Here goes Meili, self-indulgent, taking time away from Bubba, being selfish. Well why not, Meili has been in the background for how long? Really how long, why can’t Meili have a moment to and swing the pendulum to the opposite direction getting her own attention! Why Not stay binary and go the completely in opposite direction, why Not? Bubba, we are equal so give me some time to enjoy my Meili, my dress, makeup, heels, and anything else feminine I can get my hands on. After all, how long have I been in the closet looking at your drab boring masculine cloths? It’s NOT FAIR, Mr. Bubba. Bubba, I know it’s not all your fault and I am proud of your bravery recently to begin to see the other side of us and present Meili. So off the rant and onto my journey which my Local Crossdresser Support Group (LCSG) is a big part of.
My 1st LCSG meeting in January, totally submerged in a world I did not know existed. January leading me into February Group meeting where I readily showed up as Meili dressed up with without fear. My train was rolling fast, I thought I needed to slow the pace down some. I contemplated missing the March meeting and events to slow down my journey as I felt I needed a break. I later decided to limit March to Saturday activities. On Saturday I went out to the gun shoot with the gals from the group that wanted to go. What a great time! We went to a range where the manliest men could be. My Sisters and I being there of course dressed as we were. Later that evening my wife and I went to Dinner with the lager group from the LCSG. Even though I was exhausted from the gun shoot, I had a wonderful evening with my sisters and the wives that attended with bursts of laughter.
The past 2 meetings (January & February), Barbra asked if I would like to join her for church service on Sunday. She mentioned the church was friendly to the LGBT community. Barbra again invited me to church during our March meeting and to join her for lunch after service to visit. To press forward at Meili pace continuing my journey I accepted her invitation. I did so because I have a background of faith. I wanted to get other views or teachings from the bible that consider LGBT. The following day I attended Sunday service with my wife. I never heard a service teach the acceptance of LGBT, so I thought it would be a good experience to see how those teachings would fit in. While the sermon wasn’t the emphasis of LGBT, it was actually very good and the message of God’s love and acceptance for all of us. God is moral, I feel nothing compelling that would suggest being a crossdresser as immoral. I am realizing more and more the actions I take every day and what’s on the inside of me is what matters regardless of what I ware.
So Meili, why do you keep letting Barbra put you in those moments where you have to standout? I guess Meili can say that about all her big sisters at LCSG. 5 students from an out of state University showed up at church the day my wife and I attended. The students were introduced to the congregation, they give up their breaks for charity (the program is known as “Alternative Breaks”). Barbra was unaware they were going to be there this particular Sunday. Being Barbra, she was so compelled to invite the students to lunch. Well, Barbra asked me if I would be comfortable if she did invite them. Who am I to say “no” but at the same time I was a little apprehensive. What the heck, I was on Meili pace, let’s go to the restaurant. Barbra, my Wife and I took our place at a table waiting for the students to arrive. Barbra stepped out for a moment “wait I thought, don’t leave me here alone in a dress”. A minute later the students showed up, 5 lovely young ladies wondering the restaurant to find Barbra. I caught their attention and had them seated at our table. We introduced ourselves and I also introduced them to my wife. Not to get caught in an awkward moment of silence waiting on Barbra, I noticed all of them had a puzzled look “I had a Wife”? That is when I mentioned to the students that we were crossdressers and this does not define our sexual orientation as straight or gay. I think all of them said surprisingly they did not know that at all or assumed otherwise. As we were all settling down from that moment Barbra approached the table. It was by that time Barbra in her experience was able to explain the meanings of CD, TG and TS which was good timing.
What a nice time with these students. As for my experience, the group was very curious, they asked Barbra and I individually about our children, how did our children reacted when they found out about our CD, did they accept it, our relationships, and religious views. The ladies questioned each other and themselves how they would react to such news from their parents being a CD after meeting us, and the ones that spoke said they would be accepting. The ladies shared examples about themselves with family and friends that are divers. One point in the conversation I simply said there are times I want to feel feminine, wearing feminine clothes and makeup, that I was in the middle identifying with both sides of my personality (feminine / masculine). I notice all of them wearing jeans/pants, some in tee shirts, so I mentioned that society does not force them to wear a dress every day. That spun them off more conversation as they evaluated what they were waring and like to ware. They commented how over time and history how styles actually changed from what both men and women wore before. We were engaged in conversation the whole time and CD was not always the emphasis of our conversations. The young ladies were diverse in their religious and other views in government and around the world. We had expanded discussion on those topics as well. I was able to get feedback from the group on how their views had changed from before and I was encouraged that our younger generation, if we continue to educate will help continue to remove perceptions in society that are not a reality.
I can go on and on, it was an amazing opportunity and experience to meet with Barbra and the students together. I tell myself, “When I get more experience I will do something”. Barbra, thank you so much, you pushed my envelop once again, how would I get experience without being pushed? I am so excited to become part of this Journey. I am felling less binary and being able to self-express and present from a spirit of being of who I am on the inside and visually present as I desire on the outside. For me, to give myself to someone is to love that person regardless of orientation. For me, that is my wife whom I love. Meili is happy with that, and so is Bubba. Going forward in my journey, I will take my advice and go on Meili pace. Meili pace is going on intuition. While I fully intended to miss March weekend, I had a feeling, call it intuition to still participate at some level. I am so happy I went on Meili pace, it opened new doors for me. Here goes Meili, being self-indulgent taking time away from her Bubba –OR- Is Meili teaching her Bubba that 1+1 = 3 (Meili + Bubba= Trinity), three is to be complete.
Meili
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Thanx for sharing your experience. It helps to hear of the trials, tribulations, and successes of others on a similar journey. Having only recently opened up to my wife about MacKenie and let her out of the closet, I am taking my journey step by step. But I look forward to the day when I can freely switch between my masculine and feminine aspects as desired and without fear.
Congratulations Meli!
You seem to be doing a great job integrating or Melli and Bubba sides into a complete person who feels free to express the feminine side whenever desired. Thank you for sharing your story-it may help others who are reluctant to show that side of themselves!
Cyn
As you say, sometimes our journeys can be complex but there is also a beautiful simplicity in feeling free enough to be able to express who we are and what we enjoy. It’s interesting to note the attitudes of the students, women in pseudo-masculine attire of jeans and t-shirts, to males who like to wear feminine-style clothing. It shows how much is taken for granted these days, women having come a long way in the battle to wear just what they want to. I am glad that they were open to discussing the whole thing. Thank you for sharing your… Read more »
Melli
Where is the local support group referenced in your post located? Thanks.
Carla