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Hi Girls, Scarlett here!
Now these stories and suggestions are strictly based on my own cross dressing history and experiences with my wife, along with my readings from two cross dressing sites. And girls, I could write a novel on this subject, however, considering the number of word restrictions placed on these articles, I'll keep it as short and succinct as possible.
With my wife, she was extremely reluctant to have “The Talk” and it didn’t take place until years after she first found out about my thrill of cross dressing. I finally had to insist she sit down and listen to me from start to finish, and to let me answer any questions that may arise from our discussion.
1) I felt it was very important to let her know when and how my desire for wearing lady’s clothing all began. And for most of us, it starts as a very young boy with our mom's or sister’s clothing. Regarding me, I told her it started with me discovering two full drawers of the sexiest black lingerie I ever saw in my life in my mom and dad’s off-limits bedroom while snooping around while the entire family was gone. This black lingerie of my mom's was found in two full drawers in her main chest of drawers right in their bedroom.
I told her about selecting and putting on my mom’s black thigh-high hose first and then the black garter belt and a sexy black bra. After finding my dad’s secret stash of Playboy and Penthouse magazines, I spread some of them around me on their bed, opened the magazines to their centerfold pictures, and then had my way with myself for over an hour. After that session, I carefully put everything back exactly where I found it. And that’s how it all began.
2) I told her my cross dressing continued after that specific day but with huge gaps of no cross dressing at all for long periods of time. I either didn't have the time or the urge with the responsibilities of working full-time, going to school full-time at night, and coaching my two sons’ baseball teams in between my semesters of college. During those many years, I had never taken it to the level of full-up cross dressing which is where I'm at with it now.
3) Several questions came up from her during our discussion. I don’t have the luxury of noting each one of her questions that came up because there's just not enough space in this article to list them all. However, as a result of her questions, I had to assure her I wasn’t gay, I had no sexual interest in other men or women, and that I loved her more than ever. And most importantly, the fact that she would always be my first love. In my opinion, you must make this perfectly clear to your wife or SO. Remember that your own personal cross dressing wardrobe can't ever love you back, however, your wife or SO can always love you back. Please remember that fact girls! If your cross dressing is more important to you than your wife or SO, you probably had some serious issues with that person prior to having "The Talk" and there's no telling how much longer your relationship will last!
4) One thing I had to drive home hard was the fact that if it came to choose between my sexy redheaded wife and Scarlett (the name I use when I’m getting my total girl on), Scarlett would have to go! Unless your marriage or relationship is on the rocks, your wife or SO must know that your cross dressing serves as a distant second to your love for her or him!
5) After getting that cleared up, I had to describe in detail to my wife how important it was for my mental well-being and total happiness to continue on by exploring my feminine side and by continuing to cross dress. Shopping for all the items pertaining to being dressed as a cute, pretty, sexy, and classy girl named Scarlett was also an important part of the process to continue as well.
I told her and showed her that my thrill of cross dressing was not related to becoming some version of a “drag queen.” My ultimate mission with cross dressing was to become 100% passable as female when I made the total transformation from me in Handsome Husband mode to Scarlett with my total girl on in that dress or cute outfit.
She wanted to know where I learned my expert makeup skills, and I told her my skills were all obtained by watching YouTube videos on my laptop which were videos produced by professional makeup artists. I also told her I had never had a professional makeover done in person by anyone.
6) I made it clear that my admission to her of my thrill of cross dressing increased my ability to relate to her as a beautiful woman so much easier. I also told her my coming out helped me steer clear of any depression, guilt, or shame I had experienced in the past by keeping my thrill of cross dressing a complete secret from her and others over the span of so many years. I suggest you tell your wife or SO the same thing.
7) I also told her I simply wanted her to accept me exploring my feminine side and in no way was I going to shove this cross dressing issue down her throat. I told her the acceptance by her of my cross dressing could go as slowly as she wanted it to go. I also assured her, I wouldn’t be cross dressed in her presence if she was uncomfortable seeing me dressed as Scarlett, which in fact was the case. The comfort level with that issue will vary from one wife or SO to another for sure! Some wives and SOs will even let you get your girl on while going out shopping or on a date with them. Those cross dressers, based on my research, are in a small minority. It appears most wives and SOs - especially long-term wives are not comfortable with this at all! My sexy redhead sure won't be going shopping or out on a date with me dressed as Scarlett anytime soon!
To my amazement and surprise, she decided to accept me and love me as I was. She assured me that my cross dressing would never, ever lead toward what I was afraid it might lead to and that was either a separation or worse yet – a divorce. She let me know that her love for me would maintain and stay as strong for me as it always had, and I could continue my cross dressing with only two conditions. One condition was that I didn’t dress up as Scarlett in her presence and condition number two was that the neighbors and her coworkers from her high-level position/job in our county would never find out about Scarlett.
After showing her about 50 of my best photos of Scarlett, I simply got up and gave her a big hug and kiss and told her the limits she placed on my cross dressing were more than reasonable and just fine with me!
After seeing plenty of the photos of Scarlett, she more than confirmed that I would totally pass 100% as a girl. She even admitted Scarlett was just as pretty and cute as she was!
Well girlfriends, I have almost met my word limit with this article so it's time to bring this one to an end.
I’m sure you have further suggestions to add with mine, so please feel free to expand my limited list!
I would also love to hear how you broke the news to your wives or SOs and to tell me how your version of “The Talk” went with them.
To all my CDH girlfriends – I love you all and hope you enjoyed this entertaining subject. I so look forward to your responses to this article!
XOXOXO Scarlett
A really helpful article.
I have put coming out in my list of key aims/goals; I've reached a point where I have to at least consider it and its possible ramifications
Good for you, Alicen! My wife had known about my cross dressing for years before I finally was able to convince her to sit down and have "The Talk" with me. It went so much better than expected and after being able to have her completely understand all of the details from where and how it initially started right on up to where I'm at know with my cross dressing, the acceptance level of her towards my cross dressing has increased so dramatically in the last year or so.
Just not have to worry about hiding Scarlett's things all over the place and now being able to purchase things for Scarlett while out shopping with that sexy redhead has been like having a piano lifted off my back.
Good luck with you moving toward having "The Talk" with your wife about your thrill of cross dressing and I hope the results from the talk are as good as mine turned out!
XOXOXO Scarlett
Hi Scarlett,
Before I comment on your article , I must say you have legs "to die for" and those shoes are perfect for your outfit.
Your beautiful smile goes without saying.
My wife found out about my crossdressing by surprise.
Kathy came home early from her card game and walked in on Leonara dress, makeup , pantyhose (hers lol), and heels.
and I was the perverbial "deer caught in the light". I changed so we could have "the talk"... Our discussion went so well that we went shopping together and Kathy picked out Bali panties, camisoles, and Hanes panty hose and thigh hi's...we even had a manicure together....then I did the unthinkable in her eyes... I left a box on the bathroom sink.
Her curiosity got the better of her and opened the box to find my "perfect" breastforms. Kathy is a breast cancer survivor with a partial mastectomy.... She was very hurt and couldn't understand my being so insensitive....Kathy thinking my CD has reached another level removed her wedding ring showing disapproval and processing my alter ego...she insisted I go for therapy. I was forced to abstain from my femine needs for 3 months... Without Kathy's knowledge, I was able to dress during my counseling sessions..with patience and time our 47 year marriage and love prevailed. And prior to my operation...I was able to dress when the opportunity presents itself when she is not home....my operation in January proved more debilitating than we thought...as I have mentioned in previous messages , Kathy visited me ( except for a snowstorm) everyday for 9 weeks as I had acute inpatient physical therapy...our routines prior to the operation returned in June. I finally was able to drive to work and attend my monthly Fire Department meetings . Kathy returned to her card game 2 nights a week and announced "do what you need to do". Thank you for listening..
Thanks Leonara for the compliments on the legs, heels, outfit, and smile. I take long showers in the morning and I do 15 minutes with a intense leg exercises to include 40 deep knee bends and an assortment of other leg exercises and stretches. However, as noted in previous writings of mine, I have to give most credit of those legs to my late mom who always had a killer set of legs.
It's sounds like when you go caught, all things went much better than expected. Then the discovery of those perfect breasts like the ones I have made things head south in a hurry for a long long time.
Right now it seems as though you have the same set up as I do which is I can dress as much as I want to as long as it's not in the presence of my wife. I need to do more short photo shoots during the middle of the week instead of waiting for those 12 hour days for dressing that happen once or twice a month.
Can't wait for you to see the results of my next photo shoot. I'll be in girl's jeans - five different pair of them that all fit perfect. That will happen next week unless we have visitors from the west coast of Florida as a result of the hurricane.
Love ya girl friend and thanks for taking time not only to read my article but to send in quite a response to it as well!
XOXOXO Scarlett
Hi Scarlett , beautifully expressed ( as ever ) with love & respect. I also doubt my gorgeous wife will ever want to see me fully madeover , however a small price to pay for her love , support , laughter & more love. She helped me find a of me, I'd be lost without her xx Tiff
Tiff, I would be totally lost without that sexy redhead myself!
She's just as gorgeous on the inside as she is on the outside. And everyone who has known her for years, has never ever had a bad thing to say about her. She is literally loved by anyone she's ever worked with or went to school with!
XOXOXO Scarlett
Thank you, thank you, thank you!
I want to share this all with my wife and I am so afraid of a harsh rejection. I like the way you walked your through everything.
Jess
xoxo
You are so welcome, Jess! I was so afraid of a harsh rejection as well. I was lucky and it all worked out just fine.
We had such a deep love for each other! The only thing that could ever separate us now would be an affair with someone else which is what happened to both of us when our previous spouses cheated on us. So fidelity is one of our most highest priorities so the affair situation is not an option for either of us!
One of the things I enjoy most about the talk results was our ability to finally be able to both shop for lady's clothing together and me not having to purchase things for Scarlett and find hiding places for them.
Thanks so much for reading my article. I spent some time to get it right and I liked the way it turned out!
XOXOXO Scarlett And Jess, Good luck with "The Talk" with your wife!
There are two things that would cause my wife to leave me. One is domestic incident. The other is being unfaithful. I don't think either one is a possibility.
Here's what scares me, Scarlett.
I have discovered over the few past months how important my feminine side is to me. I need to be Jess. I need to put on panties and my wonderful bra. I need to put pantyhose. I need to put on a dress. I need to put on heels. I need to become a woman.
If I came out to S and she didn't accept it I would be beyond disappointed. I want her to not just love me, but to be proud of me, and to accept this part of me that in no compromises our relationship.
S makes several GNO trips a year and it is these occasions that I can be Jess more often. I can be Jess after work on Thursday and Friday. I can be Jess all day on Saturday and Sunday!
If S knew and didn't accept/approve then what happens to Jess on those GNOs? I do not want to give Jess up!
Somehow I'll figure it out>.
Hi Scarlett.
Thanks for the lovely article. your word are an inspiration to me.
I will use your advice if and when I come out.
Lots of Love Lindie xxooxx
You are so welcome Girl Friend! I love writing these informational articles! I get a ton of likes, readers, and responses from the articles I write and the messages and advice I try and drive home in them!
Love you too Lindie and that femme name of yours is cute as a bug in a rug! It's one of my favorite names on here! It's cute and sexy at the same time just like Scarlett!
Thank you Scarlet .
Your article is interesting and tort provoking .
Rhonda .
You're welcome and so happy you enjoyed it! It's gonna be another one of my informative articles that gets a lot of attention!
XOXO Scarlett
Hi Scarlett! And also a big hello to all the girls here. I am new and just getting acquainted to the CDH website. As of 2 weeks ago I have come out to my wife of 30 years as Ellen. I am so fortunate and just “ Over The Moon “ with my wife’s acceptance and support. By the way she also is a gorgeous redhead with large blue eyes!
First I would like to thank you for being so articulate and secondly giving the rest of us girls hope and encouragement by setting such a good example in how you put together Scarlett. And of course I agree with the comments on your pretty legs!
Like yourself my first experiences with Crossdressing was starting at ages 5 and 6 ,though it was a game suggested by my mom and sister. At times there would also be present my gramma or 1 or 2 of my sisters girlfriends! The thrill of being cross dressed has stayed with me my lifetime. But I must add in that it also lead to a lifetime of anxiety and depression because of the need to keep it secret.
In the last 4 months in weekly sessions with my therapist she got me to realize that I had to come out to my wife. And that it could be so liberating that it could dissolve some of my inner misery. She has been right so far. It is only because I have been blessed with a Saint of a wife that I am discovering some real peace and joy inside that I haven’t known. This is a real success story that I would like to share.
Just last week Tuesday my wife took me shopping for all the things a girl would need to get started. She also had done some previous shopping without me for the makeup I would need. We also have 2 wigs ordered as she is also willing to join me in “Ellen’s “ coming out party. Just us at home a couple weeks from now complete with music , hourderves and wine !
We also have set our boundaries and are both happy with what we have decided. After Ellen has come out I hope to post a picture of my wife’s artwork of me. Thanks again for your advice encouragement . Ellen
Hi Ellen and girl friend, these were the kind of success stories I was hoping my readers of this article would share with the other girls on here to give them the inspiration to finally come out with their cross dressing to their wives.
You are one of the very lucky few that has a wife who's totally on board with Ellen. Do you realize how many cross dressers there are out there who are just dying for this level of acceptance from wives they've been hiding everything from them for years and years.
When you find out you have an accepting wife, it's like taking a weight of a huge piano off your back. A feeling of such relief! A release of such guilt and shame that may have accompanied your cross dressing for so many years!
All we are looking for is some acceptance and encouragement and the green light for us to continue to pursue our need to explore our feminine side our or lives and personalities. The wives have to understand that our cross dressing can be such a good thing for the strength of our relationships.
Thanks, Ellen, for sharing your success story with us and I look forward to seeing photos of Ellen and more writings as well! Hope to see you in our chat room soon!
With much love! Scarlett
Scarlett, I read your post yesterday, and a newsletter today from Lisa Rowe, covering the same subject. It motivated me enough to ask my wife if we could have the talk" during a return drive from a trip crosstown today. She agreed, and after making it clear to her that she was my Number One priority in life, I told her she could set the limits on my dressing, and asked if anything was strictly "off limits" - to which she quickly replied "wearing a dress". She did relent somewhat when I asked if I could wear my favorite blue denim skirt (yes). Most of my wardrobe now comes from the women's shops, so being able to freely discuss the subject is a great feeling! Having "The Talk" was liberating, and I wish I could have found the nerve to do so much earlier.
But better late than never.
Hugs,
Bettylou
Good for you Bettylou! I sure hope she eventually gives in on not being able to wear a dress. That's a biggie!
Hope you were able to handle all of her questions and it sounds like you have felt a tremendous amount of relief from having "The Talk" with your wife. And I'm glad I had something to do with you getting up the nerve to finally have that talk with your wife!
Hugs right back atcha! XOXO Scarlett
Scarlett, you had more than just "something" to do with me making that choice. I would never give up my wife, not sure I'm capable of giving up Bettylou, but really unhappy about keeping her hidden. Thanks to you and The Talk, the problem no longer exists...and who knows, I may get o wear that dress yet, if I can make myself passable.
this was a great article Scarlett , love you sweetie.
Thanks Baby Doll! Thanks for not only taking time to read my article but send in a sweet little response!
Love you too, Georgia! XOXOX Scarlett
i came out to my wife after 27yrs of marriage(that was 8 1/2 yrs ago), we both had nervous breakdowns over my coming out as a crossdresser or maybe non op mtf woman, we almost divorced over it(we probably should have in hindsight) she has become tolerant of Giselle and even attends support group events with but we have ceased to be husband and wife and now are good friends but have no physical life at all, i regret to this day telling her about Giselle as it hurt her so much and caused her to lose her trust in me.
So sorry your transition and cross dressing brought an end to your physical relationship with your wife. That probably would have been the end to my marriage. I couldn't live without date night and our strong physical connection at the end of date night.
Wishing you well in the future Giselle and that sounds like a tough situation to be in!
Sincerely, Scarlett
Good article, I'm glad your wife is accepting!
Me too Christine! I'm very blessed to have my sexy redhead. Now there are limits. I can't be dressed as Scarlett while in her presence and I can't let the neighbors or her coworkers know about Scarlett which both are just fine with me.
XOXOXOXO Scarlett
Hi BFF. this is an absolutely amazing and accurate article. I identify with so many of the points. Thank you dear girlfriend. your insight truly helps me along with my own journey. Love ya
Danielle
Love you too as always my BFF! Gonna take a month off from photo posting and article writing. I honestly think the girls are sick of looking at me and hearing from me.
So no Scarlett for the entire month of September. Gonna have a bunch of fun with myself. I'm gonna do two photo shoots per week and a lot of shopping. Just having fun with me and Scarlett!
Love you! XOXOXO Scarlett
Oh, I'm gonna concentrate on college football as well!
yaaay girlfriend. girl/me time is always so so needed. plus college football. Heck yes. Go Huskers...sorry, that is my team...
Love ya
Have a great month. will keep up with in private chat.
XOXOXO
P.S.
Never ever tired of Scarlett pics. I love them
Danielle
Hi Scarlett,
First, I love your outfit. Second, great article. I'm a bit of a late bloomer. Throughout my life I managed to suppress my desires to dress until about five months ago when the desire was so strong that I gave in and decided that I should let my inner girl out. Before I bought a stitch of clothing, I came out to my wife of 20 years about my feminine side and my desire to dress. She was very appreciative that we talked about it first. To keep a long story short she has been supportive and doesn't mind me dressing conservatively when she is around. Unfortunately, she will never be my gal pal and I can't share my experiences with her as she simply cannot relate.
Hugs,
Robin
Robin my wife's the same way. I can't dress as Scarlett while in her presence. I honestly think she's a bit jealous of Scarlett. I'm just a bit hotter than she is and she's a real looker. So don't feel like the lone ranger when having a wife who can't relate. Most of us are in the same situation. I'm just really happy she's been supportive and even lets you be Robin while in her presence. You've got more than I've gotten from my wife.
I can dress as much as I want as long as she's not around. Which is most of the week because she's the director of our county health department and I'm retired.
This month I plan on doing two photo shoots per week and not post any photos on here for the entire month of September. The girls are just kinda tired of looking at me I think. And I'm not going to write an article during the month of September. I have several topics in mind to write about but I'm saving them for the future.
Be well and thanks for reading my article and taking time to write a response to me!
XOXOXO Scarlett
Scarlett, Trust me when I say I count my blessings when it comes to my wife's acceptance. I tread lightly and take it slowly when dressing around my wife.
Robin
