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    • #453522
      Rachel Hayes
      Lady
      Registered On: January 20, 2021
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      This is going to sound really weird given that I’m currently a private/closet CDer trying to work on a strategy to open up to my wife, but if I was starting over I’d definitely say who I was from the off.

      Yes OK maybe the number of responses might be lower but at least they’ll be genuine and you won’t have the worry of ‘dropping the bombshell’ on date 2, 3, 4 or …

      Just my 2p.

       

      Love Rachel

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    • #453512
      Polly Stewart
      Lady
      Registered On: January 2, 2021
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      Darling Bianca,

      Throw it out there right at the start! May as well see the response from the interested women straight away!
      Just think… only the women who are interested will reply! Brilliant!

      Don’t wait until later on… either you or they will/may be disappointed and it has been a particular waste of time!
      No… do the thing now, do it well and do it properly!

      Hugs, your pal, Proper Polly xxx

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    • #453401
      Robyn Devine
      Duchess
      Registered On: October 24, 2020
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      Bianca

      I recently did a post myself on this and my experience!

      https://www.crossdresserheaven.com/forums/topic/on-line-dating-and-my-experience-so-far/

      YES!!  Honesty right up front!  It weeds out all of the ones who aren’t serious.  Haven’t had a negative comment yet.  The women on the dating sites aren’t wasting their time.

      The one thing that I think has really helped me…”Friends first, no expectations!”  That seems to help them let their guard down a bit.

      Though who do reach out will usually applaud you for what your doing.

      Most important…don’t get down or depressed.  It takes time, but there are women who will respond and want to meet you.

      If you want to know more, feel free to PM me.

      XO Robyn ❤️🤗

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      • #453507
        Bianca Everdene
        Lady
        Registered On: April 11, 2017
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        Thanks for your encouraging words Robyn. So happy you are having positive experiences. I did see your post❤️thanks. This is actually an old one of mine which has surfaced again.

        I Think that’s part of the problem, Rejection does eat away at me, gets me down as you say. And this femininity in me feels so right and good for my wellbeing. I worry fear of rejection from women would undermine my happiness in myself.

        Have you connected with anybody yet? Found that special girl?

        ❤️Bianca

         

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        • #453643
          Robyn Devine
          Duchess
          Registered On: October 24, 2020
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          Bianca

          I’ve made a good 10 to 12 connections.  Some have disappeared and faded.

          Overall a good 4 to 5 women who I’m sincerely talking with regularly now outside of the site/app.

          No one special…yet.

          Robyn 🤗❤️

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    • #453195
      Caroline OBrien
      Lady
      Registered On: April 18, 2020
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      Honesty is the best policy!!!!

       

      Caroline

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    • #453018
      Rozalyne Richards
      Lady
      Registered On: March 10, 2018
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      Hi Bianca I’ve been hiding my crossdressing life from my wife for nearly 50 years, i don’t think it would be right to tell her so late in the day about it i think she would feel betrayed,

      If i could go back to the beginning i would tell her everything and let her decide if she wanted to get married,

      If our marriage was to end and we got divorced and i was lucky enough to meet another woman i would be upfront and truthful and tell her on the first date that I’m a cross-dresser, i would say to her that this is me I’m a cross-dresser and i love to wear womens clothes that’s who and what i am then let her decide,

      Hugs Rozalyne x

      • #453077
        Bianca Everdene
        Lady
        Registered On: April 11, 2017
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        Thanks Rozalyne. Yes the upfront and honest approach seems to be the best advice. But I totally empathise and sympathise for those who have kept it secret.A very real fear of losing a wonderful woman  if she rejects the way we love to express this wonderful femininity in us. Or a fear they will see us as less of a man if we do it.

        ❤️Bianca

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        • #453408
          Robyn Devine
          Duchess
          Registered On: October 24, 2020
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          All the more reason…I think and feel…to be right up front about it.

          Waiting 6 months to tell a woman and have her possibly leave.  Those 6 months could’ve been spent with someone who loves, supports, and appreciates your feminine side.

          Robyn ❤️

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    • #452985
      Marcie Brown
      Registered On: February 19, 2021
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      Keep in mind that I have been married nearly 40 years, never telling my wife about my cross dressing desires and realizing last year that I am trans. I made huge mistakes not telling my wife about my cross dressing and now makes honesty about my transgenderism nearly impossible. I love my wife which makes me a lesbian. If you are trans and attracted to women, be who you are and try a lesbian dating site and be honest about who you are. It may mean that some narrow minded people will turn and run, but you may find the woman of your dreams!

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      • #453013
        Bianca Everdene
        Lady
        Registered On: April 11, 2017
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        Thanks for your suggestion Marcie, and for your candour.

        ❤️Bianca

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    • #416250
      Kathleen
      Duchess
      Registered On: February 20, 2020
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      Risky stuff. I don’t disagree with your thoughts and questions but be careful. I know for myself I can be a bit emotionally fragile if attacked about my crossdressing… sooo just be cautious. Sometimes people put themselves out on the dating scene as open minded when they are anything but. Please take care.

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      • #416261
        Laura Lovett
        Lady
        Registered On: March 26, 2020
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        Good advice, Kathleen.

        It’s taken me years to build up the deflector shields – but I can give better than I get with most comments – heard them before and they weren’t funny then!

        “Oi, mate, who do you think you’re fooling?”

        “Well I fooled you, didn’t I? I’m a cross dresser and proud of it. Didn’t expect me to say that, did you?”.

        Stunned silence.

        Me: Walks away somewhat smugly.

         

         

        • #453411
          Robyn Devine
          Duchess
          Registered On: October 24, 2020
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          I love that!! 😆

          Having a smidge of a Diva, Queen, or Rockstar attitude never hurts!

          Women love confidence!

          Robyn 😁❤️

           

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    • #409130
      Trisha Smith
      Duchess
      Registered On: August 24, 2020
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      I accidently left my forms laying out and thought my GGF saw them so I decided to come out before she asked. We had been seeing each other for about 8 months.  She initially reacted well to the news and had only a few questions. Took her about 2 weeks to digest it them the real conversations started. All went great and she completely embraces it.  Here is my point.  I asked her point blank

       

      “if I had told you from the onset what would you have done”

       

      Her answer was that she would have moved on and not given us another thought.

       

      My advice is this for what its worth. If you are primarily CD then start with that but if you are male 1st CD 2nd then start male and introduce when it feels right. Give her the chance to know him before she meets her.

       

      Good luck.

      • #409422
        Bianca Everdene
        Lady
        Registered On: April 11, 2017
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        Hi Trisha

        Thanks for sharing your experience, and the thoughts of your girlfriend. So she was accepting of your revelation.

        ❤️B

        • #409474
          Trisha Smith
          Duchess
          Registered On: August 24, 2020
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          Yes. She actually is very involved as well. She said she has a girlfriend she can spend time with while not taking time away from us. She is really wanting to go for mani pedis soon.

          I am very lucky to have found her.

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    • #408918
      Anonymous
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      thought i wrote about this one. guess not.

      dress as a woman and go to a gathering place for straight people. bar, club, party, ect. watch the women come to you. start talking about women things. they like that you know about that stuff. they will feel comfortable with you. just say we should go shopping sometime or out to a restaurant, ect. they would love that. have a good time and they will see how nice your are. after a few times out ask the if they would like to meet your male side. they will probably say yes. if they get along with your male side too, then your good. you will never have to tell them your a crossdresser. they will already know and you didnt even have to hide it from them. women are more understanding when your not hiding anything from them. it works, i did it before. i think she wanted me but i didnt want her. we had nothing in common. i have turned down others because im not ready.

      • #415730
        Laura Lovett
        Lady
        Registered On: March 26, 2020
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        Great answer!

        There are women out there who are not only fascinated by, but love cross dressing men, and it’s true, they will approach you and tell you.

        Be gentle with them – they’re a very precious species 😍😍😍

        Love Laura

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      • #409050
        Bianca Everdene
        Lady
        Registered On: April 11, 2017
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        Thanks for sharing your experiences Rachel. Showing what can happen if we just overcome our fears and go for it. I hope one day to be able to be able to do what you describe.

        ❤️B

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    • #407751
      Jennifer Heels
      Lady
      Registered On: December 11, 2019
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      I was always scared what they would say or who they would tell if i told them, which is why i rarely have ever been on a date with a genetic woman. In some ways this lifestyle is fun and exciting, but at the same time I think that it has destroyed other parts of my life, ie girlfriend, wife, kids, etc.

      Jennifer

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      • #409440
        Caroline OBrien
        Lady
        Registered On: April 18, 2020
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        Jennifer,

        I really appreciate you mentioning there is a downside to crossdressing.

        Besides my wife nobody knows about my fem side. My drab life would be turned upside down if I were ever found out.

        Thanks

        -Caroline

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        • #416244
          Laura Lovett
          Lady
          Registered On: March 26, 2020
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          Let’s think clearly about this downside:

          It’s not the cross dressing that causes it – it is the reaction. The assumptions, the imagination at work, the worst case scenarios, the feelings – why have you been hiding it? What else do you keep secret, and how far are you going to take it?

          All these questions and more can pass through a woman’s mind.

          I don’t know about you, but when I first realised, aged 12, that I truly wanted to cross dress – really, passionately wanted to – I had no-one to talk to about it and I ended up hating myself and tried to commit suicide.

          So I would imagine that the shock would be as great on some women who are unprepared for such an eventuality.

          Nevertheless, it took about a month on this site, 2 years ago, to realise the truth.

          In and of itself, cross dressing is not only not at all harmful, but beneficial – necessary, even, to those who feel they need to do it.

          It is other people’s reactions that destroy relationships and lives.

          I still recall a guy in our village, who was the main reason for me keeping it properly bottled up.

          His wife discovered that he was a CD, chucked him out of the house he was paying for, let him camp on the village green in a tent and ultimately divorced him.

          He list his job, became a drunken tramp, and I haven’t seen him for decades, but the memory lives on.

          I spoke to him in the pub, as I had many times before – he had been an extremely likable, affable person, a good shoulder when you were feeling down – a good guy.

          He hadn’t had an affair or hurt anyone physically, it was just that his wife didn’t like him dressing up.

          That still makes my blood boil.

          In my mind, she destroyed him – over clothing.

          To this day, I cannot see that as a justification – although to my utmost surprise, many women seem to.

          I truly despair at that attitude.

          Especially now that I have found my true identities, male and female, through being as open as possible with my dressing.

          I have improved my life, and the lives of my family no end with the wage hikes, and extra prestige of my job position.

          Through my new found confidence.

          Through cross dressing, out in the world – my world – albeit occasionally.

          Everyone must assess their own situation, and not put others at risk, let’s be realistic, but everyone also has the right to be and discover themselves, even if only for a short while.

          Everyone has the right to better mental health.

          Bottling it up breeds resentment and all kinds of things that are toxic to a relationship.

          In my own experience.

          Love Laura.

           

          • #416375
            Kathleen 60454
            Lady
            Registered On: January 8, 2020
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            Great story Laura, sorry about your friend.

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    • #407549
      Bobbi Sue
      Registered On: September 15, 2020
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      I’m in the camp of hold off a bit.   Just like ailments and exes, it’s not important until there’s a relationship.

      My first criteria to date her?   She needs to look better in a dress than I do.   😝

       

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    • #407536
      Leah
      Baroness
      Registered On: June 13, 2018
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      I do not see a need to tell them right away when dating.  See where things go, if it is getting serious and you think it could somewhere.  Have the CD talk.

      If you tell them up front, you will never get a date.  I told my wife after we dated 4 months. If i would have told her right away, we would have never had date 1.. just saying.

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    • #406232
      Anonymous
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      Hi B❤️

      I would say, if you are going to date, be open from day one. If you tell her and it’s a no-go…surely it’s better to part as relative strangers than to fall head over heels and then go through the agony of losing her. Another scenario is you could fall for each other, and then be too afraid to tell her for fear of losing her….

      my thoughts, love, grace xx

      • #415737
        Laura Lovett
        Lady
        Registered On: March 26, 2020
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        Nail on the head, Gracie!

        Love Laura

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    • #402854
      Caitlin Priest
      Lady
      Registered On: June 3, 2019
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      I am very happily single.

      Would I like to have a partner with which to share my life? Sure, I’d love it! But I don’t NEED it. I’m perfectly content to be on my own. I’m a hell of a catch, and I refuse to make myself miserable just to have a woman in my life.

      My crossdressing is a permanent part of my life. The desire ebbs and flows, but IT WILL NEVER GO AWAY.

      I love me, and I love my alter-ego.

      I will not lie (omissions are lies too) to my future wife nor will I hide who I am. She must love me for ALL of me – NO EXCEPTIONS. In return, she will receive the love of every fiber of my being.

      When it comes to dating, I decided a long time ago that I will be up front with my prospective dates right from the get-g0. So, having said all of this, about fifteen years ago, I was feeling a bit saucy and posted only photos of myself crossdressed to the Yahoo dating site. I received a few nasty comments, but I also got a surprisingly large amount of positive comments. I even ended up dating one woman for a couple of months. She was a delightful woman,  but she was battling too many demons of her own and it didn’t work out.

      I’m still looking, just not actively. I believe my mate is out there, but until the real thing comes along, I’m all the woman I need.

      The best of luck to you ladies,

      I love you all,

      Cait

       

    • #402853
      Mandy Wife
      Baroness
      Registered On: September 12, 2019
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      From everything I’ve seen and read both here and on other sifes, being open and honest from the outset is best – it causes all sorts of problems when you try and hide things in a relationship and it can be extremely difficult and hurtful the further on you let things go before coming out.

      I’d a.so be careful of dating sites if you are not out to friends and family.

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    • #402840
      Anonymous
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      Bianca,
      I think it’s better to let her know before you set a date. Perhaps you can have conversations that will lead up to certain questions. “ Have you ever seen RuPaul Drag race?” Look for opportunities in a conversation to bring things up about cross dressing . Compression stockings seem to be a gateway for some . Or Hey I could walk a mile in her shoes! ( That’s a fundraiser and awareness program) . There are women who love girls like us and there are women who learn to love us girls! Be honest and true to who you are! It sucks hiding all your heels!
      She’s out there,Best of luck to you !

      Sapphire

       

       

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    • #402821
      Rei Durden
      Baroness - Annual
      Registered On: October 11, 2020
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      Great question Bianca!

      My initial thought is to say nothing and to take it to the next level only after forming a connection.

      It’ll be sure to hurt you both should Bianca end up being a deal breaker, but so many people react badly when faced with the unknown and unfamiliar that if you state up front (insert label here) you may bump up against many people’s misconceptions and ignorance on the whole subject.

      Using my own experience As an example here, even though my wife of 25+ years is accepting and supportive (but still struggling with understanding) the other week she told me had she know I had Rei inside me she would have let me go.

      On the other hand, being 100% forthcoming at the start though is definitely a harder road but the potential win at the end should you find “the one”, is well, priceless.

      Best wishes, Rei

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    • #402810
      Bianca Everdene
      Lady
      Registered On: April 11, 2017
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      I’m in the same boat. It does seem a bit unfair to possibly form a connection with someone only to ambush her with my CDing later. Having it out there from the beginning does seem easier than confessing some time down the line and hoping it goes well. Scaring off a lot of women and not getting any matches at all does seem like a real risk though. Another problem: I’ve come across dating profiles of women I know, which means they’re probably seeing my profile as well, and I don’t want to get outed like that. (I know at least some would be OK with it though so I’m still thinking about it…)

      I’ve thought about setting up another profile for Ashley, but that seems super dishonest, it might give the idea that I usually present as Ashley and risks the opposite problem of them wanting Ashley and getting mostly the male me. So even though an Ashley profile seems like it might be fun, it’s pretty much a big huge giant nope when I think about it.

      For now, I’m trying to match with women who identify as queer or bi and things along those lines. If I match with one I think I’ll mention my CDing before meeting in person and see how it goes. Seems like they might be more likely to be OK with it or possibly (hopefully) even like it.

      Thanks for sharing Ashley, never even thought about people I know(none of whom knows Bianca) seeing my profile…eeek. It’s such a minefield.

      ❤️B

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    • #402806
      Kelli Marlowe
      Lady
      Registered On: August 4, 2020
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      I face the same quandary. Never have I disclosed to anyone,ex-wife,kids, past girlfriends.Living in my hometown area of small towns, it would be disastrous to let that info out until I was sure she was the one, absolutely sure.

      call me paranoid, but I def would not put it on a dating site.I don’t think the majority of women are receptive, unfortunately for us.

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    • #402802
      Stevie Steiner
      Ambassador
      Registered On: June 11, 2020
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      Well, my dating years are pretty much behind me now.  Dang, that sounded somewhat sad…. ☹.  How about dating isn’t dead, just not on the radar much anymore.   Have to say that were I asked this question a year ago I would say wait a while before broaching the subject.  Now I am of the mind the sooner the better.  Both for you and her, assuming the dating goes beyond to something more serious.

      Stevie

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    • #402792
      Kelly Terry
      Lady
      Registered On: February 26, 2018
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      Since I have a wonderful wife I haven’t even thought about looking for anyone else but this post made me think a little. I don’t know if it’s good to basically say “I’m a crossdresser” in the posting since I think that makes it look like “I’m looking for a women that like to dress me up – don’t care what else you do”.

      My point is that in a relationship it’s a lot of different things that need to work and cd is just one of them. I don’t know if my wife had become my wife if I had started with “I’m CD” on the first date. I think that may become a big red flag before any of the other things you are are discovered and may distract the discovery.

      Now I do think the CD part should be disclosed at some early stage so your feminine side doesn’t have to hide and accidentally discovered later.

      /kt

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    • #402621
      Ashley
      Lady
      Registered On: May 25, 2019
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      I’m in the same boat. It does seem a bit unfair to possibly form a connection with someone only to ambush her with my CDing later. Having it out there from the beginning does seem easier than confessing some time down the line and hoping it goes well. Scaring off a lot of women and not getting any matches at all does seem like a real risk though. Another problem: I’ve come across dating profiles of women I know, which means they’re probably seeing my profile as well, and I don’t want to get outed like that. (I know at least some would be OK with it though so I’m still thinking about it…)

      I’ve thought about setting up another profile for Ashley, but that seems super dishonest, it might give the idea that I usually present as Ashley and risks the opposite problem of them wanting Ashley and getting mostly the male me. So even though an Ashley profile seems like it might be fun, it’s pretty much a big huge giant nope when I think about it.

      For now, I’m trying to match with women who identify as queer or bi and things along those lines. If I match with one I think I’ll mention my CDing before meeting in person and see how it goes. Seems like they might be more likely to be OK with it or possibly (hopefully) even like it.

      3 users thanked author for this post.
    • #402482
      Robyn Devine
      Duchess
      Registered On: October 24, 2020
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      Bianca

      Me personally, I would say be straight out there with it as a crossdresser.  I choose CD being that will be easier for women to comprehend.

      So why waste your time or theirs? You have nothing to lose and everything to gain if a woman says YES!

      Straight to the point, dont hide anything!

      xo – Robyn

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    • #402480
      Sa•man•tha
      Managing Ambassador
      Registered On: January 21, 2018
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      Nice, Bianca.  Good stuff to think about.  I dont date women or men anymore so…lol.  What I always did before, was to meet a woman however, just organically, and let us get to know each other, and then throw my cards down if she was someone I wanted to keep, but before it got too serious.  Guess maybe it depends on who you’re looking for, but I think a couple keys are to be non-needy and “outcome independent”, relationships are a gamble so just like poker dont gamble on more than you can afford to lose.  Something I’ve always thought might be fun, is to go on a dating app, and just play around til you see what hits.  But then, I haven’t dated in several years so that’s where I’m at 😛.  Good luck hon.  This stuff is kinda interesting to think about.  Hope you get some good replies!

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