If you’re old enough to recall the television series, “Dragnet” you will remember the infamous line from Sgt. Joe Friday, “Just the facts ma’am.” And then their introduction: The story you are about to read is true.
Before I reveal how I met my Twin Sister, there is some background information to help you understand how we found one another.
In relation to alien visitations, or the age of dinosaurs, I’ve not been a practicing crossdresser for long. If you don’t consider four decades long? During this time, I kept it an indoor “sport.” Those of us who engage in this phenomenon are quite crafty. We must be in order to survive. When I went out looking for something for June, I did it in male mode and concealed my intent with a lie about looking for something for my wife. You too? I’m not surprised! I obviously had delusions about my size because most everything I purchased was too small.
Earlier, I was unhappily married to my beautiful but unfaithful first wife. She was the rapture of my heart! But it all went wrong. The rest is a seven-year chronicle that is not relevant to the story, except for one element. The Private Investigator I hired suggested I dress with him to show me what she was doing, and how she was going about it. I passed when I saw myself in full dress in the mirror. But that look was infectious…
I don’t recall feelings of guilt or shame when I changed clothes in the safety of my closet. Somehow, I knew if I were seen in women’s clothing, I’d be scorned, labeled, and cast out. I had to maintain privacy. The conundrum is that I am a free-spirited person. Free of guilt, free thinking… just free to be and do whatever I set my mind to. That included wearing the clothes I wanted. I wanted to walk among others wearing heels. I wanted to present myself to society as the beautiful person I feel I am, with the full expectation of acceptance. Albeit my own kind of beautiful. But I was scared!
Back then, I lied my way through June’s evolving phases. I bought makeup telling the checkout cashier I hoped I got what the wife wants. The shoes, another lie, and the clothes, well, I was more into lingerie. I had to squeeze myself into them. It’s taken over forty years for June to develop into the persona she is today, and I continue to evolve. Until two years ago, there had been no one to critique, guide or advise me, just an inner voice giving me direction. That voice started to tell me I needed to develop June into the image I envisioned; I needed to step into society, but with caution.
Society is a scary place. It is larger than the sum of us. It is a dichotomy of people’s differing perceptions. Knowing where to safely go takes research. I live between two places, Tulsa, Oklahoma and Littleton, Colorado. I travel towing a 5th wheel RV wherever I want to go. Littleton is a very accepting area. I have never felt uneasy going out as June. Tulsa, however, is like a walk in the yard after the dog has been there. You must watch where you step! That voice keeps telling me if I visit public mainstays, I will not be confronted. It keeps telling me I need to get out and about… But where?
Fast forward a few years. I found the doorknob to my closet, turned it, and emerged. I walk about the house. I have a few pieces of clothing, but nothing I would want to wear out and about. That persistent voice in my head continues telling me it’s time to take this dressing up a few notches to develop June into the image I envision. I’m thinking I want someone to “hold my hand.” It tells me to get out and about and really experience the thrill of this phenomenon. But where would I go? I don’t have a thing to wear. I’m terrified and want someone to show me the way.
Okay, enough background. You get that I’m scared and want to experience more. I have the determination. That’s a high-level view of over four decades of progression; you get the picture. You’ve probably been there as well, right? Now I’m going to mix all this info together and tell the story about how I met my twin sister.
Years have gone by, and I’m still listening to that voice in my head. I’ve been dressing in the security of my home and want to get out-n-about. I’m still looking for a friend to “hold my hand.” It’s time to spread my wings, but I don’t have anything to wear. Most everything I’ve acquired is too small and inappropriate. I’m naïve about CD friendly places, so If I’m going to step out, and I want to, I need to dress accordingly. I need clothes, shoes, and accessories. I figure if I’m going to the mall shopping for what I need for June as my male self, there is a need for a well-versed lie about looking for something for my wife…
Off I go to the mall. I thought the visit through before stepping into the store. If a saleswoman approaches me and asks to help, I will say I’m looking for something for my wife. This happened…
I’m sifting through dresses in the women’s clothing department at Dillard’s. As I consider what style will look best on me, it hits me! I don’t know what size I wear. And OMG, I’m colorblind!
I looked around and saw a sales lady approaching me. She looked familiar, but I knew we had never met. As she approached me, she asked if I’m looking for something for my wife? Without hesitation, and without thinking, the lie came out. I said “no, it’s not my wife, it’s my sister… my twin sister.” Where did that come from? I don’t have a twin sister. Come to think of it, I don’t have a wife, either. But… there was a thread of truth to it. June is that voice in my head, the one I’ve been listening to for years. June is my twin. Then she asked what size my sister wore… and the lie grew.
I responded with a, “I don’t know.” I reasoned that she sometimes wears my shirts and jeans, so whatever fits me should fit her? I asked if that made sense, that if she held a dress up to me it might indicate what size to look for? She laughed and said, “Or you could try one on for size.” I remember how light-heartedly she said that. If only she knew… Maybe she did?
From that day, June became my “Twin sister” at heart. I have used that line both ways. When I am looking for something for June, she is my twin sister. When June is looking for something for me, I am her twin brother. I recall looking for a diamond pendant necklace at Zale’s. Heretofore, I had always shopped in male mode and used my “twin sister” as a ploy. It is a “safe” store to shop. June was appropriately dressed for the weather, and on entering the store, a sales associate approached me like a tiger pouncing on its prey. I knew what I was looking for. When I asked to see one in the case, the saleslady asked if it was for me. I said my brother wanted me to pick out my birthday gift, and we were twins. I also want to look at a cuff bracelet for him… something we can both wear. This is my favorite necklace, to this day!
Referring to June as my twin sister is a bit of a ruse, or is it? For me, I’ve accepted June as a living force within me. She is a friend who “holds my hand” as I experience more and more of this phenomenon. Listening to that voice in my head, I have developed June into the image you’ve seen. For me, I have accepted that June is her own kind of beautiful.
Curiously, do you hear a voice in your head? Is it she or he? Both? Do you listen or do you try to ignore it?
Love to know!
June
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