. I am blessed that I have a super supportive SO that lets me do what I want and even goes shopping with me to pick out outfits and such.
Hi April, well, I dress probably 80-100 times a year, for 1 – 3 hours each time. Privately and not mentioning it, tho I think she knows I do it to some degree. We talked about it a long time ago, and left it where I feel more comfortable, and I think so does she. Sometimes, its just a few items, more often, a complete outfit, wig, tiny bit of makeup. Wish I could do more, more hours each time or more days. Actually, if I were able to dress maybe a few less times, but spend more hours, I’d probably be a little happier. Anyway, I do it while I can.
Hugs, ChloëC
I started starting dressing again after a near 3 years of not dressing anywhere.
My wife usually comes to support group events with me she varies from
supportive to tolerant but I always worry her tolerance will end one day.
I can understand that as it ebbs and flows I wish when it moved forward it would stay there but it doesn’t I have found.
I think it is a reality for many of us but I know my wife tries hard to accept this side of me. Ultimately it is not for her but she loves me and thats why she tries I think it is always easier for a lot of women to accept this in a friends relationship or a friend or relative just not a thrill at all in their man thats why it ebbs and flows. I love her and am thankful for what I do heave as it is so much better than what so many others here on CDH have.
I’m divorced and don’t have an SO. I have an adult daughter who lives with me and an adult son in college so is home sometimes and away often. They don’t care that I dress.
I under dress all the time (unless I’m getting waxed, I have to wear boxer briefs). I dress somewhat every day, usually just clothing, sometimes just at night. If I’m going out for a walk, I’ll put on a wig, forms, and a minimal amount of makeup if I’m going out (usually for a walk), and will often leave everything on as long as I can. When in male mode, I’m often in (close-enough-to) unisex clothing from the women’s department. Only about a dozen times a year do I go out in full makeup.
I have not officially come out to my wife yet, although she does have an idea that I like to wear some feminine things. I started dressing up secretly almost 4 years ago, with everything hidden. Then about a year and a half ago I started wearing some women’s spandex exercise shorts to work out in. That led to wearing them around the house. Then as the weather got cooler, I started wearing leggings around the house. It wasn’t too popular at first, but now it’s accepted, and a couple pair have even been completed. She will sometimes even grabs my butt which to me is a great compliment!
I also surprised her at Halloween this year by dressing up as a male vampire character with my fingernails painted black. She enjoyed it, and I was able to tell her how much I loved painting my nails that day. She was even more surprised, and laughed out loud when she later saw my toenails were also painted black. She knows it makes me happy and is okay with it, as long as I don’t go out of the house that way. She has even offered her collection of nail polish for me to use. She didn’t care for the metallic pink I chose at one point, but said “if it makes you happy go for it.” I have been shaving my legs for in the winter for a long time now as well, and she has come to accept that too.
The full dressing is still only for when I have the house to myself, and still a secret, but I hope to share that with her one day soon. I just don’t want to pile it all on at once, and shock, and overwhelm her. I think seeing her husband in a dress, and stiletto heels might still be way too much.
I feel so very lucky to have this level of acceptance!
💕Lara
I agree you are lucky to have some level of acceptance but I also understand how frustrating it can be to not make any progress. I was wearing black leggings around the house and then my wife bought me some black baggy pajama pants, I figured she was sending me a message.
I hope that you are able to keep wearing the leggings as well as the new baggy pajama pants. Maybe you can mix it up, and strike a balance that might work for you both.
💕Lara
Undedress often in public, overtly cross dress at home alot and sometimes when we are traveling or camping. Currently having coffee with my wife in pink leggings matching pantie and bra set a satin robe earrings and my new wig!
Sounds like cozy coffee time for both of you, especially when you are dressed en femme! I’m envious!
Although I really shouldn’t be envious, since I’m sitting here having my coffee still in my cozy girl flannel PJ’s…
Hi April!
My SO knows, but she really doesn’t want to participate. She sees all of my female things (clothes, lingerie, makeup, etc.) and knows that when I dress, I dress fully and completely as a woman, so that I can go out in public to be seen and treated as a woman, but she doesn’t want to go with me or anything like that. I wish she would, but I respect her wishes so I don’t push it. And like your wife, she really doesn’t like seeing my fully feminized (i.e., hairless) body, but she knows that is part of me being able to express myself as a woman. As we all know, that’s a boundary we all walk ever so carefully…
Hugs,
Holly
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Hi April. Good question.
I came out to the wife over six years ago so now its no big deal for her to see me dressed in some way around the house. Her limits are she doesn’t want me to wear dresses, skirts, heels or makeup. So each morning I dress with a different bra including my silicone forms. I usually wear a pair of leggings, panties (24/7), and a pastel fem tee or blouse I dress like this every day at home all day.
Wife doesn’t want me going out in public all dressed so when I go out I underdress keeping the panties and bra on but without the forms and if the weather is cool enough I’ll wear my small forms under a light coat. Sometimes pantyhose too.
As for other fem things, I have a long ponytail in a matching to my top scrunchie, have earring studs now in both ears, use fem lavender deodorant, nails are trimmed nicely with clear gloss, toenails are polished with a red color, legs are shaved, face is smooth and moisturized, eyebrows are trimmed and shaped a little but not too much, armpits are shaved and forearm hair cut very close, same as with chest hair. Many times I wear a feminine pad to keep my panties clean. I express my fem side every day!
There was no specific option that matches me exactly hun. I crossdress almost 24/7. Everyone knows and only sometimes as of last year have I agreed to Mom’s no specific woman items for a errand in town like a dentist appointment. But this year I’m hoping every time I get my nails and eye brows done I am in femme mode as part of expressing the woman I want to be now a days girlfriend! I already stroll in my own neighborhood in femme mode with every stroll.
I don’t cross dress very often and only at home. I underdressed in public a few times but not in a while. I found some men’s bikini briefs that have no fly and are soft and silky like panties but have extra room in front. I love them and that’s all I wear. They feel feminine but are more comfortable to me than actual panties.
I am very fortunate that my SO is totally good with it. I can walk into a room fully dressed and she will just say something like Oh, so Lola is making an appearance tonight! Sometimes she even asks if Lola is going to visit again soon. But that is at home. I have asked if she would go out in public with me if I ever go out and she said yes but it was a cautious yes. I think she is unsure how comfortable she would be. Also she has said in the past that she has some fear that if I go out and have a bad experience, as sensitive natured as I am it might take some of the pleasure out of cross dressing for me. Honestly she knows me well, I share that concern for myself.
💖Lola
I understand your wife’s concerns. Crossdressing and transgender people have made great strides but they are still a small minority. I know I wouldn’t feel safe out in public so I think I will keep at home. I know this is old fashioned thinking but maybe it will improve in the future because of younger people who dare to step out.
99.8% of the time en femme. Only time when I dress in boy mode is in the male changing rooms at the sauna (pre surgery).
My ex is still very supportive and knows me only as ‘Polly’ now.Polly 💋 💋
I am underdressed all the time and wear outerwear around the house frequently. My wife knows and is fine with it and participates in bedroom activities when I am dressed. She has seen me in a wig and with lipstick, but fully dressing in front of her is still a work in progress. She doesn’t seem to mind, but I am still not sure.
I go out in public occasionally, but not with my wife…yet. She has never set limits, but I know she would rather not have people know, so I keep it quiet. She did say she doesn’t care what I wear, but that I probably shouldn’t be seen in public. I agree, I probably shouldn’t, but I do.
I do wear some outerwear out in public with my wife, things like jeans and yoga pants, and she is fine with that.
All in all, my relationship with my wife and dressing is very good. We have talked about it, but she never really engages and just says wear what you want. She has never discouraged me in any way but does not encourage me either. I have told her she is welcome to ask any questions she may have, and can tell me if I have gone too far, but so far it has never been an issue.
The most positive message I get from my wife is always non-verbal in that when I am dressed either in just lingerie, or in a dress with nice lingerie and heels, we have a fun time in bed and she really enjoys it.
I certainly hope so. I would hate to have to hide and sneak my dressing. I hope everyone can come out to their spouse and at least get to DADT. I would be fine with that, but am so happy my wife is agreeable. My wife knows where all my things are, and knows she can ask and that I will give honest ansers, so knows as much as she wants to know, which gives me the freedom to do what I want, within reason, of course.
well i choosed a few in which wife knows i dress up, but will not see me but has seen me getting dressed up, she will tell me i can do what i like to do that’s my cue on our son is at work for 4 hours and i can dress up. i under dress a lot and do go out wiith my male cloths over them, no one see’s me wearing a dress or skirt and blouse, no make up when i go out under dressed.
Thanks Trish, I agree. My first wife ignored the fact I liked to dress, and I had to hide it, even though she knew before we got engaged. When I started dating again after our divorce, I made a point of keeping both my male and female wardrobes visible in my closet so if she decided to look there would be no subterfuge (she never looked).
Interestingly, even though she knew all about my dressing, it was over two years into our marriage before I had the courage to let her see me dressed. I was afraid she wouldn’t look at me the same way again. She convinced me to stop running scenarios in my head and just live in the real world.
She has come out to a local dinner a bunch of us gurls have and had a good time.
I truly appreciate how fortunate I am now.
My girlfriend and I do not live together, so she does not yet know the extent of my crossdressing or my wardrobe.
She knows I do not feminize in appearance or mannerisms. No wig, make-up, heels, polish or perfume.
She likes the masculine me. For instance, she likes playing with the hair on my body. I dress in drab with her. Nevertheless, she likes when I underdress. She has given me feminine undergarments as gifts.
I dress more fully sometimes when I am home alone, but she has not yet seen me fully dressed — forms,skirt, blouse — and probably would not want to see that.
I do not know her limits. I only know she does not want me to dress in public, I am in sync with her on that. She was very upset when I told her I was getting breast forms, though. I think we may have to stay put with me being a hairy man in lingerie.I underdress every day. I get fully dressed and out a few times a month for the day. However, I take a vacation for 12 or so days, every other month. This allows me to fully dress for days on end. My SO doesn’t like to travel, like I do so she doesn’t mind me going. As long as I don’t mind her not going. She is aware of my dressing but wanted a DADT understanding.
My wife isn’t just tolerant or accepting, she’s positively enthusiastic and my biggest cheerleader. She encourages me to dress at home, and often suggests taking Nikki out shopping, for drinks, and just for strolls around town. Currently, she’s wanting to take me to Sephora for a makeover with her bestie, a prospect both thrilling and scary.
I don’t take any of it for granted. We’re uncommonly close, very loving, and she is my very best friend and the love of my life. She makes it very easy for me to completely myself, empowers me to do so, in fact. I wish everyone had this.
That is so awesome to hear gives others hope thanks for sharing Nikki I agree I wish everyone had that too. Your a lucky woman to have such a loving and encouraging best friend and wife glad that you two have such a loving close marriage and relationship. Enjoy your makeover day at Sephora with your wife and bestie have fun on pampered day with the girls.
My wife knows and accepts Katie. For instance she asked if I’d like to dress for a Christmas lunch, we dine alone. That was awesome and on a significant day. She will also say “I thought you might dress tonight “ this is usually after a hiatus. She has also donated jewellery, clothes and shoes. I am truly grateful after all the dark days of the closet.
Since coming out to my wife 3 years ago, I dress feminine from the neck down every day at home in a dress or a skirt/blouse outfit. My wife doesn’t have any problem with my presentation (thankfully!). I told my wife I see myself as transgender but without any plans of transitioning.
I underdress when I leave the house and also sometimes wear androgynous ladies outer clothes like jeans or pant suit trousers and basic blouses.
My goal this year is to finally get a wig to be feminine from head to toe and then makeup will follow at some point.
My wife does participate by helping my paint my nails and gives me feminine clothing gifts. She bought me my first heels. In fact just today she came back from an errand and brought me valentines flowers. =)
Feels wonderful to be my authentic self.
My wife, before we were married, is actually the one who started me down this lovely road many years ago. So I’d have to say yes she totally accepts it since it was her idea to begin with. She started under dressing me with with panties and women’s jeans and little by little to the point I currently own no men’s clothing below the waist, including my footwear, except for one suit, a tux and one pair of boxer briefs. I’m a 24/7 under dresser.
Speaking of acceptance, I appeared before my wife fully en femme for the first time. I have underdressed for many, many years, and partially dressed nearly as long, but this was the first time dressed, including wig a makeup. She was a bit surprised and her only comment was “you look like your mother.” I asked if that were good or bad, and she said that maybe I looked more like one of my aunts. We had a lovely dinner and opened a nice 15 year old wine and eventually snuggled in front of the fire and then off to the bedroom. I have to admit that leaving lipstick kiss marks on her body was pretty amazing.It was a fun evening, one too long delayed by my own hesitation.
My girlfriend knew but didn’t want to talk or see me dressed. She acknowledged that I needed to be myself and would support that. So basically it was a DADT situation. This worked for a few years after I came out. For girl time, I would occasionally get the house to myself or take weekend trips to nearby cities.
When the pandemic hit I had nowhere to go and had few opportunities at home. I also was coming closer to identifying as trans. Some days were tough. When things reopened, I told my GF I planned to start going out again. Her response was that I should get a place of my own. We talked it over and agreed that would be best. So we amicably split last summer. We’re still best friends and see each other at least once a week. Ironically, she’s more supportive now than when we were together.
Since getting a place of my own, I wear whatever I want every day. Most days that’s womens jeans or leggings and a t-shirt. On occasion I’ve gone out wearing a very feminine outfit. I dress more androgynously at work though. I’m not out there yet.
It’s incredibly liberating to be myself nearly all the time. I’ve never been happier.
/EA
The choices of ” Crossdress at home clothing only when alone” and “Completely hidden from significant other” were the only ones that applied to me word-for-word.
How often do I dress depends on my location: Dressing at home happens once every 2-4months; my wife and adult daughter have be out of the house for a minimum of 3 hours and about 25 mins away. Dressing away from home has happened 1-2 times every 2 weeks to now once every week; when my work schedule allows.
How far do I present also depends on my location: Presentation at home the majority is intimates and lingerie, with or without a wig; early didn’t have one to a few rare times fully clothed with a wig. Presentation away from home is fully clothed as a woman (when I want to be) with a wig; early no make-up, with some form of make-up since October 2020.
My SO is not ok with it or any of my feminine “habits”: She doesn’t like that I grow my fingernails longer than “a man should” and that she’s noticed twice when my fingernails were “shiny” when I’ve used “clear” nail strengthener. While she has only suspected of and almost caught me (but not in the act) once wearing one of her panties; which I had, more than once. She raised the “Tenth level of Hades” at me saying “Men don’t wear Women’s clothes”, “What is/Is there something wrong with you”, and Stay out of/Leave my clothes alone”. Since then she believes I’ve quit. I have, I no longer wear her clothes; I have my own. So my CDing and level of is back at an unknown secret to her. It is best this way for two reasons: one; I was never going to introduce my CDing into the marriage and two; now knowing her “feelings” towards MTF CDing, I know she’ll never accept/support/tolerate nor understand it. Which is puzzling; considering her closest male friend in High School was gay and still is, she has a female cousin who is a lesbian, and her sister’s younger daughter (mine and my SO’s niece) last year came out as pansexual. She can support, understand, and accept all of them; but I guess, to her, MTF CDing is too “deviant, pervy, and sick” for her level of tolerance. Eventhough pansexual is more modern; wasn’t gay and lesbian once seen as “deviant, pervy, and sick”?.
The ending question is rhetorical; no need to respond, I know the answer.
My point, it is easier and acceptable for wives to accept differences in others just not their manly man.
I picked the choices that were closest. My SO is great but she prefers we reserve me fully dressed for just us.
A lot of my life right now is focused on exercise and weight loss. I swim in ladies suits at our local aquatic center and she’s fine with that. Aprés swim right now is leggings, jog bra, blouse and pullover. That’ll shift to shorts as the weather warms. Non-swim days are a jog bra and bike shorts for rowing and stationary bike at home. Sweats to rest in. Nights are PJs over panties and a bralette. These are all ladies wear, mostly in purple. Even my shoes and sneakers are from Torrid. I only wear drab pants, shirt, and sweaters to church…but even then the shirt is sometimes actually a blouse.
All of the above is heartily approved of, even encouraged by Dream Girl. I’m very blessed …
I’m very lucky. At home I tend to dress fully, whenever I wish. Naturally, that means I dress most of the time, unless we have guests (which is rare). My partner has been wonderful in embracing my need to dress since I came out to her, and happily indulges me presenting in full makeup, heels, wigs, tuck etc. In fact, at her suggestion I paint my nails and wear perfume and jewellery too.
She’d be cool with me dressing all of the time if I wished and wouldn’t have a problem with me going out dressed; it’s only my insecurities that get in the way of that 🙄🤣 She actually took me out of town for a few days so that I could dress and be myself in the real world without having to worry about being outed in my home town.
She does reserve the right to offer criticisms of my appearance however, and my outfits have been described as slutty once or twice (usually when I wear my shiny, tiny, tight black pvc skirt and long boots, actually! 🤭). On the other hand, she has given me so much valuable advice on what to wear, accessorizing, co-ordinating etc, and I can now be seen in colourful clothes, rather than the blacks that filled my in-the-closet wardrobe 😃
Thanks for sharing that is an awesome situation you have with your wonderful woman Caroline. I am sure many may be envious in wishing they had similar situation way to go I am happy for you.
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