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There’s no way that I’ll ever look like a woman, yet alone a beautiful woman. That’s medical science fiction, my loss in the genetic lottery; and this has got me thinking of my dressing goals. What do I want from my adventures in CD?
I’ve been at this for six months and I’m now beginning to notice some improvements. Tonight I had a great (if slightly camp) time, dressed all in black and watching the film Burlesque (rubbish story, great outfits). I’m wearing a lovely A-line dress, retro fifties underwear (suspender girdle, bullet bra, and stockings), 3″ heels, blonde wig, but no makeup. And black satin opera gloves. Even if I was ‘out’ there’s no way I could totter to the local shop for snacks, I’d draw attention to myself even if I had the face of the girl next door.
The thing is, I don’t want to dress to ‘fit in’, even if I had the courage to out myself I would still want to dress age-inappropriately. I don’t want to be the girl next door, but maybe her slightly kooky friend. If there’s a spectrum going from CD ‘passing’ to cabaret drag star, then perhaps I’m aiming for something in-between. I think I would be happy with that.
The problem will come when I finally get around to playing with makeup. What on Earth is the middle ground between subtle girl-face and raving drag queen? Liza Minnelli?
Love Amy x
I just saw the movie Everybody’s Talking About Jaime. I also for the first time watched some clips if RuPaul’s Drag Race’s stand up comedy challenge. Both left me amazed how an obvious drag queen, not passing at all, could be so entertaining and have so man any fans who like them.
It made me realize that dressing definitely doesn’t require anywhere close to passing. Dressing requires interest, excitement, desire for a different outcome.
So find your happy place in that spectrum and just dress, dress for yourself!!
I can pass on a good day, but even for me it’s not really about passing. Passing has to do with how other people perceive you. For me it’s more about the emotion of feeling feminine and possessing feminine energy.
Watch RuPaul’s Drag Race. Many of the seasons are on Hulu. They focus more on the entertainers among crossdressers, but even among them there’s a full spectrum of dresser types.
You don’t have to pass. You should feel good about yourself.
Xoxo,
Dani
I don’t think I pass. But good makeup is a game changer. I know I can look good. I have confidence. Confidence and a smile opens doors I never thought possible. Given your preferences, you might find yourself the center of attention on the dance floor!
Puh-leeze, Ms. Emily! Most people couldn’t clock you. You’re one of the most passable, beautiful girls here. We should all aspire to look as good in our pictures as you.
It reminds me of my wife’s comment when we recently watched “The Crying Game” (Yes, I just saw it for the first time). She claimed that Fergus (aka, Jimmy) should have easily been able to tell Gil was not a woman. Knowing Gil was a male, going into it, one might have been able to tell, but one had to be looking for it.
But one should never assume. It could lead one to “clock” many GGs, which is probably more awkward.
I for one, wish I could be more passable when en femme. I did get a lovely compliment, once, while at a club in Nashville, from an older lesbian, that boosted my confidence and ego, though.
Much love,
Raquel
LOL! Why am I laughing girlfriend? You definitely pass! Are you kidding – your photos look fantastic and this compliment is coming from not only me but my model looking wife who is sitting next to me as I write this reply. Besides, we are friends now so I know you are just kidding me. I’m almost(never 100% for certain) sure I pass so you girlfriend definitely pass!
When I was much younger I always dreamed of dressing like Liza Minelli in the movie Cabaret, I never accomplished that look but I really wished I could.
Right now on danish television there is a four part show about a well known professor at Copenhagen university who just for the last 20 years wear female jewelry and shoes and other female attires most of the time even giving lectures at the university he just say why shouldn’t I. He is doing fine around in the world and also in Copenhagen where he lives and works He’s not passable at all.
Try to google him: Ditlev Tamm. to se some pictures
I relate to this so much it’s not even funny.
I view my life as one of contradictory extremes. When I dress as a male (which is most of the time) I’m all man, all business, get my hands dirty blue collar kind of vibe. Now I’ve lived with the feminine side of it for most of my life but I can probably still count on one hand (maybe two) how many people know about it.
Thing is, it’s never been my goal to pass, per se. Do I want to be feminine and beautiful? Of course! Do I want to dress like most of the cis women and even trans girls I see out there? Honestly, hard pass. But do I want to present myself as a drag queen? Again, I have to say hard pass.
There’s just something about the drag mentality (and please, I mean no offense to the community, believe me I of all people appreciate the hard work and artistry that goes into it, and I certainly have enjoyed quite a few performances) that strikes me as a bit cartoonish and attention-seeking. Camp, as you said it, probably hits the nail on the head.
So where does that leave the rest of us? Well, to a large extent forging our own paths. In many cases, we borrow from the beauty icons of the past and present, and I think you’re doing a good job there. But I guess the best advice that I have to give, trite as it may sound, is “just be yourself”. It’s easy to lean on others, to copy their style. And certainly one can take inspiration from such things. But when you’re fully dressed you should feel like you, that’s the important thing.
But then, there’s probably a reason I’m still in the closet. ;P
Hi Amy Girl the passing part is just in the mirror its how you feel as you look at yourself .. Playing with makeup is so fun and you learn a bit more each time as your still in the closet and a stay at home girl just have fun.. Watch youtube videos and adapt to your style my wife dosent wear much makeup and was not a lot of help i play each time and doing better im a stay at home girl also have been out at the Keystone conference this year in PA. for the week it was so much fun being Stephanie with my wife in hand with bunch of girlfriends here from CDH .. Just have fun girl being your girly self ..
Stephanie Bass
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