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My best friend is a trans woman whom I’ve known for 20+ years–since before her surgery. We became friends right when she was constantly living with the question of whether she was really passing as a woman. Oh, she was, and I helped her see that. She helped me find myself. We really understood one another, because at that time I was working with a therapist who specializes in trans men & women, and I was seriously considering following my friend’s experience.
After a couple of years of that therapy I felt very grateful to be trans, and I asked the therapist if I should think about surgery. She gave me a wonderfully wise answer: “Edelle, you’re trans all right, but you don’t have to change your body. And I know that you really don’t want to.” “How can you know that when I’m not even sure?” “It’s easy. You’re too much in love with your penis.” “Well, there’s that.” I’ll never forget that moment.
After that, a terrible and complicated legal problem knocked my life completely off the rails, and while I was recovering from that tragedy I repressed my trans woman side because living as Ed, the man I’d always been, was easier and less complicated at the time. I wish I’d had the courage then to stay on the path to being trans and letting my Edelle persona breathe.
I’m trans, but not like my friend. I’m not interested in HRT or surgery. But I am interested in expressing my whole self more–my real self. So Sometimes I say that among LGBTQ people I’m somewhere on the BTQ spectrum. It’s an answer for nosy people, and it’s vague enough to let me continue exploring just who I am. Ed and Edelle are not two people. I love that now, and I’m giving Edelle more space to show up.
I’m reading a excellent book right now, “Sissy” by Jacob Tobia, a brilliant (& funny) gender-fluid person. His story is helping me to appreciate how much societal pressure there is to label ourselves, and just how unhealthy that is.
So here I am, looking for understanding and friendship, AND help in expressing beautiful Ed/Edelle in the best way possible!
Jodie, thank you, thank you, thank you for recommending the Ted Talk by Cici! So encouraging, so truthful. & she is so beautiful–what a smile! And the 2 words of advice are profound.
For anyone reading this reply, here’s the link to the
Ted Talk Jodie recommended. It’s by a transwoman named CiCi, entitled “The Hardest Thing in the World.” Don’t miss it! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fw30yjccnD4While I’m recommending things, I HIGHLY recommend this book: “Sissy” by Jacob Tobia. Like CiCi this author brilliantly traces his journey of self-discovery, which in the end is all about accepting one’s self. I’m finding myself in his words over and over, even though, of course, he is SO different from me.
Liara, Amen! Me, too, somewhere on the spectrum.
Check out this Ted Talk Jodie recommended:
It’s by a transwoman named CiCi, entitled “The Hardest Thing in the World.” Don’t miss it! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fw30yjccnD4And this wonderful book: “Sissy” by Jacob Tobia
I’m gonna keep recommending these over and over because I think both have powerfully expressed what most of us feel.
Hugs
Thar’s a great story. Beyond being human, which, of course, we all are, you are an individual. “Be yourself, and never fear, thus, to be naked to the eyes of others. Yet, know that men so often mask themselves, that what is simple is rarely understood. The dust of truth swirls, and seeks its own cracks of entry, and a tree, falling in the forest, without ears to hear, makes no sound, yet, it falls.”
Welcome to CDH and have a good life.
Hugs and Kisses,
Fredrika
Hi Edelle,
What a refreshing perspective! Thanks for posting.
Marti xxx
You do not have to have hormones or surgery to be Trans – Here on the U.K. NHS website it has a good section on transgender.
Hi Edelle what a great intoduction and the story of your life its wonderful and happy you found and joined us girls here we all are supportive and accepting of all who pass thru these doors here at CDH .. So get settled in relax kick off your heels and enjoy yourself its a wonderful journey ..
Stephanie Bass
Thank you for sharing, Edelle. Welcome to CDH.
Hi Edelle,
welcome to CDH. Lots of wonderful women here to chat with. I’m on a similar path though HRT is still something I’m considering and unlike you I only recently realized I was trans though I’d been crossdressing for decades. It’s been an amazing journey so far.
— Abbie 🥰
I think can relate to this. I have not had your experiences or pretend I have enough of being Sarah yet to fully understand. I do know I am not keen on sitting in a pigeonhole. The whole point primarily is to be ourselves and try to find that self as pain free as possible. I have already worked out on social media groups that there are splits according to who you consider a true CD or are less uptight and don’t take their fluid interests so seriously. So what I am still working out who I am and probably sharing a bit more special interest or liking a few more subversive photos. But then I find I have never had this need to conform or exclude. It is heart breaking there are these barriers within our world.
Welcome to CDH, Edelle. It’s wonderful that your self-discovery is leading you to happiness. It’s all anyone wants, really. This site has helped me a lot and I hope it does for you, too.
Much,
RaquelEdelle, the most important things to remember are that:
1 – there is NO “right” way to be trans
2 – Being transgendered is NOT a race to see who is “most transgendered”On another site, the question was posed: “When have you completely transitioned?” There were dozens of responses, many talking about hormones or surgeries, but the answer that struck home, for me, was this:
“You have fully transitioned when YOU are happy where you are.”That’s it, period, full stop. When YOU are happy with the person you’ve become, then you’ve fully transitioned.
There is a YouTube Tedx talk that I go back to, again and again for encouragement and inspiration. It is by a Transwoman named CeCe, entitled “The Hardest Thing in the World.” I highly recommend it for viewing.
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