I’ve been born in a very strict environment. A culture who rejects people like me. I don’t know what to do. I can’t find a way to run. Everything road seems to be blocked . There is no way out. But wait I’m still me, nothing can change who I am. Yes, nothing.
I lived my life hiding my girly personality, trying to fulfill my dreams, the dream which came out when I was 12 years old. That day when I saw my self as the most beautiful mature Female. I still can remember the day, August 17th 2000 my family were invited to a wedding, everyone was preparing themselves, I got bored and sad. Everyone is going except me and that’s not fair, so I entered my sister room and i saw her in the dress, high heels and full make up, I felt like something was running inside my veins, giving me the most beautiful feelings ever. I knew since I caught my eyes on her that I wanted to be like her, to have her body, her look, and to dress like her. How amazing was that moment? Every time I remember it the same feeling coming over me.
I went out from her room wondering when they were all going to leave the house. I had a couple of ideas in my mind, but still my need is that feeling again. It is about time, I’m home alone, and I was so excited running in the house towards the door of heaven, the place I felt that I’d be happy forever! Suddenly I stopped, and said wait, there is one obstruction. I’m 12 years old and she is 16, her size is bigger than my size. I got confused and depressed, but after a while spent thinking, I took the courage and I opened the door. I took all my manly clothes off and started putting on her clothes, something rushed inside my body once the first items of her clothes touched my body closed my eyes and enjoyed the rush. Then I got the idea to look at the mirror, and I stopped and looked at myself in these clothes and fell in love with my appearance. So I decided to continue to reach the point of being fully dressed. While I was searching for something that could fit me, I found a training bra. I put it on and looked again at the mirror and saw the beautiful side of me, I saw Jenna.
Since that day so long ago I dream and question myself. “When the Day will come for me to be Jenna? When it be when I can be fully dressed in the clubs, bars and at the shopping mall?” It always goes to the same answer: Never.
Living in a very strict Arabic community, it is very hard for the people in my community to accept the fact that there is a girl stuck inside this male body. I don’t mind it as long as I can live my life as Jenna, but unfortunately i can’t. So I decide to take advantage from this body to make my own kingdom, but how without no one noticing? As an Arab i still live with my family. Then i decided to start wearing only female underwear to feel that I am home.
To be continued…