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Recently I read the wonderful article by our own incredible Captain Di “Finding Your Way Home”; Thank you for that Cap
In the article she mentioned that finding a good therapist or counselor is much like finding a great pair of well-fitting shoes. Most of us have tried on several pair of shoes before choosing the pair that fit us just right and this is the same as finding an awesome therapist; we may have to try on a few before we find the one that fits us just right as well.
Although I am Certified for Life Coaching, Hypnotism with inner child designation and past life regression work and a few other pieces of paper, I too have been visiting counselors, therapists and even psychiatrists since the mid 1980’s. No one is beyond using the services of these fine folks regardless of their own documents.
I have interviewed dozens of professionals on this amazing journey and in this short article I hope to share a few of the pointers I have learned along the way that have helped me find the ones that fit me nicely.
So how do we find that comfortable fit?
One thing at the top of my “remember list” when seeking support, is that they work with, and for us; we are not obligated in any way to settle for the first person we see simply because they hold a degree.
These folks are not gods, wizards or magicians who can wave a magic wand and fix us either, but rather, facilitators who support us in the process of figuring things out for ourselves. Just because they hold a document and have letters behind their name on the business card does not mean that they have all the answers for “our” journey.
I have learned that most of the answers we seek, other than perhaps medical inquiries, are right here inside of us, right now, and those answers are just buried under years of negative feedback, judgments and garbage information that has been piled up on top of our truth over a life time; Dis-Covering those answers is our job, with the support of a professional counselor or therapist.
I have also come to realize that we do not need “fixing” we are not broken! One day my eyes filled with tears as my amazing wife quietly said to me, “Baby, please don’t ever think of yourself as broken okay, you are not.” And she is right! While some have labeled us not “normal” we are in fact, like the wolf, “natural”.
While I know, as we all do, that CDH/TGH are not places to seek the support of a therapist, because we are not therapists and counselors here, I am very grateful for each of you here who offer what this space has been created for; friendship and kindness in a wonderfully caring natural environment. Here, I am reminded simply by logging in, that I Am Natural. Thank you all for the shoulder and the ear when I have needed that, while seeking a therapist’s support.
A few questions I have asked therapists when seeking to hire their support are things like;
Have you worked with many clients dealing with gender related questions, such as transgender people before? And if so, how many for how long? I like to know that who I am hiring has at least some experience on how to support me on my Dis-covery adventure. It is okay to ask questions.
In the interests of good self care, I will not take myself to seek the support of a therapist who may be well versed in dealing with weight loss issues, but clueless about my gender journey.
Trust your own instinct, your intuition. If it simply does not “feel good” in their office, maybe finish that one session, don’t go back and keep shopping for a good fit.
Ask folks here if they have found a great therapist if you’re in similar areas; share links and names and contact info of therapists with one another here at CDH/TGH to help one another in the search, but do not pressure one another here to “be” the therapist we seek.
When speaking with a therapist, use a few inside terms that unless they are familiar with who we are, they would not know. Gender fluid is one I have used often; when they have no clue what that is, I know they have not done much homework on gender related issues.
Check out their web sites; I have seen several sites while searching the “transgender support” tag but found nothing further on the site related to the topic in the sub-headings where their specialties are listed. Shopping for a good therapist that fits may take some time so be patient and remember we are on a journey of self discovery.
Here are a couple of links I have found along my own journey; if you know of more possibilities that may be helpful for one another, care and share them here and for now remember, we are Natural but we’re not therapists
Until next time,
Namaste’ n huggles
Char
Char-love the article! and I echo what you said about where the answers are. My counselor told me from he beginning that it was not her job to tell me who I m or what to do. Instead her job is to aid me and guide me on a journey of exploration in discovering who I am. I'm still figuring out my ultimate destination but I know two things-I need to enjoy the journey as well as the ending, and I need to be true to I am and not allow someone else to rob me of the joy of being my true authentic self-whomever that may be!
Cyn
Thaaank you you beautiful soul and Cyn, omg look at you shine in that pic Wowsers Babe' Finger sizzle hehehe My how we've evolved hey girlfriend?
You know, one of my favorite bits to listen to on you-tube is Bill Hicks, "It's just a ride"...My destination is simply to experience joy every day now. One day at a time 😉 & Congratulations Darlin, I'm so proud of you ya know that!!
Some one once said to me "Sweetie, it's Your body, decorate it how ever pleases you" Waaaa! that was an epiphany hahaha
There's really only one person we have to deeply please, and we find that person looking at us in the mirror...onward my dear Cyn; I love who you are!
Namaste'
n huggles always
Char
Thank you Char for this article! Over the years, I have seen a few therapists for one reason or another and have realized the importance of figuring out whether they will be helpful or not. My mom once told me that you should treat that first meeting as though as job interview with you being the interviewer. Have questions ready and if it doesn't feel right don't go back. Finding the right therapist willing and knowledgeable to help guide you is key!
Michelle
Thaaank you Michelle; yo mama was right! haha
Some times all it takes is One person who truly "gets it" to help us create enough trust and safety within our-Self to dis-cover who we choose to be, with no shame or guilt stickin to it haha
Oh aaand, never take life too seriously haha, I used to get so twisted up inside with what if's; take a deeeeep breathe and just play with the adventure of self-expression and exploration, really, it's no biggie when we exercise good self-care while we play I have found.
Create a Funtastic day girl 🙂
Namaste'
n huggles
Char
i don't have a therapists hard to find one in my area to talk to and would be hard to bring up the subject about me being a x dresser. seeing the reaction on her or him i would prefer a female where they would under stand more. if i could find one in Niagara falls N.Y area i would give it a try to see if that would help me better
Wow, my old neighborhood, I was born just north of ya in Ontario and visited the falls lots.
Really Lucinda, I have found over the years that the one with the greatest judgments of me IS me...Do some searching online if it's safe for you to do that, and see who/what might be available in your area. Some therapists will even work online through Skype live and email; I do that with clients in my Life Coaching practice and I work with another Hypnotherapist who also does a lot of her client work online.
And, ask in the chats as well Lucinda, I can share my Coach/Therapists info here, she's awesome, I have sent her a permission request and will post here once I get conformation okay.
In the mean time dear soul, one exercise I have found incredibly helpful is Mirror Talk. I "daily" remind me that I Am worthy of love, I Am a wonderful, kind giving person and although a hand full of others on this planet may not be able to see that, (yet)
I Am Enough!
and so are you Lucinda
Create a Wonder filled day my friend
Namaste'
n huggles
Char
thank you for that i will surf the web for one, will try the mirror talk also.i am in Niagara falls N.Y area near the old love canal area. have been here since 1993 i moved in. 4 years from now will be in war saw N.Y. where my parents passed away and left me the 7 acres of land. having a new home built on site, have been taking down the old place for it was falling apart too much to repair. thank again keep in touch Lucinda
Hey Lucinda, I was chatting with my Therapist this morning, we text n chat pretty often now because we live so close and she's an awesome person.
She is a Certified Hypnotherapist and I have to say, I had only two sessions with her and omg, I can feel my confidence growing like a weed, I'm loving being in my skin more every day now and the shift is palpable!
She does a recording "specifically for you" after each session that you can, and I do, listen to each night. I mean she doeas a recording just for you, not a canned recording, its made for you directly.
Her contact information is.
Cynthia Fey Coaching & Hypnosis
www.saskatoonhypnosis.com
Tell her Char (Shar) sent you mmmK she's worked with a lot of peeps like us and I highly recommend her. I'm a certified Hypnotist and use Hypnosis in my coaching practice too but I'm not certified as a HypnoTherapist "yet" hahaha
Okay, I have to run for now, but do connect with Cynthia if it feels good for you okay.
I'll be on here again very soon, until then my friedn
Namaste'
n huggles
Char
i have found one really close to me and i might go with my self and not dressed up for it that close to home but her fee is 200 dollars. she texted me that i could bring my s.o with me but i don't think my wife would under stand and not go considering its about me x dressing
Yeah, as we ask of our SO's, we have to also give them lots of Room to Breathe, and to process this journey we're on "with them", in their own way I have found. I have witnessed my amazing wife for two+ years now ever so slowly coming to acceptance and now even supporting my journey.
In the beginning, being of strong Catholic Faith, she stated clearly, I don't like it and won't stick around if you do it, meaning being publicly visual.
Now she buys me cute shoes, tops and helps me look less ridiculous when I mess up with make up or wardrobe lol
Hi Lucinda
I know of a great person that has moved over to NY from Australia She is amazing her name is Cyndi Darnell and her web page is https://www.cyndidarnell.com have a look she will also know of someone
regards Paula
i did find one and thanks for the info any ways i found one really close to home but i don't think i could go dressed up and bring wife for she would not go considering its about x dressing therapy
nice writings and very true
Thaaank you Michelle, I appreciate you my friend, and you look Awesome!!
Chat sometime mmmK
Namaste'
n huggles
Char
It's interesting my wife and I were just talking about therapists this morning, and how it's good to have some support and help from someone who has experience in this kind of area. I myself only just started seeing a therapist in order to work on some internal stuff (see: finding answers and acceptance), glad to see this article here! I used Psychology today and found someone that feels like a good fit, I'm in NYC so there's a handful of therapists to choose from.
Good article!
Hey Thaank you so much; yeah some times we only need one supportive person to help us release a bunch of our own baggage.
I was texting with my therapist this morning and was granted permission to share her info with peeps here; she's a Certified Hypnotherapist and does lots of work with folks like us And, she does a lot of work online as well.
I'd love to see NYC one day hehe 😉
Create a Funtastic day and see you here again soon my friend; until then...
Namaste'
n huggles
Char
Char
Thank you for writing this article and everybody else for sharing your thoughts, I found them very helpful. I have my first video therapy session scheduled for this Friday. This came at the suggestion of my SO who said “I really think that you would benefit from therapy, but only if you really want therapy”.
The selection of a therapist was primarily based upon insurance coverage. Then it was based upon answering some questions and up pops some faces with their qualifications. All of the providers were relatively young women, so I based my initial selection on experience and academic qualifications.
The question I ask myself is what is therapy and what did I just sign up for? Looks like I have my research assignment prior to Friday and need to download a book on therapy.
Any suggestions?
Rami Love
Hey Rami, I think the best way I can describe therapy is like this:
A conscious and intentional journey of inner space; the skill of Dis-Covering the true-self, by becoming aware of the layers of messages and brules, (bull shit rules) we have been repeatedly programmed to believe through out our whole lives.
Removing the beliefs that don't serve us, to find our true identity, then intentionally choosing the role we "want" to play on this earth stage. You signed up for a journey into inner space and I am sooo proud of you!! It will have challenges and it IS worth it Rami!
By the time we are about 7 to 8 years old, our little minds are completely programmed with a full set of beliefs about ourselves, the world around us and how best to "survive" life according to those beliefs.
Beliefs are interchangeable. That is, if we are raised in a military family, as I was, we learn a full set of military beliefs, if we are born into a family of Construction workers, we learn a different set of beliefs. None are absolute truth but rather simply ideas we "choose" to believe as truth.
We can at any time, Decide, to uncover the ones that don't serve us and simply change them...That's what I have done, am doing and will continue to do, and of course, help others do the same...
So many of the beliefs I was taught are very non supportive of my own wants in life, hence the suicide attempts n drugs etc. I hated being fem because it didn't match with the beliefs I had of being a "good soldiers son"...
Now I find out, many of my relatives, all military, are also under the rainbow,,,hahaha beliefs can change dear, choose the ones that bring a smile to your face and a bounce in your step; One I have changed is this, I choose to believe that the only opinion about what I wear, that matters, is my own, but thanks for sharing hahaha
Make sense Dear Soul?
Namaste' n huggles for you sweetie
Char
First session
The first video therapy session was the patient assessment. One question was “Had I recently experienced an episode of extreme anxiety?” My answer was yes, processing the required paperwork. I was unable to get the electronic signature function to work on my 8 year old windows 7 laptop and threw in the hat when my computer hard drive sounded as though it was about to explode. I ended up printing out the forms, signing the various forms, scanning the forms and attaching them to an email. The real answer was that the thought of psychotherapy was the cause for my extreme anxiety event.
The selection of my first a therapist from the limited offerings was based more upon education and experience and on specialty. The rationale behind this decision was along the lines of “if the only tool in your toolbox is a hammer” analogy. Rather than performing self diagnosis I thought it better to seek general psychotherapy and have a trained professional point me the correct direction.
The day before my first session I thought it might just be a good idea to readup on psychotherapy. Up until this point in time my exposure to therapy was mostly limited to a Psychology 101 course 40 years prior. After a quick Google search I made a blind dive into Irvin Yalom’s “The Gift of Therapy”. I found Yalom’s book to be directed more to the provider than the recipient of therapy but did provide focus for the purpose of mission for which I have enrolled and insight into the mindset of a psychotherapists.
Previously I was prejudiced against psychotherapy by the thought that people who study psychotherapy do so in search for answers to their own deeply disturbing problems. Which questions the sanity of why I would allow a disturbed person into my head. My attitude of distrust was somewhat allayed by a feeling I received after reading Yalom’s book was that the goal of psychotherapy is to help, though I still have the words “beware of the do gooder” and "we are only trying to help" bouncing between my ears.
Does anybody have any recommendations as to readings that would help me get the most out of my therapy sessions?
Rami
Hmmmm I don't know of any books on that subject Rami. I think the best option for me would be to simply be honest with how you feel, what thoughts go through your mind and always Ask, for what you need as well. If it's direction, and how to get the most out of the sessions, the therapist would be the one who would have that answer I think.
When clients come to me I always ask lots of questions but the first one is, "what do you hope to gain from being here?" and the second is, "if you could wave a magic wand that would make one thing in your life perfect, what would you wish for?"
As a life coach this gives me a lot of insights fast, so that even if my client isn't 100% sure, I have a direction to begin moving in. It's good to know what triggers the anxiety.
I suffered with depression a lot and found really tuning in to my own thoughts was key, I noticed above the statements,
- people who study psychotherapy do so in search for answers to their own deeply disturbing problems.
- beware of the do gooder and we're only trying to help, I've heard a lot in my own mind too hahaha but those beliefs don't serve us to our success I found; what I did, was to trust and dive in, and remain very aware of how I was being spoken with. If I felt uncomfortable, I said so out loud,,The therapist works for us and the best way to get the most out of therapy in my own experience is to start by figuring out the one thing I most wanted resolve on, for me it was to decide, either find out a way to help me stop dressing or help me find a way to feel good about it in my heart...
I hope this helps dear.
Namaste'
n huggles
Char
Char , as always you write great articles , but , i find the need of a Therapist a moot point . As i have said a few times here , i've already gone through my therapy years long ago . When just a toddler i wore my mom's panties , didn't know why , i just liked it . For years i kept a journal , two years to be exact , every day i would write my feelings down , some days just a few words only , just to talk to myself about my feelings , i don't have a degree but talking to myself about these feelings made me see i'am ok , i'am not strange , not a sexual pervert , just someone in the wrong body as it is said . To have someone charge me so much an hour to agree with me or tell me i've much work to do is not what i need . I'am over 70 yrs old and i know how i feel and i've got over the bad feelings , i have become at ease with myself , the journal really made the difference . I know some people have some real baggage and some need someone else helping them not to hurt themselves or anyone else and i am all for this happening , its needed . Being Trans or a cross dresser is not a life threatening issue , we are just people who are of a feminine nature not criminals , we are i believe just as much a woman as any cis , gender person out here . I were a dress and i love it and i am glad i made this choice and i think a lot of us feel the same . I think some locals require a person to speak to a therapist to start hormones , i don't , i think a talk to your MD is more helpful , after all , its this person who will monitor your taking this . All i am saying is sit down and think about this , is this person really the answer to a non existent problem , after all were just being our selves aren't we ? Therapy no Therapy , Trans not Trans , its your choice , the best Therapist is inside you , you can help your self . Love to all , Leslie
So true Leslies, after the length of time I have been on this journey 60 years give or take haha I have come to the understanding that thoughts create things.
All the questioning, self limiting or destructive beliefs etc are self created.
Freedom happened for me when I learned the life skill of not caring what others think of me an simply, though not so easily at first, embracing what makes my heart sing and my spirit fly; for me, that is how I am seen today, everywhere I go and I am truly loving being free. No more therapy, councilors, etc I am jut free to be me now and that's so awesome.
It sounds like you've had your adventuresome journey to peace too Leslies, what a ride hey?
Create a magical day dear, chat again soon 🙂
Namaste'
n huggles
Char
I would like to add one more bit here as well.
The idea that we need to see "someone" whether a therapist, councilor etc, is based, at least for me, in the notion that something is wrong with me.
As I mentioned above, I spent years, I mean decades trying to find out what was wrong with me.
I had one belief to change in my mind; the one that said something must be wrong with me! There is nothing wrong with me, or any of us here so far as our desire to dress as we choose.
I love presenting as I do regardless of what label it gets from others. I dress my body so it makes "me" smile...I feel more free now than ever simply doing what makes my heart sing 🙂
Relax, Embrace and choose people to surround yourself with who do the same for themselves and for others...
The people that mind, don't matter, the people that matter, don't mind 🙂
Namaste'
n huggles dears
Char
I think the value of a counselor is to help those of us (like me) who needed help to do what you achieved on your own-accepting yourself as worthy of honor and respect and not being ashamed or guilty for just being who you are. In other words it’s not that we ourselves are somehow wrong but some of us need the help to Get to that point while others can get there on their own.
Cyn
Totally agreed Cyn, and dear, i sure didn't get here alone omg lol each tiny bit of self acceptance came from risking with people I felt "pretty safe" with and being accepted. Confidence and courage grew a smidgen each time and with it cam the inner safety to risk a bit bigger, but also in relative safety.
I pushed myself to feel the fear and do it anyway as they say, but I don't walk on thin ice so each tiny step had significant safety and trust in myself that even if it went badly, I would be okay.
Every day, I challenge myself to take one more tiny step further outside my comfort zone.
Today, I wore right burgundy leggings, 2" heel leather boots, a pink 2/4 sleeve top with a butterfly on it haha, longer than usual silver earrings, hair done, make up and honey, the first three steps into the first store was tense, then, I said to myself, see? you're still safe even in leggings here. Small prairie town gas station, and the grocery store.
the fifth step in, i felt my body completely relax and I calmly shopped, smiled at folks and took my sweet time reading labels just to be there a little longer and be seen.
Good ole boys were smiling and chatting me up and I felt my soul expand a little more. . .
With every small risk I challenge myself to take, someone, although they may not be a counselor per se', assists me in expanding.
I could never do this alone hahaha, you have helped me expand dear; what you share of your journey has inspired me and given me the "stuff" to expand even further.
I am so grateful for everyone who has supported my expansion whether they are aware they have or not hahaha What a ride...and one I am now, truly loving 🙂
Namaste'
sweet Cyn, I am grateful for you dear
n huggles of course hehe
Char
