- April 21, 2022 at 3:52 pm #640325Alexis JohnsonParticipantRegistered On: April 21, 2022Topics: 1Replies: 2Has thanked: 16 timesBeen thanked: 46 times
I have been crossdressing for around 10 years now and I enjoy doing it. I like myself more when I’m dressed as a girl. I just don’t know if I’m trans or want to be trans. One of the things I’ve always wanted to do is grow my hair really long so I can braid it. I just feel like if I do that then I might end up becoming girly all the time no matter what and I don’t know if I want that. If you have some advice please help me.
Total of 38 users thanked author for this post. Here are last 20 listed.
- April 24, 2022 at 5:30 pm #641001Michelle McQueenLadyRegistered On: June 14, 2021Topics: 24Replies: 1230Has thanked: 7552 timesBeen thanked: 6111 times
Great advice as usual from all the girls here so I’m not going to repeat their points.
Just wanted to say I’ve grown my hair out over the past two and a half years and its now well below my shoulders and I love it. It helps me feel girly all day long and if I had known this I would have grown it out many years ago.
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- April 23, 2022 at 1:19 pm #640797Carmen CruzLadyRegistered On: September 12, 2021Topics: 27Replies: 286Has thanked: 433 timesBeen thanked: 1717 times
I go out with my long hair styled more girly now while I’m in boy mode. I used to actually think the same things as you’ve presented, but as I’ve gotten more comfortable with “me” in either mode, I’ve seen that I’m not treated any differently by anyone I interact with. I have actually found, my whole world has been so much better, because I no longer project personal insecurities to others.
I go out now owning my love for my long hair, in full boy mode. I talk so much more with cute women around me about hair (great conversation starter with the hotties).
- April 23, 2022 at 12:51 pm #640796
- April 23, 2022 at 4:42 am #640704Clarissa CrossLadyRegistered On: July 17, 2021Topics: 3Replies: 80Has thanked: 649 timesBeen thanked: 318 times
- April 23, 2022 at 3:02 am #640693Iris ShineLadyRegistered On: March 8, 2022Topics: 3Replies: 48Has thanked: 93 timesBeen thanked: 207 times
I’ve been in your place for more than 20 years. I was questioning my sexuality, I was depressed at times, I even grew my hair long as you said.
I finally came at a conclusion some years ago that a male and female personality co-exist inside my body. I don’t want to transition any further but i want to enjoy both of these lives.
Of course everyone is different. My advise is listen to everyones stories in here and you are going to find help by relating with them.
- April 22, 2022 at 2:40 pm #640524Araminta PurdyDuchessRegistered On: January 23, 2020Topics: 9Replies: 437Has thanked: 871 timesBeen thanked: 1674 times
I guess the first thing is that if you
to transition you
know it. I can’t think of an instance out of 50-100 cases where transitioning was not seen by the relevant individual as an absolute necessity for an acceptable quality of life. When you consider the pain, hardships, expense, time, effort and poor treatment by bigoted people that one has to endure to fully transition to become as physiologically and legally female as possible, then you realize that the need to transition necessarily outweighs all of that trauma and suffering.
The second thing is to realize that being male and being feminine are not contradictory. While being male might create a tendency towards masculinity (testosterone, you know) it is not an absolute. I have seen and read too many feminine males to believe that femininity is barred by one’s sex. The way I think of it is;
Sex and gender are not the same.
Sex is what you are.
Gender is what you do.
One of these is physiological. Gender arises from one’s personality and personality is a variable. Therefore one can be gender variant regardless of their sex. Personally I feel that traits ‘assigned’ as ‘male’ are not necessarily restricted to either sex, for example. Women were not allowed to do many things that they often do now, and more proficiently, because they were ‘too weak’ or ‘mentally incompetent’ or some other ‘manly’ excuse. If you set aside those personality traits that are actually neither feminine nor masculine (i.e., courage, honesty, nurturing, etc.) then not much is left and they are largely reduced to appearance including dress, mannerisms, intonation, gait, posture, etc. These are all modifiable as any competent actor knows.
Keep in mind, though, that being feminine often creates a different mind-set, self-image and behavioural patterns. This distinction is often initially subtle as we males have often been ‘trained’ to be wholly masculine. Initially our desire to be feminine grows out of our masculine attitude towards femininity but in many cases, the feminine persona becomes more sophisticated, subtle and even preferred. It is something inside you being permitted to flourish in the light after a long darkness. Therefore it is exhilarating and just a bit scary.
So enjoy your journey. Be mindful of the changes. Ask questions but make up your own mind. (After all, opinions here do tend to take a fairly particular stance.) As for growing your hair, I thought that issue was settled over 50-years ago. Short hair is actually recent to cut down on vermin in the armed forces. Even Alexander the Great had his soldiers cut their beards short so the enemy could not grab it. Hair grows. Grow it as long as you like. If anyone objects just stay away from the crazy person. If you don’t have fleas and are not in the military (or both), why should it be an issue?
- April 22, 2022 at 2:31 pm #640522Cassie JaysonDuchessRegistered On: September 29, 2019Topics: 49Replies: 853Has thanked: 2044 timesBeen thanked: 4087 times
Alexis, welcome to CDH. The only thing ‘wrong’ with you is you don’t know where you are and where you want to go. You say crossdressing makes you happy and there is nothing wrong with that. As others have already said counseling will help a lot. For me the thought of going all the way, transitioning, is not what I want. BUT each step I make in my CD journey is not enough. At this time I am close to wanting to ‘socially’ transition.
for you if you do things that you feel are to far, stop, go back a step. If dressing makes you happy go for it. If you think you want to spend several days as a woman go for it and if you decide that is not what you want, stop, go back to where you are comfortable. DON’T FEEL FORCED TO DO ANY THING OUT OF YOUR COMFORT ZONE. Where ever you end up on the ‘trans spectrum’ is right for you.
All my best to you Cassie
- April 22, 2022 at 11:52 am #640480Liara WolfeDuchessRegistered On: August 14, 2021Topics: 3Replies: 1484Has thanked: 2846 timesBeen thanked: 5103 times
Alexis, it has been mentioned here before that maybe it’s not just CD or not just Trans but a spectrum of choices. I think I fall some where in the middle. Just try to enjoy and accept who you are.
I have tried to braid my hair (wig) too. It is not as easy as the videos make it look, LOL.
- April 22, 2022 at 11:20 am #640474KrissyLadyRegistered On: June 4, 2021Topics: 0Replies: 371Has thanked: 663 timesBeen thanked: 1355 times
I think its all about being you huni,good thing about how we live you can do or go as far as you like. Just be comfortable is what you should be aiming for. Being girly is not a negative as myself im the most girly girl 80% of the time but i still have times where i definitely a little macho but happily those traits are starting to disappear as im blending into the female world, which is a good thing. So be happy be confident and most of all be you huni x
- April 22, 2022 at 10:58 am #640471Kerri SmithLadyRegistered On: April 22, 2022Topics: 2Replies: 20Has thanked: 41 timesBeen thanked: 68 times
I guess I don’t think there is anything wrong with you if you follow your heart. I suppressed my cross dressing desires for 36 long years when I was a husband, father, and full time employee in a male dominated industry. Now I’m retired, my child is grown up and gone, and my wife is leaving me. There is nothing left to keep my from expressing my feminine side. I know I will never pass as a woman, but I sure would like to try. You should express yourself in anyway you desire. After all life is short and if you can’t please anyone else, you should please yourself.
- April 22, 2022 at 10:34 am #640466KrissyLadyRegistered On: June 4, 2021Topics: 0Replies: 371Has thanked: 663 timesBeen thanked: 1355 times
I was totally conflicted when i dressed as a man but since i started presenting 24/7 as a female all my conflicts have ended, ive totally forgotten that i used to be a mixed up man that didnt know whether one was coning or going. Im more confident, definitely more glamorous and certainly more stylish. Was complimented on my looks today and told keep at it as one is growing further into the female world, really glad as wasnt a good man and was so confused. Not so thesedays as so much happier since i dumped the boxer shorts for lacey knickers x
- April 22, 2022 at 10:05 am #640462Kim DahlenbergenLadyRegistered On: November 18, 2019Topics: 1Replies: 98Has thanked: 55 timesBeen thanked: 300 times
Beware the fallacy of the slippery slope. One choice, such as growing out your hair, will not preordain you to one future or another.
What I would suggest is that you seek counseling to help explore why you find yourself feeling happier when you are dressed as a woman. It could be a basic dopamine rush that accompanies doing pleasurable things. People get that from exercise, sex, gambling and methamphetamine. But the first two are generally socially acceptable and healthy activities, the latter can be destructive.
A transgender person may be conflicted about having to live as a male while feeling, to some degree more or less feminine. And maybe dressing might help diminish the discomfort, but its a different experience from the dopamine rush.
Do see a counselor and see if you can sort this all out.
- April 22, 2022 at 10:42 am #640469
- April 22, 2022 at 8:25 am #640440Michelle SkylarLadyRegistered On: March 18, 2021Topics: 3Replies: 187Has thanked: 585 timesBeen thanked: 681 times
- April 22, 2022 at 5:09 am #640403Rachel HayesLadyRegistered On: January 20, 2021Topics: 17Replies: 152Has thanked: 805 timesBeen thanked: 912 times
I have only been dressing for 15 months (for more than 5 minutes at a time) so maybe I’m not ‘qualified’ to answer this question, but these are my thoughts anyway. Cross dressing is a journey and it is you who decides the final destination, whether that be trans or enjoying a quickie dress for some gratification or somewhere in the middle.
When I first started dressing, I put on a bra and panties and a skirt and walked about the house for about an hour and then got changed back intro drab. It felt good, but naughty and I was wondering if it was ‘wrong’ to be having these feelings. After a couple of weeks of doing almost the same, but for slightly longer each time, I joined CDH to be part of an accepting community and somewhere I could ask for help in understanding these new, yet slightly strange feelings I was having.
My home life is such that I am very closeted, and I don’t see a way of changing that anytime soon. SO is a certain way and revealing my dressing to her could go in any of several ways and I don’t like not being able to control that and hence I’m unlikely to put myself in that position.
Now, I’m not saying never to full transition, but I am saying not at this point in my life and that’s totally OK. I’ve reached my destination for now which, for me, is underdressing most days and dressing several times a week at home when time permits. I’m happy with that. I don’t drive so going out in my local area could be somewhat challenging but maybe some day.
The point to all my ramblings is that if you be more girly as time goes on, then that’s fine. You’ll also find some days, the urge is stronger than others. Have you considered a wig rather than growing your own hair out as this might give you more flexibility in your look?
As I said, you (and lots of the girls on here) are far far more experienced than I am here, but I wanted to give you my thoughts on the off chance something was helpful *giggles*
- April 22, 2022 at 7:34 am #640424Florida GalBaronessRegistered On: March 2, 2022Topics: 0Replies: 16Has thanked: 8 timesBeen thanked: 36 times
As a genetic female, your wife and SO needs to know about this, as hard as it may be. This secret does no good to hold in, as your partner deserves to know the truth and make decisions accordingly. Unfortunately it sucks for the SO to find this out, but its not fair to her, even though ignorance is bliss, but sooner than later is the right thing to do. You may not like where it leads, but honesty is important.
- April 22, 2022 at 4:34 am #640399Frederick HuestisLadyRegistered On: January 22, 2020Topics: 1Replies: 10Has thanked: 5 timesBeen thanked: 35 times
First of all welcome. Second.Do you feel that you were meant to be a girl when you were born.A lot of us are just that.I started with crossdressing at age 12 then now wish I could transition fully to female.But because of my age and having a mitral valve repair done on my heart ,hormones are definitely out of the question.So now all I can do is to continue crossdressing.
- April 22, 2022 at 8:09 am #640439Alexis JohnsonLadyRegistered On: April 21, 2022Topics: 1Replies: 2Has thanked: 16 timesBeen thanked: 46 times
I’ve always felt like a girl and I’ve always liked things considered to be girly. Such as fashion, flowers, and bows. I would much rather be female than male but I’m worried what people will say. I know it doesn’t matter what other people think but if my family doesn’t accept it I wouldn’t know what to do.
- April 22, 2022 at 1:49 am #640392Natasha InaskirtLadyRegistered On: August 6, 2020Topics: 5Replies: 107Has thanked: 164 timesBeen thanked: 531 times
I’d like my voice to the chorus of those telling you there is nothing wrong with you. If there is something wrong, there are a lot of us, so logically it can’t be anything other than natural. We are all on a sliding gender scale.
Far more important is what makes you happy and it sounds like the internal conflict you are suffering means you can’t work that out. We all go through periods of shame, embarrassment at what we feel, guilt even disgust in some cases. From my experience it doesn’t settle until you ‘come out’ to yourself and accept you are a crossdresser, or maybe even want to live as a female. Even then I sometimes think and feel ridiculous, but then doesn’t everyone at some point in their lives. Perhaps a therapist will be able to help you come to terms with these feelings.
Don’t spend 20 years trying to hide and deny it like I did.
- April 22, 2022 at 1:48 am #640391Fredrika JonesDuchessRegistered On: February 24, 2021Topics: 1Replies: 362Has thanked: 448 timesBeen thanked: 1223 times
The discovery of whether or not you’re trans will come with time. Either you’re trans or you’re not. You can’t “make” yourself trans, especially through externals like hairstyle, makeup, clothing, etc. Take an honest look inside, and you’ll eventually find out. Keep listening to the girls here, too!
- April 21, 2022 at 10:57 pm #640375Lara TuckerLadyRegistered On: September 29, 2021Topics: 2Replies: 788Has thanked: 17408 timesBeen thanked: 2837 times
I MHO there is nothing wrong with you. Like a lot of the girls here already have said, if it’s not hurting anyone do what makes you happy.
About 25 years ago I wore my hair long. I kept it in a braid because I worked with power tools that it could have gotten caught in otherwise. I loved having what my wife referred to as my rock star hair. Sadly it got too thin to look decent anymore.
I think if you are blessed with good hair, and you feel like growing it long you should go for it! If you like it half as much as I did you will never cut it!
- April 21, 2022 at 8:32 pm #640370Stephanie FlowersAmbassadorRegistered On: June 26, 2017Topics: 34Replies: 6127Has thanked: 11686 timesBeen thanked: 12429 times
Alexis welcome, happy you have join our site. This is a place of knowledge and understanding. To explore, to learn all about who you are. Many beautiful ladies here all willing to offer advice and encouragement to help make your journey fulfilling. Looking for friends many here to meet and always willing to share stories and experiences. It a wonderful place to start your search to heaven. I’m fortunate that I can grow my hair. It’s nearly 16 inches and totally embrace it… does make my femininity…Very nice to meet you and if ever needing anything just ask we all to help.
- April 21, 2022 at 8:17 pm #640367Christine WatkinsBaronessRegistered On: August 7, 2021Topics: 3Replies: 81Has thanked: 125 timesBeen thanked: 358 times
I have had a ponytail for most of my life, going way back before recognizing that I had predilections to being CD.
I don’t know your specific life situation or constraints, but guys with long hair (in my experience) don’t even get looked at twice. Just my 2 cents.
Hope you find your comfort zone.
- April 21, 2022 at 6:21 pm #640358AnonymousTopics: 0Replies: 0Has thanked: 0 timesBeen thanked: 0 times
I’m not sure US society is ready for crossdressers to come out and be mainstream. Gays are accepted now but beliefs change slowly.
I say grow your hair out and enjoy your feminine side. It’s up to you if you want to make it public. Best Regards.
- April 21, 2022 at 6:05 pm #640355MartiDuchessRegistered On: February 5, 2019Topics: 62Replies: 959Has thanked: 4908 timesBeen thanked: 4544 times
I wouldn’t worry too much for the moment about what long hair would do to you. All sorts of people have long hair these days. Hair grows about 1/2 inch a month, so this time next year you’ll have added 6 inches. Plenty of time to work things through in your head. Why not see how you like it, and cut it off anytime if you don’t?
- April 21, 2022 at 5:56 pm #640353Stephanie BassPrincess - AnnualRegistered On: November 30, 2019Topics: 22Replies: 3458Has thanked: 49699 timesBeen thanked: 12323 times
Hi Alexis girl all of this is in your heart listen to it you will know who you are .. A therapist is a great place to start like these other wonderful ladies have said look there and spill your thoughts to him/or her about whats going on good luck girlfriend ..
- April 21, 2022 at 5:37 pm #640349Alice UnderwireLadyRegistered On: September 16, 2019Topics: 92Replies: 5037Has thanked: 7272 timesBeen thanked: 12799 times
- April 21, 2022 at 5:36 pm #640348Chrissy SimpsonDuchess - AnnualRegistered On: January 14, 2022Topics: 1Replies: 287Has thanked: 1670 timesBeen thanked: 872 times
Hello Alexis and welcome. This is a good place to be to read and learn that you are not alone. It will also reinforce that there is nothing wrong with you. You need to look out for you. If it does not hurt anyone else and it makes you happy, I would go with the happy. So many times we are brought up as providers and we have to follow the mold. Well the molds are changing and so are the roles in society. Enjoy yourself and participate here. You may find some answers to questions you have and a good possibility there will be more question to finds answers to.
Either way be happy.
- April 21, 2022 at 5:21 pm #640343Paula JohnsonLadyRegistered On: April 16, 2022Topics: 1Replies: 5Has thanked: 9 timesBeen thanked: 70 times
Why not just try growing your hair long? Many men do it. A lot of men look good with braided hair and it works for both genders.
Just testing the water doesn’t set a precedent either way , it’s just a test.
- April 21, 2022 at 5:15 pm #640340Celeste StarreLadyRegistered On: June 26, 2018Topics: 49Replies: 1376Has thanked: 381 timesBeen thanked: 5048 times
Well I’ve had long hair for over 50 years and have always enjoyed it and I’m not trans strictly speaking. The one thing about growing your hair is that it costs nothing and even saves you money so what is there to lose? If you decide you don’t like it you can always cut it off.
- April 21, 2022 at 4:33 pm #640333Gabriela RomaniManaging AmbassadorRegistered On: January 11, 2021Topics: 863Replies: 412Has thanked: 356 timesBeen thanked: 1925 times
If you don’t think you are “trans”, then chances are you are not. You don’t “become trans”. It is not like rooting for one team and then just deciding to start rooting for another.
And please beware of anybody here or in your everyday life who will try to tell you “you are this or that”. That’s something you and only you can decide/find out.
- April 21, 2022 at 4:26 pm #640331Stevie SteinerManaging AmbassadorRegistered On: June 11, 2020Topics: 77Replies: 1826Has thanked: 8176 timesBeen thanked: 9388 times
Hi Alexis! I read where you say you enjoy yourself, and are happy with yourself when dressed.
No, I am certainly no therapist, but why must being happy with yourself be “wrong”? So many people go through their whole lives not being happy with themselves. Yes, it is definitely something you should investigate and deal with through therapy if necessary, but I think it’s jumping the gun to label yourself as “wrong”!
- April 21, 2022 at 4:03 pm #640329BillieJayManaging AmbassadorRegistered On: September 21, 2018Topics: 1555Replies: 247Has thanked: 522 timesBeen thanked: 1227 times
I don’t see anything “wrong with you” but I don’t know you well…
my recommendation is to find a “big city” within a decent range of you, and find a therapist/counselor who is friendly to LGBTQ issues to share with.
on this site we don’t have any licensed therapists, we are a peer support site, and as such we are unqualified to diagnose “what’s wrong”, but we are good at commiserating.
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