You are enough

What did you see the first time you dressed and looked in the mirror?

What did you feel the first time you admitted to yourself that you were different?

Not man enough, not strong enough to resist, not responsible enough. Not enough.

Or perhaps. Not feminine enough, not pretty enough, not thin enough. Not enough.

Under the goading of society your brain led you down a path of guilt, of shame and of insufficiency. It created a thousand reasons why you could never be enough. And if it ran out of reasons those closest to you were sure to oblige – “You’ll never pass”, “You’re not going out in public like that are you?”, “Haha. hahahahahahhaah”.

In time this one, small part of who you are became the stigma that branded “Not Enough” on your heart. A tattoo on the inside for you to read on days you might be feeling good about yourself, or when a carefree moment takes hold of you for an hour.

That feeling inside of you, that ‘not enough’ – it has a peculiar trick up it’s sleeve – a special looking glass lends you to examine yourself.

When you look through this looking glass every perfect, beautiful and noble thing about you is diminished. Every accomplishment and sacrifice is minimized. Even as every flaw is blown up large enough to fit on a street side billboard. Every failure and rejection is played back on an endless loop for every part of you to relive. And relive. And relive.

The secret is, you’re not alone. Everyone has their own reason for feeling they’re not enough – yours just happens to be experienced by fewer people, so others have further to travel to find empathy.

The other secret is,  you don’t need to do or be anything to be enough. Least of all pretend to be someone society thinks you should be.  I happened across this video the other day, and I encourage you to spend a few minutes listening to her talk. More than that, I encourage you to put into practice her suggestion.

For many years I struggled with self esteem, and there are still times when my self doubt creeps in and subverts the truth. I know what it is like to feel not enough, and I’m also blessed to have had moments – days or weeks even – of knowing that I am enough.

Give yourself the gift of being enough. Once you unwrap this truth you’ll be able to smile at yourself in the mirror each morning – whether or not you’re wearing makeup.

 

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Dedicated to creating a safe, supportive and welcoming environment for everyone in the transgender community.
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  1. Profile photo of Sam Glitter Heels
    Sam Glitter Heels 2 months ago

    I can honestly say watching this caused maybe the most dramatic shift in the way I viewed myself and my life. Wow. She earned her self-confidence in this video! Thank you so much for sharing this.

  2. Profile photo of Nina
    Nina 3 months ago

    So true. I struggle with this most of the time. Even with the support of my wife and months of councelling I find it hard to get past this. Decades of social conditioning is hard to erase and possibly growing up in a family where “chameleonting” was the best strategy have made it even harder. Thanks for this article, reminding me it IS possible to get past this.

  3. Profile photo of Jackie Wild
    Jackie Wild 3 months ago

    She nails it. There is nothing so worse than to feel your not enough or that your a crime to be who you really are. Sometimes I still go through some of this, thinking the what if’s. What if I had been what society deems normal and never had put on a dress or makeup for the first time? What if I had never had to have that talk with my family or build up courage to go out into the public dressed as a girl? Why should any of us ever have to do that, build up the courage to be ourselves. Almost like our first day of school when we get introduced to the whole class. As for myself I felt scared and alone until I began meeting the other kids and making a couple of friends. As was such the case for me anyway. Same thing as when I began going out and then finally made some friends who were doing the same thing. Until then I was beginning to think I wasn’t a person who would ever have other people in my life because of who I was behind a closed door. Today I know I am good enough and I deserve to live the life I was so intended to live by simply being myself.

  4. sathisaheli 4 months ago

    I get excited to see this site and keenly read what is written and follow every word of it. I try to relate to my life and it is encouraging, giving a lot of confidence when I look at myself in private wearing female dress and accessories.

  5. Janine 4 months ago

    Venessa
    Whenever I get time to dress en.femme. and I look at myself in the mirror I see myself different.
    There are times when I know that I’m enough and times when I wonder if I am or not.
    I have to admit that with a lot of practice I’m seeing myself more and more as enough
    Thank you for your encouragement and your advice on how to see myself as enough
    I always get excited when I see that you have sent me a post and I always read every word

  6. Profile photo of Jesse Nicole(Smokey)
    Jesse Nicole(Smokey) 4 months ago

    Vanessa this is all too familiar for me..especially the last 4 weeks. This self kick in the rear is comforting, as I will use this when I do look at myself, both inside and out!
    Hugs,
    Jesse

  7. Profile photo of Meili
    Meili 4 months ago

    Thank you for sharing, Spot on where I am at in my Spirit. I can take this message knowing everything else going forward will be enough which will be moving in my direction. Its like driving to the mountain top and getting stuck in the snow, getting this message is like getting dug out of the snow knowing I am enough.

    Meili

    • Profile photo of Vanessa Law Author
      Vanessa Law 4 months ago

      You are enough! (And bring snow chains…) 🙂

  8. Profile photo of skippy1965(Cynthia)
    skippy1965(Cynthia) 4 months ago

    Well said!

  9. Profile photo of Sheryl Johnstone
    Sheryl Johnstone 4 months ago

    Thank you Vanessa, this is brilliant.
    I am Sheryl. I am enough.

  10. Profile photo of Karen Anderson
    Karen Anderson 4 months ago

    Yes!!!

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