Welcome to Crossdresser Heaven, a safe and welcoming place for everyone in the crossdresser community.
Join Crossdresser Heaven today to participate in the forums.
If you’re old enough to recall the television series, “Dragnet” you will remember the infamous line from Sgt. Joe Friday, “Just the facts ma’am.” And then their introduction: The story you are about to read is true.
Before I reveal how I met my Twin Sister, there is some background information to help you understand how we found one another.
In relation to alien visitations, or the age of dinosaurs, I’ve not been a practicing crossdresser for long. If you don’t consider four decades long? During this time, I kept it an indoor “sport.” Those of us who engage in this phenomenon are quite crafty. We must be in order to survive. When I went out looking for something for June, I did it in male mode and concealed my intent with a lie about looking for something for my wife. You too? I’m not surprised! I obviously had delusions about my size because most everything I purchased was too small.
Earlier, I was unhappily married to my beautiful but unfaithful first wife. She was the rapture of my heart! But it all went wrong. The rest is a seven-year chronicle that is not relevant to the story, except for one element. The Private Investigator I hired suggested I dress with him to show me what she was doing, and how she was going about it. I passed when I saw myself in full dress in the mirror. But that look was infectious…
I don’t recall feelings of guilt or shame when I changed clothes in the safety of my closet. Somehow, I knew if I were seen in women’s clothing, I’d be scorned, labeled, and cast out. I had to maintain privacy. The conundrum is that I am a free-spirited person. Free of guilt, free thinking… just free to be and do whatever I set my mind to. That included wearing the clothes I wanted. I wanted to walk among others wearing heels. I wanted to present myself to society as the beautiful person I feel I am, with the full expectation of acceptance. Albeit my own kind of beautiful. But I was scared!
Back then, I lied my way through June’s evolving phases. I bought makeup telling the checkout cashier I hoped I got what the wife wants. The shoes, another lie, and the clothes, well, I was more into lingerie. I had to squeeze myself into them. It’s taken over forty years for June to develop into the persona she is today, and I continue to evolve. Until two years ago, there had been no one to critique, guide or advise me, just an inner voice giving me direction. That voice started to tell me I needed to develop June into the image I envisioned; I needed to step into society, but with caution.
Society is a scary place. It is larger than the sum of us. It is a dichotomy of people’s differing perceptions. Knowing where to safely go takes research. I live between two places, Tulsa, Oklahoma and Littleton, Colorado. I travel towing a 5th wheel RV wherever I want to go. Littleton is a very accepting area. I have never felt uneasy going out as June. Tulsa, however, is like a walk in the yard after the dog has been there. You must watch where you step! That voice keeps telling me if I visit public mainstays, I will not be confronted. It keeps telling me I need to get out and about… But where?
Fast forward a few years. I found the doorknob to my closet, turned it, and emerged. I walk about the house. I have a few pieces of clothing, but nothing I would want to wear out and about. That persistent voice in my head continues telling me it’s time to take this dressing up a few notches to develop June into the image I envision. I’m thinking I want someone to “hold my hand.” It tells me to get out and about and really experience the thrill of this phenomenon. But where would I go? I don’t have a thing to wear. I’m terrified and want someone to show me the way.
Okay, enough background. You get that I’m scared and want to experience more. I have the determination. That’s a high-level view of over four decades of progression; you get the picture. You’ve probably been there as well, right? Now I’m going to mix all this info together and tell the story about how I met my twin sister.
Years have gone by, and I’m still listening to that voice in my head. I’ve been dressing in the security of my home and want to get out-n-about. I’m still looking for a friend to “hold my hand.” It’s time to spread my wings, but I don’t have anything to wear. Most everything I’ve acquired is too small and inappropriate. I’m naïve about CD friendly places, so If I’m going to step out, and I want to, I need to dress accordingly. I need clothes, shoes, and accessories. I figure if I’m going to the mall shopping for what I need for June as my male self, there is a need for a well-versed lie about looking for something for my wife…
Off I go to the mall. I thought the visit through before stepping into the store. If a saleswoman approaches me and asks to help, I will say I’m looking for something for my wife. This happened…
I’m sifting through dresses in the women’s clothing department at Dillard’s. As I consider what style will look best on me, it hits me! I don’t know what size I wear. And OMG, I’m colorblind!
I looked around and saw a sales lady approaching me. She looked familiar, but I knew we had never met. As she approached me, she asked if I’m looking for something for my wife? Without hesitation, and without thinking, the lie came out. I said “no, it’s not my wife, it’s my sister… my twin sister.” Where did that come from? I don’t have a twin sister. Come to think of it, I don’t have a wife, either. But… there was a thread of truth to it. June is that voice in my head, the one I’ve been listening to for years. June is my twin. Then she asked what size my sister wore… and the lie grew.
I responded with a, “I don’t know.” I reasoned that she sometimes wears my shirts and jeans, so whatever fits me should fit her? I asked if that made sense, that if she held a dress up to me it might indicate what size to look for? She laughed and said, “Or you could try one on for size.” I remember how light-heartedly she said that. If only she knew… Maybe she did?
From that day, June became my “Twin sister” at heart. I have used that line both ways. When I am looking for something for June, she is my twin sister. When June is looking for something for me, I am her twin brother. I recall looking for a diamond pendant necklace at Zale’s. Heretofore, I had always shopped in male mode and used my “twin sister” as a ploy. It is a “safe” store to shop. June was appropriately dressed for the weather, and on entering the store, a sales associate approached me like a tiger pouncing on its prey. I knew what I was looking for. When I asked to see one in the case, the saleslady asked if it was for me. I said my brother wanted me to pick out my birthday gift, and we were twins. I also want to look at a cuff bracelet for him… something we can both wear. This is my favorite necklace, to this day!
Referring to June as my twin sister is a bit of a ruse, or is it? For me, I’ve accepted June as a living force within me. She is a friend who “holds my hand” as I experience more and more of this phenomenon. Listening to that voice in my head, I have developed June into the image you’ve seen. For me, I have accepted that June is her own kind of beautiful.
Curiously, do you hear a voice in your head? Is it she or he? Both? Do you listen or do you try to ignore it?
Love to know!
June
@june3051 What a wonderful story! In male mode, I think of Anna as my twin sister and refer to Anna that way to those in the know.
@june3051 Hi June, your story is not strange or far fetched, in fact there may be more truth in what you experience than you realize.
Have you ever heard of vanishing twin syndrome? I’ve been researching developmental biology to understand why I feel the way I do. I discovered there dozens of “syndromes” that may leave a person feeling like they are not in the right body. I apologize for the language Anything who doesn’t turn out “normal” is pathologized in science and medicine
Vanishing twin syndrome is incredibly common and its effects on the surviving twin have not been studied or understood psychologically. Up to 20% of all pregnancies start off as twins but before the first trimester the less viable twin slowly retreats into the placenta and its tissue and dare I say spirit are absorbed into the surviving twin. So if your mother was pregnant with twins when she was carrying you and your twin was a girl, guess what? You may be part girl, which could also explain why many of us are here, we really do have a twin, inside us, fully integrated but not expressed in a female body.
I gave a talk about this at Esprit in May to a great response. Vanishing twin isn’t the only way to get a girl inside a man. I’ve discovered many other genetic and hormonal abnormalities that creates gender fluidity in animals including humans. It’s been observed in other species and some animals can actually change their sex or gender in response certain conditions.
I have several reasons to believe I had a vanishing twin. Our twins don’t vanish without leaving a trace. I believe some of us are here for that very reason. I invite you to look it up on line. You will find studies and statistics but almost nothing about how it might affect our gender preferences.
Hi June,
Great story, it got me to thinking I wonder if there is any member of CDH a that has a twin sister and how much they’re alike? As for AnnaBeth even though I’ve had always had a feminine side, I only gave her a name 3 years ago and the I tried to suppress her until recently when she re-emerge. I think AnnaBeth always had a voice but until recently it had no gender. Now the voice is definitely a she.
hugs
AnnaBeth
Hi AnnaBeth!
Thank you for reading my story of when and how I met my "twin sister." It is a story from "our" past. If you've read any of my other articles, you will know a great deal has changed since acknowledging June. I once was reserved and secretive. That was then...
Assuming a feminine name acknowledges the fact, and gives identity to, that other gender lurking just below the surface of our masculinity. It's reassuring to me to know I am not the only one hearing "voices." It's assuring to know that I really am sane!
Thank you so much for sharing your experiences with me. I really appreciate that!
I hope you found a connection in my story and will join me in future adventures. Meanwhile, I hope you will show the world around you that you are your own kind of beautiful.
June
Love the story June, you had me shopping right there with you, with the same feelings. I've over and over have done the same," it's for my wife" but I gave that up for "it's for a good friend who's feeling down". The sales help always respond with, " you're friend is very lucky", which is a true statement I am very lucky. Now over the past few years being a very happy member here at CDH, I now simply say that I'm buying something for me, I don't feel any shame or guilt anymore because it's true, it's for me and I hope it fits. If it doesn't fit, you'll see me tomorrow when I come back in to return it and hopefully you'll have it in MY size.
Sherri
Love this. How does the sales associate act when you say it is "for me." I bet they don't even blink and help you like they would help anyone. That has to feel great!
Hi Christina!
We have evolved a great deal since meeting "our "twin." While I'm still cautious; If you've read any of my other articles, you will know that June is no longer reserved or secretive. That was then... So, when I go shopping for clothes, or anything else, June initiates conversations, and yes, it feels "great" to engage others. While I have had encounters with those less than accepting of who I am, they are a minute percentage, and do not detract me from being my own kind of beautiful.
Thank you for reading my story of when and how I met my "twin sister." I hope you were able to relate to some part of it. And that you will get out there and show the world around you that you too are your own kind of beautiful.
June
Hi Sherri!
Thank you for reading my story of when and how I met my "twin sister." It is a story from "our" past. If you've read any of my other articles you will know that a great deal has changed since met. I was once a reclusive crossdresser. That was then. Today, it is all about June...regardless of the clothes I'm wearing.
Curious to know if you have taken articles of clothing into fitting rooms where you shop? I've taken up the "sport" of Look (L), Try (T) Don't or Did (D) Buy (B) LTDB. I learned it from a "fellow" CDH member. It's fun to try on different clothes and snap photos in front of the fitting room mirror. It can sure burn a couple hours quick, too.
Thanks for sharing your experiences with me. I really appreciate that!
I hope you were able to relate to some facet of Sherri's development in my story. And that you will join me on future adventures as June continues to explore this phenomenon called crossdressing.
Meanwhile, I hope you will show the world around you that you are your own kind of beautiful.
June
A tried and tested way to buy clothes in drab is 'It's for the wife/girlfriend'. I suppose 'It's for my twin' is a bit different and, being unusual catching them off guard so could that be more acceptable. There is a logic as if it were for wife/girlfriend and you started to say her size was the same as yours the suspicions would start. I like the idea of being a twin as in a lot of respects we are a twin.
Hi Angela!
Thank you for reading my story of when and how I met my "twin sister." This story is from my past. Continuing to listen to the inner voice; June has evolved a great deal since that meeting. If you've read any of my other articles you will note that June is no longer reclusive. June no longer lies about who she buys what for. June has found an inner peace that shines through as her being her own kind of beautiful.
I really appreciate your comments, Angela. Thank you! I hope you were able to relate some element of June's development to Angela's. And that you will get out and show the world around you that you too are your own kind of beautiful.
June
' class='avatar avatar-80 photo' height='80' width='80' />beautiful article and I love the twin sister ruse. perfect. I still use the buying for my wife routine. I don't know if there is a twin inside of me, but there definitely is a woman. I feel her all the time and she paws at my outer male shell, trying to get out more frequently. But yes, fears keep me indoors sometimes. And sometimes i throw caution to the wind and just go. Thanks for Sharing my beautiful friend.
Hi Danielle!
Thanks for reading my story of when and how I met my "twin sister." This is a story of my past. June has evolved a great deal since then. She no longer lies about who she is buying what for. I don't buy clothes for my wife. I used to, but gave up on that because she has returned every article of clothing I have ever bought her. So, I don't do that anymore. I buy more for June. Being that I do it as June, I enjoy the LTDB thing I learned from Jackie. Fun fun fun!
Most recently I referred to June as my twin when I showed coworkers the photo I posted on CDH of June in the Lowe's vest. Now they want to meet June...maybe later.
I hope you will join me in future adventures as June continues to explore this phenomenon called cross dressing.
Meanwhile, Join me in showing the world around us that we are your own kind of beautiful.
June
I enjoyed your story, but I'm going to let you in on a secret. Most stores don't care who they sell to. They are in the business to sell, and if you are willing to buy, they are not likely to pass judgement. Your money is the same color as any woman, and has the same worth. If you are happy with their service, you are more likely to come back and maybe tell others in the same situation, so it is a win-win situation.
My first few times getting clothing for me I was afraid I'd be questioned or that people in line behind me might notice, but each time I wasn't noticed, and they rung up the sale without question or problem.
One time I bought some high heel shoes in sparkly silver and another pair in the same style in black. A few days later I wanted it in red, but online searching showed most places were out. But I expanded my search and found there was a pair in my size in a store 10 minutes from work. I went into the store at lunchtime, walked right over and there they were. I picked it up and walked back to the register. The cashier finished ringing up the woman ahead of me.
Seeing how quickly I was in and out at the register, she asked me "Did you know what to get, or were you told what to get?"" I told her I knew what to get, and then sheepishly added, "They're for me." She told me it was all right, and we got into a brief discussion about the shoes.
I walked out happy having secured the shoes. She was happy she made a sale. Did it bother me that a stranger knew it was for me? No.
Try one time to drop the twin sister act. You may be surprised.
Hugs
Hi Alison!
The story of when and how I met my "twin sister" happened quite some time ago. As I continued to give heed to that inner voice June has evolved into the persona she is today. If you've read any of my other articles you will note June is no longer the reclusive crossdresser she was.
You may not have picked up on the fact that June was developing in a not-so-accepting time and place. To debunk your secret: Today, there is greater acceptance, or perhaps tolerance is a better descriptor, due in part to laws addressing Discrimination and Diversity in The Workplace. Not all stores and sales associates accept us because they are only interested in the all-mighty dollar. They may, and some do, harbor ill feelings toward those of us who engage in this phenomenon. I know they find us repulsive. I know this from personal experience. While most outing experiences have been pleasant, there is a minute percentage that have not. The metaphor I used about the dog in the yard is the way it is in Tulsa, Oklahoma. As I read through your comments, it is apparent you are fortunate to reside in a much more accepting area. I’m so happy for you, and somewhat envious of that.
Thank you for reading my story. I hope you found some element of June's story to relate to. And that you will join me on future adventures as June continues to explore this phenomenon called crossdressing.
Meanwhile, let's get out and show the world around us that we are our own kind of beautiful.
June
June, thank you for your article on the origin of the “twin sister”.. you mentioned to me that you were working on the article..and you piqued my interest and finally you didn’t disappoint with your most interesting article.
If I may, I would like to add my experience in buying feminine clothes.. At Christmas, I have the opportunity to buy clothes for my wife so Mommy would have presents from Santa and the children..I would go to the women’s department (in drab) and have no problems picking out blouses, pant suits (Kathy was a school administrator), nightgowns and bathrobes…fast forward a few years and Leonara is embracing her feminine side..now, I continue to buy (in drab but Leonara will buy for herself very soon) I buy for Kathy and Leonara at the same time. Leonara is a woman’s 10 and Kathy is a petite 8… in checking out the sales associate will comment that they are different sizes.. my response “yes I Know”. Let them guess.
I have purchased items online now and rather than have them shipped home, I pick them up at the store.. I am sure the sales associate sees the order. Dresses, blouses, skirts, intimates, and strappy heels or pumps.. hmm
let them guess… Leonara will eventually buy as her true self… Thank you June for your inspiration and thank you ladies for reading my response.. warmest regards, Leonara
Hi Leonara!
It is heartwarming to read that you find inspiration in me. Heartwarming and flattering. I am humbled.
When I first shopped for June as June it was an eerie feeling. It still is sometimes. Especially when there are women looking along the same rack as me. Or when I am shopping for a bra. That one really makes me nervous. The longer I stay in the less the anxiety, unless someone speaks to me. Then I get dry in the throat and hardly have a voice. My voice sounds really weird until I clear my throat and get past the first few words.
I admire your desire to go out as Leonara. I wonder though...are you being "coached" by an inner voice? As I contemplate my closing question; I wonder if I would have followed through on the dare from years ago, if I had not recognized that voice in my head?
Thank you so much for taking interest in my story. I really appreciate you leaving me your thoughts and comments. I look forward to reading about your next outing.
June
great story, when my Gf and I go to buy for Clarissa, we alway buy for her mother, except for the other day where we were in a shop where her mother is known and she and my GF are about the same petite size, my GF said it was a gift for a friend of hers, because the saleslady said the size was to big for my GF. I think we might try to buy for my twin sister.
Hi Clarissa!
Since acknowledging my "twin sister" and used her as a ruse, I had not been questioned. However, I have been asked to see photos. So, I carried a couple photos to show. Now that I go out as June I don't refer to the ruse, except when I shop for June as me. But that is seldom anymore. I still keep my "twin" close at heart though, and I still listen to that inner voice.
Thanks for taking time to read my story and leave me a note and memory. I really appreciate that.
June
' class='avatar avatar-80 photo' height='80' width='80' />I have a sister June. People often say don't they "oh you look just like your sister" but little do they know just how similar Ginny (on a good day) and my sister really do look. I have one photo in particular from a couple of years ago that I've not posted here in which I look a dead ringer for her. I will share it if I can find it. Its funny actually, Im very self conscious on the few occasions that Ginny goes out in public however buying clothes in drab doesn't bother me one bit, in fact I quite enjoy it. I can see what they are thinking but simply don't care and on occasions when I have been asked if its a gift I've said yes...for myself and smiled. Oh and BTW yes that lady shop assistant defenitly knew LOL.
Take care
Ginny.
Hi Ginny!
I have been asked to see photos of my "twin" out of curiosity...or proof. Not long ago I posted a photo of June in my work vest here on CDH. I failed to switch out the name tag on the vest before the next day at work. When a coworker asked if my name was June I replied, no that's my twin sister's name. And went on to fabricate a tale about her putting on the vest and snapping a few pics around the house over the weekend. Well, there is a thread of truth to that. Then they asked to see the photos and they were amazed at the resemblance! It was like a feeding frenzy...everybody wanted to see a picture of my "twin."
I haven't used the ruse for a couple years now because June shops for June. Sometimes June shops for me. I guess because I know what size I wear, I go straight to the size on the rack so I've not been asked if I need help from a male sales clerk. June has been asked by an associate at Home Depot and Lowe's to help me find what I came in for...but I declined the assistance telling them it's more fun to search for what I need.
So glad to read that you do get out.
I'm curious to know if I'm nuts or if others, like you for instance, hear a voice or perhaps their subconscious, talking to them?
Thanks for reading my story and sharing your experiences with me. I really appreciate that, Ginny.
Take care and stay safe
June
All I can say is “Wow”! This story of your evolution into who you are today, truly lets me know that I am not alone. I have been at the store, so many times in the past and used lies. And like you, knew there were times I know the sales person saw right through them. But somehow, I was more comforted by the ruse. Of course, things have changed over the years, now my wife and I go shopping together. We laugh, talk, and compare items, like two girlfriends but I am still in drab. I haven’t been able to take it to the next level just yet. My wife has told me if I were to, she would no longer go with me shopping and may even leave altogether. So I may never take the next step, but I am so happy it all worked out so well for you. Thank you for sharing, hugs.
great artilcle, love the perspecive of the twin sister. I think we have all been in that position.
Hi Leah!
Thank you for reading my story of when and how I met my "twin sister." That seems like so long ago. June has evolved a great deal since then. She is no longer a reclusive cross dresser. That was then...
Most recently I posted a photo on CDH of June wearing a store vest where she works part time. I showed this photo to coworkers and told them that my twin put on my vest and snapped a few photos for fun. Now they want to meet my sister...maybe later.
I hope you found some element of June's story to relate to. And I hope you will join June on future adventures as she continues to explore this phenomenon called cross dressing.
Meanwhile, let's get out there and show the world around us that we are our own kind of beautiful.
June
I haven't got a twin sister - but I think I may well do now! I have an actual sister - and we look very much alike - to tell you the truth, I think that as long as I get my voice right, I could pull this off - she is also very tall and (if I get my makeup right!) I would defy anyone to tell the difference... Thank you so much for a fantastic idea as to how to get out and about a little more; Holly needs to be a little more public!!! Love you: Holly XXX
Hi Holly!
My "sister" gets the credit for making me say what I said. It was not my idea, but hers, that made me blurt out I was looking for something for her. This story is about when and how "we" met. A great deal has changed since we've met.. "We" have been much more adventuresome. If you've read my other articles you know that I am not reserved and secretive any more. That was then...
If you hear an inner voice; listen to it. I hope that you do "get out and about a little more" showing the world around you that you are "your own kind of beautiful."
Thank you for reading my article. I hope that you found something that you can relate to. And that you will join me on my next adventure as I continue my exploration of this phenomenon called cross dressing.
June
June:
What an interesting an incredible story. And what an interesting and incredible question.
I can totally understand you're considering yourself as your own twin. I think that is quite healthy and positive in nature. It is like you have found a way where you can accept and embrace both sides of your full and true self. I commend you for that. There may come a day when you find that you have outgrown the need for this distinction within yourself. Then again maybe you won't. Either way is perfectly fine if at the end of the day you are able to be perfectly comfortable in your own skin no matter which twin you are shopping for.
As to the answer to your question. I have to say that I have really thought of it in the way that you have presented it here. I can't say that I consider that I hear a voice. But having said that, I do find that I experience what I only know how to refer to as longing and desires. The more and more that I give myself the permission and the space to express that innate, distinct essence of femininity that is inside of my very being, the more that I find myself wanting, longing, and maybe,even needing to express that side of myself. The more that I find myself wanting, longing, and maybe, even needing to take steps into transitioning. Now, to be completely honest with you, I have mixed feelings of just how far I want that transition to take me. But I do know that I want to jump into the rabbit hole.
I do know that I want to experience life as a woman. I don't know, of yet, if I want it to be a full blown transition, or if I just want it to be an occasional vacation. I do know that I want to jump into that rabbit hole and see just how far it will take me.
More to the point of specifically answering your question, I would say that there is something inside of me that is telling me that now is the time for me to take that lea into the rabbit hole. That something doesn't come in the form of the voice that you have described. For me it is more a deep inner sense or feeling. It is also a strong desire that just somehow feels right.
I do know that before I leave this life, which is hopefully not for a long, long while, I want to know once and for all if I can be happy and content presenting to the world at large my feminine side. If that leads me to a deep level of transitioning, fine. If it leads my to discovering that being a closeted crossdresser is all that I want or need, fine. But at the end of the day I want to explore and to discover.
I hope that I have answered your question.
Respectfully,
Jessica Ann
Fab, my experience has always been good. We are interesting because we aren’t ‘moaning mini’s’ when shopping, so we brighten up what is usually a boring day for an assistant. We are different! Choosing where you go is just good sense.
Interesting questions June. I hear Tonya in my head all the time. Just the other day, while at a doctor's appointment in male mode, I noticed the receptionist nails and Tonya immediately told me that the receptionist had very nice nails.
