Maybe you’ve just shown someone a part of you, this part of you, and they didn’t react well. Hey, maybe they came back at you, scolding and making fun of you. Maybe things at work aren’t going very smoothly and even though you’re doing your best, it seems it’s just not enough. Maybe your relationship is in turmoil and nothing you do will ever measure up to your partners standard, making you feel as though you’re a failure and a disgrace. Maybe you’re like me and found yourself trying to express yourself, not necessarily as a CD or trans, but just the very core of who you are. You’re still trying to sort your thoughts and opinions out yourself, while not perfect, but someone, a friend and/or family, just seems to be trying to influence you to think their way. You go to do something and someone essentially slaps a figurative ruler over you, points their figurative finger at you and tells you “not good enough” in various ways. It’s the name calling, your performance, your place in life that seems to bother others. So what’s your problem? Better yet… are you even the problem at all?
Nobody’s perfect but at what point do we, as individuals, draw the line at what we will and will not put up with? If you never or barely draw a line, no matter your best intentions and best nature, someone is going to try to sabotage you but make it seem like they’re still benefiting you. Like they’re really the kind of friend you should be with or the role model in your family you should be like or even the person at work who gets the best results. When someone is in that position it’s like they’re Ricky Bobby telling you “You’re first or last.” Somehow it’s like you lack something, maybe everything, but if you hang with certain people or even agree with the most popular opinion, then you can be good enough. Fall short even the slightest and you’re just a waste of existence. You’re not normal. You’re a joke.
So you’re not perfect.. but really who is? What makes these people and these circumstances you’re in dictate that you’re the loser? You’re not a loser. And if you’re putting in the effort, that’s got to be worth something. Maybe you’re not the best with words but you’re trying to find the way to say what you want to say and be able to understand things from another perspective. At what point do we stop beating ourselves up and allowing to be beat on? There are certainly times where we need to set ourselves aside and be corrected. There are definitely a lot of things each of us have yet to learn about many things. There are things that ultimately no human being should ever be. Why be accused as something you’re not? Why allow someone else to belittle you? Even one of the commandments in the Bible states that you should love your neighbor as yourself. Whether or not you believe in God, I’d say that’s not just a religious teaching but just a basic way of life (that teaching transcends many religions). That would imply that obviously you love yourself already. Cause let’s face it, you are pretty amazing. Yes, you! If you love yourself, you can love other people too. But if you’ve been given a reason to hate yourself, you’ll never truly be able to love someone else. If you’ve found a way to do that, chances are you’re loving them but you’re being abused either by them or yourself.
The world is full of people pointing their finger at everything and everyone and everyone’s trying to maintain their position in life, even at the expense of making someone else look abnormal so they can feel better about themselves. The jokes on all of us though cause the way many people tend to point their finger is index finger pointing towards the object with three fingers folded underneath… pointing right back at themselves. Finger pointing is inevitable. We all do it. It can only be effective when we have ourselves in check and we have the right intentions for doing so. That we’re using our judgement in such a way that we love ourselves and others around us. We use it to find opportunities to grow and learn, not hinder and destroy.
Hi Kimberly, Journey of our life! Ourselves and relations with others. You touched core aspects. Never enough… I know that feeling. Personally I have been so frustrated; I learned to say “hey you have to adjust your expectations, they are not realistic…" Positive things are happening these days like world’s perceptions are changing but also we live in a very fast context (may be too fast, well I think). People do not have time to think (sometimes do not even seem interested). They want something, anything NOW. Disconnection with the HOW, the WHO and at the root the WHY. It… Read more »
Wow Kimberly, what I wonderful way with words! What you say is so true, we need to be who we were born to be, not what others think is best for us. They don’t understand us, nor the fact that we absolutely cannot change the feminine side of us, so they try to make us like they are.
Some understand or do not care, but most just think we are alien weirdo’s. Thanks for sharing such a great story!
Hugs and kisses, Angela
Kimberly – eloquently put. I really feel lucky that since I have re-come out more or less in the past 8 months I have mostly gotten love and support from the people I know, as well as from strangers I meet when I am out and about. Of course I have gotten to the point where I don’t care so much what others think anymore; maybe it’s my age – I don’t know exactly why, but it has been so nice to be able to tune out the noise of those around me and just be me. It can be… Read more »
April your comment to this article is amazingly well said. I believe wholeheartedly that once we can actually shut the surrounding noises of hate, judgements, hypocrisy’s, and so much more despicable names we are so subject to from this society we can then begin to love ourselves and accept who we are, then we get on with life and do the best we can with what we have!
April,
Thank you so much for your encouraging words both here and in our private chats. If/When things move forward for Cyn, you will have played a huge role in me accepting myself for who I am!
Luv,
Cyn
Thanks for a truly inspiring article, Kimberly. As one who is hiding in the depths of the closet, I need that kind of encouragement to consider moving forward.
Hugs, ~Sylvia Schmidt~
Wonderful thoughts and fab posts in the follow up. Don’t think i could add anything more than “great job" to all.
K
when we are born we send the time getting to know who we are as an person and nobody should judge us if they don’t understand us as people and we must be honest to ourself because that’s all we are trying to me want ever path our life leads us.
Perfectly said and laid out to be understood. You touched on some thing that we as cross dresser’s, drag queens, tg go through in the beginning and some ongoing. There was a kid in school when I was in 10th. grade who I always felt a bully. Well I’ve never liked bullies and never have tried to tolerate them. He called me every despicable name that people should not be called for any reason. One day coming back from the place across the street from the school where many of us went for lunch him and some of his friends… Read more »
Hi Kimberly goodness that was amazing honey if only the rest of the world could see it that way I see finger pointing like a pistol unloading all the ammunition there is in those self righteously opinionated people who shoot us down say who knows what about us without ever even trying to get to know us they pass judgements about us and we all most likely know how those stories tend to expand into even more than they started out as lol it amazes me how one finger can do so much damage and I’m not talking about that… Read more »
Dear Kimberley, So many lovely words and so relevant to my own life. Trying to be perfect sounds so familiar but so unrealistic. When words come from the heart, I understand entirely. My circumstance becomes clearer when I acknowledge that wisdom is in everyone and everyone has words to share. Lots of Love, Lesley
Rember when people point a finger at you thair is three more pointed back at them