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Am I Transsexual - Starting Therapy

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(@cdh)
Famed Member     Seattle, Washington, United States of America
Joined: 12 years ago
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Even though I've been walking this path all my life I finally feel as though I've started my journey to womanhood. As many of you may know I recently began my transgender therapy. My aim is to validate that transitioning is right for me, and to find a partner who will assist me in the next steps along the journey (hormone therapy, going full time, and eventually the necessary surgical changes).

The beginning of therapy itself was a moment that my life took an irreversible turn - I was going to deal with my gender dysphoria one way or another. I had spent many years running from myself, exploring who I was, learning about the transgender community, discovering my feelings and testing my true nature.

After many years I have been able to overcome the shame I felt at being transgendered and the fear I felt at being myself out in the world. It's these many years of learning, experience and testing that lead me to therapy almost completely certain that the next stanza in my life needs to be sung in soprano. Yet I know that I must temper my certainty with skepticism and allow my therapist to ask me the hard questions. I must seek new insights and self discovery. For if I don't my experience through therapy will be poorer, and I would have missed a beautiful opportunity to validate myself.

For myself I find that sharing my experience in words with you lovely ladies is healing. The process of expressing my emotions, and the wonderful comments and insights you share have made my life richer up until now. I would be remiss if I didn't share my rebirth as a woman with you as well. In advance I thank you for your gracious ear, your wise counsel and your continued readership.

Over the next few weeks and months I'll share a new series I call "Am I Transsexual?", where I seek to answer that question with more completeness and certainty than I've been able up until now. You'll hear my journey, see my changes and get to join me on my experience into my true self. Rest assured that this more serious series of articles will be punctuated with great crossdressing tips, your crossdressing success stories, polls and many other goodies. Crossdresser Heaven has and always will be for everyone in the transgender community - across the gender spectrum - and for the loving (and at times shocked or confused) family and friends of a transgendered soul.

Before I begin I want to offer a disclaimer. This is my story, my journey. Everyone's life song is unique and beautiful. There may be aspects of what I share that resonate with you and others you can't relate to. This is not meant to be a map for navigating your transgender experience - as similar as we are, we are still different, and I highly encourage you to travel your journey along with a licensed professional. If any of this is helpful please let me know - your comments are a true blessing to me.

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 Lexi
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Starting my therapy was really good, i remember the psychiatrist was so very helpful. i hope you have as much luck in your specialists as I did.

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 Lexi
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Vanessa,
Thank you for including 'us' in your journey. I look forward to reading more about your transformation. Especially the personal questions you must surely be asking yourself.

Though I do not have a desire to be a woman (at least I don't think so), I do sometimes question why I like to crossdress. Is it because I truely like the feel of lingerie? Is it because it's taboo? Am I gay and not know it? I do like to play with other men.

Lately, I have been working on accepting the desire to wear lady's lingerie. So far it's going ok, still working on it but I feel much more secure in myself with wearing lingerie then I ever have. And, the more I allow myself to accept being a crossdresser without the shame, guilt and embarrassment, I'm finding I have thoughts of wanting to go a little further. It seems my desires are growing into wanting to try out wearing a nice long dress or maybe a skirt and blouse. And then little thoughts pop into my brain about what it would be like if I shaved all my body hair. I have always had a beard so it would be hard to try wearing a dress or such in public like I have had thoughts about.

This is just me me and some of my thoughts. So I hope by reading more I can learn more about myself and hopefully answer some of my own questions. Being able to read other's struggles like yours help me identify what it is I'm feeling. You may write about a subject similar to mine which might help me to say to myself: 'Yes, that's it! I feel that way too.' or 'No, that's not it'. I think you get where I'm going with that. I'm starting to ramble now I think.

Thank you again, I've only recently started following your blog and so far have found it to be a great read! Keep up the good work, I look forward to more.
Lucee

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Admin
(@cdh)
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Famed Member     Seattle, Washington, United States of America
Posts: 1445

You're welcome hon - wonderful to read your comments. What a great way to think about how other's journey could apply to you.

Keep discovering who you are 🙂

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 Lexi
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Congratulates the girl who is starting her treatment in order to afford her nice final goal: To be a woman, is spite of all, she has been always a woman. She just is going to modified her body, but in herself, she is a very girl.Please, tell her I m sending all my energies. Vania.-

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 Lexi
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Congratulations. It is not an easy road but it can be an interesting one. Try to enjoy the journey. 🙂 Congrats again 🙂

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 Lexi
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**CLAPPING - JUMPIN UP AND DOWN - GIGGLING**
I love the way you write. I hope you are considering consolidating much of your blog into a book. Even if it's not number one on the "best seller" list, there are SO many in this world who could benefit from your story.
I CAN NOT WAIT to walk through this with you!!
Right behind you and prayin with you...

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Admin
(@cdh)
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Famed Member     Seattle, Washington, United States of America
Posts: 1445

Thanks love!

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 Lexi
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Enjoy the journey hun - it can at times be incredibly fun, daunting, challenging and frustrating. But enjoy it all the same. ^_^

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Admin
(@cdh)
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Famed Member     Seattle, Washington, United States of America
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Thanks Jessica hon! 🙂

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 Lexi
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Dear Vanessa,
Thank you for sharing your story with all of us Vanessa. I to have started transgender therapist. It has been something I have denied for so long suppressed and ignored. But it has always been eating at my very being. I did not want to accept this fact at first, but now I’m welling to. I now understand that I have nothing to be ashamed of and there nothing wrong with being transgender. I go to the therapist as Bobbie the woman that is deep inside of me. This was my ever first time that I’ve ever when out in public dressed as a woman. I was very scare, but I wanted to go has the true me. I do not know were this is going to led me to, but hopefully I we discover the real person that I am.
Love Bobbie

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 Lexi
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Thank Vanessa
I personally start therapy this Wednesday and everything you said rings so true to my whole life I only found this site last night but have trawled the Internet for years to find a good resource that just hits the emotions I personally have felt for decades, given I have only "come out" to my parent a week or so ago, but the years of shame guilt and fear I battled with have left me with so scars Id eventually like to share with the community

XoxXo

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 Lexi
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My husband has cross dressed on and off pretty much his whole life. Recently he has commenced again with new found vigour. I am supporting him as best I can (it's not easy!) and have had numerous discussions with him about whether he is "just a cross dresser" or perhaps transsexual as it appears to me that it is a little more than cross dressing - but what would I know??!! I will continue supporting him as I love him and want him to be happy. I wish you all the very best in your journey too!

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(@esmerelda)
Active Member     Las Vegas, Nevada, United States of America
Joined: 2 years ago

Vanessa, I hope I am healthy enough to star HRT as I am older and might not be given the green light. However, I will do what I am able to achieve the most feminization I can. I am taking better care of myself these days, that's for sure; and you never know.

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(@barbra)
Eminent Member     Ohio, United States of America
Joined: 7 months ago
  1. Thank you, Vanessa, for sharing your journey. I have been dealing with Gender Dysphoria all my life. At the age of 15 I overheard my doctor ask my mother about my Gender Dysphoria. First time I had ever heard the term I figured it was something to do with my crossdressing nothing was said I guess they thought I would grow out of it. I was also dealing with the fact that I was an effeminate homosexual. I was in denial and thought if I found the right girl got married that I could change and live as a heterosexual male. Fast forward 4 decades I have changed to a new primary doctor who is LGBT friendly. I'm in Consoling now at my last doctor's appointment my doctor asked me if I was ready to start HRT I hesitate partly because of my marriage. Tomorrow I'm going to my first transgender support group. As I write this, I'm watching football listening to Cher while wearing a pair of capris a pink top and gladiator sandals. I really need to move forward and become my authentic self.

Barbra

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