• Creator
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  • #595030
    Edelle
    Participant
    Registered On: December 25, 2021
    Topics: 1
    Replies: 14
    Has thanked: 33 times
    Been thanked: 76 times

    My best friend is a trans woman whom I’ve known for 20+ years–since before her surgery. We became friends right when she was constantly living with the question of whether she was really passing as a woman. Oh, she was, and I helped her see that. She helped me find myself. We really understood one another, because at that time I was working with a therapist who specializes in trans men & women, and I was seriously considering following my friend’s experience.

    After a couple of years of that therapy I felt very grateful to be trans, and I asked the therapist if I should think about surgery. She gave me a wonderfully wise answer: “Edelle, you’re trans all right, but you don’t have to change your body. And I know that you really don’t want to.” “How can you know that when I’m not even sure?” “It’s easy. You’re too much in love with your penis.” “Well, there’s that.” I’ll never forget that moment.

    After that, a terrible and complicated legal problem knocked my life completely off the rails, and while I was recovering from that tragedy I repressed my trans woman side because living as Ed, the man I’d always been, was easier and less complicated at the time. I wish I’d had the courage then to stay on the path to being trans and letting my Edelle persona breathe.

    I’m trans, but not like my friend. I’m not interested in HRT or surgery. But I am interested in expressing my whole self more–my real self. So Sometimes I say that among LGBTQ people I’m somewhere on the BTQ spectrum. It’s an answer for nosy people, and it’s vague enough to let me continue exploring just who I am. Ed and Edelle are not two people. I love that now, and I’m giving Edelle more space to show up.

    I’m reading a excellent book right now, “Sissy” by Jacob Tobia, a brilliant (& funny) gender-fluid person. His story is helping me to appreciate how much societal pressure there is to label ourselves, and just how unhealthy that is.

    So here I am, looking for understanding and friendship, AND help in expressing beautiful Ed/Edelle in the best way possible!

Viewing 13 reply threads
  • Author
    Replies
    • #601745
      Jodie Devine
      Lady
      Registered On: December 29, 2021
      Topics: 1
      Replies: 4
      Has thanked: 21 times
      Been thanked: 37 times

      Edelle, the most important things to remember are that:
      1 – there is NO “right” way to be trans
      2 – Being transgendered is NOT a race to see who is “most transgendered”

      On another site, the question was posed: “When have you completely transitioned?” There were dozens of responses, many talking about hormones or surgeries, but the answer that struck home, for me, was this:
      “You have fully transitioned when YOU are happy where you are.”

      That’s it, period, full stop. When YOU are happy with the person you’ve become, then you’ve fully transitioned.

      There is a YouTube Tedx talk that I go back to, again and again for encouragement and inspiration. It is by a Transwoman named CeCe, entitled “The Hardest Thing in the World.” I highly recommend it for viewing.

      3 users thanked author for this post.
    • #601652
      Raquel Smith
      Lady
      Registered On: August 26, 2021
      Topics: 9
      Replies: 571
      Has thanked: 1721 times
      Been thanked: 1829 times

      Welcome to CDH, Edelle. It’s wonderful that your self-discovery is leading you to happiness. It’s all anyone wants, really. This site has helped me a lot and I hope it does for you, too.

      Much,
      Raquel

      4 users thanked author for this post.
    • #601650
      Anonymous
      Topics: 0
      Replies: 0
      Has thanked: 0 times
      Been thanked: 0 times

      I think can relate to this. I have not had your experiences or pretend I have enough of being Sarah yet to fully understand. I do know I am not keen on sitting in a pigeonhole. The whole point primarily is to be ourselves and try to find that self as pain free as possible. I have already worked out on social media groups that there are splits according to who you consider a true CD or are less uptight and don’t take their fluid interests so seriously. So what I am still working out who I am and probably sharing a bit more special interest or liking a few more subversive photos. But then I find I have never had this need to conform or exclude. It is heart breaking there are these barriers within our world.

      3 users thanked author for this post.
    • #601575
      Abbie Normal
      Duchess
      Registered On: June 13, 2021
      Topics: 13
      Replies: 663
      Has thanked: 1351 times
      Been thanked: 2762 times

      Hi Edelle,

      welcome to CDH. Lots of wonderful women here to chat with. I’m on a similar path though HRT is still something I’m considering and unlike you I only recently realized I was trans though I’d been crossdressing for decades. It’s been an amazing journey so far.

      — Abbie 🥰

       

      3 users thanked author for this post.
      • #601722
        Edelle
        Lady
        Registered On: December 25, 2021
        Topics: 1
        Replies: 14
        Has thanked: 33 times
        Been thanked: 76 times

        !! I love your name…”Normal”…I guess we’re all realated–all members of the Normal’s family.

        3 users thanked author for this post.
    • #601530
      Stephanie Green
      Lady
      Registered On: October 30, 2021
      Topics: 3
      Replies: 72
      Has thanked: 90 times
      Been thanked: 371 times

      Thank you for sharing, Edelle.  Welcome to CDH.

      4 users thanked author for this post.
    • #601520
      Elise Michelle
      Duchess
      Registered On: January 3, 2018
      Topics: 25
      Replies: 363
      Has thanked: 481 times
      Been thanked: 1415 times

      Welcome Edelle. You are welcome here no matter where you fall on the spectrum.

      Hugs,
      Elise

      5 users thanked author for this post.
    • #601515
      Carla Roberts
      Duchess
      Registered On: July 28, 2021
      Topics: 1
      Replies: 37
      Has thanked: 98 times
      Been thanked: 203 times

      Edelle,
      Thank you for sharing. We are all somewhere on this spectrum, and where you want to be is only for you, and any of us to decide. I have followed a somewhat similar path, and am very happy for the experience.
      Hugs
      Carla

      5 users thanked author for this post.
    • #601512
      Barb Wire
      Duchess - Annual
      Registered On: September 16, 2021
      Topics: 14
      Replies: 639
      Has thanked: 3717 times
      Been thanked: 3382 times

      Our world is filled with wonderful colours! Even the infrared ones!

      Welcome, Edelle!

      Hugs, Barb 🙂

       

      4 users thanked author for this post.
    • #601510
      Stephanie Bass
      Princess - Annual
      Registered On: November 30, 2019
      Topics: 18
      Replies: 2793
      Has thanked: 40285 times
      Been thanked: 10133 times

      Hi Edelle what a great intoduction and the story of your life its wonderful and happy you found and joined us girls here we all are supportive and accepting of all who pass thru these doors here at CDH .. So get settled in relax kick off your heels and enjoy yourself its a wonderful journey ..

      Stephanie Bass

      4 users thanked author for this post.
    • #601305
      Angela Booth
      Lady
      Registered On: August 1, 2020
      Topics: 7
      Replies: 772
      Has thanked: 2855 times
      Been thanked: 3895 times

      You do not have to have hormones or surgery to be Trans – Here on the U.K. NHS website it has a good section on transgender.

      5 users thanked author for this post.
      • #601313
        Edelle
        Lady
        Registered On: December 25, 2021
        Topics: 1
        Replies: 14
        Has thanked: 33 times
        Been thanked: 76 times

        That’s exactly what I realized and am still exploring. We need to get the word out that “trans” can mean many things, and all humans are fluid. Thanks

        6 users thanked author for this post.
    • #595048
      Marti
      Duchess
      Registered On: February 5, 2019
      Topics: 55
      Replies: 848
      Has thanked: 4217 times
      Been thanked: 4057 times

      Hi Edelle,

      What a refreshing perspective! Thanks for posting.

      Marti xxx

      • This reply was modified 3 weeks ago by Marti.
      7 users thanked author for this post.
    • #595044
      Fredrika Jones
      Lady
      Registered On: February 24, 2021
      Topics: 1
      Replies: 275
      Has thanked: 350 times
      Been thanked: 941 times

      Thar’s a great story. Beyond being human, which, of course, we all are, you are an individual. “Be yourself, and never fear, thus, to be naked to the eyes of others. Yet, know that men so often mask themselves, that what is simple is rarely understood. The dust of truth swirls, and seeks its own cracks of entry, and a tree, falling in the forest, without ears to hear, makes no sound, yet, it falls.”

      Welcome to CDH and have a good life.

      Hugs and Kisses,
      Fredrika

      7 users thanked author for this post.
      • #601304
        Edelle
        Lady
        Registered On: December 25, 2021
        Topics: 1
        Replies: 14
        Has thanked: 33 times
        Been thanked: 76 times

        Thar’s a great story. Beyond being human, which, of course, we all are, you are an individual. “Be yourself, and never fear, thus, to be naked to the eyes of others. Yet, know that men so often mask themselves, that what is simple is rarely understood. The dust of truth swirls, and seeks its own cracks of entry, and a tree, falling in the forest, without ears to hear, makes no sound, yet, it falls.”

        Welcome to CDH and have a good life.

        Hugs and Kisses,
        Fredrika

        Frederika, where is that wonderful quote from?

        4 users thanked author for this post.
    • #595038
      Alice Underwire
      Lady
      Registered On: September 16, 2019
      Topics: 90
      Replies: 4664
      Has thanked: 6922 times
      Been thanked: 11763 times

      Hi Ed,

      Welcome to CDH.

      Alice

      5 users thanked author for this post.
    • #595036
      Liara Wolfe
      Duchess
      Registered On: August 14, 2021
      Topics: 3
      Replies: 990
      Has thanked: 1912 times
      Been thanked: 3812 times

      I believe I am a little more than a CD but not trans.

      Hugs, Liara

      5 users thanked author for this post.
      • #601764
        Edelle
        Lady
        Registered On: December 25, 2021
        Topics: 1
        Replies: 14
        Has thanked: 33 times
        Been thanked: 76 times

        Liara, Amen! Me, too, somewhere on the spectrum.

        Check out this Ted Talk Jodie recommended:
        It’s by a transwoman named CiCi, entitled “The Hardest Thing in the World.” Don’t miss it! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fw30yjccnD4

        And this wonderful book: “Sissy” by Jacob Tobia

        I’m gonna keep recommending these over and over because I think both have powerfully expressed what most of us feel.

        Hugs

        2 users thanked author for this post.
        • #601770
          Liara Wolfe
          Duchess
          Registered On: August 14, 2021
          Topics: 3
          Replies: 990
          Has thanked: 1912 times
          Been thanked: 3812 times

          Edelle,

          Thanks for sharing that YouTube video. I loved it. Cici was so inspirational.

          Hugs, Liara

          3 users thanked author for this post.
      • #601760
        Edelle
        Lady
        Registered On: December 25, 2021
        Topics: 1
        Replies: 14
        Has thanked: 33 times
        Been thanked: 76 times

        Jodie, thank you, thank you, thank you for recommending the Ted Talk by Cici! So encouraging, so truthful. & she is so beautiful–what a smile! And the 2 words of advice are profound.

        For anyone reading this reply, here’s the link to the
        Ted Talk Jodie recommended. It’s by a transwoman named CiCi, entitled “The Hardest Thing in the World.” Don’t miss it! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fw30yjccnD4

        While I’m recommending things, I HIGHLY recommend this book: “Sissy” by Jacob Tobia. Like CiCi this author brilliantly traces his journey of self-discovery, which in the end is all about accepting one’s self. I’m finding myself in his words over and over, even though, of course, he is SO different from me.

        3 users thanked author for this post.
        • #602973
          Jodie Devine
          Lady
          Registered On: December 29, 2021
          Topics: 1
          Replies: 4
          Has thanked: 21 times
          Been thanked: 37 times

          Edelle, I am very happy that you enjoyed CiCi’s TedX talk!
          I’ve rewatched it many times, and still find encouragement from her words. I’m glad that you found some things to take with you from it.

          Love & Regards
          Jodie

          2 users thanked author for this post.
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