Does your SO know about CDH?

Have you told your SO about CDH or is it your secret and you want to keep it that way?

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  • Yes they know and are happy.
  • Yes the know but not interested.
  • No they don’t know.
Viewing 34 reply threads
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    • #547954
      Stephaniewy
      Lady
      Registered On: September 24, 2021
      Topics: 4
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      told y wife about cdh after our first shopping trip together to buy some lingerie

      3 users thanked author for this post.
    • #547869
      Alicia Sunrise
      Lady
      Registered On: June 3, 2021
      Topics: 0
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      I voted  “Yes and happy” even though it is just me because I am happy with the steps I am taking with myself.

      1 user thanked author for this post.
    • #547768
      Amy Oxley
      Lady
      Registered On: September 20, 2021
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      I told my wife about CDH the day after I joined. I told her about the site and how it was full of wonderful and amazing people and even read her some of the Forum topics.

      When you tell your SO you have joined a site for cross-dressers it’s easy for them to get the wrong end of the stick and think the site is full of weirdo’s and perverts. But once she had read some of the articles she was very happy that I had found somewhere I talk to other cross-dressers and learn of their experiences and how similar those experiences are to my life. She is very accepting of Amy but it’s not quite the same as talking to people who have been through the same doubt/guilt/shame/excitement and everything else that comes from this life.

      Amy

      3 users thanked author for this post.
    • #547731
      Brielle
      Duchess
      Registered On: August 14, 2021
      Topics: 2
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      My SO actually joined a few days ago to chat with other wives and GFs about all this. She is tolerant, but not very keen on it at the moment. I hope over time we can get a better relationship with Brielle. I have shared my profile with her, which raised some new questions and concerns.

      2 users thanked author for this post.
    • #547727
      Christina Cross
      Lady
      Registered On: March 2, 2020
      Topics: 0
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      Before I registered an account with CDH, I told my wife about it and gave her my login credentials. I wanted everything with my CDing to be transparent with her. No guilt. I didn’t want her to think I was sneaking around. I told her I wanted to make an account at CDH so I could learn more about myself and my crossdressing. My wife encouraged my pursuit of knowledge because she knows my gaining knowledge will make me happy and accepting of myself.

      3 users thanked author for this post.
    • #522322
      Sarah Lane
      Duchess
      Registered On: September 1, 2020
      Topics: 4
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      Hey Sandra, Yes My wife knows about CDH. She has seen me reading a lot on here and also writing from time to time. She recently freaked out when she saw the ad for Transgender Heaven on the CDH website, She thought I was looking to transition and told me that if this was the case consider our marriage over. I had to reassure her it was just an ad and that I was still just interested in Crossdressing.

      The next day I wrote her a letter ( which she has given me permission to publish here on CDH ) which helped explain why I love Crossdressing and my expectations of it going forward. Once she had read it we sat down and had a conversation which also included me showing her what CDH was about and showing her my photos and many other members photos and comments so she had a clear understanding about what this site offers each of us.

      She has told me the letter was very helpful for her in becoming more understanding of my Crossdressing and after reading the comments on this tread it is clear it might prove useful to others here. Keep an eye out for ” letter to my wife ”

      Sarah

      3 users thanked author for this post.
      • #523112
        Jeannie Jones
        Duchess
        Registered On: October 9, 2020
        Topics: 14
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        Looking forward to the wife letter.

      • #523079
        Sandra
        Lady
        Registered On: August 8, 2020
        Topics: 2
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        Thanks for sharing this Sarah, I’ll go and check that article out. Might prove helpful for me too.

         

    • #522302
      Penny Jay
      Lady
      Registered On: August 4, 2020
      Topics: 5
      Replies: 52
      Has thanked: 250 times
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      My wife registered on CDH before I did !

      3 users thanked author for this post.
    • #521960
      stephanie plumb
      Baroness - Annual
      Registered On: November 17, 2018
      Topics: 176
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      My wife tolerates my dressing but doesn’t want to be involved.  If she knew about CDH it would probably be a death sentence for our marriage … one straw too many…. liaising with men on the internet is how she would see it.  It would bring up all the old questions. “Are you gay ?”etc. etc.  “Another secret you haven’t told me about!”  “why are you doing it?”

      Its a secret I must keep so I am extremely careful not to get caught out. Hence no public photos! Or photos left on my phone or computer.

      Am I deceiving her? I don’t think so because she doesn’t know. If she suspects and asks then I would have to come clean and hope to weather the storm.

      7 users thanked author for this post.
    • #521833
      Abbie Normal
      Duchess
      Registered On: June 13, 2021
      Topics: 10
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      I plan to tell her the next time we discuss this part of my life in any detail. I want to be able to discuss things that come up here with her.

       

      — Abbie 🥰

      5 users thanked author for this post.
    • #521803
      Rayna Carlian
      Duchess
      Registered On: March 4, 2020
      Topics: 3
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      I tried getting my SO to join the SO group on CDH, but no.

      However, she did go with me to Crossroads in Palm Springs back in April. She isn’t averse to Rayna, just not into social media and she isn’t all that “chatty”. I think it would be good for her to talk to other spouses, but she isn’t the talky type of girl.

      xoxo

      Rayna

      5 users thanked author for this post.
    • #518794
      Petra Sue
      Lady
      Registered On: March 14, 2021
      Topics: 2
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      My wife is aware that I’m on CDH but doesn’t participate.  When I first joined, we talked about it because she knew I was struggling with my dressing and what it means for me.  Being here and sometimes sharing experiences, but mostly reading about other’s experiences, has helped and my wife understands the value in that.

      Hugs,

      Petra

    • #518705
      Brittany Skye
      Lady
      Registered On: May 25, 2021
      Topics: 1
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      currently it’s a secret from my wife. i’ve been trying to find ways to open the discussion but I know it’s going to take time to ease her into my other life. when i’ve been more upfront, the responses have been less than positive

    • #518391
      Sandra
      Lady
      Registered On: August 8, 2020
      Topics: 2
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      Thank you to all the lovely responses. I decided to plant the seed with my wife and told her about the site and that we should explore it together. She was happy with that. Some progress 🥳

      • #518402
        MelanieElizabeth
        Lady
        Registered On: January 9, 2021
        Topics: 13
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        I’m happy for you Sandra. It’s the right thing to do. It may force some uncomfortable conversations but at the end of the day you will feel so much better. She may even feel better as well. I hope it all goes well.

        6 users thanked author for this post.
    • #518383
      Rei Durden
      Baroness - Annual
      Registered On: October 11, 2020
      Topics: 28
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      After coming out to my SO, the days of keeping anything from her were DONE!!

      We have many great conversations about many of the topics here at CDH, also many uncomfortable conversations but it’s been far more positive.

      If CDH wasn’t such a classy site filled with support and kindness and opportunities for learning and growth I doubt it would be an acceptable option for discussion.

      • #518938
        Michelle McQueen
        Lady
        Registered On: June 14, 2021
        Topics: 13
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        Hi Rei. You are correct that this is a wonderful, classy, and clean site and its that reason we can tell our SO’s about it and if they want they can read our collective experiences and learn from it. They can see its not all about sex and most of us aren’t looking to transition but just enjoy our feminine side as best as we can and be accepted.

        I and many of you I’m sure have been on those other kinky sites and those are NOT the kind of places we would introduce our SO’s to.

        6 users thanked author for this post.
    • #518372
      Alicen Thairms
      Lady
      Registered On: July 15, 2019
      Topics: 43
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      I keep my crossdressing a secret from my SO.

      She just wants me to be ‘her man’ and nothing else; she doesn’t approve of crossdressing. We have talked about it and trans issues when she reads about it in the news or sees something on the TV; she accepts people are differently gendered.

      For now I will stay in the closet.

    • #518344
      Stephanie Kennedy
      Princess
      Registered On: March 15, 2019
      Topics: 20
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      Hi Sandra It is a good question. My So knows because she see the bills She did ask me about CDH. I simply told her it was a site for cross dressers to share their experiences. She understands this is something I enjoy being a part of because I AM A CROSSDRESSER and I ENJOY CROSSDRESSING. She knows there are certain things That are just mine and she has her things also. TRUST is huge for her and she trust me. I would to go out to TG/CD club a lot more, noww I can sit in my chair with something cute and pretty and know I am not alone because of all of you lovely ladies are proof that I am not weird and I am not crazy If it makes me happy she is happy. Thank you for the post

      Luv Stephanie

      • #523105
        Rhonda Jones
        Lady
        Registered On: March 17, 2019
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        Your last words , if it makes me happy she is happy are Very well put .

        There alot of women who dont approve of their man having any sort of  " interests " out side of their relation ship . And dont under stand that he is feeling miserable .

        Rhonda .

    • #518343
      Michelle McQueen
      Lady
      Registered On: June 14, 2021
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      My wife knows and is glad I have an outlet to vent and discuss our lifestyle but she doesn’t want to know any details.

    • #517799
      Michelle Bailey
      Lady
      Registered On: July 17, 2020
      Topics: 1
      Replies: 164
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      Hi Sandra I am a secret cd and have told no one as others have said I know my wife would not approve ,so I am quite happy with my underdressing every day and the odd chance to fully dress which are getting less and less as we are both retired ,my collection of lovely undies is growing and it is my secret what I am wearing under my drab clothing ,no one else’s . Michelle xx

      7 users thanked author for this post.
    • #517770
      Scarlett398
      Princess
      Registered On: June 29, 2018
      Topics: 4
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      Yes, my sexy redhead has known about this site for years! I show her photos and talk about the articles I both write and edit on here!

      She knows my thrill of cross dressing and this site are both critical to my overall happiness and well being so she’s just fine with this site!

      XOXOXO Scarlett

      7 users thanked author for this post.
    • #517766
      MelanieElizabeth
      Lady
      Registered On: January 9, 2021
      Topics: 13
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      Hi Sandra. It’s funny you posted this poll question because I posted the same  question in chat yesterday. I don’t know about you but I came out to my wife 4 years ago, we had the talk and I was honest with her but as we know things change. 6 months ago I joined Cdh and enjoyed the fellowship and have learned a great deal with the help of our community. Recently I decided that my wife needed to know I was a member of a website where I exchanged feelings with others on line(I felt guilty, she doesn’t know as much about my dressing than the people on this site). Anyway we had a long talk and to my surprise she loved the idea that I had an outlet to express myself. I’m so happy I told her about it.

      • #518340
        Scarlett398
        Princess
        Registered On: June 29, 2018
        Topics: 4
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        Good for you Melanie and the more she reads from this site, the better understanding she’ll have of why we do what we do with those fabulous feeling clothes they’ve been able to wear their entire lifetimes!

        My wife doesn’t have my password and doesn’t want it so I’m the one who reads to her some writings I find to be on the extra special side!

        XOXOXO Scarlett

        6 users thanked author for this post.
        • #518368
          MelanieElizabeth
          Lady
          Registered On: January 9, 2021
          Topics: 13
          Replies: 180
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          My wife isn’t overly interested in looking at the site yet. I wish she would because their is so much info it would help her understand me better. I only told her I was a member recently and I don’t want to push it. Also I’ve posted a couple of pictures since joining and if she somehow found those without me telling her I can only imagine the fallout. Hiding secrets from loved ones is just something I couldnt  live with anymore and if she learns something here that helps her cope that’s all the better.

          4 users thanked author for this post.
    • #517564
      Jess Secret
      Lady
      Registered On: February 18, 2021
      Topics: 11
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      Hi Sandra,

      Yes my boyfriend knows, he’s extremely supportive and thinks it’s great that I’m on here.

      5 users thanked author for this post.
    • #517402
      Marcellette Laval
      Baroness
      Registered On: February 1, 2021
      Topics: 6
      Replies: 181
      Has thanked: 497 times
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      Semi-secret.

      My wife knows that I’m a member of an ‘online support forum’ and I have verbally shared some of the forum postings with her in order to establish that this is a ‘wholesome’ place and not one of the many (too many) skeezy sites that she came across whilst researching the topic of crossdressing.

      I’ve also told her about several of the amazing people that I’ve become friends with in here and how they have helped me better understand and deal with the wide variety of things that I’m personally dealing with as a crossdresser, everything from struggle with my faith, going out in public, to clothing and makeup advice – I’ve found people in here just like me and that has been incredibly helpful.  So she knows that I’m not only in here, but that I’m also benefiting from it.

      Her ‘acceptance’ of my crossdressing is just a tinge better than ‘tolerance’ in that she’s OK with it (within limits) but really doesn’t want to know a lot about it, for example, she hasn’t and never wants to see me dressed.  So I walk a line with her, being open and honest whenever I sense she has concerns about any of it and of course to whatever degree she overtly asks and is willing to receive.  For pretty much everything about my crossdressing, to include CDH activity, I generally don’t ‘push’ but rather wait for a ‘pull’ signal from her.  Personally, I don’t think this is ideal, but it the space we have made as a couple that works for her so I’m good with it.

      Knowing the details of everything I talk about with the wonderful gals in here, and seeing pictures of me dressed are not things she wants to know about – so all that stuff is just between me and all of you…..and I’m deeply grateful to all of you for embracing me as you have!

      Marcellette

      • #517540
        T.J. Byron
        Registered On: October 18, 2018
        Topics: 0
        Replies: 463
        Has thanked: 5857 times
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        Hey Marci…

        Just glad we got that Beautiful Soul of yours  Out in the  Light of Day,  available to the world,  what ever crowd you join…don’t ever go backwards…onwards girlfriend !!

        Love to you…Dr.T.J.

        2 users thanked author for this post.
    • #517379
      Regine Kelly
      Princess
      Registered On: October 9, 2020
      Topics: 42
      Replies: 1414
      Has thanked: 17140 times
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      My wife knows, and loves Regine more than him, I believe, lol
      As I have posted many times, I could not keep secrets from her, we have been together over 40 years, and when I came out to her, and myself last year, it was like a new light shining in both our lives.
      I know it isnt the same for everyone, but having her so fully supporting me, is indescribable. I live full time as a woman when not at work, and we both just love it.
      Edit, sorry I didnt fully comprehend the question, lol
      Yes, she knows about CDH but doesnt read it. I often read her posts, and mention her, and post about her, and have passed on every hug from the many girls here who have sent them.
      Hugs, Regi👸💕

    • #517377
      Diane Rakers
      Lady
      Registered On: August 18, 2019
      Topics: 4
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      Hi Sandra,

      It depends.

      I am 99% certain that my wife would not accept, much less support, my female side. Although, I believe she knows “something”.

      Don’t ask/don’t tell.

      Diane

    • #517372
      LisaT
      Lady
      Registered On: January 31, 2021
      Topics: 104
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      My wife knows and reads regularly. I often get her view on something I’m posting especially if I mention her. On balance it has been helpful to my coming out experience. That said there have been times when members have posted views which have not been helpful, when I’m especially keen to assuage fears of a slippery slope down which her male partner is inexorably slipping, tales of inescapable pink fogs. Posts suggesting how superior trans girls are compared with lifelong women are also a source for the gnashing of spousal teeth. And possibly worst of all the belittling of reservations and objections by suggesting it’s only clothes whilst not being damaging are a source of extreme irritation. She understands how deep the need is for me to express my femme self and I understand just how primal and visceral the feelings invasion of our intimate relationship by a woman are. It’s managing this balance and giving each other what they need to cope that is key to successfully holding together the relationship.

      On balance the site is extremely helpful especially to me but just occasionally as I hear a rising crescendo of gnashing of teeth I have to remind her that it is primarily for crossdressers. Not every view is going to be balanced and a few will be defensive, hurt or plain thoughtless but that’s the same for any group. For anyone considering it my suggestion would be yes definitely let your parter know of your involvement on here. Possibly introduce her (or him) you know them best. But just consider that the site is mainly CDs finding a common ground to let their fears and views free, not everything they read will sit comfortably.

    • #517369
      Sarah Cross
      Duchess
      Registered On: July 1, 2021
      Topics: 3
      Replies: 20
      Has thanked: 230 times
      Been thanked: 157 times

      My first wife caught me dressed and left, so I’m now a definite closet CD to afraid to tell her as I love her and don’t want to lose her.

    • #517363
      Lea
      Lady
      Registered On: March 23, 2016
      Topics: 72
      Replies: 249
      Has thanked: 305 times
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      This is my space to be out, to be me, to vent, to cry, to support, to get help, to have no fear of judgement.

      My SO doesn’t know about my online Lea persona here.

    • #517359
      Emily Alt
      Duchess - Annual
      Registered On: August 24, 2019
      Topics: 12
      Replies: 609
      Has thanked: 476 times
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      I have a don’t ask don’t tell arrangement with my SO.  She knows I’m on some support forums but doesn’t want to know the details.

    • #517178
      KHeart
      Lady
      Registered On: October 1, 2020
      Topics: 9
      Replies: 136
      Has thanked: 431 times
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      My wife knows and is supportive of me being here. As outside here my dressing is known by only a really small number of people, she encourages me as she knows it’s hard for me to find advice or get encouragement on my feminine side, and so this is the perfect place for it. 🙂

    • #517172
      Patricia Gil Hernandez
      Lady
      Registered On: August 6, 2016
      Topics: 3
      Replies: 13
      Has thanked: 0 times
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      Wife knows, and is happy as she does encourage me to explore the more feminine part of the whole person that is me.

    • #517152
      T.J. Byron
      Registered On: October 18, 2018
      Topics: 0
      Replies: 463
      Has thanked: 5857 times
      Been thanked: 2101 times

      Clara…

      Anytime you need to a mature lady TO TALK, CHATWITH. ..contact through CDH….

      I AM here.

      Check out my gallery….profile…

      Dr.T.J.

      6 users thanked author for this post.
    • #517086
      Jennifer Swanson
      Duchess
      Registered On: April 20, 2019
      Topics: 59
      Replies: 226
      Has thanked: 4791 times
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      What wonderful posts from Clara and MacKenzie.  My SO was uncertain and a little curious when I disclosed it to her while she was overseas on business.   I started serious dressing 2 years ago.  I dress full time around the house and sometimes going out.  She has helped me with fashion advice and her daughter was Mary Kay, so she occasionally does my makeup.  2 years later my SO feels less threatened and more secure.  It’s an extremely tough choice but ultimately honesty should prevail.

    • #517085
      Jenna Elizabeth Foster
      Lady
      Registered On: May 6, 2020
      Topics: 15
      Replies: 217
      Has thanked: 498 times
      Been thanked: 844 times

      She knows and is pleased, as I have met people from here IRL and made friends. I am TG and she is supportive. Nothing to hide here.

    • #517061
      MacKenzie Alexandra
      Ambassador
      Registered On: May 20, 2016
      Topics: 43
      Replies: 608
      Has thanked: 159 times
      Been thanked: 1524 times

      When I made the decision to embrace and my explore my feelings and preference for womenswear, I knew that I would need to share this with my wife.  Our relationship is built on honesty as much as our mutual love for each other.

      In researching how to tell my wife, I discovered Crossdresser Heaven. It’s resources provide me first the information and the eventually the courage to share this aspect with my wife. Do understand that I had kept my feelings buried deep from even myself for over two decades at this point. I had only known my wife for 12 years, and been married for 9 years.

      Sharing these feelings and my preference for wearing a dress or skirt with my wife went surprisingly well. My wife’s love for me was never doubted, and she offered her support and acceptance from the beginning. This journey has not been without its ups and downs. Crossdresser Heaven has been a wealth of support and information on this journey. And while my wife has repeatedly declined to be a member herself, she has read several resources and forums from the site which she has found helpful.

      MacKenzie Alexandra

    • #517060
      Clara Cross
      Lady
      Registered On: December 7, 2020
      Topics: 14
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      Good question Sandra.

      I struggled with that too. Quite the paradox: she knew all about the clothes but I was still so reluctant to admit I was here on CDH. The clothes were one thing, an online presence? Quite another. Disclosing to her my alter ego’s presence on CDH would be disclosing just how serious this cross dressing thing was getting.

      Two things helped. First,  her reaction to my disclosure about dressing in the first place made it clear that openness and honesty were liberating way beyond all expectations. I was counting on that same reaction regarding CDH. Second, all the support, the life stories, the sorrows, the triumphs that all you lovelies have shared here were far too significant and relevant to my own story and to my relationship to keep hidden away.  You all are proof that I am not alone and we are all in this together.

      CDH isn’t something I think my bride is interested in reading or getting involved in herself though. (Lord knows we don’t need two of us in the family sinking godawful amounts of time into this!) But there is so much value here that I feel compelled to share much with her. She knows all about you ladies and that makes both of us happy.

      Best,

      Clara

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