As I think back on my life, in my youngest days I loved looking at my moms Glamor mags and the Sears and Roebuck catalog looking at the cloths, shoes and undergarments. I loved the style and design. I would even try on my moms panty hose. Over the years on occasion I would try on one of my wife’s dresses when home alone. As a photographer I was ask to photograph an lgbtq event and while I was in my ubiquitous photographers black on black pants and shirts. Everyone else in the place was in fabulous costumes and outfits. They were beautiful and so much fun. This year the event was in February and in October I decided that I would go in femme! My wife (who is super conservative and freeked out by anyone different) was gone for 3 weeks. So just me and the dog. I decided then and there that I was going all out. I went to see Phebe Cross here in Georgia, who works with the lady’s to dress them and style them and put makeup on them. It was a wonderful experience! I never felt so complemented in a genuine way. I felt for the first time in my life, beautiful. Phebe even gave me one of the outfits she dressed me in because it fit me so perfectly. I recognized that everyone really, man or woman, wants to or wishes they could be seen and feel beautiful. Who wouldn’t? I told my wife and grown girls that I went through that process to prepare for the event and shared with them the photo’s with mixed results. My girls were ok with it but my wife did not like it at all. I focused on loosing weight so I would look as good as I could in Feb. I went to Goodwill and would buy heals but was to embarrassed to try them on in the store so I would buy them, take them home and try them on and if they did not fit I would return them. I finally went to DSW and asked them to help me. They were fantastic! I found a pair of heals that fit me right and wore them out of the store. I went to the bank in them and I swear no one even noticed. I loved what wearing heals did for my posture. I would wear them around the house all day and worked on my walk. I ordered wigs and dresses on line and could not wait for them to come in to try on. I would wear night gowns to bed and shaved my body from head to toe. I loved the way my smooth skin felt. I remember thinking that if men would just shave there body there would be less violence and wars. My first experience doing my own make up was terrible. My wigs looked bad on me. But I finally found a wig that fit my face properly. When my wife got home after 3 weeks away she saw several dresses in my closet and went off on it. “You have women’s dresses in your closet!) I said “Those are not women’s dresses. Those are my dresses”. Those dresses are still in my closet but all the other stuff is hidden away. So the night of the event came and my wife chose to leave the house to shop but I am sure she did not want to see me prepare for the event. I got showered shaved and dressed up and headed for Sephora. I had to valet my car and in walking to the store no one even gave me a second look. I told them it was my first time out in femme and they were amazing. The makeup job was great and a ton of fun. Again not a single person in the store, women or boyfriends gave me a second look. I then went to the event and it could have not been more affirming for me. People who I have known for years did not recognize me but when I spoke to them and told them it was me. The response was wonderful. There was a woman who identifies as a lesbian approach me to tell me how great I looked and that she would totally date me!! I shot that entire event in 4 inch heels and had a fantastic time doing it!! I felt amazing! When I got home however, my wife came to see me and just stared. I said aren’t you going to say something? “What is there to say”? I said “I don’t know maybe you look great?” Nothing, she just went upstairs and has not mentioned it at all. I still keep those few dresses in my closet. But I now have probably 20 pair of shoes and I don’t know how many dresses and outfits that I keep hidden away. I only get dressed up when I know my wife will be gone. I still shave my legs every other day and my underarms and man bits daily. I put lotion on my legs and moisturizer on my face after every shower. My nails look great, and I am getting better about my makeup. In spite of my wife and her absolute objection to my experience, I have talked to her about what a wonderful experience it was for me and the never before level of self-care I am giving myself. I am very proud of my femme side. I share the photos with everyone I know. Not embarrassed at all to shop. Yesterday I went to Goodwill, mask on of course, and bought a dozen dresses, pants and tops. I was so happy to be doing it and did not feel the least bit conspectus or embarrassed in any way. I will sit down and try on heels and not think twice about it. So I am very proud to be exploring my fem side. I know this is a long story but thank you for giving me an opportunity to express it. UPDATE: I have been living as my true female self full time for the last 2 ish years and loving it! I've been on hormones for the last 10 months and have beautiful b cup breast. I've not worn breast forms in 6 months!!! The Atlanta Jewish Times did an article on me titled " Photographer Finds True Self" I am proud to say that I did not lose a single client or friend! Tells me I had the right clients and friends! I am living my very best life so far and intend to keep on that trajectory. I have had my own show "The Diane Crow Show" on my Facebook page and am the Co-host of The Gayly Dose. You can see that show on YouTube or anywhere you watch or listen to your podcast.
Lovely photo Diane. You look very relaxed and I love them shoes….
Can I say you have a great pair of legs and they look great in them black stockings….
Hugs
Ellie
Eli thank you honey! Do you know is the big gay pride weekend here in Atlanta. And I have to say everywhere I walked people are saying what a great outfit I had on and people are just out just being friendly and lovely and loving and accepting and it was just a glorious time to be alive! Hugs, Diane
Diane, you are looking very pretty in your LBD and black strapped heels. Pride Festivals are so enjoyable. Love. Janice.
Janice, thank you for that. I owe it all to Goodwill hunting! This is my first pride festival and I have to say it was absolutely phenomenal! Hugs, Diane
Hi Diane you look fabulous, so relaxed and confident and you have a beautiful smile, I’m hoping to get to a pride event in the future sometime soon X
Hugs Rozalyn X
Oh thank you for that! I have to say that my dogs were barking pretty loud after walking those heels for an hour or so. I had not planned on walking in those heels. I’m a cohost for a show called The Gayly Dose and we had a live remote to do earlier. I had planned on just coming home but someone suggested going out to Piedmont Park and I did not take into consideration the shoes I was wearing. I’ll wear it more comfortable ones next time. Hugs, Diane
Diane,
You look lovely. I would love to attend a Pride event. It would be wonderful to dress as my preferred gender and be accepted by LGBT people who just want to live their lives and be happy.
Thank you honey! I would recommend it to everyone regardless of where they are on their gender spectrum! Even those who are opposed to anything but the strictest adherence to gender birth. It is a place where everyone is loved and accepted you feel perfectly saved people are constantly complementing you or you them on their outfits or their looks! It’s a beautiful beautiful thing! I hope someday you are able to do it! Hugs hugs and more hugs, Diane