Categories: Christian Crossdresser

Vicki’s Inspirations for Crossdressing Christians -The Widow’s Offering

After a brief hiatus Vicki is back with more inspirations for crossdressing Christians. I hope you enjoy this inspiration as much as I did.

41 And he sat down opposite the treasury and watched the people putting money into the offering box. Many rich people put in large sums. 42 And a poor widow came and put in two small copper coins, which make a penny. 43 And he called his disciples to him and said to them, “Truly, I say to you, this poor widow has put in more than all those who are contributing to the offering box. 44 For they all contributed out of their abundance, but she out of her poverty has put in everything she had, all she had to live on.” Mark 12:41-44

We all know this verse from as far back as Sunday school, and if you are still new to the faith, it still serves as one of the cornerstones of Jesus’ ministry and a warning of the dangers of conspicuous religiosity. My own interpretation of the teaching being , a “woe to you who parade around proud of the 10th, or 7th, or 5th of what you give from you abundant riches.” For me too, it has always been more about money than about other things, though pastors and teachers from my past have always sought to expand my/our understanding to include the talents that I have as gifts from God that were given to me to share with others. So when I saw this verse in the devotions that get sent to my e-mail every day, I pretty much read it, digested it, and with a been there done that attitude, figured I was done with Mark 12 and the widow for another year or two. I had little new to learn from this, sure I could be more generous with my time, talents, and treasure, but I knew I fell short, and thanks God for the gentle reminder.

But the Spirit apparently was not done with me and as the day went on the verse no only stayed with me, it began to take on new meaning. Having been absent for a bit of time from posting my little inspirations, I think the Spirit was telling me, Vicki, you aren’t even sharing a small part of what you have right now. Sure you could be giving more in a monetary way, but I’ve given you a talent and a perspective that you have neglected for a couple months now. The simple fact is that having accepted my Cross-dressing and an ability and venue to share God’s Promise with others like me and even beyond, I’d been of late burying that talent in the ground. (Another parable for another column). God was using this passage to hold me to the widow’s standard. Was I giving what I have, ALL I have to others? Sadly no, it was far easier to find other distractions to keep me busy, some fruitful to me, but none fruitful to God or to others.

I guess that is part of the point. Specifically when it comes to my cross-dressing it is easier to keep it under wraps and hold it to myself, showing a little here, maybe a little there, but never letting go completely of the little treasure I have to others. I’ve claimed that my dressing and feminine side are Gifts from God, but now hold onto them like some museum piece to admire and talk about, but never take off the shelf. To be sure, my intent is not to suggest all you dear readers need to burst out of the closet singing “here I am!”. But for me, it is clear that more needs to be done, by me, on this front. Though for most CD’s this may not be what God is asking you to share, there is something inside each of us that God has given us as gift, to be shared and shared abundantly with others. I’ve said before that I firmly believe that this gift we share, is a Gift from God. Whether you recognize it as The Gift to be shared or just a part of a fully realized and integrated person that now feels empowered to share other parts of themselves is immaterial. God has created us each to be a comfort to each other, and to share those parts of ourselves that do most to advance His purposes. I pray that we recognize the Gifts God is asking us to share and that we find the strength and encouragement we need to give gladly of all of that which was first given to us.

Peace to all
Vicki


Vanessa here, thanks for the inspiration this week Vicki. Even to those who are not religious I think your message applies. Share your transgender gift with others and you could do a great service to them and the transgender community. You may inspire them to become more tolerant, or to cherish diversity, or just to realize that transgendered people can be good and caring. Sharing your authentic self with someone shows them an uncommon measure of love and trust.

Don’t forget, you can get Crossdresser Heaven automatically delivered to your Kindle. If you don’t have a Kindle, can you take a moment to write a review of Crossdresser Heaven? It would be a great blessing to me.

Vicki’s Inspirations for Crossdressing Christians – Let Go of Your Doubt

John 15 1, 7-8: (Jesus said): I am the true vine, and my Father is the vinegrower.7. If you abide in me, and my words abide in you, ask for whatever you wish, and it will be done for you. My Father is glorified by this, that you bear much fruit and become my disciples.”

(Vanessa had asked that I divide this inspiration into two pieces for ease of reading and thinking on. This is the continuation of the inspiration that started with the story of the Eunuch in Acts. To recap, both of these lessons, the story of the Eunuchin Acts, and the parable of the vine and the vinegrower were read in church on Mother’s Day and were the source for the entire Inspiration.-Vicki)

It seems appropriate then that the image of the vine that Jesus uses in the Gospel followed the lesson of this hungering soul, the eunuch of Acts. Jesus compares himself to a vine, and the Father to the vinegrower. He compares us to offshoots from that vine, and that those who bear fruit, are cared for, pruned and allowed to flourish under the Father’s care and constantly fed by the main vine which is Christ. We cannot live or exist in Christ apart from his sustenance. “Those who abide in me and I in them bear much fruit, but apart from me you can do nothing.” I listened to the verse, understanding again the lesson that in Christ lays the answers we all look for and yet hearing these words as if for the first time and with new understanding. The minister in his sermon used many present day examples to drive the point home, and then asked this question, attempting to tie the two stories together. He allowed that angels, still work in this world, though we probably shouldn’t expect magnificent winged creatures blazing with light to guide us. But, he said, be attentive to the little things and then look inside to test it. He pointed more than once to an area on his torso, between the heart and stomach and peered at the congregation, how do we know it is the Spirit he asked, tapping that region on him self. He didn’t need to provide the answer, for we know where God resides. It is there in our heart that we find not only God abiding in us, but us abiding in God. The lesson was very clear, but my hungering Spirit wanted more.

When one goes out on a journey that might be on a path that would seem new; perhaps by the “experts” of our day to be…forbidden; one wants to be sure that their chosen path is correct. I want to believe that this ministry call I feel so strongly is true. I found myself as the Pastor tapped his heart wanting to shout out, how can we know and trust that “gut” feeling. I am a seeker filled with too many doubts at times, still wanting to believe that it doesn’t matter what I choose to wear, or who I find fulfillment in love with, or even that the body I was given does not match the person that I am. I want to believe that God is not judging us on that. Still the path I am on, the people I seek to reach out to and be reached back to by, are seen by so many as unworthy of God’s love and acceptance. I know many in this community struggle daily with this side of themselves and reject God, because they feel God has rejected them. So I wonder if I might just be wrong and that “they” are right. I formulate the words and want to ask, How can I be sure this is God and not my own selfishness, or my own agenda. It seems even as the words are hanging in the air, “those who abide in me” I am forgetting them. Even as the pastor taps his chest, I am questioning my own heart.

Yet, the words stay, the words hang until they can penetrate and take root. I let go of the doubt, look to Jesus, and allow myself to abide in Him, and the fruit begins to flourish. I give up my own agenda, I allow the vinegrower to prune as necessary, and wait for the fruit to appear. God is wise enough to know, if I saw the perils of the journey, I would likely just stay at home. If we knew what lay ahead, joys and sorrow, trials and triumphs, most of us would likely just decide it wasn’t worth it, and choose to live the way we are expected to. But He provides us with the assurance we need. The fruits of our labors would be proof enough. In these first weeks, I’ve found so many of you willing to share your thoughts back to me, to encourage me in small yet important ways. I hesitate to use the term, loaded in our present day world with such negative connotation for people like us. But there it is, you are my fruits, the assurance that Jesus abides in me, and that I am finally beginning to abide in Him. Maybe better to say, you all are my angels, visiting me and pointing me to new paths, all the while giving me that sense of peace that I am on the right path for me. I give thanks to you and I give thanks to God for you all dear readers, and will stay on this path, even though doubt assails me at times. I will strive to remember in Him, we have our strength and purpose and it is in Him only we need seek approval.

Transgender Eunuchs – The Narrow Minded Church

Vicki’s Inspiration that mentioned the eunuch and transgender reminded me of a conversation I had with my pastor a few years ago. This was the same pastor I never heard from again after he told me he “loved” me. But I digress.

At the time I was struggling to come to terms with the fact that I was transgendered. I had just recently begun to grow in acceptance of who I was, and met many lovely ladies at Tri-ESS. I was trying hard to reconcile the church’s teachings with what I knew in my heart, and what I read in the Bible.

In particular the story about the eunuch that Vicki mentioned. Some have argued that the eunuch may have been an early way of referring to the transgendered. At the very least the eunuch was neither fully man nor fully woman.

I mentioned this to my pastor, trying to understand what I saw as an inconsistency in the church’s teachings. How could eunuch’s play such an important role in the Bible, while the transgendered are vile sinners? His reply, with much conviction, was:

That is a eunuch, not a transgendered person

At the time I was confused, struggling, and perhaps overly emotional, so I accepted his response. Of course, eunuch’s are accepted by God, but not transgendered people. That makes sense, it’s in the Bible.

It took me until yesterday, almost six years later, before I realized how inane and narrow minded his reply really was. If you accept that eunuch’s and transgendered people have nothing to do with each other (a debate for another time), it still makes you wonder.

The church, with all their rules and regulations, all their defined gender roles so easily accept something (a eunuch) because it is mentioned in the Bible. Yet if you describe a eunuch today without using that word they recoil in revulsion. A man without the appropriate genitals. Someone not wholly a man or a woman. They must be an abomination to God.

The narrow mindedness of the church is laid bare in this contradiction. The acceptance of the concept of eunuchs, and the revulsion at the actuality of the same. Just as we sing so often about loving others, yet lose all mercy and compassion before we’ve even left the church parking lot.

Vicki’s Inspirations for Crossdressing Christians: Transgender and the Eunuch

John 15 1, 7-8: (Jesus said): I am the true vine, and my Father is the vinegrower.7. If you abide in me, and my words abide in you, ask for whatever you wish, and it will be done for you. My Father is glorified by this, that you bear much fruit and become my disciples.”

I spent this last Sunday, Mother’s Day, accompanying my mom to her home church, Trinity Lutheran north of Seattle. Trinity is a large suburban church with an active and growing congregation. I’ve been an absentee worshiper from my own church home of late and it was nice to go back and hear the traditional Lutheran liturgy and music of old, preached and sung by a large and enthusiastic congregation. Plus, sons, (and I’m assuming most of us are men by birth, and not excluding any of our F to M readers,)  and daughters, if there is one thing that will make your mother happy, even more than a phone call, a vase of flowers, or a dinner on Mother’s Day, go with her to her church. You get to be shown off to all her friends and it will make her day. And if you missed Mother’s Day, then just go on any Sunday of the year; for sitting next to her in church will do more for her than any tangible gift you might think to give her. If you are fortunate to have both a mother and a church that is accepting of your lifestyle choice, then by all means, go as your true self. I myself am still working on both of those parts of my life, but I live in hope that someday her other “daughter” will be able to attend with her as well.

Beyond the event itself and the strength and renewal for my own journey, there were some wonderful words in the chosen lessons of the day. Starting with the reading from Acts, in which Phillip is instructed by the angel to minister to the Ethiopian eunuch. I made the connection, and wondered where the eunuch might fit in the judgment of those who oppose same sex marriage on the grounds that it is not part of God’s plan. Or who would look askance at a cross-dresser and consider she (or he for our FTM audience) as one who is living in opposition to the way God made us, and heaven help those who would undo the physical manifestation we were given, even when it is so clear that our soul resides squarely in the mental framework of a different sexual proclivity. I must also caution at this point, that nothing in the Scriptures should necessarily be read with the idea that this validates who I am. That occurs of course, if one reads with an open mind and the Spirit’s guidance, but ultimately, the focus has to be on what God has done. I may have more to say on the lessons I took from the story of the eunuch at a later date, but what struck me most yesterday was the hunger this person felt for the word of God, and how God through Phillip was able to satisfy that hunger. The eunuch, filled at once with the Spirit asked Phillip to baptize him on the spot. The story of this encounter ends with the eunuch , “…on his way rejoicing.” (Acts 8 v 39) There was no requirement from Phillip, and thus we must believe, from God, that the eunuch had to be made whole, to declare himself man or woman, but simply that he hungered for God’s word, and left filled.

This is a huge interpretation and admittedly personal reading of this passage I will admit; the real point in all Scriptural reading is to see God’s action, not our own. Yet two points I feel are important in this reading, and I believe serve as a reminder to us all that Christ came not to save just a few, but to save the world. That is the primary lesson reinforced once again in this story from Acts. Secondarily but so closely related to Christ’s redeeming sacrifice is that the same rules apply. God can act through any vessel He chooses, it is not up to one’s readiness or perfection. All it takes is a hungry heart and a willingness to hear.

Vicki’s Inspirations for Crossdressing Christians: In The Beginning

[Ed: They say a fine wine gets better with age, and I think that is true of this week’s Inspiration. This week’s Inspiration from Vicki was pre-empted by the lovely Christian messages for Palm and Easter Sunday, and then for another week by my crossdressing busy-ness. So without further ado, I present this week’s Inspiration for Crossdressing Christians. Take it away Vicki!]

“In the beginning God created.” From the first words of the Bible, we find the essence of accepting ourselves as cross-dressers, or gay persons, or two sexed persons, or just plain heterosexual persons with insecurities and doubts of their own. What does that mean, one may ask. Doesn’t it say later that a man should not dress as a woman, or that men’s lying with men is an abomination, or don’t work on the Sabbath, etc. Yes the Bible does say that, it in fact says many things that may often contradict other things in the Bible. Let’s worry about that later and quite honestly let’s just say this, and I believe that it is just this simple, In Christ, those concerns and restrictions are laid bare to make every human being take note and examine themselves, and then whisked away as one would a layer of dust on a coffee table on cleaning day.

What we as human beings need to do is look at the statement that God created, and realize, that He created everything and everybody. And in Light of Christ’s sacrifice we need to get back to that essential point and stop worrying about the rest of the laws and restrictions and look at those from the sense of the cultural implications and limited knowledge of the men of the day, and in light of the totality of the Biblical record, not cherry picked passages that support our own narrow sense of what it is that God intends.

In this first meditation my goal is to lay out three basic ideas that are presented to us in the Bible record. The caution here is to understand both for myself as author of these thoughts and you as readers and digesters, that oversimplification can be a dangerous path, but my hope is that in oversimplifying here, I can demonstrate the true nature of proper Scriptural reading, study, and meditation, and in that find hope and promise for the cross dresser, the Transgendered person, and others who feel condemned by preachers and teachers today, who use the Bible to advance an agenda that is not of God’s devising or desire. Simply put, it is time for God’s people, and God’s creation to take back for them God’s fulfilled promise to us all.

Today then, I will focus on God’s creative power, the concept of sin, and Christ, and to do it in less than 1500 words. Good Luck. But to involve any of these without the other is, at ones’ own peril, to live outside of God’s plan and contrary to God’s will. Again the caution is to not oversimplify and in coming weeks and months as the Spirit moves, we will possibly explore these and other concepts in more depth, but one must begin somewhere and for now this is it.

God’s Good Creation

In the beginning God created and God saw this was good. I think that this alone offers hope to anyone who lives perhaps on the edges or outside of the societal norm. As we will see later in the life of Christ and in the way He engaged the outsider, there is further validation, but for now, it is enough to begin with the idea that we were created by God. Each and every one of us, and that God has an interest in who we are, but more than that, He has purpose for the very things about us that make us unique and yes even different. If we can come to an understanding that God made us with a desire to dress differently, (hard to imagine a God interested in the fashion norms of any day and age), but that our very essence drives some of us to see ourselves as more than a male or a female.

It is hard to get away from that other creation image of Eve being made from the rib of Adam. What else could cross-dressing be then, but an attempt to recover a vital part of ourselves? Now taken literally this is a non scientific take on the evolution of the species, but there is nevertheless a nod to the idea that man and woman spring from the same source and how hard can it be to go to the next step and assume that the natural state of things is to be cognizant of this dual nature and embrace it, rather than suppress it at our own risk and perhaps contrary to the will of God.

But ultimately whether one takes the Genesis story literally or as an allegory to explain the unexplainable, we can all agree that God’s hand is at work in creation and that nothing He makes is bad. God saw that it was good. But our sinful nature can take what is good and make it bad, or contrary to God’s good purpose. We do this by our sins and by sins of others.

All Sin and Fall Short

The second piece of this large puzzle is that of sin and sin came into the world very early on. We read the story of sin and quite appropriately equate sin with temptation. In other words sin is seen by us as giving in to an impulse to do something that is outside of what is acceptable in God’s eyes. Yet what we have already seen is that what God has created is good, all of what God has created is good. So how could living in tune with the way God created us be sinful?

Read the words, and see what is happening here. (Insert Genesis 3) The serpent tempts Eve with one thing and one thing only, that to eat of the fruit of the tree is to become like God, and to know good and evil. There is so much that can be taken from that one passage alone, for now we’ll settle on this view; that original sin is at core, the desire to not only be like God, but to be God.

That is not what happens of course, the consequence is that we are stripped naked and like God we see ourselves for who we are. There may be a part of us that is not so pretty and that cause us consternation. But it is better for us if we decide not to see our own nakedness, it is better if one is worse than I am. If I point out the problem with that person, perhaps God will not see my sin.

It happens immediately, Adam blames Eve, who it must be pointed out by Adam was given to him by God. See which way the finger is pointing? And Eve is quick to blame the serpent, or the appealing nature of the tree that bears the fruit. It was the serpent’s fault, or the beauty of the tree, but it wasn’t me. And God you made those things so it must be your fault.

God did make all those things and He said to us, all of Eden is yours if you can resist the temptation to be me. Even today, it is not hard to find those who point fingers at others, at those even whom God made, so that the finger pointer will not suffer the consequences of their own sinful nature. While today we are less hesitant to blame God unless it is to invoke His wrath as the cause for trouble in the world. In a backhanded way, it is God who sent Aid’s to punish sinful gay men. Or so the moral minority would have us believe.

Even worse, we claim to know what God wants based on some outdated and very suspect words in the Bible, cherry picked out of the whole to point fingers away from us. We’ll use anything in God’s creation to place the blame or the gaze elsewhere.

God Restores the Good

God has seen all of this. After the fall in Eden, He gave His people some time to try and figure this out. He helped set up rules made by men to restore order to His world. But after all of that, after the wanderings, the homecoming, the victories of Israel’s armies and then bitter defeat, after kings both wise and foolish, it remained that man alone would not be able to do this. God, who loves His creation so completely and desires nothing more than that we love ourselves as much as He does took the ultimate step to reconcile His creation to Himself.

For God so loved the world, that He gave his beloved son Jesus Christ, so that whoever believed in Him would not perish but have eternal life. God acted to save us from ourselves. Still some cannot give up the desire to be God and judge for God what is right and what is wrong. I find it amazing on some Sunday mornings, when absent from my own church I, out of morbid curiosity tune in to one of the televangelists only to find them reading some passage from the Old Testament, read with the intent to condemn and not to save. The lesson always is, turn from the sin I’m telling you about here and then you will be pure in God’s eyes; again, this is something you must do before God will let you in.

Jesus, when He is mentioned is usually portrayed as some distant figure sitting on His throne in heaven, tallying up with the television crew, who has sent in their latest love gift to build a satellite dish somewhere in the world and proclaiming them now fit to rise to heaven on the last day; and who doesn’t. Or even worse as a person sitting on His throne disengaged from His creation, content to listen to praise songs and forgetful of His own command to love and feed His sheep.

But this is not God and this is not Christ. If you read Scripture with the intent to read it for the entire message it is hard to just simplify things. But it is that simple. Jesus lived and died to save us all from the desire to be God. His teachings are simple as well, love God, with everything that is in your being, and love your neighbor as yourself. As yourself. It begins with loving God; He is your creator and he asks nothing more of us than we do that, that we put Him first in our lives. But reverse the passage that follows for just a minute. Start with loving yourself, for loving your neighbor should proceed from that naturally if we do love God and ourselves.

God doesn’t want us to feel apart from Him. It is not His intent that who we are and who we were made to be should be a thing that separates us from God. If anything it should make us love Him more for creating something so unique, wonderful, and different. Turn the finger inward, but not in blame, but to find that which God has made. Love yourself, you are a unique creation of His and you have an important part to play in the rest of His Creation.

Lord God, You have made me and all that I am. Thank you for letting me see the beauty that is my whole and for not letting others decide for me how I should be. Because of your gifts to me, the way I am and the sacrifice of your son, I give myself back to you so that what you have made me for can be started and seen to its end. I know that I am a sinful creature as well, but that you have chosen to set that aside forever, again so that I may joyfully do that which you made me for. Allow my life to be a light to others. As in the words from my baptism: “Let your light so shine before others, that they see your good works and glorify the Father who is in Heaven” Most importantly God, let others who come to these meditations find firstly Your unconditional love, that they see their themselves as uniquely created by You, and that they accept without reservation or doubt, your love for them. In Jesus Name

Amen

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