Perspectives

Brina, you bring up some very good points here, as you do in all your articles. There are so many friends that I would love to share Sherri with but then I feel like there are those who would totally accept me and those who would feel I would loose their trust for keeping Sherri from them. Almost like I was mocking them for being so Sherri right in front of them but still hiding her from them. I'm now at a point where it's not," I just don't care what they think", but I'm tired of hiding it, the fear of a hug or just resting their hand on my shoulder and feeling my bra strap, finding out before I told them, but I'm working slowly on that, (very slowly), bringing Sherri to the table, in a way that is comfortable for me as well as them.

And I agree we have lost the caring for others, thinking first of only ourselves. The notion that I got mine, good luck find your own, is not how I was raised and has never been my belief on how it should be. Every one deserves equal respect until they prove otherwise. You're not better than me because of your color, your beliefs, where you live, or how much money you have or don't have. It comes down to how do you treat your fellow humans, what have you done to help this place we call earth and all that is around us? And that is were I see it, the more and more of, "I got mine and I'm not sharing". I can't nor will I live like that, it just isn't the way we should leave the world to those that come after us. Didn't mean to rant like that but how could I expect Sherri to be fully excepted if, I didn't respect those I want to accept her?

With Love
Sherri

Thank you Brina, You've certainly been wearing your thinking cap, but at the same time, listening to your heart. It is interesting that so much of what you've pointed out has also been on my mind and definitely been tugging at my heart.
As you know, I am a trans woman, and this past year of living my life as Lauren has caused me to do much reflecting on my life, and just how I fit into the entire picture.
I know that transitioning has, for me, almost been like a heart transplant. I didn't like the old me, never did, he was grumpy, selfish, never smiling, often pessimistic and very sad. The world we live in didn't help matters as all he could see was how bad everything was.

When Lauren was reborn, she was like the proverbial breath of fresh air! Talk about perspectives, her entire life before her was so drastically different and an answer to her deepest longings since childhood. She is happy, generous, full of empathy for others, caring, eager to listen, always smiling and her glass is almost always, full to the brim - often a wonderful dark and delicious craft brew, LOL.

The important people in my life are still there with the exception of my daughter, who is married to a man who is an ultra right wing, religious, conservative control freak, so she is forbidden to see me. The others who cannot accept Lauren for who she is have vanished from my life and, to be honest with myself, are not missed.

Perspectives, the world we now live in has changed, in so many ways that it can be mind boggling if you allow it to. I find it easier now to not listen to the news, but instead focus on what I can do to make things around me better. This has not gone unnoticed by those around me, who tell me how amazed they are at, what they refer to as, the transformation, that I have gone through over this past year.
I am told that Lauren is one of the kindest and most gentle and caring people they know.
Brina, if I can have that remembered as my epitaph, I will die a very happy woman!

Big warm hugs girl,

Ms. Lauren M

Do I sense the time has come to further Brina into her social world hence the wide spectrum of thoughts around making the decision. The hints have been dropped and no one has overtly noticed or made comment and you are probably screaming inside. You have covered the anticipated reactions and made your assumptions with the social, personal and stereotypical reasons to acceptance or rejection.

I know from experience how difficult it is and how long it took to come out to my family. It went as good as hoped and led me onto from there so I can be where I am today. Friends and associates were a challenge so before any move I had assessed the one I was going to let know just as you have. What I can say is that it is how they like you as the person they know. If the friendship or acquaintance is good then that sets the foundation. In your case your friends seem to like you and are a good team member. You aren't changing your personality or skills are you? Perhaps pick one who you feel you can tell and invite to coffee and tell them. It's what I did and worked well for me. Once the door opens it is difficult to close. Yes there will be those that are unsure or may reject but from what you say it won't be many and there's safety in numbers. The other thing is you are of mature years and your friends may be of a similar age and, contrary to some opinion, the older generation are more accepting than you would think. After all do they want to lose a friend and a good team player?

My ex was like yours. Laboring with the belief she was chronically depressed and unable to participate in life. I became the enabler. She became the manipulator. Took 19 yrs but the last two were liberating for me.
I remember a phrase that I often say to myself.
Those that matter, don’t mind and those that mind don’t matter.

Lovely article. How sweet.

such a great perspective and I relate to so much of it. Thank you for putting into words what I feel.

Brina, thank you for this article. I needed to read this.

Your article is beautiful
I'm finding out more and more friends are understanding of my crossdressing
I love your article

Brina:
What an interesting and thought provocative expression of inner thoughts and feelings. I could tell that we would make fast friends if we ever met.
It seems to me that you have the same line of thoughts and feelings that I have. For me, I long for the day where race, religion, gender, sexual orientation, and yes, gender identity is no more significant than the color of one's eyes or one's hair.
For me, the thing that I find that helps to give me a sense of perspective in all of this is imaging being at a hospital nursery and looking at all of the precious newborn babies in their cribs. For this perspective I have come to realize that what really matters most is giving each and every one of those precious newborns what it is that they need in this life to succeed and to be happy. It's a deeper thought then I know how to convey in a few words in this comment to what you have said. But I'm sure that you can see the finer points of what I am trying to convey here.
For me, I think that the answer to merging people like us into society as a whole is open mindedness and compromise on all sides. Or as you have said, basic common sense. I think that it is about each side stepping out of their own perspective and seeing things in a bigger, more mutually accommodating perspective. As it now, the loudest voices on either side seem more concerned with justifying the issue from their own perspective, than on actually listening to what the other side has to say.
For me, personally, I try to approach the issue for a perspective of being true to myself, with a sense of personal responsibility. I know that the world need to adjust to me being transgendered, but I am wise enough to realize that I also need to adjust to the world as well.

Hi Brina! I so enjoyed reading your article and especially your experiences while bowling.
Your mention of lingering perfume, your unseen pretty panties under your jeans that actually do fit properly!!! Add to that your clean shaven face, and how uniquely you must carry yourself, I found absolutely charming!
You sound like an absolute delight and a refreshing addition to any bowling event or round of golf.
It would be wonderful to have you in my neighborhood Brina!!! BTW, I would love to find out your choice of jeans as I rely upon some padding to fill out my guy jeans.
Have a very pleasant rest of your week Brina and thanks again for sharing.
Genie

Gorgeous, as ever, Pretty frock, love to see more of it. xxx

Dear Brina,
You continue to inspire me. xx  

Brina,

I love how you wrap perspective around so many issues that we face today. As I was reading your article, I was writing recommendations for a consulting client of mine that referred to how certain people in their organization are perceived as adversaries, when they are really advisors in place to protect the organization.

I see the new from places like Florida and other states that want to ban various aspects of people's lives. If only they understood the economic impacts that a more open society would provide. My former company, a global consulting company, researched this topic and found that greater acceptance of transgendered individuals would provide billions of dollars to our GNP. That is a unique perception on things from a purely financial perspective.

I am very much a closeted CD because of the perceptions that my employer and friends would have of me. It is unfortunate that my feminine side cannot be more open in this world we live in as I believe it makes me a much better person. Hugs, Janice

Wonderful thoughts. Thank you. Food for thoughts