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I have been crossdressing for around 10 years now and I enjoy doing it. I like myself more when I’m dressed as a girl. I just don’t know if I’m trans or want to be trans. One of the things I’ve always wanted to do is grow my hair really long so I can braid it. I just feel like if I do that then I might end up becoming girly all the time no matter what and I don’t know if I want that. If you have some advice please help me.
I don’t see anything “wrong with you” but I don’t know you well…
my recommendation is to find a “big city” within a decent range of you, and find a therapist/counselor who is friendly to LGBTQ issues to share with.
on this site we don’t have any licensed therapists, we are a peer support site, and as such we are unqualified to diagnose “what’s wrong”, but we are good at commiserating.
Hi Alexis! I read where you say you enjoy yourself, and are happy with yourself when dressed.
No, I am certainly no therapist, but why must being happy with yourself be “wrong”? So many people go through their whole lives not being happy with themselves. Yes, it is definitely something you should investigate and deal with through therapy if necessary, but I think it’s jumping the gun to label yourself as “wrong”!
If you don’t think you are “trans”, then chances are you are not. You don’t “become trans”. It is not like rooting for one team and then just deciding to start rooting for another.
And please beware of anybody here or in your everyday life who will try to tell you “you are this or that”. That’s something you and only you can decide/find out.Hello Alexis and welcome. This is a good place to be to read and learn that you are not alone. It will also reinforce that there is nothing wrong with you. You need to look out for you. If it does not hurt anyone else and it makes you happy, I would go with the happy. So many times we are brought up as providers and we have to follow the mold. Well the molds are changing and so are the roles in society. Enjoy yourself and participate here. You may find some answers to questions you have and a good possibility there will be more question to finds answers to.
Either way be happy.Chrissy
Hi Alexis,
I wouldn’t worry too much for the moment about what long hair would do to you. All sorts of people have long hair these days. Hair grows about 1/2 inch a month, so this time next year you’ll have added 6 inches. Plenty of time to work things through in your head. Why not see how you like it, and cut it off anytime if you don’t?
Marti xxx
I’m not sure US society is ready for crossdressers to come out and be mainstream. Gays are accepted now but beliefs change slowly.
I say grow your hair out and enjoy your feminine side. It’s up to you if you want to make it public. Best Regards.Hi Alexis,
I have had a ponytail for most of my life, going way back before recognizing that I had predilections to being CD.
I don’t know your specific life situation or constraints, but guys with long hair (in my experience) don’t even get looked at twice. Just my 2 cents.
Hope you find your comfort zone.
Cheers, Christine.Alexis welcome, happy you have join our site. This is a place of knowledge and understanding. To explore, to learn all about who you are. Many beautiful ladies here all willing to offer advice and encouragement to help make your journey fulfilling. Looking for friends many here to meet and always willing to share stories and experiences. It a wonderful place to start your search to heaven. I’m fortunate that I can grow my hair. It’s nearly 16 inches and totally embrace it… does make my femininity…Very nice to meet you and if ever needing anything just ask we all to help.
Stephanie 🌹
Hi Alexis
I MHO there is nothing wrong with you. Like a lot of the girls here already have said, if it’s not hurting anyone do what makes you happy.
About 25 years ago I wore my hair long. I kept it in a braid because I worked with power tools that it could have gotten caught in otherwise. I loved having what my wife referred to as my rock star hair. Sadly it got too thin to look decent anymore.
I think if you are blessed with good hair, and you feel like growing it long you should go for it! If you like it half as much as I did you will never cut it!
💕Lara
The discovery of whether or not you’re trans will come with time. Either you’re trans or you’re not. You can’t “make” yourself trans, especially through externals like hairstyle, makeup, clothing, etc. Take an honest look inside, and you’ll eventually find out. Keep listening to the girls here, too!
Kisses,
FredrikaI’d like my voice to the chorus of those telling you there is nothing wrong with you. If there is something wrong, there are a lot of us, so logically it can’t be anything other than natural. We are all on a sliding gender scale.
Far more important is what makes you happy and it sounds like the internal conflict you are suffering means you can’t work that out. We all go through periods of shame, embarrassment at what we feel, guilt even disgust in some cases. From my experience it doesn’t settle until you ‘come out’ to yourself and accept you are a crossdresser, or maybe even want to live as a female. Even then I sometimes think and feel ridiculous, but then doesn’t everyone at some point in their lives. Perhaps a therapist will be able to help you come to terms with these feelings.
Don’t spend 20 years trying to hide and deny it like I did.
First of all welcome. Second.Do you feel that you were meant to be a girl when you were born.A lot of us are just that.I started with crossdressing at age 12 then now wish I could transition fully to female.But because of my age and having a mitral valve repair done on my heart ,hormones are definitely out of the question.So now all I can do is to continue crossdressing.
I’ve always felt like a girl and I’ve always liked things considered to be girly. Such as fashion, flowers, and bows. I would much rather be female than male but I’m worried what people will say. I know it doesn’t matter what other people think but if my family doesn’t accept it I wouldn’t know what to do.
I have only been dressing for 15 months (for more than 5 minutes at a time) so maybe I’m not ‘qualified’ to answer this question, but these are my thoughts anyway. Cross dressing is a journey and it is you who decides the final destination, whether that be trans or enjoying a quickie dress for some gratification or somewhere in the middle.
When I first started dressing, I put on a bra and panties and a skirt and walked about the house for about an hour and then got changed back intro drab. It felt good, but naughty and I was wondering if it was ‘wrong’ to be having these feelings. After a couple of weeks of doing almost the same, but for slightly longer each time, I joined CDH to be part of an accepting community and somewhere I could ask for help in understanding these new, yet slightly strange feelings I was having.
My home life is such that I am very closeted, and I don’t see a way of changing that anytime soon. SO is a certain way and revealing my dressing to her could go in any of several ways and I don’t like not being able to control that and hence I’m unlikely to put myself in that position.
Now, I’m not saying never to full transition, but I am saying not at this point in my life and that’s totally OK. I’ve reached my destination for now which, for me, is underdressing most days and dressing several times a week at home when time permits. I’m happy with that. I don’t drive so going out in my local area could be somewhat challenging but maybe some day.
The point to all my ramblings is that if you be more girly as time goes on, then that’s fine. You’ll also find some days, the urge is stronger than others. Have you considered a wig rather than growing your own hair out as this might give you more flexibility in your look?
As I said, you (and lots of the girls on here) are far far more experienced than I am here, but I wanted to give you my thoughts on the off chance something was helpful *giggles*
Love Rachel
As a genetic female, your wife and SO needs to know about this, as hard as it may be. This secret does no good to hold in, as your partner deserves to know the truth and make decisions accordingly. Unfortunately it sucks for the SO to find this out, but its not fair to her, even though ignorance is bliss, but sooner than later is the right thing to do. You may not like where it leads, but honesty is important.
Beware the fallacy of the slippery slope. One choice, such as growing out your hair, will not preordain you to one future or another.
What I would suggest is that you seek counseling to help explore why you find yourself feeling happier when you are dressed as a woman. It could be a basic dopamine rush that accompanies doing pleasurable things. People get that from exercise, sex, gambling and methamphetamine. But the first two are generally socially acceptable and healthy activities, the latter can be destructive.
A transgender person may be conflicted about having to live as a male while feeling, to some degree more or less feminine. And maybe dressing might help diminish the discomfort, but its a different experience from the dopamine rush.
Do see a counselor and see if you can sort this all out.
I was totally conflicted when i dressed as a man but since i started presenting 24/7 as a female all my conflicts have ended, ive totally forgotten that i used to be a mixed up man that didnt know whether one was coning or going. Im more confident, definitely more glamorous and certainly more stylish. Was complimented on my looks today and told keep at it as one is growing further into the female world, really glad as wasnt a good man and was so confused. Not so thesedays as so much happier since i dumped the boxer shorts for lacey knickers x
Alexis,
I guess I don’t think there is anything wrong with you if you follow your heart. I suppressed my cross dressing desires for 36 long years when I was a husband, father, and full time employee in a male dominated industry. Now I’m retired, my child is grown up and gone, and my wife is leaving me. There is nothing left to keep my from expressing my feminine side. I know I will never pass as a woman, but I sure would like to try. You should express yourself in anyway you desire. After all life is short and if you can’t please anyone else, you should please yourself.
hugs,
kerri
I think its all about being you huni,good thing about how we live you can do or go as far as you like. Just be comfortable is what you should be aiming for. Being girly is not a negative as myself im the most girly girl 80% of the time but i still have times where i definitely a little macho but happily those traits are starting to disappear as im blending into the female world, which is a good thing. So be happy be confident and most of all be you huni x
Alexis, welcome to CDH. The only thing ‘wrong’ with you is you don’t know where you are and where you want to go. You say crossdressing makes you happy and there is nothing wrong with that. As others have already said counseling will help a lot. For me the thought of going all the way, transitioning, is not what I want. BUT each step I make in my CD journey is not enough. At this time I am close to wanting to ‘socially’ transition.
for you if you do things that you feel are to far, stop, go back a step. If dressing makes you happy go for it. If you think you want to spend several days as a woman go for it and if you decide that is not what you want, stop, go back to where you are comfortable. DON’T FEEL FORCED TO DO ANY THING OUT OF YOUR COMFORT ZONE. Where ever you end up on the ‘trans spectrum’ is right for you.All my best to you Cassie
Hi, Alexis!
I guess the first thing is that if you
- need
to transition you
- will
know it. I can’t think of an instance out of 50-100 cases where transitioning was not seen by the relevant individual as an absolute necessity for an acceptable quality of life. When you consider the pain, hardships, expense, time, effort and poor treatment by bigoted people that one has to endure to fully transition to become as physiologically and legally female as possible, then you realize that the need to transition necessarily outweighs all of that trauma and suffering.
The second thing is to realize that being male and being feminine are not contradictory. While being male might create a tendency towards masculinity (testosterone, you know) it is not an absolute. I have seen and read too many feminine males to believe that femininity is barred by one’s sex. The way I think of it is;
Sex and gender are not the same.
Sex is what you are.
Gender is what you do.One of these is physiological. Gender arises from one’s personality and personality is a variable. Therefore one can be gender variant regardless of their sex. Personally I feel that traits ‘assigned’ as ‘male’ are not necessarily restricted to either sex, for example. Women were not allowed to do many things that they often do now, and more proficiently, because they were ‘too weak’ or ‘mentally incompetent’ or some other ‘manly’ excuse. If you set aside those personality traits that are actually neither feminine nor masculine (i.e., courage, honesty, nurturing, etc.) then not much is left and they are largely reduced to appearance including dress, mannerisms, intonation, gait, posture, etc. These are all modifiable as any competent actor knows.
Keep in mind, though, that being feminine often creates a different mind-set, self-image and behavioural patterns. This distinction is often initially subtle as we males have often been ‘trained’ to be wholly masculine. Initially our desire to be feminine grows out of our masculine attitude towards femininity but in many cases, the feminine persona becomes more sophisticated, subtle and even preferred. It is something inside you being permitted to flourish in the light after a long darkness. Therefore it is exhilarating and just a bit scary.
So enjoy your journey. Be mindful of the changes. Ask questions but make up your own mind. (After all, opinions here do tend to take a fairly particular stance.) As for growing your hair, I thought that issue was settled over 50-years ago. Short hair is actually recent to cut down on vermin in the armed forces. Even Alexander the Great had his soldiers cut their beards short so the enemy could not grab it. Hair grows. Grow it as long as you like. If anyone objects just stay away from the crazy person. If you don’t have fleas and are not in the military (or both), why should it be an issue?
Araminta.
Welcome dear,
I’ve been in your place for more than 20 years. I was questioning my sexuality, I was depressed at times, I even grew my hair long as you said.
I finally came at a conclusion some years ago that a male and female personality co-exist inside my body. I don’t want to transition any further but i want to enjoy both of these lives.
Of course everyone is different. My advise is listen to everyones stories in here and you are going to find help by relating with them.
Iris 💋I go out with my long hair styled more girly now while I’m in boy mode. I used to actually think the same things as you’ve presented, but as I’ve gotten more comfortable with “me” in either mode, I’ve seen that I’m not treated any differently by anyone I interact with. I have actually found, my whole world has been so much better, because I no longer project personal insecurities to others.
I go out now owning my love for my long hair, in full boy mode. I talk so much more with cute women around me about hair (great conversation starter with the hotties).
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Great advice as usual from all the girls here so I’m not going to repeat their points.
Just wanted to say I’ve grown my hair out over the past two and a half years and its now well below my shoulders and I love it. It helps me feel girly all day long and if I had known this I would have grown it out many years ago.
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