Want to tell my girlfriend

[Tamara]

First and foremost I’d like to thank you for taking the time to read this and hopefully offer advice or see my situation.

 

In about 2 months I will be leaving my current job (end of contract) and moving in with my girlfriend of 2 years. We have been living in completely different parts of the country for the entirety of our relationship which has allowed me to explore my crossdressing and continue it without in the private of my own home for years. I love her to death and I know she’s very open minded, more-so than me, but I’m still both terrified to tell her and I don’t know how. I don’t want to tell her over the phone as it feels like something that I should do in person, but I also don’t want to tell her when she’s driving cross country with me when I’m moving back. I’m not entirely sure what to do and would appreciate any advice.

 

Thank you,

Tamara

[Mandy williams]

Hello Tamara

Firstly i would like to say that since i have joined here i have met the most amazing friends who are so full of support and know you have support here ok

I really admire you for wanting to come out to your Girlfriend i can’t imagine how hard that would be and admire your strength for wanting to do so

Rather than me trying to give you advice can i maybe throw some things out there you may not have thought of, like for example : maybe you could say that you think you seen a crossdresser out in public at one of the shops near you ? see her reaction to that and her thoughts on what she thinks about crossdressers maybe ? if the conversation strikes up ok it could be a lead in to tell her your thoughts maybe and if her reaction to her thoughts on crossdressers is a negative one or positive one could be the steps you need going forward ?

I really do wish you the best and hope everything works out well and admire you for your bravery

Im always here for a chat to listen or help

Warm regards Mandy x

[ANDREA RAVEN]

Hi Tanara, I am possibly not the best person to give advice, being as my SO does not know about Andrea, this is partly because it has taken me so long to come to terms with who I am. However, I can honestly say the longer you leave it the harder it will become. You appear to have the perfect opportunity with your current move, so now would seem to be the time. My thoughts are, find a quiet place, where the two of you can be alone, perhaps write your thoughts down so that you can get what you want to say in order. Most of all explain, your crossdressing in no way lessens your love for her. You say she is very open, hopefully this is a good sign. In the end only you can make the decision to tell or not, I know how agonising that is, my thoughts are with you in this. What ever you decide, best wishes to you and your loved one and remember we are all here to support you, don’t hesitate to ask.

Andrea xx

[Tamara]

Thank you both for the replies, I think I’ll start by subtly brining up the conversation about doing my makeup and making me walk in heels like she had joked about in the past. After that I’ll probably try to play it by year and go from her response. I appreciate you both taking the time to reply.

 

Thank you,

Tamara

[Jenna Good]

Hi Tamara,
It real hard to give others advice. But I’m older and almost transitioned on my 20’s. Speaking for myself I wish I have had the guts to transition. I always put family first and regretted it since.

If you truly love to dress and feel you love your feminine side you should tell your gf. You don’t have to do this over the phone though. it’s not easy to get into a conversation about your dressing. Maybe you could invite the out to lunch at a mall. Before having lunch walk through the mall with her and asks her about things you truly like when your dressed. Don’t tell her directly but ask her how she likes this and that feminine thing. Tell her that you like this or that about a dress, lingerie, heels, etc. Sooner or later she’ll start asking you if you really like these things or even if you’d like to wear them. She might like the idea and even help you now.
Talk to her about all this over lunch.
On the other hand she might not like your remarks and tell she doee’s want to talk about it. She may not like this and just dump you.

You have to make sure your really want to do this.
I’ll tell you this. If you love being feminine you’ll never be able to quit the rest of your life. Good luck love.

[*Trisha Anne]

Tamara,

I’m the partner of a CD, so I thought I’d give you my perspective. I agree that over the phone wouldn’t be a great idea, but also that waiting until you’re driving across the country to your new home with her isn’t a great option either. Will you see her in person before then? If not, could you make that happen?

My opinion is, based on what I’ve learned here on this site and others, is that much of the time when partners have a bad reaction when their CD partner comes out, a big problem is that it was kept from them. I don’t know how long you’ve been with your girlfriend, but I think the fact that you haven’t been living with her and hiding things in the house you share might help with that particular issue. I absolutely think you should tell her before you move in together. I liked Mandy’s idea on feeling her out with a seeming innocent conversation on CD. However, what will you do if she’s very negative about it? That’s something you must consider. And just as Andrea said, the longer you wait, the harder it will be. You don’t want to find yourself married with children, still keeping this secret- that happens A LOT, and I can’t imagine how it must feel.

At the end of the day, I think the best approach is to sit down with her, in person, before you move, and just be honest. Tell her that you’ve had this need your whole life (I assume), and you haven’t been able to share it with anyone (if it’s true). Tell her you needed her to know before the two of you move on to the next stage in your relationship because you love her and want her to know exactly what she’s getting into.

She will probably have a lot of questions. Be honest with her. If she needs resources, send her here, it’s been immensely helpful to me. Open communication is incredibly important, from my experience. I know I can ask my love anything I feel like I need to know, and he’ll answer me honestly. That has been a big factor in getting to where we are now.

One final piece of advice… If she accepts you just as you are, it can be really easy to get swept into the excitement of having a partner that you can share this part of yourself with. Even the most open and accepting partner can get overwhelmed if their CD partner dives in too fast. She may need time to process before she sees you dressed. She may get frustrated if suddenly this is all you want to talk about it- and I get it, you’ll be excited! But I experienced this, and I felt I was giving all my love to him AND her, and all he could talk about was her. I got lost in the shuffle a bit. It was confusing (how can I be jealous of this girl who actually IS my partner??) and I felt a bit neglected. We worked through it, but lots of couples struggle with this. Take things slow, and let her set the pace.

Geez, this got long. I tend to do that. I wish you and your girlfriend so much love and happiness, and I hope that you can find that together.

Trisha

[Jenna Good]

Tamera, As Trisha Anne says… Be honest up front with a SO. You don’t want to get into a relationship with your gf and have her find out later you just have to wear a dress one day. That situation always hurts a lot of others as well as you and the gf. Hope you make the best decision for your happiness.

[Tamara]

UPDATE-

So I told my GF and to say things went well would be a lie. She really was not a fan of the idea of me dressing and was extremely uncomfortable with the idea of me dressing. We’re still dating but it’s currently one of those, don’t talk about it right now issues. Hopefully she comes around to the idea slowly as CDing is one of those things that you can’t really seem to stop. Regardless, thank you all for the support.

 

Tamara

[Author]

Posts