As Manly moved up in age and rank, he became more hardened, putting on the disguise of a masculine male in essence to protect himself, his Meili, and more importantly, his family. Growing up, Manly had not really understood how to fit in with the predominantly male groups throughout his childhood and professional career. Throughout the years, Manly became overly hardened with outsiders and had just a few male friends throughout this journey. Yet, those friends are true friends in all truth of the word. Though they no longer live near Manly, he can pick up the phone anytime and they would be there. Unfortunately, they do not know Meili yet — something I hope will change for the positive in the future. Regardless of Manly’s flaws, I am proud of him and grateful to find a new beginning with Meili.
It was in the year leading up to my son’s college graduation that I realized that my life was about to change in a profound way. I knew that my time of being a full time father was nearing its end, or was that being a mother knowing there would soon be time for Meili. I am 53 now and though I sparingly crossdressed since the age of 4 or 5 years old up, this was when Meili started to make her presence known to Manly much more often. After much consideration, Manly slowly introduce Meili to Lan, my second wife. With each little step, Meili was becoming more assertive until she didn’t want to go back in the closet unless it was to pick out a dress. At this time, Manly did not know what was really going on inside. The process took its course over a year until Manly found the LCSG. Going forward, however, Manly and Meili were not going to waste any more time discovering who we are.
First as a kid growing into adulthood and then as an adult navigating through career and family, I have been in the spot of not completely fitting in. Today, I have accepted that nothing is wrong and am jumping in with both feet to understand who I am with the love and support of my wife. To begin to know myself, Manly would have to step back to allow Meili to find Armonía, (Armonía is Spanish word for harmony.) What I did not expect was the natural and spiritual nature of the experience for Meili. At this time, I am not ready to share any details; I am still trying to understand depth of the experience. What I do know is that I have been reset as Meili, starting over as a new person, learning new behaviors that match who I truly am inside.
I am Meili and this is the beginning of my journey to find my true self and balance with Manly. Meili is relearning the wonderful person she is. Meili is so fortunate to find a wife like Lan who accepts me for me, and reciprocates that love in all its infinite depth. I can take care of myself with mind, body and spirt as one person. Meili is finding Armonía.